Family Jokes
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What do you call a family of redheads?
Gingerbread. Edit: This is more of an out-loud joke. So, maybe it'll help if it read: "Ginger-bred" instead.
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Why was the animal unhappy?
He had a ruff week.. His life wasn't purrfect. His brother was a shellout. His mother's been a real crab lately. His family was really shellfish. He had no porpoise in life.
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Whats the difference between a black man and a picnic table?
A picnic table can support a family of four
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What's the difference between a musician and a bag of rice?
The bag of rice can feed a family of four.
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Why did so many people show up to see the cannibal get cremated?
His family advertised it as a barbecue.
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Why did the black man try to break into jail?
He wanted to be with his family.
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What do people and pizza have in common?
If they're black, they can't feed a family.
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Whats the difference between a dead baby and a black man?
A dead baby can feed a family of four
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What do a car, a bus, and a family have in common?
The car and the bus both have wheels.
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What is the hardest thing to do after starting a family?
Ending them.
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What's the difference between a bench and a black guy?
A bench can support a family of four.
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Which family in Game Of Thrones fell down the stairs?
The Bannisters
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What's the best part about being an orphan?
All your chips and candy bars are family sized.
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What are your favorite jokes for the Holidays?
For those of us that struggle with our family perhaps this will help break the ice.
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Why did the family not laugh at the Obstetrician's joke?
Because he screwed up the delivery...
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Why did Chris Benoit quit wrestling?
He wanted to hang with his family.
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What's the difference between a folk singer and a pepperoni pizza?
A pepperoni pizza can actually feed a family of five.
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What do paper towels call their family?
NapKIN
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What's the difference between a Mexican and an elevator?
An elevator can raise a family I'll just see myself out.
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Why did I join Twitter?
Well I was sick of only being hated by coworkers and family so I wanted to branch out.
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What do you call a family that runs a gas station?
Pump kin.
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Where is potatoes?
This winter is very cold. Family is starve.
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Why are families only allowed 1 child in China?
The government is opposed to euthanasia.
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What is the difference between a black man and a couch?
A couch can support a family
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What do you call a tree that lost its family in a forrest fire?
Mourning wood
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How do I make a St. Patrick's Day mocha?
He says Irish coffee is the only thing keeping this family together
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Whats the difference between a Mexican and a Pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four. Im sorry if I've offended any pizzas.
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What is the difference between a call center job and a large pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family of four.
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What's the difference between a guitarist and a pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four
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What did the orphan get for Christmas?
A family.
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What did the boulder say to the other boulder?
I rock. You Rock. We Rock. Disclaimer: This joke was made during a 6 hour road trip with the family. My only scenery was rocks.
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What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
A pear. P.s. got this joke in a cracker. If anybody gets it can you please explain it. My family is stumped.
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What's the difference between a raft guide and a large pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family.
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Why are Alabama weddings so small?
They've only gotta invite one family
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What's the difference between a black man and a picnic table?
A picnic table can support a family of 4.
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What would be the worst possible thing to see on Reddit after losing your family in a car crash?
removed (two children)
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What's the difference between an arts graduate and a pizza?
A pizza can feed a family
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Why did my family serve Eggs Benedict on a hubcap for Christmas breakfast?
Because there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.
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What's the difference between a large pizza and an art student?
A pizza can feed a family.
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What do you call a family in which everyone from grand parents to grand kids smoke weed?
Joint Family.
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What do you call a family of Orthopaedic doctors ?
A Joint family.
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What are you gonna argue about with your family this Thanksgiving?
1. Minimum wage 2. Police reform 3. Why are there raisins in this, Louise
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What's the difference between a liberal arts major and a pizza?
The pizza can feed a family.
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What is the difference between a feminist studies major and a pizza?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
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What do you call a 2x4 that lost its family to a fire?
mourning wood
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Why did the plumber cry?
His family died.
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Why is there all this hate against necromancers?
They are just trying to raise a family in peace.
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What do you call a family of 8 rabbits?
One rabbyte
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Why did the trout go to med school?
Mounting pressure from his friends and family
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What was the problem?
ME: The packing implied that there would be a family that loves me inside the tent
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What's the worst thing for a cannibal to say to a friend?
Your family has impeccable taste.
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When Chris brought over his musl*m girlfriend to meet the family, what did they say?
Nice scarf! Must be cold where you came from! Do you guys want coffee?"
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When you guys describe me to your families do you use the word tigress?
I'd prefer if you included tigress
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Why the hate for necromancers?
T They're just trying to raise a family.
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What's the worst part about admitting to your friends and family you play PokemanGo?
Having to admit you have autism :,P
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Why can't the Muslim crossdresser feed his family?
He lost hijab.
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What did the bartender say to the horse?
bartender: Why the long face Horse: My alcoholism is destroying my family.
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When my family says things like...why don't you have kids yet?
I say "Because I didn't get drunk & do the football team, Sasha."
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Whats the difference between a pizza and a black man?
A pizza can feed a family of 4 (I'm black so I can say this)
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Who got only one visitor his entire life, got banished from the family and still lurks around with hope?
Pluto.
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Whats the difference between a black man and a dining room table?
A dining room table can stay and support a family of four.
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What is the difference between an art student and a dead baby?
The dead baby can feed a family of four.
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Why did the chicken love Campbell's Soup?
Because his family had stock in the company.
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What the difference between a Mexican and a bench?
The bench can support a family my first post here, a friend told me this joke.
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What did I do before Twitter?
Well, there's my family and......OH MY GOD WHERE'S MY FAMILY ! !
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What has four wheels and can't support a family?
A liberal arts major. I lied about the wheels.
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Why did the watermelon and the honeydew decide to cancel their spontaneous wedding in Las Vegas?
They realized with a family like theirs, they really Cantaloupe.
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What's the difference between a large pepperoni pizza and an Art History degree?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
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What is the difference between a PhD in mathematics and a large pizza?
The pizza can feed a family of four
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What's the difference... between a (nationality, ethnicity, etc you want to make fun of) man and a large pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family of four.
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What family does the octopus belong to?
Pupil: Nobody I know!
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What did the pumpkin say after waking up his family?
Awaken, my pump- "
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What do you call a British midget mother who can barely support her family?
Mini-Mum
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Why did the cab driver did not get time for his family?
Because he was Uber busy.
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Where did the frog say his family came from?
They are German and a tad-Polish"
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What's the difference between a drummer in a rock'n'roll band and an extra large pizza?
The extra large pizza can feed a family of four.
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What can an elevator do that a black man can't?
Raise a family.