5 Jokes
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What animal has 5 legs?
A pit bull coming back from the playground.
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How many NBA finals does Lebron plan on losing?
not 1 not 2 not 3 not 4 not 5 not 6 not 7
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What do you call 5 cats sitting on top of each other?
A caterpillar
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What is it called when 5 girls get into bed with one guy?
A "no one will ever believe me".
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How do you cut a turd into 5 pieces?
Squish it in your hand.
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What's your least favorite race?
I personally can't stand 5K's
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How Many Lightbulbs Does it Take to Change Captain Jean Luc Picard?
4 or 5.
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What's worse than 5 dead babies in 1 trash can?
1 dead baby in 5 trash cans
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What's the difference between a circus and a whore house?
My dad didn't meet my mom at a circus or take me their when I turned 5
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How many bassoonists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one but they'll insist on going through about 5 bulbs before they find one that suits this particular room and situation.
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Why do white girls only travel in groups of 3, 5, and 7?
Because they literally can't even.
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How far along are you?
ME: 5 stops.
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What has 5 arms and rocks?
Def Leppard
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Where do you see yourself in 5 lives?
Dalai Lama job interview)
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What is up with 1, 3, 5, 7, 9?
I can't even...
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What fruit did Hillary grind up in her juicer?
13 blackberries and 5 apples
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What happens if I microwave 5 Barbies?
Me: That's an oddly specific question. 4: I already know what happens if I do it with 4
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What are the 5 best Vegetables of all time?
tink about it. Gai lan, gai lan... gai lan, gai lan, and gai lan. (thanks to Chapelle show skit((making the band)))
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What is the difference between a 5 and a 2?
3
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How many times can you subtract the number 5 from 25?
Only once, and then you are subtracting it from 20.
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Why was Star Wars shot Episodes 4, 5, 6, then 1, 2, 3?
Because in charge of directing, Yoda was
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What's the hardest part about winning crossfit?
Being 5 foot 6
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What can 5 men do that 5 women can't do?
Pee in a cup.
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What are the 5 most terrifying word in the english language?
Five more years of Cameron"
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What do you call 5 black guys and a white guy?
A basketball team. What do you call 9 black guys and a white guy? A baseball team. What do you call 11 black guys and a white guy? A football team. What do you call 100 black guys and a white guy? A cell block
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Why is there a baseball bat under your bed?
Me: In case there's a burglar. 5: Me: 5: Why do burglars like to play baseball
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What does Jimmy Buffett's chicken say?
It's 5 o'cluck somewhere.
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Why was 4 afraid of 5?
Because 5 was a Registered Six Offender. Edit: a word.
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What does fast and furious 5 and the walking dead have in common?
They both have dead walkers.
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What are 5 "Ms" from Detroit?
GM, Eminem and Michael Moore.
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Why can't there be a League of Legend's team of 5 Lucians?
Because you can't have a team with only 3 champions.
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How many country stars does it take to change a light bulb?
Six-1 to change the bulb and 5 to sing about how much they miss the old one.
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What is the difference between a dog and a fox?
About 5 drinks
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Why didn't the scientist tell his colleague the t-value of a test with 21 degrees of freedom and a p-value of 5%?
It was a t-crit! Thank you and goodnight!
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What do you call 5 black guys around 1 white guy?
A family friend paying a visit.
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What happens if the baby pees?
Pregnant wife: She won't. She waits till she's born 5: Right. Just like no one pees in the pool
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What does the pirates 5 trailer and the iPhone 7 have in common?
There's no jack
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Who has more testicles?
contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
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Why were episodes 4, 5, 6 made before 1, 2, 3?
Because in charge Yoda was.
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Why is the set including the square root of 5 and the square root of 4 similar to the set including anarchism and authoritarianism?
They are both unlike radicals.
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How many states of matter are there?
5: solids, liquids, gases, plasma, and black lives
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Why are we here?
Me: Philosophers still don't know 5: No, why are we HERE Wife: Your dad is lost and won't ask for directions
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What do you call 5 people sitting In two rows?
Tetris
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When does a pentagon not have 5 sides?
When it's intersected by a plane
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What did the British proton say after 5 cups of coffee?
I feel positively charged!
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What do you call 5 guys who have no arms or legs and a woman floating in the water together?
Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob and Ann
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What do you call a group of 5 guys named Curtis that are all wearing matching suits?
A Curtis-y flush
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What do you call 5 white guys sitting on a bench?
The NBA
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What weebles and wobbles but can't get up?
Grandpa having a seizure. Bonus: Statistically speaking, 1 in 5 adult men
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Why does Mom wear makeup?
Me: To look pretty. 5: But she's already pretty. Me: Aww. 5: Dad, you should wear makeup.
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How many Polacks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5, one to hold the bulb and 4 to spin the ladder.
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Where is 5?
Student : Yesterday I heard in the news that 5 died in a car accident. DIE
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What has 5 eyes?
invisibility
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Why does she keep cleaning the floors?
