Run Jokes
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Why can't you run through a campground?
You need to RAN through a campground because it's past tents.
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Why do grandparents have so many clocks?
So they won't run out of time
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How do you make the hippie run out of money?
You hide daddies credit card under a bar of soap.
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Why doesn't Mexico have a team in the summer Olympics?
Because all the ones who can run, jump or swim are ready in the US.
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How do you make a black man run faster?
Give him a white man's wallet.
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Why did the horse run into the bar?
He didn't jump high enough.
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Why did the bald man cut a hole in his pocket?
He wanted to run his fingers through his hair.
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What's the similarity between Nike and the KKK?
They both make black men run faster.
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What is a Redneck virgin?
A 7-year-old that can run faster than her brothers!
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How many "a man walks into a bar" jokes does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but you can be sure a whole Reddit community will appear to expand the joke, make it funnier and eventually run it into the ground.
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Why couldn't Arnold Schwarzenegger run for president?
Because he doesn't do cardio.
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What did the ocean say to the river?
You can run but you can't tide."
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What do you call a snobby thief running down your stairs?
A condescending con descending.
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What does a fish say when it runs into a wall?
Damn!
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How did the lumberjack keep his business from falling behind when all the trees ran out?
By moving faux wood. Rimshot
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Why did the one-eyed pirate run his ship aground?
He didn't have any depth perception
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Why is Stephen Hawking successful?
He can't run away from his responsibilities.
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Why did the nose run?
It did snot want to be late
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Why can't gingers run?
Because they have no soles
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Why is the orange Rolling down the road?
Because it's run out of juice!!!!!! (:
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How are America and McDonald's similar?
They are both run by red-headed clowns.
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What do you call a bull that runs into a threshing machine?
Hamburger!
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What do you call a Pho restaurant run by 9 Japanese chefs?
Pho Kyuu EDIT: No one understands how to pronounce "Pho". ;;
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Why did the chicken cross my wife?
Because I ran her over in the street.
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What did the hurricane say to Hillary?
I didn't know disasters can run for office
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Why doesn't Mexico ever win any medals in the Olympics?
Because everyone who can run, jump, or swim has already crossed the border.
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Why did the minus sign run for office?
To make a difference.
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What do you call a bunch of stereotypical Americans running?
Nothing, it never happens.
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Why did the ram run off the cliff?
He didn't see the ewe turn.
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What did the Scottish man do when he ran out of pants to wear?
He kilt himself
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What did you do in Iran?
I ran.
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Why did broke man fall over?
He ran out of balance
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Why would Superman have won any race he ran against Roy Roger's dog?
Because he was faster than a speeding Bullet ...
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What did the Polack and the Native American name their first kid?
Running Stupid
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What colour T-shirt would win a race?
Red, because it runs the most.
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What did the man say when he ran out of clothes?
Oh dear, it seems I'm shirt on clothes.
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What insect runs away from everything ?
A flee !
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Which bird ran for President?
H. Ross Parrot
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Why can't Mexicans win the Olympics?
Because every one that can run, jump or swim has already crossed the border.
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Why is Hillary running for President?
Because it's easier than running from the law.
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What did the kleptomaniacal compulsive liar say when his beekeeper friend asked him what he was running away with?
None of your beeswax!"
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What's the difference between a lobster and a Japanese woman run over by a steamroller?
One's a crustacean and the other is a crushed Asian.
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What do you get if you are telling puns while jogging?
A running joke.
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What do a Chinese tourist who got run over by a bus and a lobster have in common?
They're both crushed-asians
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What's the difference between Politicians and Thieves?
Thief: They steal your money then run Politician: They run and then steal your money
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What is the difference between Stephen Hawking and his E-Wheelchair?
If you repair both, the E-Wheelchair is the only thing running again
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What'd you do?
PERSON: Ran a half-marathon and helped my pal move. You ME: I talked to like 4 people.
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Who busted you out of Iraq?
Well actually, I-ran
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How do you get out of the stomach of an elephant?
Run around until you get pooped out
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Why do black people play basketball?
Because it teaches them how to shoot, run and steal.
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Why did the young Greek boy run away from home?
A: He was not being reared right!
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What did the three-legged horse do when it started to rain?
It ran to the unstable.
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Why the hell are Zach Braff, Zach Galifianakis & Zac Efron not running around Hollywood as the "Zach Pack"?
This needs to happen.
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What did the gamer say to the fleeing prisoner?
Run! escape!
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How bad is it, doc?
Well, you'll never run again" So basically the same
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What do men and mascara have in common?
They both run at the first sign of emotion.
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Why can every black person run so fast?
Because the slow ones are in jail.
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What is it called when a thief steals a purse, runs into the street, then gets run over?
ma
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Why did Sweden change their immigration politics?
Because their Zoos ran out of room.
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What OS does an atheist run on their computer?
Fedora. For Linux n00bs(https://getfedora.org/)
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What's the best way to keep water from running?
Don't pay the water bill.
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How can you tell the difference between a catholic, a baptist, and a Methodist?
A baptist will run into a liquor store, buy their alcohol and run out. A Methodist will walk into a liquor store and say high to everyone, then buy their alcohol and walk out. A catholic will show up to the store completely hammered, hug everyone, get their alcohol and stumble their way out of the store.
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Why does a Canadian with a stutter never run low on batteries?
He always has plenty of double "eh"s, triple "eh"s...
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How do you know if a redneck girl is a virgin?
See if she can run faster than her brothers.
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What's the difference between Gordon Ramsey and a run in the forest?
