Book Jokes
-
What book you reading there?
Me: 'How To Kidnap A Coworker' CW:... Me: Not you, Karen. A pretty one.
-
How many public school teachers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Whatever it says in the book.
-
When did the criminal get smart?
When the judge threw the book at him.
-
What kind of farm has lots of books but no livestock?
Barns and no-bulls. (This joke was made up by my 7 year-old cousin.)
-
What did Sean Connery say when a book fell on his head?
I have only my shelf to blame"
-
What did the librarian say to the travel agent?
Find what you're booking for
-
What time should you book dental appointments for?
2:30 (Tooth hurty!)
-
What do you call a book case hogging all the books?
Shelf-ish
-
What do books have that Mexicans don't?
Papers.
-
What's the difference between Bill Cosby and Lena Dunham?
Lena Dunham wrote the book about it.
-
How do you know ancient Egyptians loved books so much?
Because they built their stuff with reads!
-
What book does the Queen of England read to get herself into a raunchy mood?
50 Shades of Earl Grey
-
What book do you like the most?
Woman: "My husband's checkbook."
-
Why did the Native American feel so reluctant about booking a hotel room?
He had his reservations.
-
What's the oldest trick in the book?
The first one.
-
What is worse than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree?
1 baby nailed to 10 trees Sure, oldest one in the book but whatever lets hear what you got gang
-
What do you call it when a book spies on people?
A: A peeping tome.
-
What kind of book does an Irish cultist read?
The Leprenomichaun.
-
What book did the rabbit take on vacation?
One with a hoppy ending.
-
What's the only thing you can say when the Chinese Restaurant over booked your reservation?
Welp. You dim sum, you lose some
-
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity...
It's impossible to put down
-
What happened to the Polish National Library?
A: Someone stole the book.
-
What did Charles Darwin name his book about food?
On the Origin of Feces*
-
What do you call a 5 year old kid with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor All they wanted was books but instead they got magazines
-
What's the difference between an angler and a dunce?
One baits his hooks while the other hates his books.
-
How does a lawyer sleep?
First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other. Credit: Nicholas Sparks from his book 'See Me' which I am reading now.
-
Where do Mexicans shop for books?
Borders
-
Whenever we keep the money in the bags our son steals it, I don't know what to do?
Husband : Keep it in his books. I know he will never touch them....
-
What is the oldest joke in the book?
The first one written
-
What is a ginger author doing when they plant a misleading clue in their book?
Red hairing.
-
What did Sean Connery say when a book from his cupboard fell on him?
I can only blame my shelf. Shout out to /r/shubreddit
-
Whats the most unlikely line to read in the bible ?
The characters in this book are entirely fictional.
-
How do they keep track of books at the sausage library?
The Andouille Decimal System
-
Why are those two men standing in the spine of that book?
It must need Osteo-per-o-sis" Love it.
-
How many books can a blind man read?
Brailly any!
-
What do you have when you are having second thoughts about your booking on Native American land?
Reservation reservation reservations.
-
How did the potato get back from the party?
It booked a Tuber.
-
What did Dr. Seuss call the book he wrote about Star Wars?
The Cat in the AT-AT
-
What do you call a teeth specialist who writes books?
An author-dontist Wahey!
-
Which book makes prudish Gorillas blush?
The Naked Ape!
-
What's the difference between a book and a Mexican?
A book has papers.
-
What did the writer say when he glued himself to his book?
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
-
Why couldn't Pikachu read his book?
Because he was dyslectric.
-
What do you call a book club that hasn't changed their book in a thousand years?
Church
-
What's the difference between an immigrant & a book?
One of them has papers.
-
Which part of the Bible won't you find a black man?
The Book of Job.
-
What kind of books do fruit read?
Pulp Fiction
-
Whoa. There are books on TAPE?
Now I can stop reading while I drive. This is gonna save so many lives.
-
What is the difference between a fisherman and a lazy student?
One baits his hook the other hates his book.
-
What did Sean Connery say when his books fell on his head?
I blame my shelf
-
What do you call a book filled with outlines of Star Wars characters?
A Kylo Ren Book
-
What is a hypocrite?
An atheist writer praying his book will sell.
-
What do you call a man with no hands and a book?
A read-only man.
-
What was the ancient language Link needed a book to translate in "A Link to the Past"?
Hyruleglyphics.
-
What did the doctor do after he finished reading the book?
He removed the appendix!
-
Why are libraries so strict?
Because they have to go by the book.
-
Why do you own a hot dog stand when you draw and write?
Me: Wanna buy my book Them: No. Me: That's why I own a hot dog stand.
-
What 3 books would you have on a desert island?
ME: My first book is more books. F: What These aren't wish M: Second book's a TV.
-
What do you call a book club that has been stuck on the same book for thousands of years?
Church.
-
What did the book say to the librarian?
Can I take you out
-
What did the author of The Lord Of The Rings say after he completed his books?
If you like dialogue, theres a whole lot of Tolkein.
-
What do you call it when you second guess your decision to book a stay at a Native American resort?
A reservation reservation reservation. Credit to Brian Regan, this is my favorite joke of his!
-
What's the part of a book that's most likely to explode?
The appendix.
-
What do you call books about orange juice?
Q: What do you call books about orange juice? A:
-
I couldn't get a reservation at the library...
They were fully booked.
-
What do you get when you cross a ghost and a the letter K?
A: A book.
-
Why did the movie scene have a rusty pan?
Because Rusty thought the scene in the book was better. I'll show myself out. This is a horrible joke.
-
What's the best hour to book a dental appointment?
Tooth hurty.
-
Where do books sleep?
A: Under their covers.
-
What did the man who frequents the internet do with a book?
He Reddit.
-
What kind of book did Frankenstein's monster like to read?
One with a cemetery plot.
-
Why are books about the social contract and demand-side economics so hard to find?
Because they're kept firmly under Locke and Keynes.
-
How to you read a book?
Just reddit.
-
What do you call a book club that's been stuck on the same book for thousands of years?
Church.
-
What is bronze?
Read a book, you dummies.
-
What Should Make A Book Teacher: "What Should Be In A Book To Make It A Bestseller?
Jorkens: "A Girl On The Cover & No Cover On The Girl"
-
How are books like dogs?
The good ones are hard to put down
-
What did the Officer say after arresting the crooked cook?
I just booked a cook for cooking the books."
-
What's the book of socially prominent monsters?
A: The Book of who's Boo.
-
What are you going to do with your time, now that you're retired?
I'm going to finish my book." "I didn't know you were writing a book." "I'm not, I'm reading one."
-
Why don't blonde's like audio-books?
A: There aren't any pictures.
-
What is the difference between a Mexican and a book?
A book has papers.
-
Why did the book join the police?
He wanted to work undercover.
-
Where's Wally?
book today but couldn't find one anywhere. Well played, Wally. Well played.
-
Who writes books for little bees ?
Bee-trix Potter !
-
What did Douglas Adams say after he finished writing the first chapter of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy?
Ah, I've finally put a dent in that book.
-
What do books wear on a rainy day?
Rain Quotes
-
Which book has the worst cliffhanger?
Anne Frank's Diary
-
Why was the maths book sad?
It had too many problems.
-
What book is better when you read it drunk?
Tequila Mockingbird.