Walk Jokes
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Why the long face ?
A horse walks into a bar. Bartender: why the long face ? Horse: because I'm a raging alcoholic.
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What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
Walks home.
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Why does Daniel love white vans?
Because he likes candy... *I'll walk myself out*
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Whats better then getting a gold medal in the Paralympics?
Walking.
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How do you stop a baby from walking in circles?
Pin its other hand to the ground.
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What did the blind man say when he walked by the fish market?
Good morning ladies.
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What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room?
Odor in the court!!!
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What has two eyes but can't see, two wings but can't fly, and two legs but can't walk?
A dead bird.
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What do you call ten German men standing abreast, walking backward?
OC A receeding Herr line.
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What do you call a deaf pokemon go player walking into traffic?
Anything you want they're not going to hear you.
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What do you call a group of rabbits walking backward?
A receding hareline.
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How do you get in the 'Public Urination Club'?
Walk up to the nearest police officer and you're in.
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What do you call someone who walks into a building full of people?
A cannibal.
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Whats Harry Potters favourite way of getting down a hill?
walking. JK ROLLING
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What do you call a TV reality show where a 50 year old white man is trying to get laid?
To catch a predator. Why do white girls walk around in groups of 3 and 5? Because they can't even! Why do white people have so many pets? Because owning people is not legal anymore Would love to hear more white people-specific jokes :) They seem to be really rare.
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3 SQL statements walk into a NoSQL bar. Soon, they walk out
They couldn't find a table.
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Why are you picking up rocks?
M: I'm starting a rock band. Neighbor walks away. That is how you get people to leave you alone.
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Why would you ask me for directions?
You just saw me walk into a closed door.
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What's the problem when your wife walks out of the kitchen?
The chain is too long.
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Why do people carry umbrellas?
Because umbrellas cant walk.
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What did Neil Armstrong do after walking on the moon before Buzz Aldrin did?
gize.
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How are men like carpet tiles?
If you lay them properly the first time around you can walk all over them for the rest of your life.
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What would the blind man say every morning when he walked past the fish market?
Good morning, ladies!"
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What is the difference between batman and a black guy?
Batman can walk into a store without Robin
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What do you get if you walk under a cow?
A pat on the head.
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Why is that my son?
Son: Because...Walking dead Intro/outro plays loud
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Why do you want to work here?
ME: *crumbs tumbling from my mouth* Oh, I don't. I was just walking by and saw you had donuts.
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What walks on 8 legs until it's one years old, 4 legs until it's twenty years old and then 2 legs for the remainder of it's life?
Fred and George Weasley.
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Why did the pig walk into the kitchen?
Because he felt like bacon. :P
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What did the zombie say when he walked into the wrong tomb?
I have made a grave mistake.
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What's the most common activity people do while wearing safety vests?
Reflect! I use this dadjoke on my pregnant wife every day when she goes out for walks after dark and wears a safety vest.. 'Now honey, don't forget to reflect on all sorts of things, especially car headlights!'
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What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.
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What has 50 legs but cant walk ?
Half a centipede !
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What do women and linoleum have in common?
If you lay them just right you can walk on them for years.
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What did the pirate say when he walked into the brothel?
arggg! thar she blows
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What does an Italian sound like walking through the rain?
Dago wop wop wop
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Why do Iraqi police officers walk in threes?
The first knows how to read the second knows how to write and the third is to keep an eye on the two intellectuals.
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What's the difference between a gorrila pit and Mordor?
One does not simply walk into Mordor
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Why did the rabbi walk into the bar?
Because he likes oldfashioned jokes.
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What does it mean if you find a horse shoe?
Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.
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What did the token black guy say to the other black guy who walks in the party?
Hey man ! Who do you know here ? This is a Brothers only party !
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What'll you have?
A tachyon walks into a bar.
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What would Jesus do?
is an unfair question. He had superpowers. Your lifeboat is sinking. WWJD Well, he'd get out and walk to shore. See
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What's it called when Batman walks out of church?
Christian Bale Hah
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How do you find the Pun Bar?
You just walk into it
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What's the difference between Bono and Jesus?
Jesus didn't walk around Dublin acting like he's Bono.
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Who i am?
Boy: No Girl: I'm The Principal's Daughet. Boy: Do You Know Who i am Boy: Good (Walks Away)
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How can we get you to walk out of here with 4 tires?
Sir, you are wildly overestimating my strength."
