Beach Jokes
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What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A sandwich.
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Why doesn't Kanye West take his wife to the beach?
Because he is afraid tidal wave will take her away from him.
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What do you call sandman when he robs you?
THAT SON OF A BEACH ROBBED ME!
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Why did Robert Oppenheimer's wife go to the beach naked?
There was no bikini atoll
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Why don't women drink beer at the beach?
Because they'll get sand in their Schlitz.
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What did the ocean say to the beach?
Thanks for all the sediment.
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What do you call a beach where you go to shoot gorillas and break Islamic law?
Haram Bay
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What kind of a fish do you always find on a beach?
A dead one...
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What do you find on a beach?
A tangent.
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Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
Because they might peel!
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Why didn't the derivative of sec(x) go to the beach?
Because secant tan
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Where'd I drop my waffle?
At the beach in San Diego.
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How do you know the girl from Jaws had dandruff?
She left her Head & Shoulders on the beach
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How can you tell if a shark has dandruff?
He left his head and shoulders on the beach.
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Where's your bin?
A man sees that his neigjhbnour doesn't have his wheeled trash bin. "Hey bub, where's ya bin" "I took a little vacation for a few weeks," "No. I meant where's your bin?" "Told ya, vacation, at the beach!" "No man. Where's ya wheely bin?" "Ok, fine! I've wheely been to jail! Happy now?"
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Why is a cat on a beach like Christmas ?
Because they both have "Sandy claws" !
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What do you say to Micheal Jackson when he is on the beach?
Get out of my son!
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What did the Ocean say to the Beach?
Nothing, it just waved... Prolly my favorite joke of all time, maybe ever.
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What do you get when you drop your frozen waffle at the beach?
A San Diego
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What does a lion at the beach have in common with Christmas?
They both have Sandy Claws.
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Who do people hate and love but is really hot and goes to beach everyday?
Sun of a beach
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Why don't women like drinking beer at the beach?
Because they'll get sand in their schlitz.
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How did San Diego get its name?
Someone dropped their waffle on the beach.
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What do you get when you combine north beach and south beach?
Sum of beaches.
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How do black people get tans at the beach?
They lay down on their backs and put their legs and arms toward the sky.
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Why was the ocean always sad?
Because the beach never waved back.
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Why did the obtuse triangle go to the beach?
Because it was more than 90 degrees.
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What did A and B look for at the beach?
A "C" gull!
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What did the beach boys play at their reunion show?
Wouldn't it be nice if we were younger.
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What do you call a pig on the Beach?
Bay-Con
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What did the dad say to Michael Jackson at the beach?
Get out of my son!"
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What did the one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing they just waved! Did you sea what I did there I'm shore you did, beach.
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What do you call a woman rolling around on a beach?
Sandy
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What does Sonic the Hedgehog wear when he goes to the beach?
A speedo
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How did they know Christa McAuliffe had dandruff?
They found her head and shoulders on the beach
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What do you call a dog on the beach?
Sandy Claws Merry Christmas
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What does a mathematician get from a day at the beach?
Tan lines.
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What did the man say after his wife was dragged off the beach by a seal?
Welp, seal ate her.
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Why did the shell not go to the beach?
Because he was self-CONCH-ious.
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Why are doctors sued for malpractice at the beach?
A: Because they are judged by a jury of their piers.
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What kind of witch goes to the beach?
A: Sandwitch
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Who fancies going to Tunisia?
I heard they're giving free shots on the beach. They go straight to your head, too.
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Where's the best place to have a waffle on the beach?
San Diego. (Sandy Eggo)
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Why did the wave fail the driving test?
It kept crashing on the beach.
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Why did the hippy drown at the beach?
Because he was too far out mannnn.
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What did the man say to the priest at the beach?
Do you mind getting out of my son.
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What do you call a fire on the beach?
Bernie Sanders
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Why do mathematician never go to the beach?
Because they got sin and cos to give them a tan
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What's the hardest thing about finding a dead baby on the beach?
Hiding the erection.
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What did the guy say to MJ at the beach?
Get out of my son.
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What city would you be in if you dropped your waffle on the beach?
Sandy ego.
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What do you call a beach with crooked waves?
OC A Scoli-ocean! (Came up with that recently, hope it tickles your funny bone)
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What did the sunbathing mother say to Michael Jackson as he walked by on the beach?
Would you please move You're in my sun.
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What do you do after you make a rough castle on the beach?
You sand it!
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How bad is my career?
I met a homeless guy on the beach in Los Angeles & thought "Wow this guy has it made"
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Why didn't the mathematician want to go to the beach?
He didn't want people to see his tan lines.
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What do you call a witch that goes to the beach?
Sandwich(sandwitch) -my nephew
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What do you call a dog that goes to the beach?
Ballroom blitz
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What do you call a nut on a wall?
A walnut! What do you call a nut at the beach A beech nut! What do you call a nut in the toilet A peanut!!
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What did the sea say to the beach?
Nothing, it just waved.
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Why do beaches not get sarcasm?
Because they always take things littorally
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Why don't drug addicts hang out at the beach?
They don't like getting sand in their crack.
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What city are you in when you drop your waffle on the beach?
NO MATTER WHERE YOU GO...there you are
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What does a guy with 2 right feet wear to the beach?
Flop-Flops :)
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How did Jesus get his beach bod for the summer?
Cross fit
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What do you call a canine that lives at the beach?
A hot dog.
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What was the first thing Hellen Keller noticed at the beach?
The volleyball net.
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What do you call 4 blondes laying on the beach?
A: Public access.
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What did the man with dyslexia do while he was at the beach?
Sarah Palin
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What do you call an international criminal waffle that you dropped at the beach?
Carmen Sandy Eggo
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Where's is Shaq's appearance most terrifying?
On a beach near Boston.
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What do you call a super kind man who spends too much time on the beach?
A tangent
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What do you call tiny waves that wash up onto a beach?
Microwaves!
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What did one font say to the other while at the beach?
Serifs up, dude!"
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Why Aren't Elephants Allowed On The Beach?
Because they always blow their trunks off!
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Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus?
At the end of the day I'm just a guy in a bikini on the bus.
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Why did the mathematician ignore the tan lady on the beach?
He was too concerned with the tan gent.
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What does Brian Johnson say on the beach?
I see the sea...
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What did Zach De La Rocha bring home from the beach?
A pocket full of shells.
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What does a man with two left feet wear to the beach?
Flip-Flips.
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What is the definition of stalking?
When two people takes a long, romantic walk on the beach, but only one of them knows about it
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What do you call a mathematician at the beach?
A tan gent.
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Why is the beach wet?
Cause the seaweed
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What is the name of that casino on the beach?
Pair-a-dice.
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What does a man with one leg wear to the beach?
Flop.
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How many people on a beach does it take to screw in a light bulb?
depends on how many survivors there are. too soon.
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How was the beach?
You hang ten or what " No but I stabbed a couple because they kept asking stupid questions about my vacation
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Why did the chicken cross the beach?
To get to the other tide
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Why does the man go to the beach when he's hungry?
Because of the sand which is there.
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Why Do Mathematicians Never Go To The Beach?
Because they got sin and cos to give them a tan.
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Why couldn't the Chinese geologist find a date?
He was vehemently opposed to wrong rocks on the beach.
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How do you get a whale off a beach?
A whale-barrow!