How do you know when you're too drunk to drive?

When you swerve to miss a tree and realize it was your air freshener

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Miss Jokes More Miss Jokes

Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?

Because every time she reaches 69 she gets a frog in her throat.

What does the guy who has been backpacking just a bit too long miss most about home ?

A home-cooked shower.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How do we know cats are communists?

All they ever say is Mao.

How do you know the Statue of Liberty isn't French?

It doesn't have both arms raised. And yes I know the French manufactured the Statue of Liberty and gave it to the United States

Drive Jokes More Drive Jokes

Who's to blame?

The motorist. He really shouldn't be driving in the kitchen. (Edit: formatting)

Whole Foods Cashier: Do you have your grocery bags?

Me: Kidding At $6 an apple you should drive them home and make an apple pie for me.

Tree Jokes More Tree Jokes

What's white and can't climb trees?

A Refrigerator

How are lawyers and apples similar?

They both look good hanging from a tree

Realize Jokes More Realize Jokes

Why did the janitor take early retirement?

Because he realized that grime doesn't pay.

What do you call a black guy at college?

A miracle. Edit: I've hidden this post as I realized it was stupid and too offensive. I'm sorry, it was overly racist.

Air Jokes More Air Jokes

Why is Bernie Sanders seems like having a long nose?

because AIR IS FREE

What type of lunch do you get at an air show?

A plain one.

Swerve Jokes More Swerve Jokes

What do you call a doe that swerves all over the road?

A rackless driver...

Why did the car swerve off the road?

It hit the chicken. Bazing!

Freshen Jokes More Freshen Jokes

How does a scientist freshen their breath?

With experi-mints!

How do you know when you're too drunk to drive?

When you swerve to miss a tree and realize it was your air freshener