Set Jokes
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Why did the table love playing volleyball?
Because it was always getting set! I think she gets it from her mother.
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What do you call an epic space opera set during the Russian Revolution?
Tsar Wars
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What do you call ten thousand pastors setting themselves on fire in protest of marriage equality?
A good start.
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What's the biggest advantage of being a smoker?
Not having to set aside money for your old age.
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What did Abe Lincoln say after a night of drinking?
I set WHO free?"
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What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?
Forty feet of track - all straight!
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How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?
A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks.
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What do you get when you put 20 Meth Heads in 1 room?
A full set of teeth
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Why is call of duty infinite warfare set in space?
Because nobody liked it on earth.
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What actor touches every girl on set?
David Cop-a-feel
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What do people say when you win a game in Egypt?
Game, *Set,* and match.
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What's the easiest sport to get into?
Limbo. They don't set the bar very high.
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Why is the set including the square root of 5 and the square root of 4 similar to the set including anarchism and authoritarianism?
They are both unlike radicals.
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What's black and white and makes a lot of noise?
A panda with a set of drums.
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What's the downside of being a redneck kid at Christmas?
You only get presents from one set of grandparents.
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Why didn't Oscar Pistorius get a new bathroom door?
Because his wife was dead-set against it...
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What do you call a woman that sets her bills on fire?
Bernadette.
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What do you get when you put the entire South Carolina cheerleading team in one room?
A full set of teeth.
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Why did the clam go to jail?
For setting up illegal shell companies!
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What did the communist say at the beginning of the race?
On your Marx, get set, go!"
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Why does the sun set at night?
The moon scares the daylights out of it!
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What do you have when you get 32 rednecks in a line?
A full set of teeth
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What do you get with a room full of 32 Alabamans?
A full set of teeth
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What kind of education does a horny mathematician impart?
Sets education.
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Why could Don Juan always pick up girls in his car?
It was electric. Also, the car had a set of hands.
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How many calories does heartache burn?
Me: Depends on how many calories are in the person you are setting on fire.
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Why doesn't ISIS appear in any Sci-Fi shows or movies?
because they are set in the future.
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How do you make a cat go 'woof'?
Douse it in gasoline and set it alight.
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What did Abraham Lincoln say after recovering from a 3-day drinking binge?
I set* ***who*** *free "*
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Why were the Ten Commandments so powerful?
Because they were set in stone.
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What do you get when you put 28 Alabama Sorority girls in one room?
A full set of teeth
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What is robin going to get for Christmas?
An oviposition set
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Why are there hardly any dental professionals in the South?
Because it takes more than 35 patients to make a full set of teeth.
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What do you get when you move 32 Texans into the same room?
A full set of teeth
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What do you call a woman who sets all her money on fire?
Bernadette!
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What do you call ten sets of bagpipes at the bottom of the sea?
A start.
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Who sang at the funeral of those who died in a railroads arson?
Adele. Some one set fire to the train
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How are you going to pay the Chihuahua who helped you to set up your computer?
With dog diskettes!
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Why does the sun never set on the British Empire?
Because God wouldn't trust an Englishman in the dark!
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Why did Frodo set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
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Why was the man arrested for looking at sets of dentures in a dentist's window?
Because it was against the law to pick your teeth in public.
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Why wasn't Euro Disney popular?
Every time they set off the fireworks, the French surrendered.
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The punchline often arrives before the set-up.
Do you know the problem with UDP jokes?
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What do you get when a Game of Thrones character sets up your photo studio?
Stark lighting.
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How do you set a woman's watch?
You don't, there's already a clock on the stove.
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What happened to the cold jellyfish ?
It set !
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What is atheism?
A non-prophet religion Edit: Replace the word "religion" with "set of beliefs" if you're picky about that sort of thing
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Why does John Cena set his alarm at 1:59?
So he can kick out at 2.
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What's the slowest thing in the world?
A: A Mexican funeral with only two sets of jumper cables.
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What do you call a night watchman with deep-set self-esteem issues?
An insecurity guard
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How many stoners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I don't know, I just set the bulb down somewhere, now I can't find it. Where the hell did the bulb go?
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Why is the topmost floor the best place to drink in?
That's how you set the bar high.
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What did the necropheliac say to her boyfriend?
Did rigor mortis just set in, or are you just happy to see me Edit: I'm an idiot
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How do you get a woman to pick cotton?
Set her tampon string on fire.
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What do you get from 3 girls from Arkansas?
Damn near a whole set of teeth.
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What do you call a Salmon that sets a good example?
A roe model.
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What do you call 27 West Virginians?
A full set of teeth.
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Why is CoD: Infinite Warfare set in space?
Because no one on earth wants to buy it.
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What do you call a man with a spade on his head?
Doug Got a set of tweezers as the toy as well. Hours of fun right there.
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What did the set-up say to the punchline?
You're nothing but a joke.
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What do you get when you line up 12 girls from Kentucky?
A full set of teeth.
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What would you call a set of old school rapper emojis?
Em-OGs
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Why did Frodo set his phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
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What do you call a set of chairs kept outside in Ireland?
Paddy O' Furniture
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How disturbingly inappropriate would it be if "Thomas the Tank Engine" was set in early-1940s Germany?
ThomasDieKleineLokomotive
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What did Noah name the carpentry supply store he set up in Little Rock?
Ark-n-Saw.
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What do you have in a room full of tweakers?
A full set of teeth.
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What are some easy pranks I can set up in his cubicle?
I don't want to go TOO over the top, and I definitely don't want to actually damage anything. But he has a pretty good sense of humor.
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What time does an engineer set his alarm clock for?
Around Thevenin the morning
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Why did the director yell at Kick at the set of Punchkicker 5?
Because he said Punch's line.
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How can you get a set of teeth put in for free?
Smack a monster.
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Why did Neil Armstrong get to set foot on the moon before Buzz Aldrin?
They wrestled over it. Neil had the stronger arm.
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How do you make a cat sounds like a dog?
Douse it in gasoline and set it on fire. !
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What do you call a pirate who intentionally sets a fire at sea?
An arrrrrsonist. Thank you. I'll be here all week.
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What did the pumpkin pie say to the cheesecake as they were going into the oven?
I think this is a set up!
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Why did the spud lover set his alarm for 8:00?
Because he wanted to get a-po-ta-to clock. to make joke more apparent
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What do you get when you put 32 Rednecks in one room?
One full set of teeth.
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What did the spud lover do before it went to bed?
A: It set its alarm for eight -- so it would get a potato clock.