Alcoholic Jokes

  • What is similar about a necrophiliac and an alcoholic?

    They both like to crack open a cold one

  • What should you never do in front of an alcoholic?

    Whine.

  • What do you call a group of alcoholics with the same name?

    Alcoholics synonymous.

  • What do a necrophiliac and an alcoholic have in common?

    They both like to crack open a cold one

  • What do an alcoholic and a necrophile have in common?

    They both like to crack open a cold one.

  • What do a pirate wench and an alcoholic have in common?

    They've both got a little Captain in them.

  • How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb?

    Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.

  • What do alcoholics and necropheliacs have in common?

    They both love to crack open a cold one.

  • Why cant Schizophrenics be alcoholics?

    because they never drink alone.

  • What's the difference between an alcoholic and a necrophiliac?

    One goes to the bar for a cold one. The other goes to a morgue.

  • How does an Alcoholic teach the ABC's to their children?

    Backwards.

  • How are an alcoholic and necrophiliac similar?

    Both enjoy cracking open a cold one.

  • What's the worst thing about alcoholics?

    They wine too much.

  • What do you get when you mix a Native American and an Irishman?

    An alcoholic with a drinking problem

  • What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?

    They both love to crack open a cold one.

  • What do you call it when an alcoholic stops drinking?

    A leave of Absinthe.

  • What did one alcoholic say to the other alcoholic?

    I forget

  • Where do alcoholics get their breakfast pastries?

    Drunken Donuts

  • What do necrophiliacs and alcoholics have in common?

    They both like to crack open a cold one

  • What do you call a man who's always in high spirits?

    An alcoholic.

  • What do you call an alcoholic with Parkinson's?

    Shakespeare (say it out loud)

  • How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb?

    Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.

  • Why did the alcoholic quit his acting career when the audience jeered at him?

    He couldn't handle his boos.

  • What does an alcoholic do when he is out of beer?

    Wine