Parent Jokes

  • What did the parent say when the little girl was whining?

    A: Leave it to peave her.

  • Why can't Kylie Jenner see her mom?

    Because she's trans-parent

  • Why do black men hate posting on reddit?

    Because they can't deny that their comment was the parent.

  • What do you call the parents of a cat?

    His PURR-ents

  • What is this world coming to?

    Do their parents know they are outside, interacting, and getting exercise

  • How to scare parents?

    Dad: "Can I see your report card, son?" Son: "I don't have it." Dad: "Why?" Son: "I gave it to my friend. He wanted to scare his parents."

  • What is the most obvious caretaker?

    It's a parent.

  • Why is it not a good idea to tell your parents about your failures while they are on an elevator?

    It would cause them to be disappointed on many different levels.

  • How do you make stupid children?

    I don't know, ask your parents.

  • When is a parent like a child?

    When he's a miner.

  • Why was the young strawberry crying?

    His parents were in a jam.

  • How many kidnapped children does it take to change a lightbulb?

    The parents would love to know.

  • What do you call a seaside shanty for kids without parents?

    A wharfanage

  • What do you call a bus driver who helps old people and parents with children on and off the bus?

    A stand up driver.

  • Why did the inventor of panadol think I had no parents?

    I said I'm an orphan.

  • Why would two melons in love hate their parents?

    Because they cantaloupe. =D.....=).....=='(

  • What do you call people who use the "pull out" method for contraception?


  • What should be done in case of apparent drowning?

    Take the parent out of the water

  • What do you call Bruce Lee's mom when she's making obvious statements?

    A parent, Lee.

  • Why can you see through Bruce Jenner?

    Because he is a trans-parent.

  • What would your parents say if I called them?

    I replied, "Hello "

  • Why did the photographer get arrested?

    He was charged with shooting kids and framing the parents.

  • What do Jesus and a nerd have in common?

    Both are long-haired, live at their parents' till their 30's, and if they'll do anything, it is considered a miracle.

  • How can you tell the difference between normal and self-raising flour?

    One has parents

  • What is the difference between a Muslim baby and a Christian baby?

    Their parents.

  • What Do Bernie Sander Supporters Call Their Parents?


  • What happened to Casper the friendly ghost after his parents got divorced?

    His mom got soul custody.

  • What do young ghosts call their parents?

    Deady and Mummy.

  • What did Stevie Wonder's younger brother think their parents named him after British royalty?

    Because they named him Stevie Twoder.

  • Why do I love putting down kids without parents?

    Cause endorphins make me feel good.

  • How do her parents punish Helen Keller?

    By leaving the plunger in the toilet.

  • What is the best pickup line for Rwandans?

    Congratulations! Your parents survived the genocide!"

  • Why don't you see any transgendered parents?

    Because they're trans-parent

  • Why do parents send their toddlers to the army for daycare?

    Because they're sending them to the infantry!

  • What do you call a rebellious teenager whose parents are a lamb and a moose?

    A radical mooselamb

  • Why couldn't Kim Kardashian see Caitlyn Jenner?

    Because she was trans-parent.

  • What did the doctor say to the parents of an ugly baby?

    I charge five dollars if its a boy and five dollars if its a girl. Lets just say this ones on the house.

  • What do you call a phone with no parents?

    An Or-phone.

  • What position makes the ugliest children?

    Ask your parents

  • How are blind kids punished by their parents?

    The parents move the furniture.

  • How many parents does it take to raise a homicidal maniac?

    Two, then one, then none

  • What do you call the child of two parents with downs syndrome?

    A hand-me-down.

  • Why can't Caitlyn Jenner's kids ever find their mom?

    Because she is Trans-parent! (Not hate. Just a pun I thought of.)

  • How do you make an ugly baby?

    Ask your parents.

  • Why did Darwin love CSS?

    Because children inherit properties from their parents.

  • How many Millennials does it take... to screw in a lightbulb?

