Throw Jokes
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How do you get 100 Ethiopians in a phone box?
Throw a tin of beans in there ..... How do you get them back out of it? Run past with the tin opener .....
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Why did the tennis player get thrown out of his workshop?
He was making a racket.
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What do you do when you see someone having a seizure in a bathtub?
Throw in a load of dirty laundry and some detergent.
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How many babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I don't know... I broke the lightbulb after I threw the first one.
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Why doesnt Nickelback play football?
Because even if they had 4 players they still couldnt throw a ball.
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What if I color on you?
What if I run a truck along your back Steal your toy Throw a ball Spit food at you - My toddler, wooing the dog
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Where's the T?
We threw it in the harbor." Merica.
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Why did the undercover cop throw a wasp nest at the drug dealer?
It was a sting operation.
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What's the difference between a tennis ball and the prince of Wales?
One is heir to the throne and the other is thrown into the air.
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How do they get to smoke their cigarettes?
They throw one cigarette overboard, which make the boat a cigarette lighter.
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What do I do with it?
Me: "Is there a live baby in it " Him: "No." Me: "Throw it away."
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Why was the clown kicked out of the maths lesson?
Because he kept throwing his pi in other peoples faces!
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What light through yonder window breaks?
ME:Well if you'd just sod off like I asked, I wouldn't have to throw lamps at you.
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What do you get when you throw a baby against a wall?
An erection
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What Olympic event that involves throwing should be eliminated?
Discuss
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Why did Bernie Sanders's chicken restaurant throw out so much food?
He only sold left wings.
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What happens when you throw a hand grenade into a kitchen?
Well, the mess is the same but the annoying jabbering stops.
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What do you get if you inject a baby goat with chimpanzee DNA?
Thrown out of the petting zoo.
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What happened to the baseball played who was unfaithful to his wife?
He was thrown out at home. - His two balls got a strike.
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How did Godzilla escape the trains?
He threw them off their tracks.
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What kind of injury results from having an omega-3 bottle thrown at your head?
A super-fish-oil wound
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What happens when you throw a laptop into the ocean?
You have a Dell, rolling in the deep.
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How do you know if you are having a good time?
When you throw your knickers against the wall, and they stay there.
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What did the angry man sing when he found his slippers chewed up by the new puppy ?
I must throw that doggie out the window !"!
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Whoever answers my next question, can go home One boy throws his bag out the window. Teacher: Who just threw that?
Boy: Me and I'm going home now.
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What do you say to pasta that gets thrown out?
Hasta la pasta baby.
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What did Dr. Evil say when he fell in the rancor pit?
Throw me a frickin bone here.
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Why do cannibals hate Pentecostals?
Because they're always throwing up their hands.
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How do you make the best Harlem Shake video?
You throw a flashbang into a room of epileptic children.
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How do you make a cookie dance?
Throw a little dough at it!
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What do you get when you throw a Canadian down a flight of stairs?
An apology.
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How does a Chinese family name their children?
They throw 3-9 pots and pans down a flight of stairs.
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Why did little Johnny fall off the swing?
he didn't have arms. Why did little Sarah fall off her bike Someone threw a fridge at her.
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Why did the man throw his watch out the window?
He wanted to see time fly!
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What's the difference between an elected official and a piece of garbage?
Garbage gets thrown out.
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Why did the worker get fired from the hp computer factory?
He threw out all the computers with "dy" on them.
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Why did the man lose his job in a fruit packing firm?
He kept throwing the bent bananas away.
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What do you call a donkey throwing nuts?
An astronaut.
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Whats green and goes through walls?
A frog if you throw it hard enough...
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How do you scare a man?
Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.
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How do Chinese people name their babies?
A: They throw them down the stairs to see what noise they make.
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What do you call a woman who throws letters in the fire?
Bernadette
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What did the salad say as it was thrown into jail?
Lettuce Go!"
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What should you do with a burning Kotex?
Throw it on the ground and tamp on it.
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How many babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I don't know... I broke the lightbulb after I threw the first one.
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Why did little timmy fall off his bike?
Because someone threw a canoe at him !
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Why did the blond get fired from the M&M factory?
Because she kept throwing out all the W's
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What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?
Throw in your laundry.
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Why did the pigeon get thrown in jail?
For staging a coo
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How do Chinese people name their kids?
They throw silverware down a flight of stairs....ting, tong, ping, ding
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Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother?
For smoking in bed.
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What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
RUN! She's got a grenade in her mouth!
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How did they break in?
Me: I have a fake garden rock w/a key inside. Police: They found it Me: They threw it through the window.
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How do you confuse a blonde?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at them.