Ones a pant in the country the others a...
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What do you call a Mexican bodybuilder who runs out of protein?
No Whey Jose.
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How did Harry potter get down the mountain?
Running... JK rolling
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What does the skeleton say when ganking bot lane?
BETTER TO RUN THAN CURSE THE ROAD
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What do you call it when you run out of seed?
Endosperm.
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What is logic?
A mute telling a deaf guy that a blind guy saw a paraplegic running behind a bald guy while grabbing his hair.
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Why doesn't Mexico have its own Olympic team?
Because all those who can run, jump, or swim are already in the US.
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How did Harry Potter get to the bottom of the hill?
By running! J.K. Rowling
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Why were George and Lennie sad?
Of mice and men joke) Because they ran out of Weed :D
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What should you do if your car's engine is running slow?
Get it to do some CARdio
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Why did the bear run around his bed?
He wanted to catch up on his sleep.
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What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
RUN! She's got a grenade in her mouth!
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How to get a job without experience ?
Just run for office!
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Why did the necromancer fail to meet his quarterly sales goal?
He ran his business on a skeleton crew.
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Why did the rabbit run out of the fast-food restaurant?
He thought he heard someone order a quarter pounder on a toasted bunny.
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What happened when a whore house caught on fire?
Some came out running, others ran out coming.
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What do you get when you run over a goose?
Goose bumps.
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How does a snail win a race?
It runs against Hillary.
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Who's about to run this country?
Yea that
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What did the lumberjack say to the trees?
Run, Forest, run!
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Why did the knight run about shouting for a tin opener ?
He had a bee in his suit of armour !
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What did the midget get when he ran under the strippers legs?
A flap in the face.
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Why should you torrent only from French sites?
Because it'll run faster.
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What's the perfect name for a salon run by a couple of lesbian nuns?
Scissor Sisters *ba-dum-tiss*
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Why shouldn't you use red, white, and blue paint in a watercolor?
Because these colors don't run
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Which is better exercise, chasing a car or running away from one?
Chasing a car. After running from a car you'll just be tired, but after chasing one you'll be exhausted.
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Why did the Eskimos have to stop partying?
because they ran out of Natural Light
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Why can any hamburger run the mile in under four minutes?
Because it's a FAST food!
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What do you get if you cross a labrador and a tortoise ?
A dog that will run to the shop to get your paper and bring back last weeks paper !
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Why don't cows simply run away from their farms?
Because they don't have enough sta**moo**na
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Why was the doctor forced to leave work early?
The hospital ran all out of patience
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Why did the dog run in circles?
He was a watchdog and needed winding.
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Why can't you run through camp sites?
You can only ran because it's past tents.
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What type of government would a nation ran by Alvin and the Chipmunks be called?
A theocracy.
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Why was Cinderella kicked off the baseball team?
She kept running away from the ball
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Why do they run the credits at the beginning of Game of Thrones?
Because you don't know who is going to make it to the end.
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What do you call a computer that is running slow?
Restarted.
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What kind of wolf never runs?
Steppenwolf
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Why did the French milkman have to hurry?
He was running lait
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Why couldn't the melons run away and get married?
They cantelope.
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What department do you not want to end up at in a corporation run by cannibals?
Human Resources.
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Why couldn't the auction house find any buyers for the Celtic artifact?
It was completely runed.
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Why couldn't the salad bowl play Scrabble?
It had run out of lettuce
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What do you call a stampede that runs in circles?
NASCOW
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What are ants called when they run away very fast to get married?
Ant-elopers.
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What does a Persistent Jedi do when he gets destroyed in a race?
An all day run
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What keeps running and doesn't get tired?
A Kenyan child.
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What is the best thing to take when you're run over?
The number of the car that hit you.
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What do you call a group of Japanese people running up a hill?
Tsunami Warning
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What takes longer to run, first to second, or second to third?
Second to third, because there's a short stop in the middle!
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Where you see yourself in 5 years?
Doing your job. "And me " Jobless and upset about the divorce "OMG" *runs out crying*
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What would you call a terrorist organisation run by wielders of the dark side of the force?
ISITH
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Why does someone who runs marathons make a good student?
Because education pays off in the long run!
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Why does Mexico do so badly in the Olympics ?
Because everyone who can run, jump or swim is in the US.
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Why did the skull win 1st place in the race?
Because he ran ahead.
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What kind of lizard can run the mafia?
The Iguanodon
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What's faster than a black man running with a tv?
His cousin with the DVD player
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Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster?
A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.
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Why couldn't the melon couple run off and get married?
Because they can't elope.
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Why did the farmer run through his fields with a steamroller?
Because he wanted mashed potatoes!!!!
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Why can't you run in a camp ground?
You can only 'ran' it's past tents.
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Why does Mexico always do so poorly in the olympics?
Anyone who could run, swim or jump made it to the USA.
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What is a mexican's favourite sport?
Cross-Country Running
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Why was the baseball player arrested?
He was involved in a hit-and-run.
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What do you call Usain bolt when he's running from a lion?
Fast food
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Why did the doctor quit his job?
He ran out of patients.
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Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it's harder to run in squares.
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Howdo you stop a baby from running in circles?
Nail its other hand to the floor.
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What do DNA and Diarrhea have in common?
They both run in your jeans (genes)
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Why was the Windows PC broke?
It ran out of cache.
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Why do you want to run for President?
Because walking wouldn't burn enough calories.
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What does a retired Olympic sprinter have in common with Bernie Sanders?
He quit running.
