Hole Jokes
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What did the three holes in the ground say?
Well, well, well My grandpa's favorite joke. Took me five years to get it.
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Why do some loudspeakers have holes?
For the pleasure of the audiophiles.
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Why did the golfer need to buy a new pair of socks?
Because he got a hole in one!
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What the difference between a black guy and a donut?
One of them already had a hole before the cop saw it
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How many South Dakotans does it take to go ice fishing?
Four. One to cut the hole in the ice and three to push the boat through.
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What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit Hole?
A Hot Cross Bunny
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Why did the guy cut a hole in his carpet?
He wanted to watch the floor show. And why did he cover it back up ...He realized that he didn't want to watch the "hole" show.
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Why did the golfer take a spare pair of trousers with him?
Incase he got a hole in one!
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How many mm3 of dirt is there in a hole 1m x 1m x 1m?
There is no dirt in the hole!
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Why do mice have a hole in their bottoms?
Because otherwise they would be unable to track movement and move the cursor in the computer screen.
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Why do donuts have holes in the center?
Because the inventor of the donut wanted to give us a whole experience.
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What do you call a big white bear with a hole in his middle ?
A polo bear !
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What do you call a man with no arms & no legs... ...hanging on the wall?
Art ...floating in the sea Bob ...laying on the floor Matt ...down in a hole Phil ...sitting in a pot Stu ...
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Why did the fisherman drill a hole in the ice?
For the Halibut
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What would Triple H and Jenna Jameson's adult film be called?
The Piledriver: No Holes Barred
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What's black and full of holes?
Michael Brown
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Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole-in-one.
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How did the pirate fix the hole in his pants?
He used an eyepatch
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What's the difference between a woman in church and a woman in the bathtub?
The woman in church has hope in her soul... The woman In the bathtub has soap in her hole.
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Why did your sister cut a hole in her new umbrella ?
Because she wanted to be able to tell when it stopped raining.
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How do soldiers tell if a woman is a genuine Red-Head?
If it's red on top, fire in the hole.
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How do you know you're golfing with a politician?
When they get a hole-in-one they write down *zero* on the scorecard.
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What's the difference between a 6 year old and a 16 year old?
Which hole they stick their finger in when no-one's looking.
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Who's there ! Anita ! Anita who ?
Anita you like I need a hole in the head !
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What's the difference between a nun on her knees and a nun in the bath?
One has hope in their soul, the other has soap in their hole
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Whats the distance between hole one and hole two?
She answered "About an inch".
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What did GabeN tell his wife when she shouted "shut your hole" at him?
Babe, it's a valve!"
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What is the digestive system?
The digestive system is a system which starts with one hole and ends with one hole
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Why did the golfer wear two pants?
He got a hole in one
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What did Courtney Love say before she shot Kurt?
Hole is gonna be huge."
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Why did Tiger Woods bring three socks instead of two?
In case he got a hole in one.
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What's the difference between a girl that's praying and a girl that's having a bubble bath?
One has hope in her soul, The other has soap in her hole.
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What do you call a black brick with three holes in it?
A polish bowling ball.
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How many amateur masochists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one; But it takes a WHOLE E.R. room to extract it afterwards. Double joke! "whole... hole." it's a play on words ;)
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How do you drown a polar bear?
Cut a hole in the ice. Put a line of peas around the hole. When the polar bear takes a pea, kick him in the ice hole.
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Why did the golfer wear a extra pair of pants?
In case he got a hole in one
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What's white, digs holes in your garden and helps with headaches?
A paracetamole!
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What smells of cheese and is filled with holes?
About 100 French people right now
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Why did Silly Sue throw her guitar away ?
Because it had a hole in the middle.
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How do you know when the hole you're digging is big enough?
When the (w)hole job's done.
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What do you call it when the bull impales the bullfighter?
A hole in Juan!
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Why does Luigi bring an extra pair of overalls when he golfs?
In case he gets a hole-in-one
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What is the worst type of doctor you can be?
gynecologist - because in the hole that the whole world is looking for pleasure, he's looking for problems.