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What's his name?
A man walks into a bedroom and sees a hot, naked woman lying face-down on the bed. Q: What's his name? A: Willie Turner Q: What's name? A: Betty Will
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What did the baby otter say when it walked into the club?
Ouch
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What's grosser than gross?
When a midget walks past and says your hair smells nice!
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What do you call two black guys walking down the street?
Nothing. Are you racist or something?
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What do we do now?
He said never mind we'll walk.
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What does a pirate get when he walks into a second-hand shop?
Disappointed.
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What do you call a smug prisoner walking down stairs?
A condescending con descending
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How did the octopus lovers walk down the road?
Arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm.
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What did the cowboy say as he walked into a German car garage?
Audi
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Why do the walking dead survivors try to get to washington D.C.?
Because it's their Michonne.
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Why did the witch wear a green felt pointed hat?
So she could walk across snooker tables without being seen.
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What do you call a patronising scam artist, walking down stairs?
A condescending con descending.
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Why do blacks raise chickens?
To teach their kids how to walk.
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What do you hear when Bill Cosby walks into the room?
Zzzzip)
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Why do baby ducks walk softly?
Because they can't walk, hardly.
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What do you do with an elephant with three balls?
Walk him and pitch to the rhino.
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What did one the left headphone say to the right headphone as they walked through a haunted house?
This place feels earie.
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What do you call a rude criminal walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
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What did the English man say when he walked in on his wife making love to three men?
Ello, 'ello, 'ello!
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Two guys walk into a bar . . .
The first guy says "Ouch!" and the second says "Yeah, I didn't see it either."
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Why do Gypsy's walk funny?
Because of their Crystal Balls EDIT: I'm not sure if anyone's posted this before my mum's sister emailed her from across the globe.(New Zealand) I laughed so hard I thought I'd put it here. Credit goes to my Mum's sister though.
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What did the doctor say When a fruit walked into his office that was feeling like a vegetable?
what's tomato with you !
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What did the oyster say to the fish who stole it's shell?
Stop being shellfish!" *drops microphone, walks away*
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What do you call a very religious person who sleep walks?
A Roman Catholic.
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What do you call an ant that's walking in perfect form?
An informant
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Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "don't walk".
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Whatcha doing on the PC?
Daughter: Looking at peckers. M: WHAT ! D: Science project on chickens. M: Oh. D: You walked RIGHT into that.
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What did the frog say when he walked into the bar?
Bonjour.*
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Why do the models on the catwalks always look so angry?
I would have been very happy to get paid to just walk around in fancy clothes.
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What has wings but can't fly, legs but can't walk, and a mouth but can't speak?
A dead bird
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What do you call a snarky criminal walking down stairs?
A condescending con descending.
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Why did Snake walk into the bar?
Because he wears an eyepatch and has poor depth perception.
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Why did the turkey walk across the road twice?
He didn't want to be called chicken
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Why did the phone keep walking into the wall?
It lost its contacts.
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A termite walks into a bar and says...
'Where is the bar tended?'
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Why do birds fly south for the winter?
Because it's too far to walk.
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What's worse than a Redditor walking into a bar?
The Holocaust.
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Why did they invent the shopping cart?
To teach women to walk on their hind legs.
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Why do pagans make the best husbands and wives?
Because they'll worship the ground you walk on.
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Why does the Avon lady walk funny?
Because her lips stick
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Why does the spanish dude keep walking left?
Because izquierda going right.
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Who walks in after him?
Colin Thecond
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Why do you want to run for President?
Because walking wouldn't burn enough calories.
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What works in a circus walks a tightrope and has claws ?
An acrocat !
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What do you call it when someone gets hit by a bus on his way to pay off his student loans?
Crippling debt! It's funny because he can't walk anymore!
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Why don't bears wear boots?
Cos they like to walk around in their bear feet.
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Why do Avon ladies walk funny?
because their lipstick
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What is Harry potters favorite way to get down a hill?
Walking....J.K . Rowling
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What did the visually-challenged gentleman say as he walked past the tuna stand at the open air market on a hot summer's day?
Hello ladies. Warm enough for you
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Why did the bank drive-up window teller have tire tread marks across the back of his grey suit?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said: "Don't Walk."
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Why is it called xbox one?
Because when you see it, you turn one degree and walk away.
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What has a million and one legs but still can't walk?
Jerry's kids.