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How Many Running Backs Does It Take To Turn On A Light?
Two. One to find the switch...the other to hit it.
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What brings you to speed dating?
Me: I just ran out of the fancy shampoo my previous GF bought for me.
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Why should you never run over a black kid on a bike?
Because it's probably your bike...
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Why was Cinderalla thrown out of the football team?
Because she ran away from the ball.
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What do you call a white girl that can run faster than her brothers?
A redneck virgin
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Why did AMD release black edition cpu?
Cause they run faster than white.
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Why don't White Elephants run?
because they Ele-cant....Can somebody explain this to me? (Seriously, I don't get it, is it like Elegant?)
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How did the blonde die ice-fishing?
A. She was run over by the zambonis machine.
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Why did the cowgirl name her pony ink?
Because it kept running out of the pen!! My favorite joke when young :).
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What to do if you run over a black man in the rain?
Well, you have an hour before the rain dries...
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What kind of Fuel does the Iron Giant run on?
Vin Diesel!
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What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller?
Curses! Foil again!
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Why did Vana White run off the stage of Wheel of Fortune?
She had a bowel movement during her vowel movement.
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What do you call a temple-running frog?
Amphibiana Jones.
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Why didn’t the orange win the race?
It ran out of juice.
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What do you call a zombie that runs fast?
A zoombie.
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Why doesn't Mexico ever do well in the Olympics?
Because every mexican that can run, jump, or swim is already in America.
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Why does Cinderella never win the Olympics?
She has a pumpkin for a coach and runs away from the ball.
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Why did the farmer name his pig Ink?
Because he kept running out of the pen.
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Why do pigs run into trees?
To shake out the alligators. I've never seen an alligator In a tree. That's because the pigs do such a good job.
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What did the Cherokee-Polish couple name their firstborn?
Running Stupid
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How many dogs does it take to count 14 plates?
14, maybe 15, but only if the plates ... 'run around a lot!'
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What would happen if Russia ran out of vodka?
Well, my dear reddit, in nature there is law of conservation of matter. Therefore, if the vodka disappeared somewhere, it would appear somewhere else. And then there would be Russia.
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What happend when the bike ran over a nail?
It popped a wheelie.
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Why hasn't Mexico won any medals in the Olympics?
Because all the Mexicans who can swim well, jump high and run fast are in the United States.
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What do you call a foreign born communist running for President?
Ted Cruz
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What do you call a person that ran away but changed their minds?
Canteloupe
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What is the worst about having alzheimer's and dierrhea?
You're running but don't know where to.
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Whats the longest running Canadian joke?
Terry Fox
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What Type of Fruit Wants to Run Away and Get Married but Isn't Able to?
Cantelope.
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What did the turtle do when he ran out of gas?
He went to the Shell station.
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What did the recent KKK hit-and-run victim order at Starbucks?
A flat white.
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What did Chris Christie say when asked if he had plans to run in the 2016 presidential election?
After giving it a substantial amount of thought and discussing it with my advisors, I've decided against it. I mean, I'd love to, and I appreciate those who'd support me, but I feel like I wouldn't be able to take the stress mentally- and physically." After being asked what physical stress he'd experience, he responded: "I don't think I'd be able to handle that much running."
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What do you do if an Islamist throws a pin at you?
Run. He still has the grenade in his teeth.
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Why did the dolphin run away from home to start a new life?
He felt he had lost his sense of porpoise.
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Whats the problem with running through a field of dead babies?
Your erection....
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What do you call 500 Natives running on the race track?
The Indy 500.
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How do you stop your water from running?
Stop paying the bill.
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How do you exorcise a demon?
Make him run a lap then do 10 push-ups and sit-ups
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Why was Cinderella kicked off the basketball team?
She kept running away from the ball
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Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away?
You would run away too if your name was MUWWAAAUY
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What do you call Batman and Robin after they got run over by a steamroller?
Flatman and Ribbon
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What Pokemon likes to run?
Lucardio!
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What do you call a 13 year old girl from Kentucky who can run faster than her six brothers?
A virgin
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Why did Cinderella get kicked off the Basketball team?
Cause she ran away from the ball
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What happened to when the coke bottle was ran over by the steam roller?
He was soda pressed.
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Who the hell is this 'Foreclosure' guy?
And what is he running for
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Why did Cinderella get kicked off for the soccer team?
She kept running from the ball.
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How long did it take for the police to catch the man running in his underwear?
It was a brief chase...
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What do KKK and intensive training have in common?
they both make black guys run faster
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Why did the Little Mermaid run away with the fisherman?
He had allure.
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Who runs the 100 acre wood website?
www.innie the pooh.
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Why was Cinderella banned from playing sports?
Because she always ran away from the ball <p> My favorite joke since I was little
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What runs all day but never gets tired?
Water.
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What did the valley girl say when her pen ran out of ink?
I LITERALLY CAN'T EVEN WRITE NOW
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What did the chopped wood say to the tree?
Run!
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Why couldn't the clock be kept in jail?
Because time was always running out.
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How does an Apple Watch owner know that it's midday?
It's already run out of battery.
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What did the snot say to the nose?
I gotta run.
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Who won the animal race?
The giraffe and the aardvark were running neck and neck but the aardvark won by a nose!
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What did the body builder say when he ran out of protein powder mix?
No whey.
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Why are all those people running?
A: Why are all those people running B: They are running a race to get a cup. A: Who will get the cup B: The person who wins. A: Then why are all the others running
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When do doctors get angry?
When they run out of patients.