Me: Her stepsisters make her. 5: She should just buy a Roomba.
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Why does Yoda think 5 is afraid of 7?
Because "6, 7 ate".
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What do you call a 5' 2" fortune teller that has escaped from prison?
A small medium at large
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Why wasn't Boy George any good at English?
because he always put 5 commas before chameleon.
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Why were there 5 Mexicans in a Ford?
It was a Fiesta
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How many gears does a French Tank have?
5. 4 reverse and 1 forward for parades.
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Why Would Clint Eastwood be Bad at Restructuring a Business?
He can't remember if he fired 5 or 6.
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What do you call 5 black guys on a stage?
An auction
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How do Alaska CB radio operators say "10-4"?
5-5-2-2."
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What is an ark?
2) How 2 build ark 3) Can god just build ark 4) Are snakes necessary 5) Is god real or am I high
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How do you get out of an elephant?
Q: How do you get out of an elephant A: Turn around and around until you get all pooped out. (5 yo humor never gets old)
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What does a rock do all day?
Nothing. (this joke was made by daughter when she was 5)
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What has 5 fingers but isn't your hand?
My hand.
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What's the hardest part about being a vegan?
Waking up at 5 am to milk the almonds.
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When someone asks, "How are you?
I say, "5-7-8-3" because they don't care how I am & saying my ATM Code out loud helps me memorize it.
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What's the difference between a $20 steak and a $55 steak?
February 14th.
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How many Saiyans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, but it takes 5 episodes.
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Why do people congratulate you when Mom is the one making the baby?
Me: I helped 5: How Me: 5: Me: I read her the instructions
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How do you split $6 between 5 mexicans?
You cut *Juan* out.
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Why were Star Wars Episodes 4, 5, and 6 released before 1, 2, and 3?
Because in charge of scheduling, Yoda was.
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How many beers is that for you today, dear?
Me: Like 4 maybe. 5 tops. Wife: I counted 19. Me: Well I rounded down.
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What has 5 legs and a big grin?
Pit-bull in kids sandpit
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What gets you a downvote?
Reposting an old joke that wasn't funny the first time. What gets you an upvote? Posting an original joke, or a funny joke I've heard before. What get's you 5 upvotes? Being
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What's Terrance Howard's favorite Radiohead song?
1 x 1 = 2) + 2 = 5"
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How will Santa get in?
Me: Probably through my credit card. 5: what Me: what
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Why was 5 afraid of 6?
Because 6 7 8! ...(in honor of May 4th Star Wars day)...
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Where is Jennifer's husband?
Jennifer is 21 years older than her son Douglas. 6 years from now, Jennifer will be 5 times as old as Douglas. Question: Where is Jennifer's husband? Solution: J=D+21 J+6=5(D+6) According to my math, Douglas has 3/4 years, which means -9 months. Pregnancy lasts for nine months, so Jennifer's husband is in the bed with her right now. Sauce:
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Why is he crying?
Me: That's a teardrop tattoo. 5: Oh. Did he shank someone in prison M: What 5: Remind him I want extra guacamole.
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What animal runs around happily with 5 legs?
A pit bull in a kindergarten
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Why Do Sorority Girls Travel In Packs Of 1, 3, 5 or 7?
Because they can't even.
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Why were the 5 gorgeous young blonde Danish fashion models sobbing their eyes out?
I told them I wasn't going to give birth to them.
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What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet?
The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
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What do you call a white guy surrounded by 5 black guys?
Coach.
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Why couldn't 5 stop drinking?
Because it was 2 turnt up
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What do you call a Black Guy surrounded by 5 White Guys?
Toby
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Why was Fibonacci afraid of 5?
because 5 8 13!
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What did the black mother name her 5 daughters?
Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, and Tyrone. How did she tell them apart She called them by their last names!
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How do you drowned a hipster?
Throw them in the mainstream. Edit: spelling because I'm 5
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Why can't French people count to 5?
Because there's a in the way.
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Why was 5 afraid of 7?
Because 6, 7 8.(http://www.reocities.com/Area51/Meteor/9836/yoda/yodafunface2.jpg)
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Where can I find that "4 Out Of 5 People Get Money In Their Birthday Cards" Birthday Card?
I've been checking online with no luck, unless I'm checking the wrong place
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What do you call 5 doctors and nurses on a ship?
A: A decade Ba dum tish.
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How do babies get out of bellies?
ME: "Look! Ice cream!" *5 min later* 3YO COVERED IN ICE CREAM: "How do babies get out of be---"
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What time is it in New York City?
5 past Lundqvist
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Why was 6 afraid of 5?
Because 7 8 9
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When dad Waits to see you on thanks giving Son:We just Ate Dad:OK so you can be here at 5?
Son:We'll see Son:how does the turkey smell Dad : I guess through its Beak
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What are 5 black people in a red car?
A KitKat.
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What has 5 teeth and 60 eyes?
A bus full of old people