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How do you get a polar bear in the water?
First, you cut a hole in the ice, then you sprinkle some pees around the hole. When the polar bear goes to take a pee, you kick him in the ice hole!
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What do you call a shooting at a Mexican golf course?
A hole in Juan
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Why did the bald man cut a hole in his pocket?
He wanted to run his fingers through his hair.
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What do you call it when you use Icy Hot as lube?
Fire in the hole!
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Is there a hole in your shoe?
No… Then how’d you get your foot in it?
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What travels down an alley and has holes in it?
A bowling ball. Or Bruce Wayne's parents.
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What's the best part about golf?
It's the only activity where you actually aim for the hole under 18 and you don't go to jail.
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What do you call a cow that fell in a hole?
A hole-y Cow!
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Why did kurt pull the trigger?
He couldn't get hole out of his head
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Why is morning wood full of holes?
Because the woodpecker.
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Whats the difference between a woman in church and a woman in the bathtub?
One has hope in her soul, the other has soap in her hole.
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What is the sharpest thing in the world?
A fart. It will cut through your pants and not even leave a hole.
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What has two holes and smells a lot?
Your nose
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What's red, white and sits in a hole in a tree?
A sanitary owl
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Why should you bring two pairs of pants when you golf?
In case you get a hole-in-one (stolen from some girl at school)
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Why do golfers bring an spare change of pants?
Just in case they get a hole in one. Credit to
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Why did the elephant take off his socks at the golf course?
He got a hole in one.
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What's the difference between a praying nun and a girl taking a bath?
One has hope in her soul and the other has soap in her hole
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Why are quantum physicists the kinkiest of all scientists?
They have the ability to penetrate both holes at the same time. explanation(http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double-slitexperiment)
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Why should honeymoons only last six days?
Because seven days makes a hole weak.
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What's the difference between a Nun and a lady taking a bath?
The Nun has hope in her soul and the lady taking a bath has soap in her hole.
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Why does Tiger Woods bring an extra pair of socks while golfing?
In case he gets a hole in one.
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Why does a golfer wear two pairs of pants?
Just in case he gets a hole in one!
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Did you know you should always take an extra pair of pants golfing?
Just in case you get a hole in one.
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What is a condom with a hole?
Kinder Surprise
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How many amateur masochists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one; But it takes a WHOLE E.R. room to extract it afterwards. Double joke! "whole... hole." it's a play on words ;)
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What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before?
A key.
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How does the stork bring babies?
It pokes holes in condoms.
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What has holes in it, and travels down an alley?
Batman: my parents Riddler: no its a bowling ball! I-im so sorry!
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What did you have on the wings of your plane?
Holes mostly..."
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Why do married men love golf so much?
Because it's not the same three holes over and over again.
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Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
In case they get a hole in one!
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Why did the Golfer feel aladeen about his socks ?
He had a hole in one.
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What's the difference between a condom and the space-time continuum?
There wasn't a hole in my dad's space-time continuum.
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How do you stop your dog digging holes in your garden?
By hiding the shovel in the shed/garage
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of trousers?
In case he got a hole in one.
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What's the difference between Stanley Yelnats and the rest of the kids in Holes?
He was just a nerdy digger.
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Why do men like golf so much?
It makes it possible for them to go from hole to hole with an iron in their hands.
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What did the donut say to the loaf of bread?
If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn't be hanging around this hole!
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How do you make holes in a fire?
With a fire drill.
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How many American golf fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
1001 1 to offer up the bulb and 1000 to scream 'Get in the hole'
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Why would you wear two pairs of pants while golfing?
You might get a hole in one.
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How many firemen does it take to change a light bulb?
Four - three to cut a hole in the roof and one to change the bulb.
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Why did the car thief drill holes in the air conditioning units of the cars he stole?
Because he my take your ride but he will never take your freon.
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What do you find in an alley that has holes in it?
M-my parents " "No! A bowling ball! I'm so sorry..."
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What's the sharpest thing in the world?
A fart. It goes through your pants without even making a hole.
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Why did the golfer wear 2 shirts when he went golfing?
