Parent Jokes
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What did the parent say when the little girl was whining?
A: Leave it to peave her.
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Why can't Kylie Jenner see her mom?
Because she's trans-parent
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Why do black men hate posting on reddit?
Because they can't deny that their comment was the parent.
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What do you call the parents of a cat?
His PURR-ents
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What is this world coming to?
Do their parents know they are outside, interacting, and getting exercise
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How to scare parents?
Dad: "Can I see your report card, son?" Son: "I don't have it." Dad: "Why?" Son: "I gave it to my friend. He wanted to scare his parents."
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What is the most obvious caretaker?
It's a parent.
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Why is it not a good idea to tell your parents about your failures while they are on an elevator?
It would cause them to be disappointed on many different levels.
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How do you make stupid children?
I don't know, ask your parents.
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When is a parent like a child?
When he's a miner.
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Why was the young strawberry crying?
His parents were in a jam.
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How many kidnapped children does it take to change a lightbulb?
The parents would love to know.
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What do you call a seaside shanty for kids without parents?
A wharfanage
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What do you call a bus driver who helps old people and parents with children on and off the bus?
A stand up driver.
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Why did the inventor of panadol think I had no parents?
I said I'm an orphan.
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Why would two melons in love hate their parents?
Because they cantaloupe. =D.....=).....=='(
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What do you call people who use the "pull out" method for contraception?
Parents.
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What should be done in case of apparent drowning?
Take the parent out of the water
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What do you call Bruce Lee's mom when she's making obvious statements?
A parent, Lee.
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Why can you see through Bruce Jenner?
Because he is a trans-parent.
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What would your parents say if I called them?
I replied, "Hello "
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Why did the photographer get arrested?
He was charged with shooting kids and framing the parents.
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What do Jesus and a nerd have in common?
Both are long-haired, live at their parents' till their 30's, and if they'll do anything, it is considered a miracle.
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How can you tell the difference between normal and self-raising flour?
One has parents
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What is the difference between a Muslim baby and a Christian baby?
Their parents.
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What Do Bernie Sander Supporters Call Their Parents?
Roommates
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What happened to Casper the friendly ghost after his parents got divorced?
His mom got soul custody.
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What do young ghosts call their parents?
Deady and Mummy.
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What did Stevie Wonder's younger brother think their parents named him after British royalty?
Because they named him Stevie Twoder.
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Why do I love putting down kids without parents?
Cause endorphins make me feel good.
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How do her parents punish Helen Keller?
By leaving the plunger in the toilet.
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What is the best pickup line for Rwandans?
Congratulations! Your parents survived the genocide!"
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Why don't you see any transgendered parents?
Because they're trans-parent
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Why do parents send their toddlers to the army for daycare?
Because they're sending them to the infantry!
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What do you call a rebellious teenager whose parents are a lamb and a moose?
A radical mooselamb
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Why couldn't Kim Kardashian see Caitlyn Jenner?
Because she was trans-parent.
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What did the doctor say to the parents of an ugly baby?
I charge five dollars if its a boy and five dollars if its a girl. Lets just say this ones on the house.
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What do you call a phone with no parents?
An Or-phone.
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What position makes the ugliest children?
Ask your parents
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How are blind kids punished by their parents?
The parents move the furniture.
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How many parents does it take to raise a homicidal maniac?
Two, then one, then none
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What do you call the child of two parents with downs syndrome?
A hand-me-down.
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Why can't Caitlyn Jenner's kids ever find their mom?
Because she is Trans-parent! (Not hate. Just a pun I thought of.)
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How do you make an ugly baby?
Ask your parents.
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Why did Darwin love CSS?
Because children inherit properties from their parents.
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How many Millennials does it take... to screw in a lightbulb?
None. Their parents will do it for them.
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Why doesn't ISIS attack Israel?
Same reason children don't attack their parents...
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What's the difference between the Oscars and the BET Awards?
Oscar winners can thank BOTH of their parents.
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Why parents don't allow their children to listen to M. Jackson songs?
because they are very touching
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Why can Kylie Jenner see right through Caitlin?
She's trans-parent.
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Why Three?
Husband: It's for you and your parents.
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What's another name for an parent?
Someone who's stopped growing except around the waist.
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Why did Caitlyn Jenner lose custody rights of her kids?
Her kids couldn't see her anymore, she was a trans-parent.
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Why couldn't little Johnny get the toy he saw on TV?
His parents weren't 18 or older.
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What kind of parents are see-through?
Transparence!
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What's the difference between parents who don't vaccinate their children and ISIS?
One is a group made up of radicals with extremist views. And the other group is ISIS.
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Why do Asian woman have small breasts?
Because her parents accept nothing less than an A.
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What broke?
opens door* Just wait until I get out there!! parenting from the bathroom
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How to not get scolded by your parents if you want GTA V?
Mom! I want to play GTA V! Giant Turtles ATTACK V!
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When did your parents divorce?
ME: No, they were hoarders, and the second floor collapsed.
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How can you tell that your dog just gave birth?
It is now a parent.
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How do parents in Africa celebrate their kid's first birthday?
They bring flowers to his grave.
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What does mosquito say when its parents die?
shhhhhh.....it !!
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What do you call people who use the pull out method as form of birth control?
Parents.
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Why aren't kids under the age of 18 allowed to watch videos about duck calls without the consent of a parent?
Because they contain a lot of fowl language.
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Why did Helen Keller scream?
Her parents left the plunger in the toilet.
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Where did the apple go when it's parents died?
Answer: To a Bananas foster home.
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Why does Neville Longbottom like herbology so much?
Because his parents are vegetables.
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What do you call people who use the pull out method?
Parents
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Who is that Idiot..?
If Boy is in love - His parent Ask: Idiot, Who is that Girl.. Moral :: No matter who ever is in love... Boys Are Always Idiot :P (LOL)
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What has holes in it, and travels down an alley?
Batman: my parents Riddler: no its a bowling ball! I-im so sorry!
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What do you call couples that practice pulling out as a method of contraception?
Parents.
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Why couldn't the baby camel surf the Internet?
Because whenever his parents saw their phone bill they got the hump.
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What does a parent say to their boy who keeps missing the toilet?
Urine trouble.
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What do Bernie Sanders supporters call their parents?
roommates
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Why does not a forth-grader ever take the bus home?
Because he knew his parents will make him return it.
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When do rabbits have buck teeth?
When their parents won't get them braces.
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What do you call a parent named Lee?
Apparently
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Why did the cow cross the road?
Parent: "Wh-" Me: "Moo!"
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What are parents that you can see through?
Transparents
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Who is this Rorschach guy?
And why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?
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How many of my parents does it take to mow the lawn?
None. They pay me to do it.
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What's the similarity between a burned pizza and parents?
If it's black it won't give you any food
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What didn't Adam and Eve have that everyone else has?
Parents.
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What's the worst thing that could happen if you don't use a condom?
Your parents would know!
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Whos there?
Yoda lady. Yoda lady who Good job yodeling! 2.Knock knock. Whos there Well, not your parents, because your parents never knock!
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What did the dyslexic kid say to his parents at Christmas?
I love Satan
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Why so glum Chum?
asked the kindly stranger. "If my parents get divorced...will they still be brother and sister "
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What do you call parents who teach abstinence only?
Grandma and grandpa.
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Why didn't Timmy get his parents Christmas presents?
He's an orphan.
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What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
Her parents named her Cindy so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
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Why are parents boring?
Because they're groan-ups.