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Why do I only ran through campsites?
Because it's past tents
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Why did the chicken run across the road?
She was worried the egg would get there first.
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Why do we never run out of math teachers?
Because they are always multiplying.
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What does a musician train do when running from the law?
Covers tracks
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What does the Doctor use to keep things running smoothly in the T.A.R.D.I.S?
WD-4D
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What did the evil tin man say when he was run over by a steamroller?
Curses! Foil again!
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Why is diarrhea hereditary?
Because it runs in your genes!
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Why isn't the Mexican olympic team any good?
Anyone who can run jump or swim is already across the border.
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Why did the man run around his bed?
Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!
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When two ants want to run away and get married, who do they seek for help?
The Antelopes.
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Why is it a bad idea to run behind a car?
You'll get exhausted
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Why did the chicken run around screaming?
Because he had to use the bathroom.
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Why isn't the Vice President running for President this year?
Cuz he's Biden his time.
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What do you call a white girl that runs faster than her brothers?
A redneck virgin
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Why did Levi Strauss suffer from chronic diarrhea?
It runs in his jeans.
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What kind of country has a clown problem?
The same one that has 2 clowns running for president!
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What can run out before you've had a chance to use it?
Slaves.
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Why wouldn't the piglet's mother let her read romantic novels?
She was afraid her daughter would run away with a wolf.
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Why are we seeing the creepy clowns all over the country?
Being in many states and seen on all types of media is how they run for president.
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What made the orange stop suddenly?
It just ran out of juice.
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What do you call it when a neurologist is found embezzling and he later runs away?
A Fraudian slip.
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Why should you never run in front of a bus?
You will get tired.
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What's the difference between a race car and a woman?
One costs a lot of money to maintain, keep running, and give you the results you want. The other has four wheels.
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What's the worst place to run in to your ex girlfriend?
Auschwitz
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What did the dolphin say when he ran into the sea turtle?
Sorry, I didn't do it on porpoise."
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How do you take a Mexican family portrait?
Put them in the back of a truck and run a red light.
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Why did the Japanese funeral home have to turn away new business?
They ran out of san storage
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Why do pigs run from medicine?
They hate getting cured.
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What's with everyone being scared of clowns recently?
Americas already got two running for president.
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Why does Mexico never win the Olympics?
Because anyone who can run, jump, or swim already left.
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What happened to Han when Chewie wouldn't do the marathon?
He Ran Solo...
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What does a South Carolina cop do when a panda runs away from him?
Shoots him 8 times in the black.
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Why are we running so fast?
asked one. "Because" said the second "it says 'tear along the dotted line'!"
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What did the Pelican say to the fish when he was running late for work?
I'll catch you later!
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Why is the Kentucky Derby run in a circle?
They like horsin' around.
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Why do black people like basketball?
Because it invovles running, shooting, and stealing.
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What do you do when you see a Flock of Seagulls?
You run. You run so far away.
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What do you get when an alternative metal band runs out of toilet paper?
Rage Upon the Latrine
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What's the difference between a brothel and a circus?
Your mother never ran away to join the circus.
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Why was Luke Skywalker late?
He didn't run, ewok-ed.
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Why can't anything be easy?
I moaned as my real-time handheld connection to all the world's information briefly ran slower than usual.
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What's cold and always runs from a fight?
Coward ice.
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Why is it impossible to run through a campground?
You can only ran, because it's past tents.
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What's the difference between tired and exhausted?
When you run in front of a car you get tired. When you run behind a car you get exhausted.
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Why are white girls always tired?
Because they've literally been running around all day
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What did Pac-Man say when he almost got run over?
I'm Waka-Waka-Waka-Walking here!
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How is a Mac like a Queen's guard?
They're both run by Unix.
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What's the best part of running a marathon?
Ha! You actually thought I ran a marathon! Jokes on you, I'm just drunk!
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What has 4308 eyes, 28957 legs, and 398503 teeth?
I don't know, but if you see it, RUN!
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Why did the one-eyed pirate keep running aground?
No depth perception.
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Why Do Black People Run Fast?
Because they have to run 3 kilometers and back everyday to get water.
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Why does voldemort have flat face?
He ran into wrong wall at train station
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What do you call a redneck virgin?
A 13 year old girl who runs faster than her older brothers
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What's the worst part of running into your ex?
You have to get out and check to see how bad your car is damaged.
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What do you call a race run by baristas?
A **decaf**alon
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What's white and red, 3 inches long, and makes dudes scream and run away when you show it to them?
A positive pregnancy test.
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What did the dog take when he was run down?
The license number of the car that hit him.
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What's the difference between driving a car on an empty tank of gas and having diarrhea?
One you're running on fumes, the other you're fuming with the runs.
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What do you call it when you're run over by a German?
Hunover.
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What Would Justin Bieber Do?
scream like a little girl, grab nonexistent testicles & run away awkwardly.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?
Antelopes
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What did the hair stylist do when the Beach Boys came on?
The barber ran
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Why would a Catholic priest start practicing at a prison?
He ran out of little boys
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Why not ask the guy who took that picture?
Just kidding, I ran over it.
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Why does Mexjco do poorly in the olympics?
Because all the Mexicans who can run fast, swim fast and jump high are in the states.
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Why did the boy die when a car ran over his finger?
His finger was up his nose.
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How Far Can a Fox... Q: How far can a fox run into a grove?
A: Only halfwaythen he's running out of it! Click here: http://redd.it/2o1hgq
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What language does robot Marco run on?