    None. Their parents will do it for them.

  • Why doesn't ISIS attack Israel?

    Same reason children don't attack their parents...

  • What's the difference between the Oscars and the BET Awards?

    Oscar winners can thank BOTH of their parents.

  • Why parents don't allow their children to listen to M. Jackson songs?

    because they are very touching

  • Why can Kylie Jenner see right through Caitlin?

    She's trans-parent.

  • Why Three?

    Husband: It's for you and your parents.

  • What's another name for an parent?

    Someone who's stopped growing except around the waist.

  • Why did Caitlyn Jenner lose custody rights of her kids?

    Her kids couldn't see her anymore, she was a trans-parent.

  • Why couldn't little Johnny get the toy he saw on TV?

    His parents weren't 18 or older.

  • What kind of parents are see-through?


  • What's the difference between parents who don't vaccinate their children and ISIS?

    One is a group made up of radicals with extremist views. And the other group is ISIS.

  • Why do Asian woman have small breasts?

    Because her parents accept nothing less than an A.

  • What broke?

    opens door* Just wait until I get out there!! parenting from the bathroom

  • How to not get scolded by your parents if you want GTA V?

    Mom! I want to play GTA V! Giant Turtles ATTACK V!

  • When did your parents divorce?

    ME: No, they were hoarders, and the second floor collapsed.

  • How can you tell that your dog just gave birth?

    It is now a parent.

  • How do parents in Africa celebrate their kid's first birthday?

    They bring flowers to his grave.

  • What does mosquito say when its parents die? !!

  • What do you call people who use the pull out method as form of birth control?


  • Why aren't kids under the age of 18 allowed to watch videos about duck calls without the consent of a parent?

    Because they contain a lot of fowl language.

  • Why did Helen Keller scream?

    Her parents left the plunger in the toilet.

  • Where did the apple go when it's parents died?

    Answer: To a Bananas foster home.

  • Why does Neville Longbottom like herbology so much?

    Because his parents are vegetables.

  • What do you call people who use the pull out method?


  • Who is that Idiot..?

    If Boy is in love - His parent Ask: Idiot, Who is that Girl.. Moral :: No matter who ever is in love... Boys Are Always Idiot :P (LOL)

  • What has holes in it, and travels down an alley?

    Batman: my parents Riddler: no its a bowling ball! I-im so sorry!

  • What do you call couples that practice pulling out as a method of contraception?


  • Why couldn't the baby camel surf the Internet?

    Because whenever his parents saw their phone bill they got the hump.

  • What does a parent say to their boy who keeps missing the toilet?

    Urine trouble.

  • What do Bernie Sanders supporters call their parents?


  • Why does not a forth-grader ever take the bus home?

    Because he knew his parents will make him return it.

  • When do rabbits have buck teeth?

    When their parents won't get them braces.

  • What do you call a parent named Lee?


  • Why did the cow cross the road?

    Parent: "Wh-" Me: "Moo!"

  • What are parents that you can see through?


  • Who is this Rorschach guy?

    And why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?

  • How many of my parents does it take to mow the lawn?

    None. They pay me to do it.

  • What's the similarity between a burned pizza and parents?

    If it's black it won't give you any food

  • What didn't Adam and Eve have that everyone else has?


  • What's the worst thing that could happen if you don't use a condom?

    Your parents would know!

  • Whos there?

    Yoda lady. Yoda lady who Good job yodeling! 2.Knock knock. Whos there Well, not your parents, because your parents never knock!

  • What did the dyslexic kid say to his parents at Christmas?

    I love Satan

  • Why so glum Chum?

    asked the kindly stranger. "If my parents get divorced...will they still be brother and sister "

  • What do you call parents who teach abstinence only?

    Grandma and grandpa.

  • Why didn't Timmy get his parents Christmas presents?

    He's an orphan.

  • What do you call a blonde in the freezer?

    Her parents named her Cindy so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.

  • Why are parents boring?

    Because they're groan-ups.