Cover Jokes
-
Why did the railroad thief get caught?
He forgot to cover his tracks! im
-
What's green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
A girl scout that got hit by a car.
-
Why did the ghost stink?
Because it was covered in sheet
-
What's black, covered in teeth marks and no longer in use?
Philip Seymour Hoffman's belt.
-
What did you hear about the man who fell into the upholstery machine...?
I heard that he was fully re-covered.
-
Why are manhole covers round?
Because manholes are round
-
What did the naturalist say when he saw a number of rocks covered in moss?
I'm lichen what I see"
-
Why was the Chinese Journey cover band a failure?
Their only hit was Don't Stop Bereaving.
-
Where do books sleep?
A: Under their covers.
-
What do you call a doctor who is trained in neurosurgery and is covering for a gynecologist?
A pervert.
-
What do you call a humpless camel covered in plastic?
Llamanated
-
What is hot and makes me hard?
Being covered in lava.
-
What do you call the nicest guy in the hospital?
The Ultra-sound guy..... Who covers him when he's not available The hip replacement guy!
-
Why did Dairy Queen get pregnant?
Burger King didn't cover his whopper.
-
What's the difference between a pontiff's chin and the kitchen sink?
One's covered in soap bubbles, while the other's covered in Pope stubbles.
-
Why did the mermaid cover her breasts with seashells?
She outgrew her B shells.
-
Where does a librarian sleep?
Between the covers. I will now show myself to the door.
-
Why were the Three Wise Men covered in soot?
Because they came from afar.
-
What Should Make A Book Teacher: "What Should Be In A Book To Make It A Bestseller?
Jorkens: "A Girl On The Cover & No Cover On The Girl"
-
Who is the coolest guy at the hospital?
The ultra sound guy. And who covers when hes off sick The hip replacement guy.
-
What's the name of the Russian Bee Gees cover band?
KGBGs
-
What do you call a Russian bovine covered in lichen?
A Moss-cow
-
What was the most reliable and helpful vehicle in the 1800s?
The "I've got this Covered" Waggon
-
What do you call it when ISIS soldiers run for cover?
100 meter Daesh
-
Why did the hotel refuse hospitality to the Navy?
They didn't want their rooms covered with seamen.
-
What do you call a retard covered in water?
Flame retardant
-
Why did the guy cut a hole in his carpet?
He wanted to watch the floor show. And why did he cover it back up ...He realized that he didn't want to watch the "hole" show.
-
Why are manhole covers circular?
Because Rouleaux triangles are too hard to manufacture. What do you call 8 hobbits? A hobbyte.
-
What do you call it when someone gets covered by a landslide?
A bu-rock-ke
-
What did u do last night?
Me: I drowned my swallows in whiskey Don't u mean sorrows Me covering tub of dead birds: is that the saying
-
How'd the date go?
Not good. Too many red flags. *Flashback to her house being covered with USSR flags* I think she might be a communist.
-
Why did the oil covered seagull get sued?
There can only be one goo gull
-
How much for the mirror?
Ma'am that's the cover of Vogue
-
What do you use to cover a herpetarium floor?
Reptiles.
-
Why did the farmer call his horse Baseball?
Because it's covered with horsehide!
-
Why did the Eagle go to store to buy some Rogaine?
To cover up his bald spot.
-
Why are your eyes covered in ketchup?
I'm often asked by people: "Why are your eyes covered in ketchup " So I tell them it's because Heinz sight is 20/20.
-
Why did the old lady cover her mouth with her hands when she sneezed?
To catch her false teeth.
-
What do you call an epileptic covered in lettuce?
A seizure salad.
-
What does a musician train do when running from the law?
Covers tracks
-
Why do you hold your hand flat above your eyes when you look into the distance?
Because when you would cover your eyes with your hand, you wouldn't see sh*t. I'm lame.
-
Why can't a Samsung be disguised as an iPhone?
Because eventually, its cover would be blown.
-
What covers the outside of a dogwood tree?
Bark.
-
How do you offend a vegan?
Cover your ears with your hands
-
What you call a crocodile covered with tortillas?
A tacodile
-
Why did the spy stay in bed?
To stay under cover
-
Why do Japanese hate bingo?
They all scramble for cover when you call B-29
-
Why did the pioneers cross the country in covered wagons ?
Because they didn't want to wait 40 years for a train !
-
What do you call a row of trucks covered in mozzarella?
A cheesy pickup line
-
Why did the funeral director cover his mouth?
he kept coffin
-
What's your strongest weakness?
Candidate: ... *Realises stupid question & thinks of cover up M: It's a trick question. You're hired!
-
What do you say to a guy who is covered in rodents?
Mice outfit!
-
How do you make a cat bark like a dog?
Cover it in lighter fluid and throw a match at it: "WOOF!"
-
What's black yellow and covered in blackberries ?
A bramble bee !
-
Why did the Dairy Queen get pregnant?
The Burger King forgot to cover his whopper
-
What do you tell someone from Moscow if he's in a hurry?
Q: What do you tell someone from Moscow who is in a hurry? A: Quit Russian. Q: What do you call a Mexican pessimist? A: A Mexican't Q: What do you call a German who is urinating in an alley? A: A you're a peein'. Q: What does an Asian person have if their leg joints are socially awkward? A: Shy knees. Q: What is a Parisian country cover band's favorite song to play? A: "I've got France in low places."
-
Why are sewer covers called manholes?
If they were called womanholes, guys would keep trying to get in.
-
Why don't Arab women need Insurance?
Because they are already covered.
-
What did the carpet say to the floor?
Don't move -- I've got you covered.
-
Whats Kim Kardashian and the Middle East got in common?
Both are covered in oil, huge, and been invaded by the West.
-
What's white and covers the road in the early morning?
Employed people.
-
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A chocolate BAAA
-
Why does the Asian News Anchor not stand up from behind his desk during presidential races?
because he's covering an erection!
-
What's 8 feet tall, covered in fur, and walks around the Himalayas undermining your arguments by attacking your character?
The Adhomineminal Snowman
-
Who do you think was sent to cover the story of the baby lion born in the zoo?
A cub reporter.
-
How do you cover 18 holes with one hole?
Have your mom sit down on a golf course.
-
Why do mermaids wear bras?
To cover up their Ariel-as.
-
Why Isn't The Media Covering This?
the media asks other media, peering into its media mirror, media-ing before a day of media in media.
-
What is long, brown and covered in flies?
The welfare line.
-
What's green and lays in a ditch while covered in cookie crumbs?
The Girl Scout that got hit by a car.
-
What did the Japanese Journey covers band sing at the funeral?
Don't stop, bereaving!
-
What did the blanket say to the bed?
Don't worry, I've got you covered.
-
What do you call a young plastic covered sheep?
Laminated
-
What do you call an English teacher five feet tall covered from head to toe in boils and totally bald?
Sir!