Rubio on rails
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Why do people smile in Africa?
So they won't run into each other in the dark.
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What's the difference between a lobster and an oriental woman run over by a steamroller?
One's a crustacean and the other a crushed Asian.
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How's Terry Fox like Jack Layton?
They both tried to run a country and died before finishing.
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What was the man running around ?
from my 5yr old son Because he wanted to catch some sleep.
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Why is Cinderella so bad at football?
A. Because she's got a pumpkin for a coach B. Because she keeps running away from the ball
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Why don't soccer players get hot while running?
Because they hve so many fans
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What's the difference between a robber and a politician?
Politicians run BEFORE they steal your money.
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What do you call a thief running down your stairs?
A condescending con descending.
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Why did the monster take his nose apart?
To see what made it run.
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Why do dogs run in circles ?
Because its hard to run in squares !
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Why did the Crimean run across the Street?
Because he was Russian
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What do you do if an elephant swallows you whole?
Run around until you get pooped out. :)
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What do call the two midgets who ran an impound lot?
Little Seizers
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How far can you run into the woods?
Halfway, any further and you're running out.
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What's so ironic about disabled toilets?
They're big enough to run around in.
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Which fruit wanted to run away and get married, but couldn't?
Cant-elope :D
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Why did Carrie Underwood run out of cheese?
Because Jesus took the wheel.
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What did the Grateful Dead fan say when he ran out of pot?
What's that noise?
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Why didn't I play in the Woman's world chess championships?
Because I ran
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What did the native american say the first time he saw a bicycle?
Wow, white folks are pretty smart. They run sitting down.
-
What should you do if a monster runs through your front door?
Run through the back door.
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Why are black people so good at running?
Because when they here the gun go off they start runnin.
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Which of these three does not belong: (A) a lobster, (B) a flounder, or (C) a Korean man who has just been run over by a bus?
The answer is (B) a flounder. The other two are crushedAsians.
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How do you stop your laptop batteries from running out?
Hide their trainers.
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What do you call an exercise group run by Jesus Christ?
Crossfit.
-
Why should you never run behind a bus?
You will get exhausted.
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How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine?
Only one if you run him through slowly!
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Why shouldn't you run over a mexican kid on a bike?
Because it might be your bike.
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What do Romans say when their wives run away?
Caesar!
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How do you make a dog meow?
Put it in the freezer for three days. Run it through a bandsaw. Meoooooow.
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Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill?
It ran out of juice. I shall take my leave now.
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Why don't the Mexicans have an olympics team?
Because anybody who can run jump or swim is in the States.
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Why did the mother bear ask the baby bear to wear shoes before he ran through the forest?
Because he was barefooted!!!
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Why would you rather run into a bmw driver than a cactus?
Because it's easier to deal with just one prick
-
Why doesn't Mexico have a good Olympic team?
Because all the ones that can run, jump and swim are already in America.
-
Why are Ethopians so fit?
Because they have to run around in the shower to get wet.
-
What's the difference between a little kid and a lesbian?
A little kid shouldn't run with scissors, a lesbian shouldn't scissor with the runs.
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What did the sea say to the river?
You can run but you can't tide!
-
What was Hamlet screaming when running around a circle ?
2(pi)r or not 2(pi)r....(snicker)
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What do you call a midget psychic running from the cops?
A small medium at large!
-
What do you call a superhero-duo run over by a steam roller?
Flatman and Ribbon.
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Which purse runs from the law?
Disburse!
-
Why was the doctor in a hurry to move to the big city?
He was running out of patients.
-
Who says Republicans aren't into recycling?
Mitt Romney's thinking of running for President, again.
-
Why is there no mexican olympics?
Because everyone who can run, jump, or swim is already across the boarder
-
Why did the bodybuilder stop in the middle of the road?
They ran out of juice!
-
What's similar between a racehorse and a leaky faucet?
They're both off and running.
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What'd the fish say when he ran into a wall?
Dam!
-
What has 2 legs but doesn't use them?
A man named Bob running down a train track (only Asians will understand)
-
Why can't Mexico field a winning Olympic team?
Because everyone that can run, jump or swim is in the US.
-
What's brown and runs around your garden?
Your fence.
-
How long are you supposed to chase someone after your wallet gets stolen?
Because I'm tired of running and he's catching up....
-
What other miracles can you do?
Jesus: I can varnish 'You mean vanish ' J: *running finger over a beautiful oak table* aha, not quite
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Why wasn't the plastic surgeon worried about running out of breast implants anytime soon?
He had a large drawer of chests right there in his office.
-
How do you make a dog go meow?
Freeze it and run it through a bandsaw. MEEEOWW!!
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Why did i buy a black phone?
So it would run faster!!
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Why did the man sleep after being run over by a car?
Because he got tired.
-
Why would Target be the worst store to run the Enterprise?
Because they all wear red shirts
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What did the police officer say to the white man running away with a TV?
Sir, you dropped your receipt!"
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Why does mowgli run away from Shere Khan?
Islamophobia.
-
Why are there no mexican in the olympics?
Because any Mexican that can run, jump or swim is in america!
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What's the opposite of running away and getting married?
Anteloping.
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Why is it not safe to doze on trains?
Because they run over sleepers.
-
What do you call a company run entirely by ghosts?
An incorporation.
-
What does the 1286BC incribed on the mummy's tomb indicate ?
The registration of the car that ran him over !
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What should a teacher take if he's run down?
The number of the car that hit him.
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What do you call a bee that has been run over by a car?
Bee flat Music joke for those who don't understand. B flat is a note.