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What's better than winning a silver in the paralympics?
Being able to walk.
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Why are most guys like floor tile?
Because if you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them from the rest of your life!
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How much for the giant, walk-in medicine cabinet?
Sir, this is a liquor store."
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What did one flea say to the other after a night out ?
Shall we walk home or take a dog
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What are the differences and similarities of flint michigan and the walking dead universe?
They are both post apocalyptic but only one produces brand new cars.
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What do you do to an elephant with three balls?
Walk him, and pitch to the giraffe!
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Why can't the bishop walk straight?
Cause he can only move diagonally
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How far can you walk into the forest?
Halfway, when you walk further then you will walk out of the forest! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH
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What has two legs but can't walk?
A dead duck.
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What has fifty legs but still can't walk?
A: Half a centipede.
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What do you call an arrogant prisoner walking down the stairs?
Condescending. )
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What did one flea say to the other flea when they came out of the movies?
A: Should we walk home or take a dog
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What do you call a haughty criminal walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
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What did the walking staff say when accused of misleading sheep?
I am not a crook!"
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What do you call a snobby criminal walking down the stairs?
A condescending con desending..
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Why do cows never walk out of horror movies?
They're able to stomach a lot.
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What's the difference between a camel and a Russian?
A camel can walk for 30 days without drinking but a Russian can drink for 30 days without walking.
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How to be part of a joke?
One must simply walk into a bar
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How many more times will I watch "A Walk To Remember" tonight?
As Mandy Moore times as I want to.
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What does a sheep say after walking into a disgusting, dirty bar?
Ew.
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Why do businessmen carry umbrellas?
Because umbrellas can't walk.
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How is my wife doing?
Doctor: I'm so sorry. The accident has left her in a vegetative-like state and I don't think she'll ever recover. She can barely move her limbs, if at all, and will be confined to a bed or wheelchair without the ability to ever walk again. You'll need to care for her 24/7, clothe her, feed her, bathe her, and she'll have no control of her bladder or bowels. Again, I'm so, so, sorry... ..... ..... ..... Just kidding! She's dead.
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Why did Jesus have to walk everywhere?
He drove a Ford.
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How is "Shark spotted swimming off the coast" news worthy?
Now if a shark was seen walking off the coast that's different.
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Why do white girl groups only walk together in odd numbers?
Because they can't even
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What has a million legs but can't walk?
Jerry's Kids.
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What do you get if you cross a spider and an elephant ?
I'm not sure but if you see one walking across the ceiling then run before it collapses !
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Why did the chicken walk on the telephone wire?
She wanted to lay it on the line!
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Why do girls always walk in groups of odd numbers?
Because they can't even...
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What did the Psychiatrist say to the man who walked in wearing nothing but plastic wrap?
I can clearly see ur nuts.
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What goes "oh oh oh"?
Santa walking backwards.
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What do you call a sleep walking nun?
A roamin' Catholic.
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What do you say when your mom walks in on you fapping?
C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!
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Why do they call it the XBOX 360?
Because you turn 360 and walk away!!
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What the difference between a nun in a bathtub & a nurse in the bathtub?
One has soul full of hope & one has a hole full of soap... I'll walk myself out, sorry first post here
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What did the mother tomato tell the baby tomato when the baby tomato was walking too slow?
Honey, walk faster, KETCHUP!
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Why do some girls walk in threes?
They can't even.
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Why do white girls walk in groups of odd numbers?
Because they literally can't even.
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What do The Walking Dead and Fast & Furious have in common?
dead walkers
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What does Reddit and Dating have in common?
It wastes your time and you walk away with either tears or a slight chuckle.
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What does the man say when he walks into the bar?
Can I please get a drink "
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How do you think I feel?
I have to walk home alone"
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When's the best time to take your doberman pinscher for a walk?
A: Anytime he wants to go.
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What did the blindman say when he walked by the fish market?
Helllllllloooooo (insert your mother's/wife's/sister's/grandmother's name here.)
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What did the blind man say when he walked past the fish market?
Is this a tumblr meetup?"
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What do you call a neolithic taking a walk?
A meanderthal
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What do pirates and pimps have in common?
They both say "YO HO!" and walk with a limp!
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What did the bartender say to the jumper cables when they walked into the bar?
A: Ok you 2 dont start anything
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What do you call a scam artist who is walking down the stairs?
Condescending
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What does an empathetic kleptomaniac do in an argument?
