Sound Jokes
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What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot. :
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What sound does Korean bread make when it hits a wall?
Bang! (!)
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What sound does a space turkey make?
Hubble, hubble, hubble shamelessly stolen joke from the Facebook page of "Grammarly"
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Why do Chinese people sound like lions when you tell them a joke?
Because they ror.
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What sound does a baby make when you put it in a microwave?
I don't know....I was too busy masterbating.
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What fish sounds like a telephone?
Herring herring...herring herring...herring herring.
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When an avocado and a duck mate, what sound does the offspring make?
Guac!
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What sound does an Italian American microwave make?
Bada bing!
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What sound does a Filipino horse make when it gallops?
Tagalog-tagalog-tagalog-tagalog.
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Why did a man's pet vulture not make a sound for five years?
It was stuffed.
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What sound does a debugging Web Developer make?
Open, Close!.................. Open, Close!.................. Open, Close!.................. *only true Web Developers will understand* *original joke*
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What's the hardest thing about being an audiophile?
Convincing the sound to get into your van.
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Why is there so much "twang" in Country music?
It is the sound a guitar makes after six or seven generations of inbreeding.
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What does it sound like to shoot yourself in the foot twice?
Pao! Pao!
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What sound is emitted by a drowning mathematician?
log log log log log log log log log...
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What sound does Reddit make when it blows up?
Pao! Edit: Whoa, FP gold. Thank you!
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Why does all of Jared Fogle's music sound the same?
Because he loves to abuse A Minor.
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What sounds like a robot and bumps into tables?
Stephen Hawking.
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What sound does a Turkey make?
coup coup"
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What is loud and sounds like an apple?
AN APPLE!**
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How is a bell obedient?
It sounds off only when it is told (tolled).
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What sound does a Chinese cat make?
Mao
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What does it sounds like when a Japanese Homer Simpson forgets how to count to 11?
Nin, ten, " ....I'll leave now.
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Why do New Zealand farmers now wear kilts?
Because the sheep have gotten used to the sound of zippers
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How can you call someone and sound fabulous?
Use a homophone.
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What sound does a Nintendo Ambulence make?
Wii U, Wii U, Wii U, Wii U.
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What sounds like a frog but keeps me up all night?
reddit
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What sound does a Gordonramseysaurus make?
ITS RAWR!
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What sound does a Baroque chicken make?
Bach Bach Bach Bach
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What makes the sound 'Clip clop bang clip clop'?
An Amish drive-by
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What's loud and sounds like "apples"?
APPLES!!!*
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How do you spell onomatopoeia?
Just spell it like the way it sounds!
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What did the fish do when his piano sounded odd?
He called the piano tuna!
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Who's cheese is on those chips?
Fixed And I said, "Well, obviously *na-chos*." Get it It sounds like '*not yours*' with an accent.
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What do schizophrenic people think when they say an insensitive joke?
That sounded a lot better in my head
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What sound does a pigeon make when kicked in the nuts?
A high coo(/spoiler)
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What sounds like a joke, but isn't funny?
an anti-joke.
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What sound does a chocolate bird make?
Cacao! Cacao!
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What sound does a racist machine gun make?
kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
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What did the car-painter say to the carpenter?
You sound just like me!"
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What does an Amish drive by shooting sound like?
clop clop clop, bang bang, clop clop clop*
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How do you spell no?
Me: Sound it out. What makes the na na na na na na na na na sound 4: Batman (Spelling is hard)
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What sounds does a vicar's gun make?
Pew! Pew!
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What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhinoceros?
Elephino. (You may have to sound it out.)
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What is the Asian firefighter's favorite song?
The Sound of Sirens
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What sound does a doorbell make in China?
ping pong.
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What sound does a bouncing plane make?
Boeing boeing boeing
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What do you have left after you burn a French alphabet?
H Edit: I don't like explaining jokes but since the first guy didn't get I might as well: When pronounced in a French accent it sounds like ash.
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When someone says "It is what it is," I reply, "Isn't it?
so we can both sound useless.
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What's the sound that a French tank does just before the enemy frontline attacks?
Beep Beep Beep...
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What sound does an Italian make when you shoot him?
Wop
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What does it sound like when a Pterodactyl urinates?
There is no sound... The P is silent.
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What sound do two photons make when they hit each other?
Planck!*
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Why do sovereign citizens never turn on the lights?
The sound of electricity triggers their PTSD.
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What should it sound like when it's connecting?
guy in the back stands up confidently Pterodactyls
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What sound does a bomb make before it goes off?
allahu ackbar!!
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What did the doctor say to the lizard who was complaining about problems performing in the bedroom?
It sounds like you have a reptile dysfunction.
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What does it sound like when two churches fight?
Pew Pew PEWPEWPEW!!!
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What sound does a fratboy make when he hits the water?
DOUCHE
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What sound did the slot machine make when the Chinese person won the jackpot?
Cha-chink!
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What sound do dogs make?
3-year-old: Woof woof. Me: Horses 3: Neigh. Me: Pigs 3: Sizzle sizzle. Somebody understands bacon.
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Why doesn't Nigel Farage like election forecasts?
He dislikes poles polls How do you type jokes that rely on similar sounding words It hard :(
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What sound does a Polish crow make?
Krakow
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How do you make a cat sounds like a dog?
Douse it in gasoline and set it on fire. !
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What sound does a subatomic Cow make?
Muuuuuuon
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What does it sound like when a pterodactyl uses the bathroom?
Nothing, the pee is silent
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What's brown and sounds like a bell?
Dung
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Why does carpet never make a sound?
It's the world's quietest pervert.
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What do you call a midget in a Mental Asylum?