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What did the banana peel say when asked what happens after it's thrown into the compost pile?
IDK, i'm just a banana.
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What did Eric Clapton do after he wrote Tears in Heaven?
Threw his baby out the window.
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How does one cook toilet paper?
Simple - brown it on both sides then throw it into the pot.
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What do you get when you throw a piano down a mineshaft?
A-flat minor (or a broken piano)
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What do you do if a blonde person throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
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What would the punishment be for smoking a joint in the times of Jesus Christ?
You would get stoned. And then get rocks thrown at you.
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What happened when the lepers played poker?
One guy threw down his hand and another laughed his head off. This was my best friend's favorite joke when she was little apparently.
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How do you get thrown out of a concentration camp?
Bad for moral Cutting in line Organizing hunger strikes
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Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?
She threw out all the W's.
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How many cops does it take to throw a man down the stairs?
None. He fell.
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How are that many Republicans candidates supposed to debate each other at once?
Throw a dollar bill in the floor and let the last one alive run for president.
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What do organic mathematicians throw into their fireplaces?
Natural logs.
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How do Asian's name their children?
Throw a frying pan down the stairs and listen to the sounds. *Ting tong tow*
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What do you call someone who throws up after drinking too much orange soda?
Fantastic
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What do you do when someone has an epileptic fit in the bathtub?
Throw in the laundry.
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What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
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How do you get a Samsung owner to throw their phone out the window?
End your text with "this message will self destruct in 10 seconds"
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Why did the washing machine stop?
Somebody threw the towel in.
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What is the difference between a banjo and an anchor?
A: You tie a rope to an anchor before you throw it overboard.
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Why did the old lady throw the clock outside her window?
SHE WAS MENTALLY ILL!!!!!!
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How do the Chinese name their kids?
They throw silverware down the stairs.
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What did the IT guy say when he threw RAM sticks at the stripper?
RAMs a make a dance!"
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Why did the blonde girl get fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away all the W's.
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Why dont Calculus majors throw house parties?
Because you should never drink and derive.
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What Happened to the Man who Threw a Flaming Bag of Poo?
He got turd degree burns.
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What happens when you throw root beer in the ocean?
Root Beer Floats!
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Why would you throw a rock at a Mexican man riding a bike?
Because it's probably your bike. Why would you throw a rock at a black man riding a bike? Because it's probably your black man.
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Why was Hillary thrown out of a restaurant?
She trashed the bill. Alt punch line 1 (u/Causative): She demanded her own private server and tried to have her meals removed.
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What do you get when you throw a dead baby off a cliff?
A pleasant erection
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What does Dr. Oz do when you throw scientific evidence at his head?
Ducks like a quack.
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Why did Kennedy throw his head back?
He was taking a shot.
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Why do Italians throw pizza onto the field after they win a match?
Because they rain supreme.
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What do you do when a box kotex catches on fire?
throw it on the ground and tampon it.
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Why was Cinderalla thrown out of the football team?
Because she ran away from the ball.
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Why did the girls fall off the swing?
Someone threw a fridge at her. It's not supposed to make sense
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What is it with people who text and drive?
I swear to god the next time I see this happen, I'll roll down my window and throw my beer at them.
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Why don't black pitchers throw three strikeout in a row?
Because they don't believe in the KKK
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How are the homeless like votes?
Republicans have them thrown out.
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What do you do if an epileptic falls in your swimming pool?
Throw in your laundry.
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Why did the frat boy throw away his curtains?
He was trying to get some Natural Light.
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What should you do when your epileptic child starts seizing in the bathtub?
Throw in your laundry!
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What's the difference between a blonde and a washing machine?
You can throw your load in a washing machine and it won't follow you around for two weeks afterward
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When is the Quran accurate?
When it's thrown from a short distance.
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What is it called when you throw a tin can into a recycling bin?
A recycling TIN!
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Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
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How long are you going to keep throwing that in my face?
Netflix: Because you watched "The Wedding Planner"
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Why did the blonde girl get fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away all the W's.
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What do you throw a drowning guitarist?
His amp.
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Why don't people get married in North Korea?
Well, all marriages are legal in North Korea, but no one has them because there's no rice to throw.
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What do you get when you throw a grenade into a french kitchen?
Linoleum Blownapart
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How do u tell the population of a small native village?
throw a bunch of pocket change in the middle of town. How do u tell who is the richest person in that village? Find the person who gathered the most change.
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How do you start a baby shower?
Throw it into a wood chipper.
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Why did the girl fall off the swing?
Because someone threw a fridge at her....
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How do you get a Polak out of the bath tub?
A: Throw in a bar of soap.
