Set Jokes

  • Why did the table love playing volleyball?

    Because it was always getting set! I think she gets it from her mother.

  • What do you call an epic space opera set during the Russian Revolution?

    Tsar Wars

  • What do you call ten thousand pastors setting themselves on fire in protest of marriage equality?

    A good start.

  • What's the biggest advantage of being a smoker?

    Not having to set aside money for your old age.

  • What did Abe Lincoln say after a night of drinking?

    I set WHO free?"

  • What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?

    Forty feet of track - all straight!

  • How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?

    A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks.

  • What do you get when you put 20 Meth Heads in 1 room?

    A full set of teeth

  • Why is call of duty infinite warfare set in space?

    Because nobody liked it on earth.

  • What actor touches every girl on set?

    David Cop-a-feel

  • What do people say when you win a game in Egypt?

    Game, *Set,* and match.

  • What's the easiest sport to get into?

    Limbo. They don't set the bar very high.

  • Why is the set including the square root of 5 and the square root of 4 similar to the set including anarchism and authoritarianism?

    They are both unlike radicals.

  • What's black and white and makes a lot of noise?

    A panda with a set of drums.

  • What's the downside of being a redneck kid at Christmas?

    You only get presents from one set of grandparents.

  • Why didn't Oscar Pistorius get a new bathroom door?

    Because his wife was dead-set against it...

  • What do you call a woman that sets her bills on fire?


  • What do you get when you put the entire South Carolina cheerleading team in one room?

    A full set of teeth.

  • Why did the clam go to jail?

    For setting up illegal shell companies!

  • What did the communist say at the beginning of the race?

    On your Marx, get set, go!"

  • Why does the sun set at night?

    The moon scares the daylights out of it!

  • What do you have when you get 32 rednecks in a line?

    A full set of teeth

  • What do you get with a room full of 32 Alabamans?

    A full set of teeth

  • What kind of education does a horny mathematician impart?

    Sets education.

  • Why could Don Juan always pick up girls in his car?

    It was electric. Also, the car had a set of hands.

  • How many calories does heartache burn?

    Me: Depends on how many calories are in the person you are setting on fire.

  • Why doesn't ISIS appear in any Sci-Fi shows or movies?

    because they are set in the future.

  • How do you make a cat go 'woof'?

    Douse it in gasoline and set it alight.

  • What did Abraham Lincoln say after recovering from a 3-day drinking binge?

    I set* ***who*** *free "*

  • Why were the Ten Commandments so powerful?

    Because they were set in stone.

  • What do you get when you put 28 Alabama Sorority girls in one room?

    A full set of teeth

  • What is robin going to get for Christmas?

    An oviposition set

  • Why are there hardly any dental professionals in the South?

    Because it takes more than 35 patients to make a full set of teeth.

  • What do you get when you move 32 Texans into the same room?

    A full set of teeth

  • What do you call a woman who sets all her money on fire?


  • What do you call ten sets of bagpipes at the bottom of the sea?

    A start.

  • Who sang at the funeral of those who died in a railroads arson?

    Adele. Some one set fire to the train

  • How are you going to pay the Chihuahua who helped you to set up your computer?

    With dog diskettes!

  • Why does the sun never set on the British Empire?

    Because God wouldn't trust an Englishman in the dark!

  • Why did Frodo set his cell phone to vibrate?

    He was afraid the ring would give him away.

  • Why was the man arrested for looking at sets of dentures in a dentist's window?

    Because it was against the law to pick your teeth in public.

  • Why wasn't Euro Disney popular?

    Every time they set off the fireworks, the French surrendered.

  • The punchline often arrives before the set-up.

    Do you know the problem with UDP jokes?

  • What do you get when a Game of Thrones character sets up your photo studio?

    Stark lighting.

  • How do you set a woman's watch?

    You don't, there's already a clock on the stove.

  • What happened to the cold jellyfish ?

    It set !

  • What is atheism?

    A non-prophet religion Edit: Replace the word "religion" with "set of beliefs" if you're picky about that sort of thing

  • Why does John Cena set his alarm at 1:59?

    So he can kick out at 2.

  • What's the slowest thing in the world?

    A: A Mexican funeral with only two sets of jumper cables.

  • What do you call a night watchman with deep-set self-esteem issues?

    An insecurity guard

  • How many stoners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    I don't know, I just set the bulb down somewhere, now I can't find it. Where the hell did the bulb go?

  • Why is the topmost floor the best place to drink in?

    That's how you set the bar high.

  • What did the necropheliac say to her boyfriend?

    Did rigor mortis just set in, or are you just happy to see me Edit: I'm an idiot

  • How do you get a woman to pick cotton?

    Set her tampon string on fire.

  • What do you get from 3 girls from Arkansas?

    Damn near a whole set of teeth.

  • What do you call a Salmon that sets a good example?

    A roe model.

  • What do you call 27 West Virginians?

    A full set of teeth.

  • Why is CoD: Infinite Warfare set in space?

    Because no one on earth wants to buy it.

  • What do you call a man with a spade on his head?

    Doug Got a set of tweezers as the toy as well. Hours of fun right there.

  • What did the set-up say to the punchline?

    You're nothing but a joke.

  • What do you get when you line up 12 girls from Kentucky?

    A full set of teeth.

  • What would you call a set of old school rapper emojis?


  • Why did Frodo set his phone to vibrate?

    He was afraid the ring would give him away.

  • What do you call a set of chairs kept outside in Ireland?

    Paddy O' Furniture

  • How disturbingly inappropriate would it be if "Thomas the Tank Engine" was set in early-1940s Germany?


  • What did Noah name the carpentry supply store he set up in Little Rock?


  • What do you have in a room full of tweakers?

    A full set of teeth.

  • What are some easy pranks I can set up in his cubicle?

    I don't want to go TOO over the top, and I definitely don't want to actually damage anything. But he has a pretty good sense of humor.

  • What time does an engineer set his alarm clock for?

    Around Thevenin the morning

  • Why did the director yell at Kick at the set of Punchkicker 5?

    Because he said Punch's line.

  • How can you get a set of teeth put in for free?

    Smack a monster.

  • Why did Neil Armstrong get to set foot on the moon before Buzz Aldrin?

    They wrestled over it. Neil had the stronger arm.

  • How do you make a cat sounds like a dog?

    Douse it in gasoline and set it on fire. !

  • What do you call a pirate who intentionally sets a fire at sea?

    An arrrrrsonist. Thank you. I'll be here all week.

  • What did the pumpkin pie say to the cheesecake as they were going into the oven?

    I think this is a set up!

  • Why did the spud lover set his alarm for 8:00?

    Because he wanted to get a-po-ta-to clock. to make joke more apparent

  • What do you get when you put 32 Rednecks in one room?

    One full set of teeth.

  • What did the spud lover do before it went to bed?

    A: It set its alarm for eight -- so it would get a potato clock.