He puts himself in the other person's shoes and then walks away.
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What walks on two legs, but can't move forward?
Americans who voted for Hillary
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What did the super spy polyatomic ion say when he walked into the bar?
The name's Bond, Covalent Bond
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What did the doctor say to the strange beer that walked into his clinic?
What ails you?
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What does an elderly composer use as a walking aide?
A Zimmer frame
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What do you call a Black man that walks by a Cop?
A Pencil cause he's full of lead!
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What does Fozzie the Bear do when he can't find a ride?
Walk-a Walk-a
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Who do you call about stray cats walking around your yard?
Brian Setzer
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What has a mouth but never speaks, Has a bed but never sleeps, And has legs but never walks?
amp;nbsp; A mute, crippled insomniac
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Why do boys walk fast and girls speak more?
Because boys have one extra leg and girls have one extra mouth.
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Why do the English always carry umbrellas?
Because umbrellas can't walk
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How do you walk a dog with no legs?
You don't, you pick it up.
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Why does Mary Kay walk funny?
Her lipstick
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Why is it dangerous for a lawyer to walk onto a construction site when plumbers are working?
Because they might connect the drain line to the wrong suer.
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What did the man say when he walked into a milk bar?
Can I grab some milk *Bah dum tsss*
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What does aerosmith say when someone asks them for directions?
Walk this way
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What do you call a Mexican walking on the moon?
An astronaut you racist..
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How many performance artists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
I don't know either, I walked out early too.
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How can you tell the difference between a catholic, a baptist, and a Methodist?
A baptist will run into a liquor store, buy their alcohol and run out. A Methodist will walk into a liquor store and say high to everyone, then buy their alcohol and walk out. A catholic will show up to the store completely hammered, hug everyone, get their alcohol and stumble their way out of the store.
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How'd you get a black eye?
Walked into a door. Later, another shiner More doors *nods* One does not simply walk into more doors.
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What does Harry Potter say when he walks into a bar?
I Expectsum Patronum
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How do you walk out of a Casino with $1 Million?
Walk in with $2 Million.
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What does have eyes but can't see, has legs but can't walk, and has wings but can't fly?
A dead bird.
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What did Virginia get when she walked into the pet shop?
state joke) A New Hampshire
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How does a crazy person walk through the forest?
He takes the psychopath.
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How the fight started Wife : Going for a walk, do you want anything?
Me : How about a newspaper. Wife : OK, which one Me : Today's.
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Why do white girls always walk around in groups of 3?
Because they can't even!
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What do you call a snobish criminal walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
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How is crossing an intersection like going to jail?
If you're a white man, you're free to walk.
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What is the similarity between tight rope walking and an old lady giving you head?
You don't want to look down.
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What did the first ape that could walk say to all the other apes?
I'm walkin' here!
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What else?
You've walked out of wife"
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Why did the man get kicked out of the "Russian" bar?
Because he walked in.
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What's the difference between a ladder and a truck?
It's no bad luck to walk under a truck.
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Why can't R2D2 walk?
Because he has MS-DOS
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Why do people who drink milk struggle to walk?
Because they lactose.
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What do you mean he's your half son?
What do you mean what do I mean?" replied the man. He went on to explain "My son has half my genes, that makes him my half-son." The woman he was talking to decided he was crazy and without replying walked past him. She looked back and noticed his neck was red, after all it was a sunny day.
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Which dinosaur walks with a limp?
a Myfeetasaur
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What do women and floor tiles have in common?
If you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for years.
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When is the most likely time that a stray dog will walk into your house ?
When the door is open !
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?
OH SNaP!
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Why did Tina Fey cross the road ?
To get another Golden Globe. Tina Fey walks into the Tina Fey,the Tina Fey asks "How can i Tina Fey you ?to which Tina Fey reply,"Ah just give me a Tina Fey" and then leaves with a Golden Globe. Unbreakable is good.
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What do you know when you see three rabbits walking down the street wearing tuxedos and top hats?
You know you need a psychiatrist!
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Why do girls always walk in odd packs?
Because they literally can't even.
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What's better than winning gold at the special Olympics?
Walking
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Why can't anxious people walk on tight ropes?
Because they're too high-strung. Corny I know, but I wrote it myself and had to put it out there.
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What's 8 feet tall, covered in fur, and walks around the Himalayas undermining your arguments by attacking your character?