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Where do pirates go after they are thrown out of Kansas?
Arkansas
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What do you get when you throw a rabbit at someone's head?
Facial Hare
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Why should you not throw stones at a knight?
Because heavy metal is harder than rock.
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What's the difference between a firstborn prince and a baseball?
A baseball is thrown to the air.
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How do Chinese parents pick a name for their child?
Throw an aluminum pan down the stairs.
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What did Anne Frank say when she threw a ball at the water fowl's head?
Duck!
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How can you tell an ant is a boy or girl?
Throw it in water If it sinks = girl ant If it floats = buoyant
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What are you supposed to do when someone is having a seizure in the bath?
throw a load of dirty laundry in.
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What's something that you can catch but not throw?
feelings. T.T
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Why did the man throw away all the new pennies he had?
Because they were a nuisance (new cents).
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How do Chinese name their kids?
They throw silverware on the ground!
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How do you stop a ginger from drowning?
You throw him a lifesaver and tell him to grab on to it.
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How does NASA throw a holiday party?
They planet.
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What did Noah do with all the poop?
Threw it overboard. it formed the UK. Taken from here:
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Who threw that?
Gary, was that you Don't act innocent, I know you download music illegally.
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Why shouldn't you throw a rock at a Mexican riding a bike?
Because that might be your bike
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What do you throw a drowning aboriginal?
His wife and kids
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Why do people throw coins into foutains?
Why do people throw coins into fountains? I don't know, doesn't make any cents.
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Why did the worker at the M&M factory get fired?
he threw out the W's
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What do you call a dead chicken that likes to throw things?
A geist. Thanks! I will show myself out.
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Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
She threw away all of the W's.
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What the hell is this?
Turkey bacon. *throws tray against wall* I'm hungry! Not desperate!
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What happened to the loser of the Frisbee Championship Finals?
He threw it.
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What to do when a blonde throws a grenade at you... What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
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How do you make cocoa powder?
Throw from the plane
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Why cant bulimics be pitchers in baseball?
Because they always throw up
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Why was the belt thrown in jail?
A: He held up a pair of pants.
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What did Pat Benatar say to the kid throwing cereal at her?
Stop using Chex as a weapon!
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How do you throw a party in Nigeria?
You stick a piece of bread to the ceiling
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What do you call a party thrown by a Terrorist at a bar on a hot day in Hawaii?
A-lou-AK-bar.
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What is a wok?
Something you throw at wabbits when you haven't got your wifle.
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What happens when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat miner.
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Why did I throw my phone out of my window?
Because I turned on airplane mode, and thought it would turn my Iphone into a plane...
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Why did the artist throw his eraser away?
Because it wasn't
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Why did the blond get fired from the M&M factory?
Because she kept throwing out all the W's
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How do you conufuse a blond?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
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What did Dahmer do when he finished his vegetables?
A: He threw away their wheelchairs!
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What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back
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Why did Greenpeace throw Wolf Blitzer in the ocean?
they wanted to restore the CNNomies
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What do you throw a drowning Mexican?
His wife and kids.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?
She ran away from the ball.
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What do you throw to a drowning banjo player?
His mandolin.
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How do you throw a party in space?
You planet
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How do you make a cat bark like a dog?
Cover it in lighter fluid and throw a match at it: "WOOF!"
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What does a corpse and snow have in common?
They are both cold and are hilarious to throw at unsuspecting children.
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Why did the blonde throw tic-tacs in her spaghetti?
The recipe told her to mints her garlic.
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What should you do if you see an epileptic having a seizure in a bathtub?
Throw in a load of laundry, and soap
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How do you know when a grenade is thrown by a blonde?
When you can pull the pin and throw it back
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What do you call a grenade thrown into a restaurant in France?
French Toast.
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Who just threw that?
Boy: "Me. I'm going home now."
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Why did the old man throw the matress out the window?
Dementia
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How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?
A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks.
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Why did the guy fall off his bicycle?
Because I threw a microwave at him
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What is a wock?
Something you throw a wabbits.
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What do you call an aardvark that's been thrown out of a pub?
A barredvark!
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Why did my friend throw my computer out the window?
So A Dell could message me and say Hello from the other side.
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Why should you never invite a boxer to a party?
He always throws the punch.
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How do Asians name their babies?
They throw a drawer of silverware down the stairs and name it whatever sound it makes.
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What do you call a British guy who throws a spear through the knee?
Britney Spears
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Why are programmers bad at doing laundry?
They throw all their dirty clothes on the heap.
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When I fix someone's computer and they say "Wow how'd you do that?
I tell them I'm a wizard then throw glitter in their face.
