How many calories does heartache burn?

Me: Depends on how many calories are in the person you are setting on fire.

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Person Jokes More Person Jokes

Who lives there?

The yellow man lives in the yellow house. The purple man lives in the purple house. The red man in the red house. And the blue man in the blue house. So who lives in the White House? The black man. It's better in person, I'm so sorry.

What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?

A person who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog.

Burn Jokes More Burn Jokes

How did the hipster burn his fingertips?

He was changing the lightbulb before it was cool. rimshot

What happens when someone spills really hot coffee on you?

You will get burned, you idiot.

Fire Jokes More Fire Jokes

What did the man say when he couldn't get the gun to fire?

Looks like I'm gonna have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual."

What would you call the mailman if he got fired?

I don't know, just some dude.

Depend Jokes More Depend Jokes

What does an old lady's crotch taste like?

Depends.

How many calories does heartache burn?

Me: Depends on how many calories are in the person you are setting on fire.

Set Jokes More Set Jokes

How do you make a cat go 'woof'?

Douse it in gasoline and set it alight.

Why did the table love playing volleyball?

Because it was always getting set! I think she gets it from her mother.

Calorie Jokes More Calorie Jokes

How my girlfriend stay's thin. Wanna know how my girlfriend stays thin?

She burns most of her calories jumping to conclusions.

Why did the arsonist go to the gym?

To burn some calories.