Yard Jokes

How many feet are in a yard?

4 if you have a dog.

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Who do you call about stray cats walking around your yard?

Brian Setzer

What do you do when you see your neighbour staggering in the back yard?

Shoot him again.

Why does no one want to work in the yard with a carpenter?

Because they take a fence to that.

What animal brings the most boys to the yard?

The

How do you get a unicorn from neighing in your front yard?

Put it in the back yard.

What's the difference between one yard and two yards?

A: A fence.

What flavor is the milkshake?

How far away is the yard How could you know its better than mine You seem, frankly, a bit overconfident.

What if I buried it in the yard?

me, genuinely, earlier today. Wife said no.

When young Clark Kent was wearing a cape in the yard, who was he pretending to be?

Liberace

How do you stop the neighbours kids from playing in your yard?

Molest them

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How do you keep a dog from barking in your front yard?

Put him in your back yard.

What is it son?

Son: Boys are gathering into our yard! Dad: ...How many boys Son: All of them... Dad: MY MILKSHAKES!

What's the range of an accordion?

A: Twenty yards if you've got a good arm!

What is the range of a tuba?

A: Twenty yards if you've got a good arm.

How do you keep black people out of your back yard?

Hang one in the front!

How big do you suppose that fence is?

I reckon that fence is around a yard."

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Carpenter Jokes More Carpenter Jokes

What's the difference between a carpenter and a construction worker?

30 IQ points. This, as any carpenter will tell you, isn't a joke.

How to be Like Jesus 1. Be a carpenter. 2. Be a nice guy. 3. ?

4. Prophet.

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

What is the point of owning a fish?

They are just furniture with the ability to die.

What happened to the Italian chef when he died?

He .

Stray Cat Jokes More Stray Cat Jokes

Who do you call about stray cats walking around your yard?

Brian Setzer

How do you find out what gender a stray cat is?

Carefully

Catholic Jokes More Catholic Jokes

What's the difference between a Catholic and a Baptist?

A Catholic will say hello when he sees you in the liquor store.

What do you usually find with four Catholics?

A fifth.

Neigh Jokes More Neigh Jokes

What does the horse call the pigs on his farm?

Neigh-boars.

How do you get a unicorn from neighing in your front yard?

Put it in the back yard.

Stuff Jokes More Stuff Jokes

What's it called when you go around looking for stuff to buy that's made in America?

Antiquing.

What's the best moment of your life?

me: That time I won a stuffed dino- wife: That didn't involve a dinosaur me: Our wedding

Walk Jokes More Walk Jokes

What did the pirate say when he walked into the brothel?

arggg! thar she blows

How many lost cats walk by the telephone pole with their missing flier on it?

Just another reason to teach your cat to read.

Glasgow Jokes More Glasgow Jokes

What do you call a detective from Glasgow with three feet?

A Scotland Yard.

Why does the Clyde run through Glasgow?

Because if it walked, it'd get jumped!