Run Jokes

A baptist will run into a liquor store, buy their alcohol and run out. A Methodist will walk into a liquor store and say high to everyone, then buy their alcohol and walk out. A catholic will show up to the store completely hammered, hug everyone, get their alcohol and stumble their way out of the store.

How does an Apple Watch owner know that it's midday?

It's already run out of battery.

Why do we never run out of math teachers?

Because they are always multiplying.

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Why does Cinderella never win the Olympics?

She has a pumpkin for a coach and runs away from the ball.

Why is learning English confusing when you're camping?

Because running is past tents.

How many dogs does it take to count 14 plates?

14, maybe 15, but only if the plates ... 'run around a lot!'

Why does Mexico do so poorly in the Olympics?

Because everybody who can run, jump, or swim is already in America.

What do you do if an Islamist throws a pin at you?

Run. He still has the grenade in his teeth.

Why doesn't Mexico have a good Olympic team?

Because all the ones that can run, jump and swim are already in America.

What do you get when an alternative metal band runs out of toilet paper?

Rage Upon the Latrine

How many "a man walks into a bar" jokes does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but you can be sure a whole Reddit community will appear to expand the joke, make it funnier and eventually run it into the ground.

What do you call a company run entirely by ghosts?

An incorporation.

Why are fire engines red?

You would be too if you were running down the road with your hose hanging out!

Why does Mexico never win the Olympics?

Because anyone who can run, jump, or swim already left.

Why do black people play basketball?

Because it teaches them how to shoot, run and steal.

What's the difference between a midget chess team and a ladies track team?

One is a group of cunning little runts.... the other is a group of running little C

Why was Cinderella kicked out of the football team?

She ran away from the ball.

What did the tin man say after he was ran over by a steamroller?

Curses! Foil again!"

What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?

Run like hell, she's got a grenade in her mouth

Why can't Mexico field a good Olympic team?

Because everyone that can run, jump or swim is already here in the US.

What's the difference between a a women's track team and a tribe of pygmy's?

One is a cunning bunch of runts and the the is a running bunch of.....nevermind.

Why did the brothel run out of money?

Why did the brothel run out of money? Because all of the investors pulled out.

Why was the neighbor's cat afraid of me?

Because I ran over it with my car.

What did the kitty say when it ran for mayor??

Now, that was one politi-cat debate!

What did Caesar say when he ran into his friend at a music lesson?

Etude, Brute?"

When two ants want to run away and get married, who do they seek for help?

The Antelopes.

Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away?

You would run away too if your name was MUWWAAAUY

Why was Luke Skywalker late?

He didn't run, ewok-ed.

Why isn't the Vice President running for President this year?

Cuz he's Biden his time.

Why did the kid run across the freeway?

To show his friends he had guts. And boy, did he have guts.

What did the fish say when he ran into a concrete wall?

Dam!

Why did the chicken run into a well?

Because it didn't see that well.

Why was Cinderella kicked off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball

Why does Mexjco do poorly in the olympics?

Because all the Mexicans who can run fast, swim fast and jump high are in the states.

What do you call a white girl that can run faster than her brothers?

A redneck virgin

Why did AMD release black edition cpu?

Cause they run faster than white.

What kind of wolf never runs?

Steppenwolf

What do you call a bodybuilding Mexican who's run out of protein?

No whey Jose.

Why did the Mayor take so long to endorse a Presidential candidate?

Because he was running on CP time.

Why does Mexico always underperform in the summer olympics?

Because everyone that can run, swim or jump is in USA.

Why did the ram run off the cliff?

He didn't see the ewe turn.

Why do you want to run for President?

Because walking wouldn't burn enough calories.

Why shouldn't you run over a mexican kid on a bike?

Because it might be your bike.

What do you call a redneck virgin?

A 13 year old girl who runs faster than her older brothers

Why didn't Cinderella makes the Soccer Team?

She kept running away from the ball

Why does Harrison Ford run from Wesley Snipes?

Because he's the Blade Runner.

What's the difference between a dog and a cyclist?

When you run over a dog you don't have to go back and get the GoPro.

Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?

You would too if your name was WARRGELBLAFFENGAR!!!!!

Why couldn't Arnold Schwarzenegger run for president?

Because he doesn't do cardio.

What did the gardener yell when his vegetarian friend visited?

Run Berry, run!

What will Kayne West's political leaning be if he runs for President?

West wing

What's the difference between Politicians and Thieves?

Thief: They steal your money then run Politician: They run and then steal your money

What's so ironic about disabled toilets?

They're big enough to run around in.

What do call the two midgets who ran an impound lot?

Little Seizers

What do you call a snobby thief running down your stairs?

A condescending con descending.

What do you call a thief running down your stairs?

A condescending con descending.

Why did the marijuana addict lose the race?

He was running on fumes.

What did one pimple say to the other?

If you're busted, run.

How do you make the hippie run out of money?

You hide daddies credit card under a bar of soap.

Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill?

It ran out of juice. I shall take my leave now.

What do you call a person that ran away but changed their minds?

Canteloupe

What do you call a 20 year old spaceship that whines all the time and never wants to run properly?

The Millenial Falcon.

Why would you rather run into a bmw driver than a cactus?

Because it's easier to deal with just one prick

Why couldn't the salad bowl play Scrabble?

It had run out of lettuce

What has 2 legs but doesn't use them?

A man named Bob running down a train track (only Asians will understand)

What do you call a terrorist-run snowball stand?

Italian ISIS

What did the hurricane say to Hillary?

I didn't know disasters can run for office

Why was the nose running?

Cuz it's a running nose

What do you call an exercise group run by Jesus Christ?

Crossfit.

Why is diarrhea hereditary?

Because it runs in your genes!

What did the three-legged horse do when it started to rain?

It ran to the unstable.

Why are Ethopians so fit?

Because they have to run around in the shower to get wet.

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What happens when you run away from tomatos?

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Which horse runs the city?

What's the difference between tired and exhausted?

How do you exorcise a demon?

Why are we seeing the creepy clowns all over the country?

Why are black people so fast?

What's with everyone being scared of clowns recently?

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How do you get a Criminal to stop running?

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Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?

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