The Adhomineminal Snowman
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What did the doctor say to the man who walked off the roof of his house?
I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation.
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How about pets?
That's fine" dog walks in and lights up "We'll take it"
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Why do they call it the Xbox360?
Because when you see it, you turn 360 degrees and walk away.
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Why was Jon walking backwards on the first day of school?
A: Everyone kept saying it was back to school time.
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A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get for you?"
Pop,goes the weasel.
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How's your narcissism?
Much better I thin...*sees my ex walking by* opens window HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE I BROKE UP WITH YOU!"
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Why do some birds fly south for the winter?
Its to far to walk.
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What did the ant say when he walked into the insurance office?
Insure ants?
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What do you call 2 doctors walking together?
Pair-o-Medics
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What has 2 legs but can not walk?
A cripple.
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How can a cat walk with no feet?
He can't, it's impawsible.
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Why does the Coast Guard have a 6 foot height requirement?
So when their ship sinks they can walk back to shore.
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Why can't a Christmas tree walk?
Because it ." "Ugh, that's so ."
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Why do white people's feet get so dirty?
They walk on the sins of their ancestors.
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Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise.
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What do rodents do after dinner?
Gopher a walk.
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Why was the Xbox 360 named as it was?
Cos when I seen one i turnt 360 degrees and walked away Playstation for life xD
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What did the sunbathing mother say to Michael Jackson as he walked by on the beach?
Would you please move You're in my sun.
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What has four legs but can't walk?
A chair.
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Who is that walking up my driveway?
Anxiety in 3...2...1... knock, knock *sigh* "WAIT A SECOND!" *mumbles* "I need to find pants."
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What do you call a snobbish thief walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
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Why did the girl walk past her crush twice?
He didn't believe in love at first sight.
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What do you call an engineer who looks at other people's shoes when walking?
Extroverted
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Why didn't you answer your home phone?
Because I'm walking the dog. Don't you trust me -Of course I trust you! Put the dog on the phone.
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Why was the gymnast disqualified?
He walked into a bar.
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What do you call Jimmy Savile walking down the street?
British ... a paedestrian... *grabs coat, shuffles out of room in silent shame*
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Why did a pregnant lady walk into Jimmy Johns?
They promised freaky fast delivery
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What is the difference between walking a dog in America and China?
The spelling.
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Why does Juan walk around the school like he owns the place?
Because his dad built it and his mom cleans it
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How many lost cats walk by the telephone pole with their missing flier on it?
Just another reason to teach your cat to read.
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What's better than winning a gold medal in the quadriplegic (crippled) Olympics?
Walking.
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What about a Walking Dead situation where she's a zombie?
Then I can bang other chicks "
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What did the web designer do when a hot girl walked up to him and squeezed his nuts?
He AJAXulated.
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How many "a man walks into a bar" jokes does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but you can be sure a whole Reddit community will appear to expand the joke, make it funnier and eventually run it into the ground.
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When I walked to the register with the condoms the clerk asked "Would you like a bag?
I replied "No, she's not that ugly"
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What's the shortest Tom Cruise joke?
He walks into a bra.
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What did Mick Jagger say when he walked in on Hugh Hefner in bed with Dennis Weaver?
He said "Hey Hey Hugh Hugh Get Off Of McCould"
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What do you do if your boyfriend walks out?
Close the door.
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What do The Walking Dead and the state of Wisconsin have in common?
They both have a hated governor.
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What does an Asian with the biggest erection get when he walks into a wall?
A broken nose.
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How does a plant walk?
It uses a plant stand.
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What do you call the alphabet with only 25 letters?
Noe(L)...no "L"
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What do you call a?
What do you call a convict walking down some stairs Con-descending
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What do you call a radio that walks?
A walkie talkie.
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What is it called when you walk away from your banana cream pie in the Sahara?
Deserting your dessert in the desert. I feel some banana jokes about to be inserted in this thread tho
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What do you call an arrogant criminal walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
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What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
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What did the blind man say when he walked into the fish market?
Good morniiiiiiing ladies!"
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What did the man in the "Race for a Cure" say to the three people beside him?
we're walking four abreast."
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What does Mr. T say when he walks into a buffet?
I pity the full!
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What do you call a bunch of rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line!
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How is your day going?
G- Pretty well, Do you want me to walk you back? B- walk me back? G- to the friendzone you just tried to escape.
