Polish Jokes

What do Germans and acetone have in common?

They are both good at removing the Polish!

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What do you say when a Polish magician performs a magic trick?

Nailed it

What dog is the worst at polishing a turd?

A poodull

How do you confuse a polish laborer?

Lay down three shovels and tell him to take his pick.

What does a Polish groom give his bride for their wedding that is long and hard?

A new last name.

What does a polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard?

a new last name

What do you call a Polish chicken stuck in a tree?

Poll tree!

How do you say "touchdown" in Polish?

Gronkowski

What did the Cherokee-Polish couple name their firstborn?

Running Stupid

How do you know a car is from Poland?

The Polish.

What do you call a Polish dancer?

A stripper

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How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast?

They marched in backwards and the Polish thought they were leaving

Where did the frog say his family came from?

They are German and a tad-Polish"

What's long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night?

A new last name.

Why do Polish people's names end in 'ski'?

Because they can't spell toboggan.

Why do polish people all have ski at the end of their name?

Why do polish people all have ski at the end of their name? Because they can't spell toboggan.

Why do all polish names end in ski?

Because they can't spell toboggan (This joke brought to you by a 90 yr old polish man I take care of at a nursing home)

What does a Polish bride get on her wedding night that's long and hard?

A new last name!

What's the difference between Italian and Polish sausage?

About 2-3 inches.

How long is the flight?

A Polish man calls up an airline. "How long is the flight from Chicago to Warsaw?" "One minute..." "Thank you."

Why do all polish names end in SKI ?

They can't spell TOBOGGAN !

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How do you break a Polish man's finger?

Punch him in the nose.

How do you stop a Polish battletank?

Shoot the guy pushing it.

What's a funny non-racist joke a Polish person would laugh at?

Just trying to make a Polish girl I like laugh

What do you call a black brick with three holes in it?

A polish bowling ball.

How do you sink the Polish navy?

Put it in water

How did the polish terrorist burn his lips?

Burned them on a cars tailpipe when he tried blowing it up.

How many Polish people does it take to be pallbearers at a funeral?

Seven. Six to carry the casket and one to drag the body

How do you sink a polish ship?

you put it in the water

What do they call a Polish astronomer?

Copernicus.

What does a Polish man give to his bride on their wedding day that's both long and hard?

His surname

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What do you call a Polish airplane?

A Jet-ski.

What is a Polish person's favorite weapon?

A Warsaw...

How can you tell if a groom is Polish?

He would be the one with the clean bowling shirt.

Why do Polish people keep empty bottles in their refrigerator?

For people that don't want anything to drink

Why did the Polish couple decide to have only 4 children?

A: They'd read in the newspaper that one out of every five babies born in the world today is Chinese.

Why do Polish names end in "ski" ?

A: Because they can't spell tobbagan.

How do you stop a Polish tank?

Shoot the guy that's pushing it

How do you sink a Polish battleship?

Put it in water

Why do Polish hate Cauchy's dog?

hint on Cauchy-Riemann theorem) A: Because it leaves residues at each Pole.

Why did the polish person marry someone from the other side of the country?

Because opposite poles attract

What's delaying the Polish space program?

A: Development of a working match.

What do Polish arctic researchers do at elections?

They have a polar pole poll.

What do you do when you stumble upon a one-armed Polish man stuck in a tree?

You wave!

Why do Polish police cars have stripes on the side?

A: So the cops can find the handles.

How do you make Polish sausage ?

First you gotta find a retarded pig...

What do you call a Polish fisherman?

A fishing pole.

How do you stop a Polish army on horseback?

A: Turn off the carousel.

What sound does a Polish crow make?

Krakow

What happened to the Polish dog?

He chewed off 3 legs and was still caught in the trap

What do you call the shiniest people?

Polish

What is something long and hard that a Polish Bride gets on her wedding day?

A last name.

What was the name of the Polish limo driver?

Piccop Andropoff.

Why did the Polish government have to finally ban water-polo throughout the country?

Too many horses were drowning.

How do you tell which is the Groom at a Polish wedding?

A: He's the one with the CLEAN bowling shirt.

What would happen if you ate yeast and polish?

You would rise and shine.

What do you call a polish guy on a boat?

A fishing pole

Why did the introvert polish his shoes regularly?

So he could look at others' faces.

What is Polish roulette?

It's similar to Russian roulette, but instead of a revolver it's played with an automatic pistol.

What's big and long that a Polish girl gets on her wedding night?

A new last name

How do you stop the Polish army on horseback?

Unplug the merry-go-round.

What do you call a Polish aardvark?

A Polaark!

How do you sink a polish war ship?

You put it in water

Why are hot pickle buns so popular in polish women's prisons?

They're made out of dill dough.

What do you call a Polish person going down a hill?

A Rollie Pollie

How do you call a spiritually significant Polish guy?

Totem Pole.

What's the difference between the Polish and polish?

No one bats an eye if you use chemicals to remove polish, but if you use chemicals to remove the Polish, most of the world will turn against you

How do Polish dogs get bumps on their heads?

Chasing parked cars.

What does a Polish guy do on the ice?

He breaks in.

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Magic Trick Jokes More Magic Trick Jokes

What do you say when a Polish magician performs a magic trick?

Nailed it

What do you call a dog who does magic tricks?

A labracadabrador

Lay Jokes More Lay Jokes

Why does frost not like to lay out in the sun?

It burns too easily

What's black and blue and laying in a ditch?

A: A guitarist who'd told too many drummer jokes.

Chemical Jokes More Chemical Jokes

What do you get if you cross a chemical and a bicycle ?

Bike carbonate of soda !

How many chemicals are crack?

Lets get this done in one sitting.

Toboggan Jokes More Toboggan Jokes

Why do all polish names end in ski?

Because they can't spell toboggan (This joke brought to you by a 90 yr old polish man I take care of at a nursing home)

Why do Polish people's names end in 'ski'?

Because they can't spell toboggan.

Polish Name Jokes More Polish Name Jokes

Why do Polish names end in "ski" ?

A: Because they can't spell tobbagan.

Why do all polish names end in ski?

Because they can't spell toboggan (This joke brought to you by a 90 yr old polish man I take care of at a nursing home)

Bring Jokes More Bring Jokes

Why did the Irish Football manager flood the pitch ?

So he could bring his 'sub' on

Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?

In case he got a hole-in-one.

World Jokes More World Jokes

Why did you leave me here all alone?

Where o where are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I found some one You met a zombie and pblblthpth you were gone.

How many femenists does it really take to change a lightbulb?

Doesn't matter how many femenists try, they can't change anything. Alternatively, they just hold it up and wait for the world to revolve around them.

Nursing Home Jokes More Nursing Home Jokes

What do you call a nursing home with a buffet?

A Golden Corral.

What does trail mix have in common with a nursing home?

They're both filled with nuts