Wood Jokes
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Why we going into the woods?
Let me out"
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How did the redneck find his sister in the woods?
A: Pretty hot
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What mathematical operation is used to calculate the rate at which lumberjacks cut wood?
Logger-rhythms.
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Why do bears poop in the woods?
So nobody will see their bare (bear) bottom!
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What type of wood is the most expensive?
Hollywood! (Made this up while i was doing a project.)
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What is your favorite type of wood?
Mine is morning.
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How does a Priest find a little boy in the woods?
Very exciting
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How do you know if you're a necrophiliac?
You get mourning wood.
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What do you call a nun lost in the woods?
A Roamin Catholic.
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Who's there ! Ankansas ! Ankansas who ?
Ankansas though any piece of wood !
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Why aren't cars made out of wood?
Because they wooden go.
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When did Pinocchio learn he was made of wood?
when his hand caught fire!!
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How far can a rabbit run into the woods?
Halfway. After that she's running out of the woods.
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Whats a pirates favourite kind of wood??
Seeder
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How far can you run into the woods?
Halfway, any further and you're running out.
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How did Pinocchio realize he was made of wood?
His hand caught on fire.
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How long have you been chopping wood for?
I'm not sure, I'll check the logs"
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What wood doesn't float?
Natalie Wood.
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What do you call the only wood that doesn't float?
Natalie.
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What's the best way to carve wood?
Whittle by whittle.
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What's the difference between Joan of Arc and a canoe?
Question: What's the difference between Joan of Arc and a canoe? Answer: One is Maid of Orleans and the other is made of wood.
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Why did the woman turn to her husband and say "now who the hell would dump such a nice sofa out here in the woods?
She was looking at a bear and thought it was a sofa due to the four legs.
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What do you call a sacred, flammable piece of wood?
A match made in Heaven.
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Why do they call wood carving "whittling"?
Because you start with a bigger piece of wood, and you make it whittler.
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What's little, brown, and found in the woods?
Winnies' pooh.
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What did the necrophiliac get after his wife died?
Mourning wood.
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How do you know if you are a necrophiliac?
You get mourning wood
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What's the difference between sandpaper and a baby?
The sandpaper doesn't scream when I rub it's face on wood.
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What did the Doe say when she came out of the woods?
I'm not doing that again for two bucks.
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What did storm say when she saw wolverine chopping wood?
That's a huge axe man!
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What do you call a 2x4 that lost its family to a fire?
mourning wood
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What do you call a Sith Lord who lives in the woods?
Darth Deciduous
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What did Tom hanks do in the woods?
He took a forrest dump.
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What kind of an erection does a necrophiliac get?
Mourning wood! :)
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How did the witch almost lose her baby?
She didn't take it far enough into the woods.
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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
A whole chuck-load.
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How does a crazy person travel through the woods?
They take the psychopath.
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What is a neckbeard's favorite type of wood?
m'hogany
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What has four legs and is made out of wood?
A horse.
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How do historians know that Joseph wasn't Jesus' dad?
Because when you're a carpenter in the desert you can't get wood.
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Why do we call lady parts beavers?
Because they devour wood.
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Which route should you take through the woods when riding a fizzy horse?
The psycho-path!
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How did Bill Cosby find his daughter in the woods?
A: Pretty good
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What's a foot long, is as hard as wood, and is slippery?
A wooden slipper
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What happened to sneaking out and getting drunk in the woods?
Teenagers these days be all "I hate you mom I'm joining ISIS."
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How much wood can Chuck Norris if Chuck Norris could chuck wood?
Chuck Norris would just stare at the wood, and it would chuck itself out of fear.
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How does a crazy person get out of the woods?
They take the psychopath.
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What did they Deer say when she came out of the woods?
Answer: "I will never do that again for 2 bucks " My reply: Ha Ha! :)
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What is made of wood and sticky?
a Stick!
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What kind of wood doesn't float?
Natalie Wood.
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How did pinocchio find out that he was made out of wood?
His hand caught fire.
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What do you call a couple of Irish guys hiking in the woods?
Trail micks.
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How did Pinocchio figure out he was made of wood?
He was jacking off one day and his hand caught on fire.
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How do you find your dog if he's lost in the woods ?
Put your ear up to a tree and listen for the bark !
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What is the worst kind of wood to have in your home around your kids?
Naughty pine
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What's a nice guys favorite type of wood?
M'hogany