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What did the vegan Neanderthal say when walking in to the woman's bathroom?
Chickpea
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Why did the junkie walk into the pet store?
To buy some quack croakaine!
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Why do pirates have trouble walking?
Arrrr-thritis
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What kind of mouse walks on two legs?
A: Mickey Mouse Q: What kind of duck walks on two legs A: They all do!
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Why dont you like Taylor Swift?
Shes awesome!". Because I knew she was trouble when she walked in.
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What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story, and a Catholic priest?
One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
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Why did the console peasants walk across the road?
To render the building on the other side.
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Why do white girls walk in odd numbers?
Because they can't even
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What did the bartender say to the gold when the gold walked into a bar?
AU, get outta here!"
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Why do stoners carry lighters everywhere?
Because they don't have legs to walk, man.
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Why do ducks nod their head when they walk?
They're listening to duckstep!
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What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
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Why did God invent shopping carts?
To teach women how to walk on their hind legs.
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What do you get when you put Ryan dunn and Paul walker in a porshce?
Dunn Walking!!!
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What do The Walking Dead and the Fast and Furious series have in common?
They both have dead walkers.
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What do you call an arrogant con walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
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Why did the chicken walk into the bar?
To screw in the lightbulb.
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Why did the black man walk into a bar?
Because the cell door was still locked.
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Why do birds fly to the tropics in winter?
Why, wouldn't the winter be over by the time they reach, if they walk all the way along? So they fly.
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What does the blind say when he walks past the fish market?
Hello ladies.
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How many "a man walks into a bar" jokes does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but you can be sure a whole Reddit community will appear to expand the joke, make it funnier and eventually run it into the ground.
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Why do countries "cut ties" when things get tense ?
So weird having men walk around in suits and half ties.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom! Oom!"?
A cow walking backwards!
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What is the hardest thing about walking through a field of dead babies?
My erection.
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Why do cows need four legs to walk?
Because they lactose. Moo
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What can walk over the water, but can travel under the water without getting wet?
Jesus in a submarine.
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What do The Walking Dead and Fast & Furious have in common?
dead walkers
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What flavor gum does the President prefer?
Governmint Ill walk myself to the nearest border
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What did the blind guy say when he walked past Red Lobster?
Hi, Ladies!
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How does Harry Potter travel about?
Walking -Jk Rolling
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What do you call a Greek guy walking down the stairs?
Con-Descending
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Why did the black man walk backwards?
I have no idea, Your Honor, but he was coming right at me and I felt my life was at risk.
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What do you tell a metal head who's walking on an icy street?
Slip not.
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What do you do with a Rhinoceros with 3 balls?
You walk him and pitch to the giraffe.
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Why a fruit doesn't walk?
Because fruit flies
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Why do girls always walk around in odd numbered groups?
Because they can't even.
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What do you call a walking talking rat?
Keemstar
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What did the silly boy take his bicycle to bed with him?
Because he didn't want to walk in his sleep.
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Which joke has the maximum HOT Nuns in it?
You don't know none.. And here to learn one.. So when you are with your friends.. Or walking with your son.. Tell them reddit jokes.. thinking now they would listen... (to you) play it cool, play it slow.. No need to blow.. Take this further, take this far.. till sang by a star. (Improvise it as you like, don't care about the grammar. No rapper does.)
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What's the difference between a doctor and God?
God doesn't walk around thinking he's a doctor.
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Which one is the 'in' door?
Let me show you", says the manager, and 'e walks in.
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What do you call 2 ducks who walk like, act like, and believe they are geese?
A paradux
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A SQL query walks into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks...
'Can I join you?'
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What do you call an asian walking a dog?
A vegetarian.
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Why did the dinosaur walk on two legs?
To give the ants a chance.
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What do men and tile floors have in common?
if you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for years.
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What do men and hardwood flooring have in common?
Lay 'em right the first time and you can walk all over them the rest of your life!
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What do you mean you can't sleep?
It's so easy I could do it with my eyes close! Me: *walks away*
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How does a Korean walk a dog?
With a little bit of oil.
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Why was the Japanese man so careful when walking in his house?
It was made of pranks.
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What do you do to an elephant with 3 balls?
Walk him and pitch to the rhino.
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How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
By walking...... JK Rowling
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How many roads must a man walk?
42
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What does Michael Bolton say when he walks into an elevator?
This place rocks!"
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Why did the blind man walk into a wall?
