Hire Jokes

  • How can you tell between a graphic designer and recruiter?

    Ask them to pronounce "hires"

  • Why should we hire the chickpeas to be part of our choir?

    They could hummus a song! (I was really proud of this one.)

  • How does Planned Parenthood paint their walls?

    They go to Home Depot, get paint and rollers Sometimes they hire private contractors Lots of paint and tarps and tape, it's not that fun

  • Why will the artist formerly know as Prince only hire former FBI agents as his house maids?

    Because they must be able to "dust for Prince" I'll see myself out now

  • What did the police say when they finished interviewing Dylann Roof?

    You're hired

  • Why did the recruiter hire a Spider ?

    Q: Why did the recruiter hire a Spider ? A: Because he wanted to hire a Strong "Web Developer".

  • What do you call hiring German engineers to work on your overseas project?


  • What are the two things someone with a face tattoo never hears?

    You're hired" "Not guilty"

  • What bands did they hire to play at the Developmental Disability Conference?

    System of a Downs My Chemical Imbalance. Youth In Asia

  • What makes you qualified for this job?

    Me: Because i work for less and good at licking. Mgmt: You're hired.

  • What's the best way to get a Punjab in India?

    Hire a cunning linguist.

  • What do you get when you hire an owl to babysit your kids?

    A real hootenanny!

  • What does it mean when the Post Office flag is flying at half-staff?

    They are hiring.

  • Why don't you hire a violinist as your babysitter?

    Because he might fiddle with your kids.

  • Why won't Microsoft hire any maids?

    Because they don't do Windows

  • How do u know if a company that just hired you conducts drug tests?

    What is the likelihood it will be a hairtest

  • When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him?

    I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people......

  • Why did the fishing boat captain hire an all Mexican crew?

    Because in the interview they answered every question with "sea senor"

  • Why did the man hire a Mexican gardener?

    Because he was good at pulling weed

  • Why do donut shops not hire security?

    Because Cops go there willingly. Free security and protection.

  • What famous actor costs an arm & a leg to hire?

    ARMold SchwarzenLEGger

  • How do you go about hiring a horse?

    Try two pairs of stilts!

  • How do you take care of a baby?

    Hire a hitman

  • What can I do about it?

    Hire yourself out for Halloween parties.

  • Why did both Germany and the U.S want to hire Apes during World War Two?

    Because they are excellent at waging Gorilla warfare!

  • Why should you hire a drag queen to help clean your garage?

    They know how to tuck away junk.

  • How do you keep black people out of your business?

    Put up a "Now Hiring" sign.

  • What do you get when Steve Jobs hires and fires a lot of people in six months?

    A: An Apple turnover.

  • Why did the company hire the glutton?

    Because he was a ate professional!

  • Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?

    A: They're doing research on black holes.

  • Why do you wanna work at Clickbait Enterprises?

    Here's 10 reasons why I should get the job "ok" Number 7 will shock you "You're hired"

  • How do you think bus driver interviews go?

    Applicant: Sorry I'm late! Interviewer: You're hired!

  • Why should I hire you?

    Because I have pictures of you with a goat "

  • How do you hire a horse?

    Put a brick under each hoof!

  • How do you hire an elephant ?

    Stand it on four bricks !

  • Why would he put that on a resume?

    Oh. My. God. You're hired."

  • Why couldn't the giraffe get a job at the bank?

    They weren't hiring.

  • Why did Jared decide to gain all of his weight back?

    The mall is hiring new Santas.

  • Why did the TSA hire a dentist?

    to help with the cavity searches

  • Why don't you hire these twins for the robbery boss?

    Criminal Boss: I'm afraid of a double-cross.

  • How do you think we can better handle this in the future?

    ME glaring at Cheryl, who took the last donut: idk, maybe don't hire Cheryl

  • What's the difference between hiring a team to write your jokes, and the team of joke writers itself?

    One's a cunning plan, the others a punning clan.

  • Why do ballet dancers always stand on their toes?

    Could they not hire taller dancers

  • What does it mean when you see a flag flying at half-mast outside of a mostly white high school?

    They're hiring.

  • Why did Taco Bell hire Eminem?

    Because he's a Wrap God

  • What kind of amphibian is hired to take your car away?

    Toad. Thanks, HammerElectionBeans for the edit.

  • Why does hiring a ship illegally always cost $3.14?

    Because theyre pi rates.

  • Why did Muhammad hire Moses to help with his start-up?

    He wanted to double his prophets.

  • What's best about hiring an immigrant midget?

    You pay them under the table )

  • Why don't casinos in Las Vegas hire girls from California?

    Because they, like, can't even deal.

  • Why should we hire you?

    Me: Well, if you hire me, I will make all of your other employees look FANTASTIC by comparison.

  • How many James Pattersons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Only one, but he'll just hire a ghostwriter to do it for him.

  • How many white people does it take to change a lightbulb?

    None, they just hire a mexican to do it.

  • Why don't call centers hire alligators?

    They can't croco-dial the phones.

  • Why was Mac OS X hired as the prison guard?

    Because he kept locking up.

  • What do recent college graduates and felons have in common?

    It takes three to five years before anyone will hire them.

  • How do you hire a teddy bear?

    Put him on stilts !

  • What do you call a carpentry business that only hires midgets?

    The Whittle Business *badum ching*

  • What's your strongest weakness?

    Candidate: ... *Realises stupid question & thinks of cover up M: It's a trick question. You're hired!

  • Why did the blond get fired from the boomerang factory?

    She threw away all the bent ones. Why did she get re-hired They all came back.

  • Why does Hollywood loveee to hire British Actors?

    Cheap labor.

  • Why did the English teacher hire a midget geography nut as his lawyer?

    He wanted someone who understood and case.

  • What did the urologist say to his physician before he hired him?

    URINE. I'll let myself out.

  • Why did they hire the police department to design a new superconductor?


  • Why did the barracuda want to hire the clown fish's anemone?

    Because the barracuda believed that "anemone of my enemy is a friend."

  • Why wouldn't you hire bears from Australia?

    Because they don't have the necessary koalafications. (Derived from: )

  • Why did the 2 contractors hire a pilot to help survey their land?

    Because they really wanted a third's eye view!

  • Why was Tom Cruise hired by Volkswagen?

    Emission Impossible

  • How does Donald Drumpf change a lightbulb?

    He doesn't. He hires people with long fingers to do it for him.

  • How does the Easter Bunny paint all of those eggs?

    He hires Santa's elves during the off-season.