Bank Jokes

  • What's the difference between a man who owns a gun and a man who owns a bank?

    A man with a gun can rob a bank. A man with a bank can rob the world. (Disclaimer: reword of someone else's post to FB today.)

  • Why does the addict avoid going to the bank?

    Because he suffers from cash withdrawals.

  • Why did the janitor get fired from the bank?

    Because he cleaned out the vault.

  • Who's there ! Andrew ! Andrew who ?

    Andrew all her money out of the bank !

  • What do you call it when a group of ghosts rob a bank?

    A polterheist.

  • What do you call an obese psychic that works at a bank?

    A four chin teller

  • What do you call ice cream that robs a bank?

    Heist cream Got to give credit to my friend, who sadly dosent have reddit.

  • Why did the football go to the bank?

    to get is quarterback.

  • Why can't you keep secrets in a bank?

    Because of all the tellers.

  • What did the getaway driver do after his accomplice, Rice, robbed the bank?


  • What's the name of your former bank?

    I said, "Piggy"

  • Why did the schoolteacher who was in love with head of the school take out a loan with the bank?

    A: Because she had an interest in the principal.

  • What bank do birds open accounts with?

    The one with the most branches!

  • Which is the only bank that drug tests all of its employees?


  • Why did the football player go to the bank?

    To get his quarterback.

  • Why couldn't the teller comprehend the bank robber?

    He was bad at stickup lines.

  • Why was the robber bionic?

    He was holding up a bank.

  • Why does Bank of America not have a backspace on the ATM keypad?

    Because America is never wrong.

  • Why did I rob the bank?

    For Fundsies! I made that one up yesterday so I really hope nobody has heard it before.

  • Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?

    A. The area around the Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.

  • What belongs in the bank and doesn't exist?

    My tax refund.

  • How do you expect us to loan you money if you can't prove to us that you don't need it?


  • Why is it a good idea to put your money in the freezer, instead of the bank?

    So you always have access to cold hard cash...

  • What do you call a psychic midget that just robbed a bank?

    Small medium at large

  • Why did the baker rob the bank?

    He needed the dough.

  • What do you call a midget psychic that just robbed a bank?

    Small medium at large

  • Why is a river really rich?

    Its got two banks.

  • Why couldn't the giraffe get a job at the bank?

    They weren't hiring.

  • Why did the Irish call their currency the "Punt" ?

    Because it rhymes with Bank Manager

  • Who robs banks and squirts ink?

    Billy the Squid.

  • What happened when a heart robs a bank?

    It gets put under cardiac arrest.

  • What does a bunny do to a bank?


  • Where does a river keep it's money?

    At the bank.

  • What do banks and the US government have in common?

    They both deal with checks and balances.

  • Why did the football coach return to the bank?

    To get his quarterback.

  • Why do you want to work in a bank Alan?

    Fred: 'Cuz there's money in it sir.

  • Why wasn't the fella able to get out when he fell in the river?

    Cause it was on a Sunday and the banks were closed

  • Why did the football coach go to the bank?

    To get his quarterback!!

  • What did the tree do when the bank closed?

    It started its own branch

  • Who's there ! Checkmate ! Checkmate who ?

    Checkmate bounce if you don't have money in the bank !

  • Who is the richest person in the Bible?

    The Pharao's daughter. She went to the bank of the Nile to pick up a little prophet.

  • What did Michael Jackson say at the bank?

    Make that change"