Cover Jokes

  • Why did the railroad thief get caught?

    He forgot to cover his tracks! im

  • What's green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?

    A girl scout that got hit by a car.

  • Why did the ghost stink?

    Because it was covered in sheet

  • What's black, covered in teeth marks and no longer in use?

    Philip Seymour Hoffman's belt.

  • What did you hear about the man who fell into the upholstery machine...?

    I heard that he was fully re-covered.

  • Why are manhole covers round?

    Because manholes are round

  • What did the naturalist say when he saw a number of rocks covered in moss?

    I'm lichen what I see"

  • Why was the Chinese Journey cover band a failure?

    Their only hit was Don't Stop Bereaving.

  • Where do books sleep?

    A: Under their covers.

  • What do you call a doctor who is trained in neurosurgery and is covering for a gynecologist?

    A pervert.

  • What do you call a humpless camel covered in plastic?


  • What is hot and makes me hard?

    Being covered in lava.

  • What do you call the nicest guy in the hospital?

    The Ultra-sound guy..... Who covers him when he's not available The hip replacement guy!

  • Why did Dairy Queen get pregnant?

    Burger King didn't cover his whopper.

  • What's the difference between a pontiff's chin and the kitchen sink?

    One's covered in soap bubbles, while the other's covered in Pope stubbles.

  • Why did the mermaid cover her breasts with seashells?

    She outgrew her B shells.

  • Where does a librarian sleep?

    Between the covers. I will now show myself to the door.

  • Why were the Three Wise Men covered in soot?

    Because they came from afar.

  • What Should Make A Book Teacher: "What Should Be In A Book To Make It A Bestseller?

    Jorkens: "A Girl On The Cover & No Cover On The Girl"

  • Who is the coolest guy at the hospital?

    The ultra sound guy. And who covers when hes off sick The hip replacement guy.

  • What's the name of the Russian Bee Gees cover band?


  • What do you call a Russian bovine covered in lichen?

    A Moss-cow

  • What was the most reliable and helpful vehicle in the 1800s?

    The "I've got this Covered" Waggon

  • What do you call it when ISIS soldiers run for cover?

    100 meter Daesh

  • Why did the hotel refuse hospitality to the Navy?

    They didn't want their rooms covered with seamen.

  • What do you call a retard covered in water?

    Flame retardant

  • Why did the guy cut a hole in his carpet?

    He wanted to watch the floor show. And why did he cover it back up ...He realized that he didn't want to watch the "hole" show.

  • Why are manhole covers circular?

    Because Rouleaux triangles are too hard to manufacture. What do you call 8 hobbits? A hobbyte.

  • What do you call it when someone gets covered by a landslide?

    A bu-rock-ke

  • What did u do last night?

    Me: I drowned my swallows in whiskey Don't u mean sorrows Me covering tub of dead birds: is that the saying

  • How'd the date go?

    Not good. Too many red flags. *Flashback to her house being covered with USSR flags* I think she might be a communist.

  • Why did the oil covered seagull get sued?

    There can only be one goo gull

  • How much for the mirror?

    Ma'am that's the cover of Vogue

  • What do you use to cover a herpetarium floor?


  • Why did the farmer call his horse Baseball?

    Because it's covered with horsehide!

  • Why did the Eagle go to store to buy some Rogaine?

    To cover up his bald spot.

  • Why are your eyes covered in ketchup?

    I'm often asked by people: "Why are your eyes covered in ketchup " So I tell them it's because Heinz sight is 20/20.

  • Why did the old lady cover her mouth with her hands when she sneezed?

    To catch her false teeth.

  • What do you call an epileptic covered in lettuce?

    A seizure salad.

  • What does a musician train do when running from the law?

    Covers tracks

  • Why do you hold your hand flat above your eyes when you look into the distance?

    Because when you would cover your eyes with your hand, you wouldn't see sh*t. I'm lame.

  • Why can't a Samsung be disguised as an iPhone?

    Because eventually, its cover would be blown.

  • What covers the outside of a dogwood tree?


  • How do you offend a vegan?

    Cover your ears with your hands

  • What you call a crocodile covered with tortillas?

    A tacodile

  • Why did the spy stay in bed?

    To stay under cover

  • Why do Japanese hate bingo?

    They all scramble for cover when you call B-29

  • Why did the pioneers cross the country in covered wagons ?

    Because they didn't want to wait 40 years for a train !

  • What do you call a row of trucks covered in mozzarella?

    A cheesy pickup line

  • Why did the funeral director cover his mouth?

    he kept coffin

  • What's your strongest weakness?

    Candidate: ... *Realises stupid question & thinks of cover up M: It's a trick question. You're hired!

  • What do you say to a guy who is covered in rodents?

    Mice outfit!

  • How do you make a cat bark like a dog?

    Cover it in lighter fluid and throw a match at it: "WOOF!"

  • What's black yellow and covered in blackberries ?

    A bramble bee !

  • Why did the Dairy Queen get pregnant?

    The Burger King forgot to cover his whopper

  • What do you tell someone from Moscow if he's in a hurry?

    Q: What do you tell someone from Moscow who is in a hurry? A: Quit Russian. Q: What do you call a Mexican pessimist? A: A Mexican't Q: What do you call a German who is urinating in an alley? A: A you're a peein'. Q: What does an Asian person have if their leg joints are socially awkward? A: Shy knees. Q: What is a Parisian country cover band's favorite song to play? A: "I've got France in low places."

  • Why are sewer covers called manholes?

    If they were called womanholes, guys would keep trying to get in.

  • Why don't Arab women need Insurance?

    Because they are already covered.

  • What did the carpet say to the floor?

    Don't move -- I've got you covered.

  • Whats Kim Kardashian and the Middle East got in common?

    Both are covered in oil, huge, and been invaded by the West.

  • What's white and covers the road in the early morning?

    Employed people.

  • What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?

    A chocolate BAAA

  • Why does the Asian News Anchor not stand up from behind his desk during presidential races?

    because he's covering an erection!

  • What's 8 feet tall, covered in fur, and walks around the Himalayas undermining your arguments by attacking your character?

    The Adhomineminal Snowman

  • Who do you think was sent to cover the story of the baby lion born in the zoo?

    A cub reporter.

  • How do you cover 18 holes with one hole?

    Have your mom sit down on a golf course.

  • Why do mermaids wear bras?

    To cover up their Ariel-as.

  • Why Isn't The Media Covering This?

    the media asks other media, peering into its media mirror, media-ing before a day of media in media.

  • What is long, brown and covered in flies?

    The welfare line.

  • What's green and lays in a ditch while covered in cookie crumbs?

    The Girl Scout that got hit by a car.

  • What did the Japanese Journey covers band sing at the funeral?

    Don't stop, bereaving!

  • What did the blanket say to the bed?

    Don't worry, I've got you covered.

  • What do you call a young plastic covered sheep?


  • What do you call an English teacher five feet tall covered from head to toe in boils and totally bald?