Hide Jokes
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How can working with cow hide help on a first date?
As if she's going to lay there and be swayed by some new buck.
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What's brown and hides in the attic?
The Diarrhea of Anne Frank
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What is a parrot's favorite game ?
Hide and Speak !
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What do you call an amphibian in hiding?
Incognitoad.
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What do turtles do for fun?
Play hide and shell.
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When the lumberjacks sawed down the tree where did the Gorilla hiding in the uppermost branches land?
Nearby - the Ape-lle doesn't fall far from the tree!
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Why do you carry a knife?
Me: A sword is harder to hide.
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What does a barber yell when he plays hide-and-go-seek?
Ready or not, hair I comb!
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Why did the elephant paint himself with different colours?
Because he wanted to hide in the colouring box !
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What's the hardest thing about finding a dead baby on the beach?
Hiding the erection.
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What do you call a blond skeleton in the closet?
The winner of hide and seek.
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How about a dirty one as well?
Want to hear a clean joke? Bob took a bath. With Bubbles. Want to hear a dirty joke? (Punchline hidden so you don't accidentally read)
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Where do you hide an airport?
IN PLANE SIGHT!
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What is the difference between British and American schoolchildren?
British schoolchildren survive hide-and-seek.
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Why can a Cheetah not hide?
Because it's always spotted.
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What do Anne Frank and Bin Laden have in common?
They're both hide and seek champions!
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What's the name of that German guy that keeps hiding my stuff around the house?
Alzheimer, Grandma.
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What do you call Jamal's dad during Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years?
Hide n' Seek World Champion 2010-2016
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Why did the little pig hide the soap?
He heard the farmer yell "Hogwash!"
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Why do elephants paint their toe nails red?
So they can hide in cherry trees. You've never seen an elephant in a cherry tree? They're pretty good at it.
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What is a mouse's favourite game ?
Hide and squeak !
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Where do all the good boys go to hide away?
r/cringepics Based off Daya's song "Hide Away"
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Why did the elephant paint his toenails red ?
So he could hide in the cherry tree !
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Who is the hardest person to find in hide and seek?
Daniel Morcombe
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Why don't orphans play hide and seek?
Because no one will look for them.
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What was in those drums of chemicals Captain Malcolm Reynolds hid behind in Firefly?
For-Mal-To-Hide.
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Which is the best kind of dinosaur to play hide & seek with?
An I-Don't-Think- He-Saurus
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How are we out already?
ME: *hiding dog that I wrapped up like a mummy* it's a mystery I guess
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Why wouldn't the mouse tell the police where he hid the cheese?
Because he's not a rat.
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How do ants hide from aardvarks?
They disguise themselves as uncles!
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What animal is best at playing hide and seek?
The airplane.
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What do you call a skeleton in a closet?
The hide and seek champion.
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Why do you never play hide & seek with mountains?
Mountains peak.
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Why don't you ever see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they are really good at it
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Why did the elephant paint his balls green?
Answer: to hide in avocado trees.. How did Tarzan die? Answer: Picking avocados
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What's a narcoleptics favorite game?
Hide and go sleep.
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What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?
Hide and Go Seek Champion, 1973.
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Why aren't the Eagles worried about big cats sneaking up on them?
They know there ain't no way to hide those lion eyes.
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Where do you hide a hippie's weed?
Under the soap.
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Why do you hide behind a mask?
Kylo Ren: *takes off his mask to reveal his real face* Rey: Wow. Put the mask back on.
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How do you hide from imminent retribution?
Karmaflage!
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Which is the best kind of dinosaur to play hide & seek with?
An I-Don't-Think- He-Saurus
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How do you hide an elephant in a fridge?
You remove his slippers and open the door . You put him inside. You close the door and take the slippers away.
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What abs?
Me: "The abs hiding under this protective layer of you're grounded."
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Why are Pokemon terrible to play hide and seek with?
Because they pikachu
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What if we need to hide bodies?
Me: I love you.
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Why do women over 40 don't play hide and seek?
Because nobody is looking for them.
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Why don't more dinosaurs join the police force?
They can't hide behind billboards.
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What kind of cheese do you use to hide a small horse?
Mascarpone!
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Why do elephants hide behind trees?
To trip ants.
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How many Sandpeople does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
You never can tell. The Sandpeople always ride in single file to hide their numbers.
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How do you starve a worthless mooch?
By hiding his employment check in his work boots.
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Where should Aaron Hernandez have hidden the evidence?
The Cowboys' endzone because no one goes there
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What is the worst place to hide in a hospital?
The ICU (I-see-you!)
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What is yellow, fluffy, and hides your slippers?
A Labrador Deceiver.
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How do you make the hippie run out of money?
You hide daddies credit card under a bar of soap.
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How do you hide money from a hippie?
Put it under the soap.
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What's the good part about having alzheimer's?
You can hide your own easter eggs.
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Why are there so many piggy banks?
Pigs don't like to hide their money in the mattress.
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Where's the best place to hide money from a Mexican?
Under a bar of soap.
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Why did the baby squirrel wear a diaper?
To hide his nuts!!
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Where's the best place to hide during a zombie apocalypse?
Radio Shack. Not even the brain dead would go there.
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Where's the best place to hide a body in texas?
Oops. Wrong subreddit!
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How do you protect yourself from ghosts?
Hide in the living room.
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Why can't you play hide and go seek with a Pokemon?
Because he'll peek-at-chu!
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Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
So they can hide in strawberry patches.
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How did Lex Luthor hide his money laundering from superman?
He used a krypton-currency.