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Why does the bad guy always have to know some form of martial art?
Why cant they just throw stuff while screaming "stay away from me!"
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How do you throw an egg at the wall without breaking it?
With the chicken still around it
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Why did the blond get fired from the boomerang factory?
She threw away all the bent ones. Why did she get re-hired They all came back.
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How are music and candy similar?
We throw away the rappers.
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How did they manage to smoke?
They threw a cigarette overboard, and made the boat a cigarette lighter
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What's the best way to catch a fish?
Have someone throw it at you.
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How do you make an epileptic dance?
Throw a flashbang into the room.
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What is the difference between Reddit and children's television?
Children don't throw tantrums when there's a rerun of some content.
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Why couldn't the boarder throw out his collection of potted ferns?
They were his best fronds.
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What happened to the T?
America: "We threw it in the Harbor!"
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Why did Silly Sue throw her guitar away ?
Because it had a hole in the middle.
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Why did the judge throw out Bram Stoker's lawsuit?
His accusations weren't backed up by vampirical evidence
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How many extroverts does it take to change a lightbulb?
Let's throw a party while we're at it.
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What do a gang member and a redneck have in common?
They both know how to throw a good hoe down.
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How do you get half of Mexico to jump off a cliff?
Throw a penny off. How do you get the other half to jump too? ... Tell them no one found it yet.
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What did the OCD man get thrown in jail for?
Organized crime.
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Why did the boy throw his clock out the window?
A: He wanted to see time fly.
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Why did the worker at the M&M factory get fired?
he threw out the W's
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What happens when you throw one banana to two hungry Apes?
A banana split!
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What is the most prudent thing to do when someone is having an epileptic seizure in a hot tub?
Throw in your laundry.
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What's something you can drive, but also throw?
A Fit!!!!!!!!!!
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What does a woman have in common with a KFC meal?
Once your are done with the juicy breasts and tender thighs, all that's left is a greasy box to throw your bone in.
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What did the bully say when he threw Michael J. Fox out of a 10 story window?
Marty Mc. FLyyyyyyyyy!
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How many 210 lb policemen does it take to throw a 140 lb suspect down 3 flights of stairs?
None, he fell.
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What do you do if an epileptic has a seizure in your bath?
Throw in your washing.
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Why do baseball pitches make bad doctors?
Because when asked to 'give it to them straight', they throw a curveball!
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Why did Timmy fall off his bike?
Because Bill threw a mattress at him.
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What do you do when an epileptic is having a seizure in the bathtub?
Throw your dirty laundry in there with some detergent.
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Why did the man who robbed the liquor store with a boomerang get caught?
Because he couldn't throw away the evidence
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What do you call a leper in a jacuzzi?
Stew. Bonus: what do you do if an epileptic jumps into a jacuzzi? You throw in your laundry.
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What happens if I throw up in the red shoe bin by the door?
Me: Why is your question alarmingly specific 4: No reason.
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How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded?
A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.
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Why did all the other toys throw RaggedyAnn out of the toy box?
She kept on sitting on Pinocchio's face yelling "Lie to me, lie to me!"
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Why did the wizard ask a pretty chick to throw a heavy box on him ?
Not just the hard on............ it would've made him more flexible
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What if we just throw some pretty-colored marshmallows in with some cat food?
inventor of Lucky Charms
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What was it called when the dragon from The Hobbit was thrown out a window?
The Defenestration of Smaug.
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What happens when Peter Pan tries to throws punches?
They Neverland.
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How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
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Why did the crazed Packers fan throw out all of Aaron Rodgers's forks?
They were too Cutler-y.
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How did they light their cigarettes?
One man threw a cigarette overboard and the boat became a cigarette lighter.
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What is green and white, throws pig skin, and is the worst team in the NFL?
The Jets.
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What does the Lego man do for fun?
He throws a block party.
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What do you do if your GF is having siezures in the bathtub?
Throw in your laundry.
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Why did the Mexican throw his wife over the cliff?
Tequila
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What does Bill Cosby have in common with a Pokemon trainer?
He makes sure his catch is weak before he throws his balls at them.
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Why does little Timmy keep throwing up gang signs?
Because he ate too much of them.
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Why did the Christmas tree get thrown in prison?
Treeson.
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What do you do meet an old friend?
What do you do when someone throws a ball What do you put on a hamburger What do you find in a litter box
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When your mom is mad at you and finds anything to throw at you https://www.youtube.com/watch?
v=75cA3xmssM
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Why is a woman unlike a washing machine?
After you throw a load in a washing machine it doesn't follow you around.
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How do chinese people name their childre n?