In case he got a hole-in-one!
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Why don't Muslims fight each other often?
Cause they don't want no beef Edit: I'm going to crawl back into my hole now
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Why are we watching a live internet stream of men exiting a hole?
Isn't this using the internet backwards
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What's the difference between 6 inches and 12 inches?
6 inches makes you day but 12 inches can make your hole weak.
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Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
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What's worse than finding a hole in your condom?
Finding a condom in your hole!
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What the difference between a nun in a bathtub & a nurse in the bathtub?
One has soul full of hope & one has a hole full of soap... I'll walk myself out, sorry first post here
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What does Sean Connery's nemesis and the crater of a volcano have in common?
They're both ash-holes.
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Why do all the best golfers keeping buying socks?
They get a hole in one!
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What is long and likes to pry in a hole?
A key.
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Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?
In case they get a hole in one!
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Why was the moth so unpopular ?
He kept picking holes in everything !
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What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke holes that it's often poked before?
A key.
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What travels down an alley and is full of holes?
Batman's Parents.
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What did Courtney Love say before shooting Kurt Cobain?
Hole is going to be huge!
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How do you cover 18 holes with one hole?
Have your mom sit down on a golf course.
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Why is a bear brown?
Because he crawls in his hole during winter.
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Why did... Why did the golfer wear an extra pair of pants?
In case he got a hole in one! Ha Ha Ha Ha
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Why did the mirror have holes in it?
A: A moron kept trying to shoot himself.
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Why did the golfer wear two pair of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
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What's red, white, and full of holes?
Helen Keller's face after she tries to use a fork.
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What is the difference between a woman in church and a woman in a bathtub?
Answer: One has hope in her soul the other has soap in her hole.
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What do you call a boat with a hole?
A sink.
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Who smashed a hole through the wall?
Everyone in the office stares at me, even the Kool-Aid man
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
Incase he got a hole in one. HEHE one of my favs. Whats your fav joke?
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Why does Tiger Woods bring two pair of pants during a golf game?
Its in case he gets a hole-in-one.
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Why do bald men cut holes in there pockets?
To run their hands through their hair
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What do you call a man in a hole?
Phil.
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What purrs along the road and leaves holes in the lawn?
A Moles Royce.
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What is the difference between a girl in a church, and a girl in a bathtub?
The girl in the church has hope in her soul, and the girl In the bathtub has soap in her hole.
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What's the sharpest thing in the word?
A fart. It goes right through your pants and doesn't leave a hole.
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Why did the bald guy cut a hole in his pocket?
Because he wanted to run his fingers through his hair.
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What did the dentist say to the golfer?
You have a hole in one. "
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What do you call it when a golfer misses the hole?
Fore-play
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How do you trap an elephant?
You first dig a hole, second, you fill the hole with ashes, also throw some peas in there. When the elephant stops to take a pea, you kick it in the ash hole.
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Why women fail at saving money?
Have you ever seen a money-box (piggy bank) with a hole at the bottom...
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What do you get when you shoot a Mexican golfer?
A hole in Juan
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How many American golf fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
1001 1 to offer up the bulb and 1000 to scream 'Get in the hole'
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Why does a honeymoon only last 7 days?
Because 7 days makes a hole weak
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Why should you always bring 2 pair of trousers when golfing?
In case you get a hole in one.
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What did the man say when he sat on a candle?
Fire in the hole!
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Why did the moth nibble a hole in the carpet ?
He wanted to see the floor show !
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Why shouldn't you carry two half dollars in your pocket?
Because two halves make a whole (hole) and you could lose your money.
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Why don't they drill holes in golf clubs?
Cause then there would be a hole in one!
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Why can't you play peek-a-boo with Jesus?
Because he has holes in his hands
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What's the difference between 50 Cent and the Ozone Layer?
The Ozone layer doesn't benefit from having holes in them.
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How do you get out?
You look in the mirror and see what you saw. Take the saw and saw the table in half. Two half's make a whole, go through the hole.
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Why do golfers wear 2 pairs of pants?
Incase he gets a hole in one