Why do babies love sticking things in their mouth?

And why doesn't my girlfriend share this impulse?

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Stick Jokes More Stick Jokes

What did you learn at summer camp?

KID: We built a generator out of sticks and mud MOM: A generator For what KID: To charge our iPods

Why was Edward stuck at the Russian airport?

Because he was Snowden.

Thing Jokes More Thing Jokes

What's the only thing worse than a poop joke?

A corny poop joke. You can really visualize it.

What's one thing today that women are better at than men compared to the 1800's?

Gold digging

Girlfriend Jokes More Girlfriend Jokes

Who was that, your girlfriend?

Everyone laughs* NERD: "Nope. It was yours." *Dead silence*

What's it called when you commission someone to make an animated image for your girlfriend but he pockets the money and disappears?

A gf gif gift grift

Baby Jokes More Baby Jokes

What's the difference between sandpaper and a baby?

The sandpaper doesn't scream when I rub it's face on wood.

What is the difference between a baby and a alarm clock?

You only have to hit the alarm clock once to make it be quiet...

Love Jokes More Love Jokes

What does a man who loves his car do on February 14?

He gives it a valenshine!

Why did the woman fall in love with the surgeon?

Because he cauterize.

Mouth Jokes More Mouth Jokes

Why'd the hipster burn his mouth on his coffee?

Because he drank it before it was cool.

What's long and hard when you first put in in your mouth, but soft and wrinkly when you take it out?

A piece of gum, you pervert!

Share Jokes More Share Jokes

Why did the twins have twice as many shirts as pants?

Because they shared genes!

Who will I share the sunset with now?

sobs* Friend: Bad breakup Me: No. *wipes tears* My Instagram isn't working.