Ride Jokes
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What happened to the man who owned a riding academy?
Business kept falling off!
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Where do cows like to ride on trains?
In the cow-boose.
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How many aardvarks can ride on an elephant?
Six... three on the back and three in the trunk!
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What's the difference between my erection and my motorcycle?
My wife actually looks forward to riding the motorcycle.
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What does Fozzie the Bear do when he can't find a ride?
Walk-a Walk-a
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What did the snail say as he rode on the back of a turtle?
A: Wheeee!
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What's the Difference Between Guts and Balls?
Guts is coming home late from the bar, drunk as a skunk meeting your wife at the door with a broom in her hand and asking her if she's still cleaning the house or going out for a ride. Balls is coming home late from the bar, drunk as a skunk with lipstick all over your face and the scent of women's perfume all over you, meeting your wife at the door and stating, "You're next, chubby."
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When you go for a bus ride do you like sitting upstairs or downstairs?
I prefer to ride on top but it's very hard getting the horse up the stairs.
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Why shouldn't you take your clothes off while riding the elevator?
It could get you an in descent exposure charge.
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What do riding a bike and playing basketball have in common?
If you're not careful, you can pop a ball.
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What do Terrorist Witches ride?
Boomsticks
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Who Conquers All *obviously, this is read in the man's grizzled voice* What's the difference between your mother and a motorcycle?
When I ride a motorcycle... I wear protection.
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Why would you throw a rock at a Mexican man riding a bike?
Because it's probably your bike. Why would you throw a rock at a black man riding a bike? Because it's probably your black man.
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What does a tweaker and a Jehovah's Witness have in common?
Both ride bicycles and are on a mission.
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Why can't Sally ride the swings?
Cause she doesn't have arms. Knock, Knock, Whose there Not Sally...
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Why do you wear riding boots?
You don't ride horses. Me: Why do you wear sneakers You don't sneak.
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How many ADHD children does it take to change a lightbulb?
Lets go ride our bikes
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What do you call a black kid riding a bike?
A thief....
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Why don't nice people ride the train?
Because they're usually found on trucks.
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What is the difference between a Texan and a redneck?
Texans tend to ride horses whereas rednecks ride their cousins. -American Sniper
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Why did Xzibit cross the road?
A: To get to the other Ride
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What's the difference between a man in plain clothes riding a unicycle and a man in a tuxedo riding a bike?
Attire
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What's the difference between a sociopath and a psychopath?
You can't ride your bike on a sociopath
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What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
Bronchitis (bronc-itis).
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What did the amputee say to his mom when he learned to ride a bike?
Look ma, no hands!
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What do you call a dog riding in a submarine?
A subwoofer.
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How many kids with ADHD does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Let's go ride our bikes.
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What do you call a barking dog riding the subway?
a sub-woofer!!!
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What does a Japanese girl ride?
Niisan.
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What did the yogi say after riding his pet llama to the ashram?
Llamaste.
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How do you tell if someone is riding a bicycle for fitness or because they have a DUI?
The cigarette.
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Why didn't the motorcycle want to go for a ride?
It was two tired...
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Why did a chinese man ride a bike to the brothel?
To get laid.
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What's black brown and white black brown and white brown and white etc.?
A Gorilla riding down a snowbank!
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Why don't you hit a Mexican kid who's riding a bike?
Because it's probably your bike
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How does Bill keep Gennifer Flowers away from the White House?
A: He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride.
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Why don't professional athletes ride bikes to warm-up before games?
Because then they'd be two tired
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What did Chewy say after episode VII?
I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo solo
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Why did the cowboy ride his horse?
Because the horse was too heavy to carry.
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How many children with Attention Deficit Disorder does it take to change a light bulb?
Let's go ride our bikes!
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Why did the chicken cross the rode?
To get to the other side.
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How did the instructor try to make horse riding enjoyable?
He tried to stirrup some interest!
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What is the hardest thing about learning to ride a bike?
The asphalt.
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What is it called when you ride around on a horse asking people questions?
