Wash Jokes

  • What's the best part about buying dishes that are made in Mexico?

    They wash themselves.

  • What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?

    You can't wash your face in a buffalo.

  • What's white and washes your socks?

    Your wife.

  • How many dubstep fans does it take to wash a car?

    One hundred and one. Two to wash it, one to dry it, and ninety eight to talk about how dirty it was.

  • Why is it OK to wash an American flag in hot water?

    Because these colors don't run.

  • What do you call a retired professional swimmer?

    Washed up.

  • What did one washed up Power Ranger say to the other?

    It's Morphine Time!

  • What's the best part about showering with a 5 year-old?

    The water washes away her tears

  • What does Batman use to wash his hair?

    Conditioner Gordon.

  • Why you should wash your car?


  • Why do I wash my clothes in TIDE?

    because it's too cold out-tide.

  • What do you get when you mix a Mexican and an octopus?

    I don't know, but it sure can wash a lot of dishes.

  • Why should you wash your hair with counterfeit feces?

    Because it's sham poo.

  • What where Adam's first words to Eve?

    Don't wash it in there, you'll make the fish smell like that!"

  • How do you tell a good joke on reddit?

    Wash it up over and over again until you get gold!

  • What did the soap say to the hands as they were being washed?

    I think we're in sink."

  • How can you tell a rich Swiss from a poor Swiss?

    The poor swiss washes his Mercedes by himself

  • What's the difference between your mom and a drug dealer?

    Your mom can wash her crack and re-sell it.

  • What does Snoop Dogg use to wash his clothes?


  • What do you get if cross a mouse woth a packet of washing up powder ?

    Bubble and squeak !

  • What do pessimists use... Q: What do pessimists use to wash their clothes?

    A: Deterrent.

  • Why do Eskimos wash in Tide?

    Because it's too cold to wash out Tide

  • What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine?

    A wash and wear wolf

  • What do you call two Mormons caught in the rain?

    Washing your whites on a rinsed cycle.

  • What's the hardest part of washing a vegetable?

    putting them back in the wheelchair

  • Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?

    That's where you wash all your vegetables!

  • How Does Sean Connery Wash His Dishes?

    Like a Bosch!

  • How do you clean a spear?

    Put it through the Wash.

  • Which rock band always wash their hands before a concert?


  • Where's your wedding ring?

    I said, "I had to wash my hands so I took it off and placed it on my lover--I mean your mother's kitchen counter."

  • Why do towels get dirty?

    If we use towels just to dry ourselves after washing off dirt and what not. Why do they get dirty??

  • What do people with an extra chromosome wash their clothes with?


  • Why did God invent women?

    You think he's gonna wash the dishes

  • What do rappers use to wash their clothes?


  • How does a Syrian family have a meal?

    The men provide the food and the women do the cooking, leaving the children to wash up afterwards.

  • Where do Floridians wash their clothes?

    In Fort Launderdale.

  • Why do people leave mattresses on the side of the road?

    Do they really think someone will take it Do you think I should wash it first

  • What happened to the cowboy when he said that he was sick of washing cowhides at his side of the dairy?

    He was sent to the udder side

  • How does a Reaver clean his spear?

    He puts it in the Wash.

  • Why did the Eskimo wash his clothes in tide?

    Because it was too cold out tide.

  • What washes up on small beaches?


  • Where do fish wash ?

    In a river basin !

  • What do you get when you mix an octopus and a Mexican?

    I don't know, but it sure can wash a lot of dishes.

  • What do you do if an epileptic has a seizure in your bath?

    Throw in your washing.

  • How did your mom know you hadn't washed your face?

    I forgot to wet the soap.

  • What washes up on tiny beaches?


  • What does a cannibal do after dumping their girlfriend?

    They wipe, flush, and wash their hands

  • Why do people wash their clothes in Tide?

    Because it's too cold out tide.

  • What do you call tiny waves that wash up onto a beach?


  • What do you call Washington State after a long rain storm?

    Washed a Ton State. I woke up with that joke in my head this morning. My brain is weird. Had to share it with someone.

  • Why do Eskimos wash their clothes in Tide?

    Because it's too cold outtide

  • What does a frog say when it washes car windows?

    Rub it rub it rub it.

  • What does John Cena wash his hair with?

    Champ who

  • Why didn't Natalie Wood take a shower on the boat?

    She wanted to wash up on shore

  • What do you get when water washes away dirt?

    a road

  • Why don't dirty commies shower?

    Because they don't want to wash away their Marx.

  • What did the Klansman say to the Muslim?

    Psst...Who washes your ... sheets

  • What do you say to a black guy after washing his dog?

    Yo dawg I washed yo dog.

  • How do Reavers clean their spears?

    They send them through the Wash.