They throw a toaster down the stairs.
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Why does a Belgian take a stone and a flashlight to bed?
The stone to throw the lights out, the flashlight to check if the lights are really out
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What did the purple policeman say as he threw the purple man into jail?
INDIGO!
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What did the frustrated cannibal do?
Threw his hands up
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What do you do if someone is having a seizure in the bathtub?
Throw your laundry in.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?
A: When an accordion is thrown down the toilet without it touching the sides.
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How did the Hulk's mind blow?
Somebody threw a bone very far and Hulk yelled "HULK GET IT! HEY WAIT."
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What's your emer- DOG: HE THREW A BALL BUT I CAN'T FIND IT DOG 911: He still holding it?
DOG: YES! HOW'D HE FETCH IT BEFORE ME
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What do you do if your bank account stops working?
Throw the guy out of the house.
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Why did the boy fall off his bike?
A: Because someone threw a fridge at him.
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What does a pimp and a redneck have on common?
They both like to throw a ho-down.
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Why did Wile E. Coyote have a "Detour" sign pointing to the edge of a cliff?
To throw the Roadrunner off.
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How do you trap an elephant?
You first dig a hole, second, you fill the hole with ashes, also throw some peas in there. When the elephant stops to take a pea, you kick it in the ash hole.
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When is the Bible accurate?
When it's thrown from a short distance.
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What did the frustrated cannibal say?
Nothing he just threw up his hands.
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What happens when you throw a green rock into the Red Sea?
It gets wet.
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What happens when you throw a green stone into the Red Sea?
It gets wet.
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When did the criminal get smart?
When the judge threw the book at him.
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What do you get when you cross the Italian mafia with the Russian mafia?
Thrown in a lake.
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Why did the little girl drop her ice cream?
She got hit by a bus. Sequel: Why did the little girl's sister drop her ice cream Someone threw a fridge at her.
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What happens when Hillary throws relevant questions?
Donald Ducks I'll show myself out
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Why did the boy fall off the bike?
Someone threw a fridge at him.... Gold
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What do you do when you see Michael J. Fox in a bathtub?
Throw in a load of laundry.
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What do you get when you cross human DNA and goat DNA?
Thrown out of the petting zoo
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Why did the guy spend the entire day throwing out his surplus of herbs?
He had too much thyme on his hands.
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Why did the Italian get thrown out of the hotel?
He said "I wanna two sheet onna the bed".
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Why did the man throw duck food at Nurse Jackie?
Because she was a quack.
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Why did a man throw his breakfast out the window?
He was a cereal defenestrator.
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What do you call it when a Physics Teacher throws a bar of chocolate at you?
Brownian Motion
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What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell, she's got a grenade in her mouth
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What do you do if an Islamist throws a pin at you?
Run. He still has the grenade in his teeth.
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Whats black and hurts when you get it thrown in your face?
A Piano.
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What happens when you throw a black rock into the Red Sea?
I originally thought that the black rock gets wet, but it was brought to my attention that the Red Sea is in the middle east, so it prob'ly starts a holy war!
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What do a thug and hillbilly have in common?
They both like to throw a hoedown.
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Why did the little boy throw the linen off the bed when he saw a ghost?
He was scared sheetless.
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Why are you home from school so early?
Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question." Mother: "Oh really What was the question Son: "Who threw the eraser at the principal "
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What did the libertarian shirt say when it was thrown into the washing machine?
AM I BEING DE-STAINED?!
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How do you drowned a hipster?
Throw them in the mainstream. Edit: spelling because I'm 5
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How do you make soup from a computer?
It's easy just throw in a couple of Boolean cubes.
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Why were the elephants thrown out of the swimming pool ?
Because they couldn't hold their trunks up !
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Why did the blonde get thrown out of the M & M factory?
A. She kept throwing out all the W's.
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What do you call it when you throw a black person in the water?
What do you call it when you throw a black person in the water? Pollution What do you call it when you throw all the black people in the water? Solution.
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What do you do when you see an epileptic throwing a fit in a bath tub?
You throw in some laundry and detergent.
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How do they launch a champagne factory?
They throw a boat at it.
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Why did the blond get fired from the banana plantation?
Because she threw out all the bent ones.
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Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
For throwing out all the w's.
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Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?
She threw out all the W's.
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What do black people and bikes have in common?
Both get thrown out when they have no use
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What do you call it when you tie a brick to a jar of Miracle Whip and throw it into the ocean?
Sink-o de Mayo"
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Why did the kid throw the watch out the window?
So time would fly.
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What shape does a muppet follow when throw through the air?
Pa-Ra-Bo-La (do doooo do dodo)