-
What's Harry Potter's way to get to the bottom of a hill?
Running . . . JK! Rolling
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Why does more black people get run over during the day?
You can't see them when it is night.
-
Why do bears hate shoes so much?
They like to run around in their bear feet.
-
Why are black people so fast?
Since they run away from lions , but he nearest village is 10km away.....
-
Why doesn't Mexico live up to it's full potential in the Olympics?
Because all the Mexicans that can run, jump, and swim are in America.
-
What do you call a 20 year old spaceship that whines all the time and never wants to run properly?
The Millenial Falcon.
-
What happened to the wizard who ran away with the circus?
The police made him bring it back again.
-
Why couldn't I run the Compressed File?
I was missing the important Bits.
-
What did the fish say when he ran into a wall?
Dam.
-
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell, she's got a grenade in her mouth
-
What did Mr & Mrs Rockmelon say to their daughter when she wanted to run off with Johnny Watermelon?
A: But you cantaloupe!
-
Why do black people like the NBA?
It's the only sport where you can shoot, steal and run!
-
What do you call a dictator running a bookshop?
The Supreme Reader.
-
What happens when you run away from tomatos?
They ketchup.
-
What's brown, sticky and runs down your leg?
Chocolate Ice Cream in July!
-
What if I color on you?
What if I run a truck along your back Steal your toy Throw a ball Spit food at you - My toddler, wooing the dog
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What did one pimple say to the other?
If you're busted, run.
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What is a bus ?
A: A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
-
What's the definition of awful?
Putting a bomb on a disabled person's back and telling him to run.
-
Why do you have a copy of 50 Shades of Grey in your bathroom?
Perv! Me: Oh. No that's just for when I run out of toilet paper.
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Why can you ran thourgh a campground but not run through a campground?
Because it's past tents
-
How do you make a cat go "meow"?
Take it out of the freezer and run it through a bandsaw.
-
Why was the ghost of Anne Boleyn always running after the ghost of Henry VIII ?
She was trying to get ahead !
-
Why does Mexico never do well in the Olympics?
Anyone who can run, jump or swim is already over the border
-
How many "a man walks into a bar" jokes does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but you can be sure a whole Reddit community will appear to expand the joke, make it funnier and eventually run it into the ground.
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What happened after the word bank was robbed?
There was a run on sentences.
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Why did the motorcycle suddenly stop running?
Because it was two tired.
-
Why can't Cinderella play soccer?
Because she keeps running away from the ball
-
Why did the chicken end up in the soup ?
Because it ran out of cluck !
-
What's the worst thing about running 100 meters in less than 10 seconds?
Being black.
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What do you call a family that runs a gas station?
Pump kin.
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Why is there no market for white tires?
Because black tires makes your car run faster
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Why is a dog like a baseball player?
He runs for home when he sees the catcher coming.
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Why can you RAN in a campsite, but never RUN in a campsite?
Because it's always past-tents.
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Who's that running?
Not Tom
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Why is learning English confusing when you're camping?
Because running is past tents.
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How many Mexicans does it take to run a computer?
Dos
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What do you get when you mix free running with golf?
Parfour Sorry
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Why was the nose running?
Cuz it's a running nose
-
What's the difference between a dog and a cyclist?
When you run over a dog you don't have to go back and get the GoPro.
-
How can you tell if the kid that stole your bike is half black and half polish?
He's running down the street with the bike under his arm.
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Why did the farmer call his pig "Ink"?
A: Because it was always running out of the pen.
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Why do bald men cut holes in there pockets?
To run their hands through their hair
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What were the polite Egyptians running away from?
DaRUDE Sandstorm
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What's the difference between a a women's track team and a tribe of pygmy's?
One is a cunning bunch of runts and the the is a running bunch of.....nevermind.
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How do you get a kid to stay low to the ground?
DUCK!" How do you get a kid up and running "GOOSE!"
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Why are fire engines red?
You would be too if you were running down the road with your hose hanging out!
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Why don't melons ever run away and get married?
Because they cantaloupe!
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Why didn't Kevin from Home Alone call the cops when the burglars came around?
He was running a trap house.
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Why do you make more money?
A heart surgeon takes his Cadillac to his mechanic to get his engine fixed. When he returns a few days after to pick up the car, the mechanic calls him over to show him something. He says, "Okay Doc, I've changed the seals out and fixed everything up but I have one question. The engine is to the car as the heart is to the body. Why is it that you make some much more money than me?" The doctor examines the engine carefully and says, "try fixing it while the engine is running."
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Why did the pig quit running the the marathon?
He had a problem with his hamstring.
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What is the ardent task of searching for a new wallpaper called?
Running a Backgroud Check.
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Why couldn't cinderella play soccer?
She always ran away from the ball
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Which horse runs the city?
The mare, of course
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What runs forever and never dies?
An argument with a woman! And I'm in one right now.
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Why don't we run through the parking lot?
me laying on the ground in front of the car that hit me Because it's dangerous
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Why was the Doctor screaming angrily at his secretary?
He ran out of patients.
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What happened when the pig ran into his ex?
there was a porkward silence
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How do you get a Criminal to stop running?
Play the national anthem
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Why did the baby have such a poor time in the marathon?
He was running a little behind
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What do you call a bodybuilding Mexican who's run out of protein?
No whey Jose.
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Why do black people always die first in scary movies?
Because they never run from nothin but the police
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What should you do if you find a witch in your bed?
Run!
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Why did the brothel run out of money?