A gallop poll.
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What would happen if black widow spiders were as big as horses?
A: If one bit you, you could ride it to the hospital.
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What couple rode a horse up a hill to fetch a pail of water?
Jockey and Jill!
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How many Sand People does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
No one knows. They ride single file to hide their numbers.
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What's the best part of dating a quadriplegic?
Spinning her like a top when she rides you cowboy style.
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What does an Australian witch ride on?
A broomerang!
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Why can't an elephant ride a bicycle?
Because he doesn't have a thumb to ring the bell.
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What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson!
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Why didn't the girl ride her bike to go water the neighborhood flower bed like usual?
Because the pedals fell off.
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What do ghosts like about riding horses?
Ghoulloping.
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What is a Siths favorite thing to ride in?
An elevader.
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Why is Jay-Z allowed to ride in the carpool lane by himself?
Because his name is Hov, OH, H-to-the-O-V
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What are the odds of a chronic gambler ever calling the addiction-helpline?
No seriously, I've got $100 riding on this.
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Why can't Jimmy ride his bike?
Because he has no limbs Kinda dark, I know. It's just for those out there who would chuckle at this. ;D
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What do methheads and Mormons have in common?
They both ride bikes and go on missions.
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What type of train can a ginger not ride?
A soul train
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What type of board will you be riding?
Jesus: looks at feet They're using boards
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What is the best part of Pokemon Go?
I can ride my bike indoors and professor oak can't do anything to stop me.
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How many Sandpeople does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
You never can tell. The Sandpeople always ride in single file to hide their numbers.
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Why kind of motorcycles do cows ride?
Mooooootorcycles!
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How does a black man ride a black stallion?
With no legs.
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Why couldn't Tommy ride a bicycle?
A: Because he was a gold fish.
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Why cant billy ride the swings?
he has no arms. knock knock. Whos there Not billy
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Where in the hell are Dora the Explorer's parents?
Do they know she's riding a damn crocodile into a volcano
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Why shouldn't you throw a rock at a Mexican riding a bike?
Because that might be your bike
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How many ADHD children does it take to change a lightbulb?
Lets go ride our bikes
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What is the hardest thing about learning to ride a bicycle?
The road.
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What do you say to someone riding a stoned horse?
Get off your high horse.
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Which route should you take through the woods when riding a fizzy horse?
The psycho-path!
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What is the strongest animal?
A racehorse because it can take hundreds of people for a ride at once!
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Why did the car thief drill holes in the air conditioning units of the cars he stole?
Because he my take your ride but he will never take your freon.
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Why did the cyclist stop riding?
He was two tired
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What's the hardest thing about learning to ride a horse?
The ground!
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Who rode a dog and was a confederate general during the American Civil War ?
Robert E Flea !
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Where do I see myself in ten years?
I don't know. Let me think. *pictures self riding jet ski made of bones through space*
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What do you call non-muslims that rides motorcycle?
Kafir rider
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What does an Arab do after riding his camel?
He has a cigarette!
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Why couldn't Susie ride the swings?
A: Because she has no arms! Knock knock. Who's there Not Susie!
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What do toilets yell when they ride roller coasters?
Weeeeeeeee!!!
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What do Mormon's and tweekers have in common?
Both ride bicycles and bust mission.
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What did the snail say while riding on the back of the tortoise?
Wheeeee!!!! --hey, at least it's a fun joke for kids!
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What do you call a supernatural goose riding a bike seeking vengeance?
Goose Rider
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?
A: Bach in the saddle again.
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What kind of boats do smart people ride on?
Scholar ships!
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How tall do you have to be to ride a Kanye West rollercoaster?
About Ye big.
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How many people with ADD does it take to change a light bulb?
Lets go ride a bike!
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What do you think I should buy, a cow or a bike?
You'd look pretty funny riding a cow...but you'd look much worst milking a bike
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What's the difference between a wealthy man wearing a tux and riding a bike and a hobo in torn jeans and shirt riding a unicycle?
Attire.
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Why such hate on Lance Armstrong?
