Chemist Jokes

  • How do you tell the difference between a factory worker, and a chemist?

    Ask them to pronounce 'unionized'

  • Why couldn't the chemist laugh at the queens fart?

    Because noble gases are nonreactive.

  • Why are chemists such whores?

    They keep talking about their nitrates

  • What do chemists say when they smell something that they don't like?

    Pu

  • Why don't you see many chemists with master's degrees working with acids and bases?

    To really understand acids and bases, you need a pHd.

  • Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

    Because it's pretty basic stuff.

  • What do people do when a chemist dies?

    They barium.

  • How do you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

    One of them makes crack while the other just markets it.

  • What do you do when a Chemist dies?

    You Barium.

  • How can you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

    You ask them to pronounce unionize.

  • Why did the chemist break his teeth?

    He ate a Pb and j sandwich I'd tell you another but all the good jokes argon

  • What did the chemist say when he caught his brother stealing halogens?

    Bro, mine

  • What did the Chemist have with his Eggs?

    Barium, Cobalt and Nitrogen.

  • Why do Chemists have so much debt?

    Because they have so much Antimony!

  • What did the chemist say when he found out his two pet dogs died?

    Barium

  • What do chemists make guacamole out of?

    Avogadros

  • What do you do to a chemist after they're dead?

    you barium

  • Why was the chemist not able to get very far in his study of acids?

    He was only willing to consider the most basic of solutions.

  • What's the difference between a Chemist and a Plumber?

    The way they pronounce "unionized"

  • Why did the Chemist give up a singing career?

    He could not hit any of the ketones.

  • Why did the chemist never say "NO" to anything?

    Because the reaction could be explosive.

  • How do you tell a chemist no?

    Nitrogen Monoxide

  • How does a chemist introduce Batman?

    Sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium Batman!

  • How do you tell a chemist from a non-chemist?

    Ask them to pronounce 'unionized.'

  • Why are chemists always a part of the problem?

    Because they can never be a part of the solution.

  • What did the chemist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

    HeHe

  • How can you tell a chemist from a plumber?

    Ask them to pronounce "unionized".

  • What did the chemist say when hr found 2 isotopes of helium?

    HeHe

  • How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?

    Ask him/her to pronounce unionized

  • Why couldn't the Dubstep artist be a chemist?

    He couldn't stop dropping the base!

  • How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

    Ask them to say the word, "unionized".

  • Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium 'the medical elements'?

    Because, if you can't 'helium' or 'curium', you 'BARIUM'!

  • How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

    Ask them to pronounce unionized.

  • What does a chemist say when he's pouring water into an acid?

    Drop the base.

  • What do we do when chemists die?

    We barium.

  • Why did some chemists go broke?

    The bond market crashed.

  • What did a chemist say to a deaf guy?

    Does it matter

  • What happens when someone mixes Francium, Oxygen, Tungsten, and Nitrogen after it explodes?

    The chemist may frown.

  • Why wasn't the chemist concerned when she blew up her experiment?

    Oxidants happen,

  • What do you do to a chemist after they die?

    You Barium

  • How do chemists poison each other?

    With a Pb & J sandwich

  • How do chemists get high?

    they drop acid of course

  • Why did the chemist die?

    He ate a Pb and J sandwich.

  • Why do chemists love bad jokes?

    Their jobs get a lot easier when there are no reactions

  • Why did the chemist join the Pentecostal church?

    He wanted to speak in tungsten.

  • What did the douchebag say to the chemist when he dropped his beaker?

    U mad scientist?