Why did the brothel run out of money? Because all of the investors pulled out.
-
Why did Jesus run off the airplane?
He didn't like the Pilate
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What did Caesar say when he ran into his friend at a music lesson?
Etude, Brute?"
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How ?
I've paid him and i didnt sit in. I ran away
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Why does Mexico never wins any medals at the Olympic Games?
Because everyone who runs, swims, or jump really well is already across the border.
-
Why are eggs so good at humor?
Because they have running yolks.
-
Why did the chicken run out of the brothel?
Whore moans.
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What do you call a giant squid who runs a tow service in Indonesia?
A Kraken-towa!
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What do you get if you cross a spider and an elephant ?
I'm not sure but if you see one walking across the ceiling then run before it collapses !
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Why did the chicken run out into traffic?
To get to the other side.
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Whoa, cool. Where did you get him?
The parrot says, "Africa! There are loads of them running around!"
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What should you do when you see a blond with a pin in her mouth?
RUN! She's got a grenade in her mouth!
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What to you call Batman and Robin after they've been run over by a car?
A: Flatman and Ribbon
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Whats the only fruit that can't run away to get married??
A Cantaloupe.
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Why did the redneck take his cat to Walmart after running over it's tail with the lawn mower?
Because they're the largest re-tail-er
-
Who run da world?
points mic at me* ME: having briefly heard the song once before ...squirrels
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Why is grandpa running daddy?
Shut up son, and give me another shell.
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Why did the pig run away from the pig sty?
He felt that the other pigs were taking him for grunted.
-
Why doesn't Mexico have any good athletes?
Because anybody who can run, jump, and swim is already in America
-
Why did the spotted pigs run away?
They thought the traveling salesman told the farmer to put his name on the dotted swine.
-
How did he get from Afghanistan to Iraq?
Iran (He ran). Thought of this when looking at the world map, sorry that it's terrible.
-
What is a man's ultimate shame?
When he runs into a wall with a hard-on and grabs his nose first!
-
What do you call a fast country?
I ran. Which one is faster Rush sia. How about d fastest E jeep. No K
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What do you call a 7 year old redneck girl who can run faster than her brothers?
A virgin.
-
Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?
You would too if your name was WARRGELBLAFFENGAR!!!!!
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Why did the dog run into the corner every time the door bell rang?
because he is a Boxer
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Why does Mexico always underperform in the summer olympics?
Because everyone that can run, swim or jump is in USA.
-
Why is the fridge shaking so much?
It's running just fine. Probrably because it's so turned on!
-
What did the gardener yell when his vegetarian friend visited?
Run Berry, run!
-
Why didn't Cinderella makes the Soccer Team?
She kept running away from the ball
-
Why isn't the Vice President running for the Democratic Nomination this year?
He's Biden his time.
-
What do you call a nun on the run?
A ROMAN CATHOLIC!
-
Why is glue white?
If it were black it would run. It just wouldn't work.
-
What does a French carpenter say when he runs out of nails?
I haven't a clous.
-
What did the tin man say after he was ran over by a steamroller?
Curses! Foil again!"
-
What runs, but never sprints?
Inherited obesity
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How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?
They'll tell you
-
Why can't you run in camp sites?
Its 'ran', because it's past tents... Ill see myself out.
-
Who run the world?
Generally people who have at least a basic understanding of grammar.
-
What do you call an Alabama woman who can run faster than her brother?
virgin
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Why does Harrison Ford run from Wesley Snipes?
Because he's the Blade Runner.
-
What's the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver?
The drunk driver runs the stop sign. The stoned driver waits for it to turn green.
-
What do you call batman when he runs out of church?
Christian bale
-
Why can't you run in a campground?
Because you ran: It's past tents. I'll show myself out.
-
What do you call the runs in space?
The floats
-
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the softball team?
Because she ran away from the ball!
-
Why can't Mexico field a good Olympic team?
Because everyone that can run, jump or swim is already here in the US.
-
What runs faster?
Hot or cold Hot because everyone can catch a cold!
-
What did the fish say when he ran into a concrete wall?
Dam!
-
Why did Cinderella get kicked off her soccer team?
She kept running away from the ball.
-
How did the woman feel when she got run over by a car?
Tired.
-
Why can't you run through a campsite?
Because you ran when it's past tents.
-
Why did the citizen run for Sewer Commissioner?
He thought it was his civic doodie!
-
What's faster than a black guy running down the street with your T.V?
His brother holding the VCR.
-
Why were the breakfast potatoes running around hitting each other?
HashTag!
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What do you call a stampede of mexicans running away from a snake?
panic
-
Why do we always ran out of toothpicks?
Nanny: I don't know maam. I always return it after using.
-
Why did the door to door sales man get nervous and run away?
He was selling In-Security Heh yeah i dunno i thought it up in a dream and I'm still half asleep bye
-
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because he can't run home
-
Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.
-
Why do police in the US carry a tazer and pepper spray?
In case they run out of bullets.
-
What do you call a country run by a bunch of stubborn old deer?
A stagnation
-
Why are you running like that?
He answered, "Because you're coming home early."
-
Why doesn't Mexico send a team to the Summer Olympics?
Because all the one that can run, jump, or swim are already in the US.
-
How can you tell if somebody's run a marathon?
Wait 15 seconds, they'll tell you.
-
Why did the bald guy cut a hole in his pocket?
Because he wanted to run his fingers through his hair.
-
What do you get when you run a canary over with the lawnmower?
Shredded tweet.
-
Why was the first computer never invited to dinner?
