Bank Jokes

Why is a river really rich?

Its got two banks.

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Why did the football coach return to the bank?

To get his quarterback.

What do you call a midget psychic that just robbed a bank?

Small medium at large

Why does Bank of America not have a backspace on the ATM keypad?

Because America is never wrong.

What's the difference between a man who owns a gun and a man who owns a bank?

A man with a gun can rob a bank. A man with a bank can rob the world. (Disclaimer: reword of someone else's post to FB today.)

What does a bunny do to a bank?

Rabbit

What do you call ice cream that robs a bank?

Heist cream Got to give credit to my friend, who sadly dosent have reddit.

What belongs in the bank and doesn't exist?

My tax refund.

Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback!!

Why did I rob the bank?

For Fundsies! I made that one up yesterday so I really hope nobody has heard it before.

Why did the football go to the bank?

to get is quarterback.

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Why is it a good idea to put your money in the freezer, instead of the bank?

So you always have access to cold hard cash...

Why did the Irish call their currency the "Punt" ?

Because it rhymes with Bank Manager

What did Michael Jackson say at the bank?

Make that change"

Who is the richest person in the Bible?

The Pharao's daughter. She went to the bank of the Nile to pick up a little prophet.

Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?

A. The area around the Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.

What do you call it when a group of ghosts rob a bank?

A polterheist.

Why wasn't the fella able to get out when he fell in the river?

Cause it was on a Sunday and the banks were closed

Where does a river keep it's money?

At the bank.

What happened when a heart robs a bank?

It gets put under cardiac arrest.

What bank do birds open accounts with?

The one with the most branches!

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Why can't you keep secrets in a bank?

Because of all the tellers.

What do banks and the US government have in common?

They both deal with checks and balances.

Why did the schoolteacher who was in love with head of the school take out a loan with the bank?

A: Because she had an interest in the principal.

What did the tree do when the bank closed?

It started its own branch

Why did the baker rob the bank?

He needed the dough.

Why couldn't the giraffe get a job at the bank?

They weren't hiring.

Why do you want to work in a bank Alan?

Fred: 'Cuz there's money in it sir.

What did the getaway driver do after his accomplice, Rice, robbed the bank?

Pilaf.

What do you call an obese psychic that works at a bank?

A four chin teller

Why was the robber bionic?

He was holding up a bank.

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Who robs banks and squirts ink?

Billy the Squid.

What do you call a psychic midget that just robbed a bank?

Small medium at large

Why does the addict avoid going to the bank?

Because he suffers from cash withdrawals.

Why did the football player go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.

Who's there ! Andrew ! Andrew who ?

Andrew all her money out of the bank !

Which is the only bank that drug tests all of its employees?

PNC

Who's there ! Checkmate ! Checkmate who ?

Checkmate bounce if you don't have money in the bank !

How do you expect us to loan you money if you can't prove to us that you don't need it?

Banks

Why couldn't the teller comprehend the bank robber?

He was bad at stickup lines.

What's the name of your former bank?

I said, "Piggy"

Why did the janitor get fired from the bank?

Because he cleaned out the vault.

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Deposit Jokes More Deposit Jokes

What's the difference between a sperm bank and an regular bank?

When you start to make deposits at the sperm bank, you loose interest

Where do polar bears go to deposit money?

A snowbank

Country Jokes More Country Jokes

What does the new socialist leader of France mean for the country, Europe, and the world?

Nationalized wine.. Sounds like the right wing will have some whine too.

What's a mexicans favorite game?

Cross country.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a train and SONY?

When the train announces an arriving "Station", you can see it.

What's the difference between Batman, and a black man?

Batman can go out at night without Robin. Ba-Dum-Tis!!!!!!!

Jaw Jokes More Jaw Jokes

How do you castrate a guy from Kentucky?

Kick his sister in the jaw.

How do you castrate an Amish man?

Kick his sister in the jaw.

River Jokes More River Jokes

What did the sea say to the river?

You can run but you can't tide!

How can you tell if you're in Detroit or across the river in Windsor Ontario Canada?

Stand in the middle of the street. If someone yells, "hey, get out of the street" you're in the US. If they yell, "get out of the street, eh" you're in Canada

Loan Shark Jokes More Loan Shark Jokes

Where's my money?

a loan shark "Where are my friends - alone shark

What do you call a money lender who lives in the ocean?

A loan shark!

Rabbit Jokes More Rabbit Jokes

Why do rabbits always get banned from CS:GO?

Because they're always bunny-hopping.

What are you doing there, rabbit?

Rabbit replies "This is a westinghouse, isn't it "

Sperm Bank Jokes More Sperm Bank Jokes

What do you call an employee at a sperm bank?

A nutjob

How did Bob loose his job at the sperm bank?

He was always drinking on the job