Know Jokes

What will happen if you went inside a black hole?

I don't know either. It must be out-of-this-world.

Minecraft: The Official Joke Book

Paperback

Who's there? Dave. Dave who?

Dave promptly burst into tears as not everyone in the world knew Dave.

What did the horse say to the other horse?

Hay,I thought you knew horses couldn't speak!

How did Luke Skywalker know what Darth Vader got him for Christmas?

He felt his presents.

Who was the famous writer, that died in WWII?

I don't know Anne Frankly I don't care.

What do they call deers in space?

I don't know, they would probably die anyways.

How do you know if a girl is ticklish?

Give her a testicle.

How do you know if you are drowning in milk?

If it's pasturize

Why do Stasi officers make such good taxi drivers?

You get in the car and they already know your name and where you live.

What did one hotdog stand say to the other hotdog stand?

Eyyyy, Garry, didn't know you turned into a hotdog stand too! Eyyyy!

Who do you see winning the presidency in 4 years?

I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision.

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How do we know Princess Diana had dandruff?

They found her Head & Shoulders under the steering wheel!

What is the difference between 1 Gb and 2 Gb?

Student - Well, I don't know. I guess one is a bit too high?

How does a black women know if she's pregnant?

All the cotton on her tampon has been picked off.

What's the most popular soup in China?

Chicken poodle soup...I know, I know booooo

How do you know if a blonde has been using your computer?

How do you know if a blonde has been using your computer? When there's white-out all over the screen

What do you call a grandma that know martial arts?

A grandmartial artist. I apologise for any lost brain cells.

How do you know when you have a good redneck girlfriend?

If she can give you oral with a dip in and know which to swallow and which to spit.

How do you know when a hippy chick is on the rag?

She's only wearing one sock.

What do you get when you cross a canyon with a horse?

I don't know nobody has ever made it across.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They don't know where home is.

No Pun Intended (The Last of Us Joke Books)

Paperback

How do you know your girlfriend is too young?

She only puckers up for her pacifier.

What to you call someone with no torso who can't smell?

Nobody knows.

How do we know Paul Walker had dandruff?

We found his Heads & Shoulders in the glove box.

Why are Reddit jokes so overused?

I don't know, ask Dave.

What does a know-it-all always have in their kitchen?

A pedantry.

How do you know when an introvert is interested in you?

They are looking at your shoes, rather than their own.

How do we know that the toothbrush was invented in Mississippi?

Because anywhere else it would've been called the teethbrush

How do you know if an introvert likes you?

He looks at your shoes instead of his

How much did the cannibal pay for his new sports car?

I don't know but I heard it cost him an arm and a leg.

How many kidnapped children does it take to change a lightbulb?

The parents would love to know.

The Big Book of Silly Jokes for Kids

Paperback

What does "IDK" mean?

I keep asking people, but they don't know either.

What's the difference between a Canadian and an American?

Canadian knows the difference between a school and a shooting range.

How many divorced men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Who knows, they never get the house.

What do I know about dwarves?

Very little.

How do the Muslims like their eggs cooked?

Sunni side up. I know this is a Shiite joke.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

I don't know but it's not rhelephant.

What is the difference between a dog and a cat?

Kevin still doesn't know.

What do you call someone who doesn't know how to party?

Illiterate (il-lit-erate)

Why were the Medieval centuries known as the Dark Ages?

It was the knight time

What's the difference between a taliban outpost and an Afghani Elementary school?

I don't know, I just fly the drones

Where are the Atlantis and the lost treasures of many renowned pirates?

Nobody knows.It's a well kept seacret.

What do boys and algebra have in common?

They are both trying to find their X and they don't know Y.

What's the difference between a school and an ISIS training camp?

I don't know, i just fly the drone

How many Vietnam vets does it take to change a light bulb?

You don't know cause you weren't there

How do you know you're on the phone with a meth head?

When comcast puts them on hold and they don't hang up

How do you tell two witches apart?

You can't! You don't know which witch is which!

When do you REALLY know you need to break up with you GF?

When she starts winning arguments with you inner-voice.

What was the first thing Adam said to Eve?

Stand back! I don't know how big it's going to get!

Whats the difference between ignorance and apathy?

I dont know and I dont care.

How do you know that you're a peaceful country?

When you realize that you can't spell country without UN.

Why did Sally drop her ice cream?

She got hit by a bus. Why did Sally fall off the swing? She lost her arms when she was hit by a bus. Why did Sally not get back on the swing? She also lost her legs. Knock knock Who's there? Not Sally. What did Sally get for Christmas? I don't know, she couldn't open it.

What did the girl with no hands get for her birthday?

I don't know, she hasn't opened it

How do you know Sia is Scottish?

Because she loves sheep thrills! *shows self out

Why do Italian men wear gold chains?

So they know where to stop shaving.

How does an Apple Watch owner know that it's midday?

It's already run out of battery.

How does an Alabama girl know shes in for a crazy night?

Her daddy says he wants her in bed by ten.

How do you know that an Asian has robbed your house?

Your mailbox is missing!

