Bacteria Jokes

What do you call bacteria that can swim fast?

Micro Phelps.

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What's the difference between bacteria and rednecks?

When looking at bacteria you can actually find some culture.

Which country has the most number of bacteria, viruses, fungus and other micro-organisms?

GerMany

What happens to a bacteria when he travels from his home colony to another?

He experiences culture shock.

How bacteria stay in contact while they're in jail?

They exchange cell numbers.

Why Can't you see the bacteria in milk?

Because it gets past-your-eyes (pasteurized)

Where do bacteria go when they die?

St. Petri Dish.

Where do bacteria like to vacation?

Germany

What do you call an egocentric strain of bacteria found in a Chipotle burrito?

ME-coli

Why do bacteria congregate in public places?

It's a part of their culture.

Why did the bacteria cross the microscope?

To get to the other slide

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Where do the bacteria gangsters hang out?

On the Yeast Side.

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What s a Muslim s favorite cologne?

GERMANY!!!!

Which country has the nicest children?

Germany. German children are kinder.

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What's the cure for world hunger?

Food

How do you know if a chef is a clown?

A: The food tastes funny.

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What have you been doing" asked Jane. "Chasing a herd of elephants on vines" "Really ?

said Jane. "I thought elephants stayed on the ground !"

How did Jesus stay in shape?

Crossfit

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What's the difference between a petri dish and white people?

A petri dish develops a culture.

What is a bacteria's OTHER favorite dish?

The PETRI dish!

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How do you find a black person?

Guilty.

Why did the janitor file for a divorce?

He found his wife sweeping with someone else.

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Why couldn't the cow leave the farm?

She was pasteurized!

What did the bull say to the green eyed cow?

I can't get pasteurize.

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How did Micro-soft get it's name?

Because Bill Gates has a 3.5 inch floppy

What do you call it when two amoebas say hi?

A micro-transaction.

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Why did the bacteria cross the microscope?

To get to the other slide

What did the perverted embryonic scientist say to the microscope?

Are those my genes because I can definitely see myself in them."