Drink Jokes

Why didn't Isaac Newton drink wine?

He knew better than to drink and derive.

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What is the only type of alcohol muslims are allowed to drink?

TAKBEER!

What's that awful thing called... M: ... J: You wake up with it after you drink?

M: Linda.

What do you call a crocodile when it robs drinks?

Gator-raid. &lt3 edit: Learned the difference between a crocodile and alligator.

Where does a Martian go for a drink?

A Mars Bar

What did the German physicist use to drink his beer?

Ein stein. - From Big Nate, as told by my kid.

What happened to the Native American who drank too much tea?

He died in his teepee

Why won't the ocean let us drink its water?

Because it's too salty.

Where do terrorists like to go for a drink?

The Allahu Ak Bar

What's a snowman's favorite drink?

Bartender: idk Me: Brrrr-bon lol Bartender: ... Me: jk snowmen don't drink they aren't real

Why don't math majors like to drink alcohol?

Because they don't like to drink and derive.

The World's Greatest Dad Jokes: The Complete Collection (The Heirloom Edition): Over 500 Cringe-Worthy Puns and One-Liners

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Why cant people with no feet drink milk?

Because they are lack toes intolorent.

Why do anarchists only drink herbal infusions?

Because proper tea is theft.

What kind of wine does ISIS drink?

White Infidel.

What's the difference between a camel and a Russian?

A camel can walk for 30 days without drinking but a Russian can drink for 30 days without walking.

Why did the blonde get fired from the sperm bank?

Because she was drinking on the job.

What if she drinks too much, or gets high?

Me: You really aren't my kid are you

What do you call a self help book for a Country Music singer?

Drink, Pray, Truck

What did the Scotsman say when he went for another drink?

Hey, where'd my Glascow "

Why do Americans drink their tea cold?

Because it takes too long to boil Boston Harbor.

What's the difference between a tea bag and a used tampon?

What's the Difference between a tea bag and a used tampon - I dunno... - I'm never drinking tea at your house again then!

The Ultimate Dad Joke Book: 501 Hilarious Puns, Funny One Liners and Clean Cheesy Dad Jokes for Kids (Gifts for Dad)

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What do you get if you drink too much Gin?

A double Gin

Who makes a drinking sound like this makes drinking sound?

GEORGE GRASHINGTON!

How many Irish guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

30 - One to hold the light bulb and 29 to drink until the room spins.

Why bother drinking water?

You're just gonna pee it out. This is what Big Water doesn't want you to know.

When he finishes drinking, he pulls out his wallet and say to the Bartender, "How much?

The Bartender says, "For you No charge."

What should you wear when drinking tea?

A tea-shirt.

How do you know you're drinking too many protein shakes?

You've had whey too much!

Why does ISIS drink instant coffee?

Because they hate French press!

What do you call someone who throws up after drinking too much orange soda?

Fantastic

What is a crowbar?

A: A place were crows go to get a drink!

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Why did the cow drink his own milk?

He needed the cowlcium.

Why was the hipster drinking milk?

He liked Ice Cream before it was cool

Why do the English drink warm beer?

Lucas refrigerators.

Where do you get a drink on Excel?

Formula bar

What does the man say when he walks into the bar?

Can I please get a drink "

Which drink makes a Gorilla feel tipsy?

An ape-ricot sour!

Why are you ordering so many drinks?

The dog responds, "I've had a ruff day."

How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.

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Shake Jokes More Shake Jokes

What do two people with Parkinson's disease do when they meet for the first time?

They shake hands.

What shakes and sits at the bottom of the ocean?

A nervous wreck.

Math Party Jokes More Math Party Jokes

Why do they never serve a beer at math party?

Because you can't drink and derive

Why shouldn't you drink at a math party?

Because you shouldn't drink and derive.

Drop Jokes More Drop Jokes

Why do you have your thumb on my steak?

So I don't drop it again, Sir."

Why are French guns the best to buy?

They've never been fired, and only dropped once.

Cult Jokes More Cult Jokes

What's Elon Musk's favorite band?

The Cult.

Why do feminists always seem so unhappy?

Because happy people usually leave cults.

Lunch Jokes More Lunch Jokes

Why did the aligator spit out his lunch?

Because it was two years old

What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?

An ingestigation

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

How are men like television commercials?

A. You can't believe a word either one of them says and they both last about 30 seconds.

What rock group have four men that don't sing?

Mount Rushmore.

Country Jokes More Country Jokes

Why do clouds make good Kings?

Because they have rain over every country in the world.

What do you call a sick eagle that just flew in from out of the country?

an ill-eagle immigrant

Lip Jokes More Lip Jokes

Why don't chickens have lips?

Because then they'd have soft peckers

What goes ooooooo?

A cow with no lips. ) ) )

Drink Jokes

Why didn't Isaac Newton drink wine?

What is the only type of alcohol muslims are allowed to drink?

What's that awful thing called... M: ... J: You wake up with it after you drink?

What do you call a crocodile when it robs drinks?

Where does a Martian go for a drink?

What did the German physicist use to drink his beer?

What happened to the Native American who drank too much tea?

Why won't the ocean let us drink its water?

Where do terrorists like to go for a drink?

What's a snowman's favorite drink?

Why don't math majors like to drink alcohol?

Why cant people with no feet drink milk?

Why do anarchists only drink herbal infusions?

What kind of wine does ISIS drink?

What's the difference between a camel and a Russian?

Why did the blonde get fired from the sperm bank?

What if she drinks too much, or gets high?

What do you call a self help book for a Country Music singer?

What did the Scotsman say when he went for another drink?

Why do Americans drink their tea cold?

What's the difference between a tea bag and a used tampon?

What do you get if you drink too much Gin?

Who makes a drinking sound like this *makes drinking sound*?

How many Irish guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Why bother drinking water?

When he finishes drinking, he pulls out his wallet and say to the Bartender, "How much?

What should you wear when drinking tea?

How do you know you're drinking too many protein shakes?

Why does ISIS drink instant coffee?

What do you call someone who throws up after drinking too much orange soda?

What is a crowbar?

Why did the cow drink his own milk?

Why was the hipster drinking milk?

Why do the English drink warm beer?

Where do you get a drink on Excel?

What does the man say when he walks into the bar?

Which drink makes a Gorilla feel tipsy?

Why are you ordering so many drinks?

How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb?

You might also enjoy:

What do two people with Parkinson's disease do when they meet for the first time?

What shakes and sits at the bottom of the ocean?

Why do they never serve a beer at math party?

Why shouldn't you drink at a math party?

Why do you have your thumb on my steak?

Why are French guns the best to buy?

What's Elon Musk's favorite band?

Why do feminists always seem so unhappy?

Why did the aligator spit out his lunch?

What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?

How are men like television commercials?

What rock group have four men that don't sing?

Why do clouds make good Kings?

What do you call a sick eagle that just flew in from out of the country?

Why don't chickens have lips?

What goes ooooooo?

Who makes a drinking sound like this makes drinking sound?