I think his riding style is pretty dope.
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What do you call a Mexican on a riding lawnmower?
Promoted.
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Where do weirdos ride their bicycles?
Psycho-paths. (as told by one of my coworkers)
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What do mormons and tweakers have in common?
They both ride bikes and are on a mission.
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What does a little sister ride?
What does a little sister ride? A Nissan.
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What did the snail say when he was riding on the back of the turtle?
Weeeeeeeeee
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What did the snail say when he rode a turtle?
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! I'll see myself out.
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How many people can ride on a bird?
Toucan.
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Why does riding in an elevator make ghosts happy?
It lifts spirits
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What do you call a man who rides his camel backwards?
Lawrence of Dublin.
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What's the difference between my bike and your mom?
Your dad doesn't watch when I ride my bike.
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What do you call your wife and mother-in-law when they're riding in the same car?
Dual air bags.
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What did the boots say to the cowboy?
You ride -- I'll go on foot.
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What does a strawberry and a blueberry have in common?
They both can't ride a bicycle!
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What does a snail riding on a turtles back say?
WWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
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Why is the ocean always wet?
Because wherever she is, she's always getting rode.
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What weighs 35 tons has four fuzzy ears and is 80 million years old?
Two rabbits riding a brontosaurus.
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What did the snail say while riding on the turtle's back?
Wheeeeeee!
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How long can 7 ride 8?
Til infinity.
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What do you get when you cross a poisonous snake with a horse?
A: I dunno, but if it bites you, you can ride it to the hospital!
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What elephant and a canary and in common?
They both can't ride bicycles.
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What kind of bikes do girls ride?
Menstrual Cycles (I'm 99% sure I made this up!)
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What do you call a parsnip riding a dragon?
A parsnip.
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What Kind of Motorcycles do Lesbians ride?
Chowasaki. - Pat H.
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What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses ?
If one bit you you could ride it to hospital !
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Why do ghosts like to ride elevators?
It lifts their spirits.
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How is learning to ride a bicycle and 9/11 alike?
Because you never forget!
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What do little sisters ride?
A Nii-san
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What kind of bike does hipster Jesus ride?
A Cruci-fixie.
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What do you call two colored folk riding a bicycle?
Organized crime!
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How many kids with ADSD does it take to change a lightbulb?
Lets go ride our bikes!"
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Why is PTSD like riding a bike?
You never forget
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What's the fastest thing on earth?
An Arab riding a bicycle down Collins Avenue in Miami Beach.
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Why do witches go commando when riding around on their brooms?
Better grip. Happy Halloween :)
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What if horses rode horses?
And then THOSE horses rode MORE horses Then it's like, whoa dude! Check out that big stack of horses!
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What do you call a snake that rides around on the front of a car?
A windshield viper.
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What's the hardest dinosaur to ride?
A Falloffasarus - Patrick age 10
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What's the difference between a formally-dressed man riding a unicycle and a casually-dressed man riding a bicycle?
Attire.
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Why don't plumbers ride bikes?
Because they'd get arrested for peddling crack
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What's the definition of a healthy virgin?
A: "One who has never been bed-ridden!"
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Why did the boy who rode his bike over a barbed wire fence miss his music lesson?
Because he'd already done the sharps and flats.
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Why was Lisa not able to ride a bike?
She was a cat.
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What do stoners ride to school?
The cannibus
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How does the pig farmer get to the fair?
He rides piggyback.
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What does a kangaroo and a banana have in common?
They both can't ride a bike.
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Why are Women like buses?
You wait all day for one then find out 48 other people in the local area have been riding on her.
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How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Wanna go ride a bike?
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What is the definition of "derange"?
De place where de cowboys ride!
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Why the headlight?
Are people vacuuming in the dark or riding them on the freeway & I just havent seen
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What did the snail say when he hitched a ride on the turtle?
A. Wheeeee!!!!!
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What do you call an elderly nun riding a scooter?
Virgin Mobile.
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What dog rides a horse named Macaroni?
Yankee poodle!