Poker Jokes

How are women like casinos?

Liquor in the front, poker in the back.

Dad Jokes for New Dads: The Ultimate New Dad Gift to Embarrass Your Kids Early with 500+ Jokes! (World's Best Dad Jokes Collection)

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Why shoudn't you play poker in Africa ?

Because of all the Cheetahs!

Why don't they play poker in the jungle?

Too many cheetahs.

Why should you never play poker with a crocodile?

You will lose every hand.

What does a good bar and a good woman have in common?

Liquor in the front poker in the back.

Why do people with heart disease always lose at poker?

They have to take ACE inhibitors.

What do a woman and a bar have in common?

Liquor in the front, poker in the back.

Why don't cows play poker?

Because it's a high steaks game

Why are orphans bad at poker?

Because they don't know what a full house is

Why does nobody play poker in the jungle?

Too many cheetahs

Why did the lion lose at poker?

He was playing with a cheetah.

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Why don't they play poker in Africa?

Because there's cheetahs.

Why did Luke Skywalker bluff in a game of poker?

He heard Obi-Wan in his head saying Out, I shall let myself.

What kind of poker do stoner cows play?

High Steaks

Why did the lion always lose at poker?

He was playing with a bunch of cheetahs!

How does Queen Elizabeth win a game of poker?

She goes to the bathroom.

What happened when the lepers played poker?

One guy threw down his hand and another laughed his head off. This was my best friend's favorite joke when she was little apparently.

What do you call a veterinarian who's real good at poker?

first post) Ace of spays

Why are people afraid to play poker in Africa?

Too many Cheetahs.

Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?

Too many cheetahs.

Why are proteins so bad at poker?

They always fold.

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What do you call an aardvark that plays poker?

A cardvark!

Why are dogs bad at poker?

Because they wag their tails whenever they have a good hand. Why did John's dog win the poker tournament Because he's a Doberman.

What do a good bar and a woman have in common?

Liquor in the front, poker in the back.

Why don't they play poker in the savanna?

because there are too many cheetahs. Thank you i will be here all day.

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What did they say to the CEO who raise minimum wage to $70,000?

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What is the difference between an elevator and black people?

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When the animal kingdom had a poker party who didn't they invite?

The Cheetahs!

Why do elephants have 4 feet?

Because in the animal kingdom 6 inches just wont do

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What's the difference between a flatfish and a good woman?

The fish doesn't know it's plaice.

What do a good woman and KFC have in common?

After nibbling the breast and thighs there's a greasy box to put your bone in.

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Why did Freud hurt his shoulder?

He made a Freudian slip

What did the humanistic psychologist say at Freud's funeral?

He died at such a Jung age.

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How do you get Lady Gaga attention?

P-p-p-poke her face.

How can you tell if Lady Gaga is dead?

Po-po-po-po-po-po-poke-her-face

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What do you call a meeting exclusively attended by pine, juniper and fir trees?

A coniference.

Whats the worst the thing about having to attend a funeral?

The guest of honor always shows up late!

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Why did you cancel your gym membership?

Me: There were some changes in the vending machines that I didn't agree with

What club cancels their meeting everytime?

The vegan club

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What did the judge do to the lawyer who insulted him?

He got him diss barred.

Why did the horse run into the bar?

He didn't jump high enough.