Why don't cows drink milk?

because they lactose I don't know why I found this so funny! ready for the down vote to begin 3

What does one call an undertaker that's been drafted into the Military?

A Corpseman. Painfully obvious, yet a terrible play on the English language, I know. It was something I came up with a few years ago, for some unknown reason.

Why can't Jimmy ride his bike?

Because he has no limbs Kinda dark, I know. It's just for those out there who would chuckle at this. ;D

How do you know if the camera you just bought was made in Asia?

If the shutter makes a "crick" noise.

How do you know the fastest runners are all doping?

They're always rushin.

What is the main difference between existentialism and nihilism?

Who knows? Who cares?

How do you know if someone is not a vegan?

They don't tell you

Why do black people always say "I know right"?

Because they have no right.

Who invented rhetorical questions?

How should I know?

How did 3 know 4 was a Ballerina?

He had a 2-2.

What do you get when you cross my mom with my dad?

I don't know, but my Dad said it was a mistake.

What's the best thing about Switzerland?

I don't know, but their flag is a huge plus.

How do you know a white person is about to tell a joke?

He's looking over his shoulder

What do you call a self-referential question posing as a joke setup?

Not funny. Except in that you know, "heh, meta" kinda way. Heh, meta.

How do you know whether somebody is a vegan?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.

What gets wetter and wetter the more it dries?

Some will know this some won't It's a towel xD

How do you know a neighborhood is too ghetto to film in?

If most people leave before shooting starts.

Why is Pokemon Go Banned in Saudi Arabia?

Because not all Pokemon know selfdestruct.

How do we know that Jesus wasn't born in Mexico?

Because he'd never have been able to find 3 wise men and a virgin.

How do you know Tiger Woods is one of the richest people in the world?

He plays golf.

How do you know all Bernie Sanders' supporters are Harry Potter fans?

They all dress like Dobby.

Why are campers so predictable?

You know they're in tents.

Why don't Pokemon cards ever have any typos?

Because the editors know that they gotta catch 'em all!

What does IDK mean?

I've yet to find someone who knows.

Why is it so hard to get to know Guantanamo Bay detainees?

Because they're too cagey.

How do you know you are dating a women, not a girl?

A girl has no name.

What did the guy without hands get for christmas?

We don't know, he hasn't opened the present yet

When lesbians get married, which one makes the sandwiches?

Neither! Everyone knows they prefer hot pockets

How does a feminist know she's overweight?

She doesn't

How many posters who type 'r/antijokes' on this sub only do it for karma?

Seriously, I don't know. Maybe 50?

Why is India surprised by the Brexit vote?

They didn't know you could get Britain to leave by voting.

What did the Flower say to the Bees?

You know you want it, Honey"

Why should you be afraid of a white guy in prison?

Because you know he's guilty

How do Chinese people know what to name their children?

After the last dog they just ate.

How do you know when the Star Wars characters are safe?

Because they got Chewbacca

How can you tell, with 100% certainty, that no intelligent alien life exists that we know of?

Because if it did, we'd have sent foreign aid by now.

How do you know the high heel was invented by men?

Who else invents things?

How do you know when you're lonely?

When 90% of your search history is ASMR videos.

How do you know your S&M partner works in IT?

They insist your safe word has an upper case letter, a lower case letter, and at least one number.

This joke may have profanity.

How does a ninja shop for groceries?

No one knows.

How do you know if an Italian person is mute?

When you see he has no hands.

Why should you be scared of a white man in prison?

Because you know he is actually guilty. Credit to for the joke!

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Gold Jokes More Gold Jokes

Where does a pirate keep his gold?

In his treas-arrrr chest!

What did the gold say when it saw the puppy?

Au.

Juan Jokes More Juan Jokes

What did the Mexican girl say to her fiance?

You're the Juan!

How many Mexicans does it take to replace a serviceable part of a complex machine?

Just Juan and Emmanuel.

5 Year Old Jokes More 5 Year Old Jokes

What do you call a 5 year-old with no friends?

offensive A sandy hook survivor.

What's the difference between a 5 year old kid and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall out the window.

Swallow Jokes More Swallow Jokes

How's your meal?

i've dislocated my jaw & swallowed the whole table

What do the Bermuda Triangle and a blonde have in common?

They both swallow a lot of seamen. Ahh stupid jokes. They never get old.

Inch Jokes More Inch Jokes

Why do we measure snakes in inches?

Because they don't have any feet!

What's white and ten inches long?

Nothing.

3 Jokes More 3 Jokes

What is 1 + 1?

3 if you don't use protection.

What are a school teachers 3 favorite words?

June, July, and August.

Trilingual Jokes More Trilingual Jokes

What do you call a person who knows 3 languages?

Trilingual. What do you call a person who knows 2 languages Bilingual. What do you call a person who knows only one language American.

What do you call someone who speaks 2 languages?

Bilingual What do you call someone who speaks 3 languages? Trilingual. What do you call someone who speaks only 1 language? American.

Hell Jokes More Hell Jokes

How the hell did he escaped?

Guard : He went through the entrance.

How the hell can ya be so stupid?

Jessie: Well it ain't somethin' yew can pick up overnight.