What's the worst thing that could happe...

What happens if Usain Bolt misses his bus?

He waits for it at the next stop.

What happens when the USSR gets back together?

A Soviet Reunion.

Why do happy people like to sleep in late?

Because they aren't mourning people. I just made this up!! Could you all help me with the wording? It feels like it could be a little better I just don't know how to word it differently while using the same "mourning" pun as the punch line.

How do you know when your vegetables are boiled?

Their wheelchair floats to the top.

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Why isn't a dime worth as much today as it used to be?

Because the dimes (times) have changed.

What keyboard layout does Miley Cyrus use?

TWERQY.

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What do Jesus and a nerd have in common?

Both are long-haired, live at their parents' till their 30's, and if they'll do anything, it is considered a miracle.

What do you call people who use the pull out method as form of birth control?

Parents.

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When does 1+1=3?

When you don't use a condom.

What do a coffin and a condom have in common?

A: They're both filled with stiffs one's coming one's going.

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