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How do you starve an black man?
Hide his food stamps under his work boots.
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How do you starve a neurosurgeon?
Hide his paycheck with his kids.
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What is Brazil's favorite game right now?
Hide and go zika
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Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs?
Q: Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs? A: Because he doesn't want anyone to know he's screwing the chickens.
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Why would people always stand still to hide from Martin Luther King Jr.?
His vision was based on movements.
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What does the Pillsbury Dough boy hide under his apron?
Dough nuts!
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Who was the hide-and-seek champion of 2005?
Nobody knows, they haven't found him yet.
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What's your favorite game if you wear a turban?
Hide-and-Sikh
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Why do elephants paint their testicles red?
So they can hide in cherry trees. Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? Shows you it works then. What's the loudest noise in the jungle? Monkeys picking cherries.
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Why did the hotel manager refuse to rent his rooms out to people?
He needed places to hide the bodies.
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Why are you going through my phone?
BF: 'Do you have something to hide ' Me: 'I'm gonna have a body to hide if you keep it up.'
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How does an elephant climb a tree?
A: He hides in an acorn and waits for a bird to carry him up.
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What do you call a blonde in a closet?
Last years hide and seek champion
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Why did the elephant paints it's toes red?
So he could hide in the cherry tree.
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How do you stop your laptop batteries from running out?
Hide their trainers.
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Why are the British known for keeping a stiff upper lip?
Because it hides their teeth.
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How do you hide a elephant in a cherry tree?
Paint it's balls red. Howed Tarzan die Picking cherries.
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How do you starve a Socialist?
You hide their food stamps under their work boots. Edit Thank you /u/DoctorBrohoof for my first gold!
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Why can't you play hide and go seek with a Pokmon?
Because he'll peek-at-chu!
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Where is the best place to hide a hippie's weed?
Under the soap.
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What shall I do?
Hide the tiddley winks.
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How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden?
Hide the ball it drives them nuts!
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Why don't lawyers play hide-and-seek?
Nobody will look for them.
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How does a tauren hide in a cherry tree?
He paints his hooves red.
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What game does a black dad and son play forever?
Hide n' seek
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Why does the Easter Bunny hide eggs?
Because, he doesn't want anyone to know he's screwing a chicken.
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Why do women aged 40+ not play hide and seek?
cause nobody would be looking for them.
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How did voldemort look like when he was hiding in albania?
Pretty gaunt
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Where's the best place to hide an elephant?
Dad: Where is the best place to hide an elephant? Me: I don't know, behind a big rock? Dad: In a tree silly. Me: In a tree? Dad: When's the last time you saw an elephant in a tree?
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Why don't violists play hide and seek?
A: Because no one will look for them.
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Why does the Pirate Wear Camouflage Underwear?
To hide his booty.
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How do you protect a valuable instrument?
A: Hide it in an accordion case.
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Why did the monster paint himself in rainbow colors?
Because he wanted to hide in the crayon box.
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Why couldn't the leopard play Q: Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?
A: Because he was always spotted.
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How do you stop your dog digging holes in your garden?
By hiding the shovel in the shed/garage
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Why did the elephant paint its nails red?
So it could hide in the strawberry patch.... Have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch? No? See, it worked!
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What will I have at the end of the day?
Three bags of skittles and a small body to hide.
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How do you catch a rabbit?
You hide in a field and make carrot noises.
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What's the difference between a woman and a man?
A woman will buy something on sale even if she doesn't need it. A man will buy something he needs at full price. Then, what is the difference between a black woman and a black man? The black woman will steal something she doesn't need. The black man goes to jail because you can't hide diapers under a shirt.
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How do you hide money from a Republican?
Hide it in a science book.
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Why is it worse this time around?
Thermal cameras mean I can't save anyone by hiding them in my roof.
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Where's the best place to hide a body?
Stephen Hawking's personal gym.
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Why don't you find hippopotamuses hiding in trees?
They're really good at it.
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What do you call a black guy at college?
A miracle. Edit: I've hidden this post as I realized it was stupid and too offensive. I'm sorry, it was overly racist.
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What is the best place to hide a dead body?
On the second page of google.
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Where do you hide cocaine in orphanage?
Right under the children's noses
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Why are vegans so salty?
To hide the fact that their food has no flavor.
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Where is the worst place to play hide and seek in a hospital?
In the I.C.U.
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Why is Darth Vader's helmet so phallic?
because when they hid Luke & Leia from him, they removed his force kin.
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What are you hiding in there?
nuthin Vin Diesel noises from closet M: Is Vin Diesel in there -...yes Vin Diesel: from closet No.
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What's the difference between babies and love?
Love doesn't burn. What's worst part about making love to a dead baby. Digging up the coffin. How long does take to play hide and seek with a dead baby? It depends how small the pieces are.
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Where is the worst place to hide in a hospital?
In the ICU.
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What do 1% of racist people do?
They are making clubs like the KKK The other 99% are hidden here making bad jokes
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What do you call a bunch of chickens playing hide-and-seek ?
Fowl play !
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Where's the safest place to hide money from a man?
Under the soap
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How many Sand People does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
No one knows. They ride single file to hide their numbers.
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Why can't leopards hide?
Because they are always spotted!
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What cheese do you use to hide a horse?
Mascarpone!
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How do you starve a right wing christian?
Hide their money in their bible.
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Where is the best place to hide a lawyer?
In a brief case.
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Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?
Because he was always spotted.
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Why can't Thor play the piano or hide n seek with his brother?
He can never find the Loki.
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How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
A: One.