Somebody shot his dog
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What's red and goes "Oh, Oh, Oh!"?
Santa walking backwards.
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What's the difference between Walk of Life and Washington state?
One's by Dire Straits, the other's by dryer states.
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Why does the Clyde run through Glasgow?
Because if it walked, it'd get jumped!
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What's it called when Jesus walks across the street?
A cross walk
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What do you call 99 bunnies walking forward and they take one step backwards?
A receding hare line.
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What do you call an snobbish criminal walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
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What did the emu say to the nurse?
A: Mend her bones or walk the plank
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An IPv6 packet is walking out of the house.
He goes nowhere.
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Why couldn't the cat walk through the door?
it had a javelin through it's head.
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How are women and linoleum floors alike?
You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.
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Why couldn't the joke walk?
It was lame. (I think this is an original by me)
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Why is it called an XBox One?
Because when you see it, you spin one degree and walk away.
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What did the drunkard say when he walked into an Israeli bar?
Hebrews?
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What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a priest?
Only one of them goes limp when a child walks into a room.
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What has 100 legs but can't walk?
Johnny: 50 pairs of pants? Jimmy: No, A centipede. Jhonny: What? why? Jimmy: Because I squished it
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What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy ?
You scratch my beak and I'll scratch yours !"
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How do you walk a chicken on a leash?
You pullet.
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What did the blind man say when he walked past the fish store?
Hello, ladies"
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What has 10,000 legs and can't walk?
Jerry's Kids...
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Why did the wine critic get kicked off the nudist beach?
Because he was walking around with a semillon (semi-on)
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What does a man and a linoleum floor have in common?
If you lay 'em right, you can walk on them for 20 years.
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What do you call a black man walking down the street?
A pedestrian.
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What Nationality was Otzi the Caveman?
He wasn't Italian, because he carried work tools, he wasn't Austrian, since he had some brains, he might have been Swiss, since he was outrun by a glacier, but most probably he was a German, because nobody else ever walks in sandals in the mountains.
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What do you say to Simba if he's walking too slow?
Mufasa.
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What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.
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A ham sandwhich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says...
I'm sorry, we don't serve food here
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What's worse than a white guy walking into a church andshooting 9 black people?
He let the others get away... I feel I'll be downvoted to hell for this...
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How, you ask?
I walked into an autopsy. It was stiff.
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Why so down?
Aquaman: People think I'm not a real superhero. I'm tired of being walked all over. *Jesus enters Aquaman: Dammit!
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Why do people in wheelchairs wear shoes?
Do they think they're gonna magically start walking
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What's the difference between Ice Age 4 and Batman The Dark Knight?
The kids walked out of Ice Age 4... Alive
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Why would Sally sell seashells by the seashore?
There are plenty there that are free. Just walk and you are bound to find at least 40. Idiot
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What has a tongue, cannot walk, but gets around a lot?
Steven Hawking
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What are you doing crawling into school ten minutes late ?
Pupil : Well you told me never to walk into school ten minutes late !
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What do you call a black man in a ghetto walking around with a boombox on his shoulders?
A stereotype
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What do you call ten rabbits walking backwards?
A receding HARE line!
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Why do people walk by and say "Hi, how are you?
but they don't stop long enough for you to reply!
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What's the hardest part about walking through a field of dead babies?
My erection.
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What's green and walks through walls?
A: Casper the Friendly Pickle.
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What walks on eight legs until the age of one, four legs until the age of twenty, and two legs after?
The Weasley twins
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Why do Mexicans always walk around like the own the place?
Their dad built it, and their mom cleans it
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What do you call a dog that can walk on its hind legs all the time?
A human.
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What do you call a persnickety con artist walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
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What is it?
It has legs, but doesn't walk, beak, but it doesn't bite and wings, but it doesn't fly. What is it? -A dead crow
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Which punchline do you like better?
What do you call a nun that sleep-walks a) A Roamin' Catholic b) An unconscious habit
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
Walks away*
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Why did a scientist disconnect his doorbell?
because he wanted to win the No-bell prize!! Sorry, I ll walk out
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How many retweets to let me take your sister to prom?
A student walks up to his friend a week before prom and asks, "Hey, how many Twitter retweets do i have to get to take your sister to prom?" His friend says, "Dude, she was abducted! She's been missing 3 weeks, you know this!" The student says, "So you're saying if i find her, i can take her?"