It would just take a few bytes then run.
-
Why does Mexico do so poorly in the Olympics?
Because everybody who can run, jump, or swim is already in America.
-
What do Detroit and the Olympics have in common?
You hear a gunshot and see a bunch of black guys running
-
How far can a rabbit run into the woods?
Halfway. After that she's running out of the woods.
-
Whats the difference between risky children and risky lesbians?
One runs when they have scissors, the others scissor when they have runs
-
Why was Cinderella kicked out of the football team?
She ran away from the ball.
-
What did the kitty say when it ran for mayor??
Now, that was one politi-cat debate!
-
Why was the neighbor's cat afraid of me?
Because I ran over it with my car.
-
How are Americans and poles similar?
Running into one could really ruin your day.
-
What do you call it when ISIS soldiers run for cover?
100 meter Daesh
-
Why does the Clyde run through Glasgow?
Because if it walked, it'd get jumped!
-
How have you done that?
I don't know how but every time I run through that maze and ring the bell he gives me a piece of cheese.
-
What's the difference between a midget chess team and a ladies track team?
One is a group of cunning little runts.... the other is a group of running little C
-
What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?
DAM! (airplane stewardess told me and had me on ground laughing)
-
Why are socially-aware western tourists avoiding Nice, France for their late-summer getaways?
All that Muslim hatred can really run you down.
-
Why is it OK to wash an American flag in hot water?
Because these colors don't run.
-
What do you call two ants running away?
Antelope!
-
Where do terrorists go when they're on the run?
Apparently, they go everywhere.
-
How do you get 100 Ethiopians in a phone box?
Throw a tin of beans in there ..... How do you get them back out of it? Run past with the tin opener .....
-
What do you get when you run over geese?
Goose bumps
-
Why don't orphans play baseball?
They have no home to run to
-
Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
And 'entruncated' How about 'monosyllabic' Who's running this language
-
Why did the Mayor take so long to endorse a Presidential candidate?
Because he was running on CP time.
-
Why did Simba have trouble returning to Pride Rock?
He ran into trafiki.
-
How do you know if someone has run a marathon?
Don't worry, they'll tell you.
-
How many Frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one to hold it in place while the rest of Europe runs circles around it.
-
Why did the rooster run away ?
He was chicken !
-
Why do New Zealand race horses run faster than other race horses?
They saw what happened to the sheep
-
Why did the mayonnaise win the running race?
Because the tomato sauce couldn't Ketchup.
-
What do you call a terrorist-run snowball stand?
Italian ISIS
-
What's your favorite pirate joke?
Friend has an eyepatch on for some reason or another and I'm running out of decent jokes.
-
Why did the kid run across the freeway?
To show his friends he had guts. And boy, did he have guts.
-
What happened when the bike ran over a nail?
It popped a wheelie.
-
What does it mean when you see a bunch of blacks running in one direction?
Jail break.
-
What tick likes to run?
Politicks
-
What do you call a gigantic polar bear?
Nothing you just run away!
-
What do you call tree sap that won't stop running?
Forest gunk.
-
What's the definition of a redneck virgin?
A 7 year-old girl who can run faster than her brothers.
-
Why do you not run over a Mexican on a bicycle?
It could be your bicycle!
-
Why do pigs have flat snouts?
From running in to trees.
-
Why hasn't Mexico got an Olympic team?
Because the ones who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S
-
What do you call a secret agent running for the bus?
A Russian spy.
-
Why did Johnny Cash have the Cocaine Blues?
He ran out of cocaine.
-
What happens to an Asian guy when they run into a wall with a full erection?
They break their nose!
-
Why can you only ran through a campground and not run?
Because it's past tents.
-
What will Kayne West's political leaning be if he runs for President?
West wing
-
What's the best way to grease a Ferrari?
Run over an Italian.
-
What country most despises cars that run on gasoline?
Mad-at-gas-cars!
-
Why did Helen Keller stop cleaning her dishes?
She was running out of things to read.
-
Why does the Mexican Olympic team always do so badly?
Because anyone who can swim, run, or climb is already in America.
-
What said a person who got run over by a car?
I'm tired".
-
What do you do if you're drunk and you run into your ex wife?
Reverse to make sure.
-
Why are there so few Mexican athletes in the Olympics?
Because most of them who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States.
-
What do you call a dog with a stain on his fur?
Spot. What do you call a dog who lays on a golf course Ruff. What do you call a dog who just got run over Rhody.
-
What is grosser that gross?
Ten naked men running around in a circle and the first one stops.
-
Why has Mexico never won olympic gold?
All those who can run, jump and swim are in Texas.
-
Whats the difference between children and lesbians?
Children shouldn't run with scissors. Lesbians shouldn't scissor with the runs.
-
What animal runs around happily with 5 legs?
A pit bull in a kindergarten
-
Why did the chicken run into a well?
Because it didn't see that well.
-
What do you call a Canadian that's been run through a blender?
Pure-eh
-
Why did the marijuana addict lose the race?
He was running on fumes.
-
Why isn't Mexico in the Summer Olympics?
Everyone who can run, jump, and swim are already over here.
-
What's the difference between a basketball player and a mexican?
Nothing, they both run, jump, shoot and steal.
-
Why couldn't the pig run?
He pulled his hamstring!
-
What do you say when a dog runs away?
Dog-gone!
-
Why aren't their Mexican Olympics?
Because all of the Mexicans that can run,jump,and swim are in America!
-
Why do so many American kids die in school shootings?
They're not allowed to run in the halls.