I don't really know, but it sounds a little crazy
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What sound does a frog make while jacking off?
Rubbit Rubbit
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Why is a cow that he jumps?
Because he higher and higher. (I translated the joke from Dutch, and yeah it's supposed to not make any sense, it just sounds funny, in Dutch at least. :-$)
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Why do most blind folks not skydive?
The sound of the dog screaming at 8000 feet gets to you after a while.
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What sound does a Chinese doorbell make?
Ching Chong
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What sound does a pinewood derby car make when you rev it?
Wooooooden Woooooooden Woooooden!
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How long are you supposed to wait to return a boy's call?
This IRS guy sounded pretty into me
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What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A Carrot.
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What do you call a boar that sounds like a horse ?
Neighbor
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How does a Plutonium Gun sounds like?
Pu! Pu! Pu!
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What is the sound of one hand typing?
Fap-fap-fap.
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What's the last sound you hear before a pube hits the floor?
tppppthh...."spit sound"
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What is Sean Murray's favorite song ?
The sound of silence
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Where are the groceries?
ME: Bacon was on sale. WIFE: Oh god, what does that mean *sound of dump truck backing into driveway*
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What the sound of a rainbow laughing?
Hue hue hue hue
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What do you say when you catch a deer with no eyes?
I have no-eye-deer! (Unless you're a dad, you may need to sound it out)
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What sound did they make?
Bum-bum tssh!
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What do you call the sound a ghost makes when he calls you?
A phone moan.
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What does GOP mean?
GOP" is onomatopoeic: it's the sound of anonymous penetration in public bathrooms late at night. -&y
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What sound does a piano make when falling down a mine shaft?
A-flat minor.
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What sound does a dying Turkey make?
Coup coup coup
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What was the deaf mans favorite song?
The Sound of Silence.
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Why do Mexican and Muslim jokes all sound the same?
Cause if you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal. Ba da Tissssssss
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Whats the different between falling from the 10th floor and falling from the 1st floor ?
The sound you make 10th floor " AHHHHHHHHH " 1st floor " AHHHHHHHHHH "
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Why are notes natural leaders?
Because while a note makes a sound, the rest is silent.
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What is loud and sounds like "apple"?
scream) APPLE!!!
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What sound does a pubic hair make right before it hits the floor?
Ptui"
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What sound does a banambulance make?
Naner naner naner
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Why does Jehovah need so many witnesses?
Sounds like a pretty shady dude to me.
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What sound does a Hispanic pacman make?
Guac-a Guac-a!
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What do you call an Australian who's prejudiced against grains?
A riceist. (It sounds better when you say it aloud)
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What’s brown and sounds like a bell?
Dung!
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What sound does a shotgun make?
Cobain Cobain
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What sound does a horny toad make?
rub it rub it.
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What does a North Korean ricochet sound like?
PYONG! YANG!
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What's the sound of a one-handed corpse clapping?
Dead silence. What's the sound of a one-handed zombie clapping? Undead silence. Thanks to my gaming group for those.
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What sound does a Japanese camera make?
Crick"
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What sound does it make when you light a stick of dynamite in them middle of a sheep herd?
ssssssssssss boom! baaaaaaaah!
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Why did a kid get arrested for taking a home made clock into school?
Sounds like he had already done the... time
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What's a moo hoo for the sound you hear when a cow spits?
A cud thud!
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What kind of sound does a horny toad make?
Rubbit, rubbit.
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What sound does a cow make?
Sssssssss....
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How do Asian's name their children?
Throw a frying pan down the stairs and listen to the sounds. *Ting tong tow*
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What sound was made when a water truck collided with a vinegar truck?
DOUCHE!!!
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What sound does an emo cow make?
Amumu
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What sound does a dead cow make?
BOOOOOOOOOO
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Where do you go to weigh a pie?
Somewhere over the rainbow weigh a pie. (sounds like way up high)
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What's the sound of a water truck hitting a vinegar truck?
KAAA DOOOUUCHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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What do Jedi sheep sound like?
Dagobah.
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What's small, orange and sounds like a parrot?
An oompa loompa with a sore throat.
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What sound does a Chinese roller coaster make as it goes up an incline?
chink chink chink chink
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What sound does a black widow make?
My husband be dead
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What do Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music and Keith Richards have in common?
They both made habits fashionable.
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What kind of sounds does Jaimie Foxx make in the bedroom?
No sound at all, the D is silent
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What's the sound that 10 stubby fingers make on a desk?
Drumpf Drumpf Drumpf Drumpf Drumpf...*
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Why is Princess Peach named after a fruit and Princess Daisy named after a flower?
Because wanting to sound good is their OBJECTion
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How do you greet an overweight Micronesian when you're trying to sound cool?
Microsoft Word.
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What sound does a street sweeper make?
Broom Broom
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What does it sound like when Java laughs?
Java -jar jar.jar
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What does the new socialist leader of France mean for the country, Europe, and the world?
Nationalized wine.. Sounds like the right wing will have some whine too.
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What sound does a turkey now make?
Coup.
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How do bored cows sound like?
Meh
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What sound does a pool make when someone you don't like jumps in?
DOOOOUUUUCCCCHHHEEEEEE!
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Where are the best sounding farts listed?
Sharts.
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What sound does and alcohlic train make?
Chug chug chug chug chug chug... I'll show myself out.
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What sounds do nuts make when they sneeze?
Cashew
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What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow?
Cowboom!
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What's addicting?
The sound an erection makes when it hits a cymbal.
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What sound does a Greek gun make?
TZZZZAT, TZZZZZZZAT!
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How do Asians name their babies?
They throw a drawer of silverware down the stairs and name it whatever sound it makes.