Hire Jokes

Why did the fishing boat captain hire an all Mexican crew?

Because in the interview they answered every question with "sea senor"

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Why don't call centers hire alligators?

They can't croco-dial the phones.

Why was Mac OS X hired as the prison guard?

Because he kept locking up.

What do recent college graduates and felons have in common?

It takes three to five years before anyone will hire them.

How do you take care of a baby?

Hire a hitman

What did the police say when they finished interviewing Dylann Roof?

You're hired

Why will the artist formerly know as Prince only hire former FBI agents as his house maids?

Because they must be able to "dust for Prince" I'll see myself out now

Why should you hire a drag queen to help clean your garage?

They know how to tuck away junk.

How does Donald Drumpf change a lightbulb?

He doesn't. He hires people with long fingers to do it for him.

What bands did they hire to play at the Developmental Disability Conference?

System of a Downs My Chemical Imbalance. Youth In Asia

What did the urologist say to his physician before he hired him?

URINE. I'll let myself out.

Exceptionally Bad Dad Jokes: So frightfully awful.. yet wonderfully spiffing

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Why did the recruiter hire a Spider ?

Q: Why did the recruiter hire a Spider ? A: Because he wanted to hire a Strong "Web Developer".

Why did they hire the police department to design a new superconductor?

STOP RESISTING!!!"

Why does Hollywood loveee to hire British Actors?

Cheap labor.

How can you tell between a graphic designer and recruiter?

Ask them to pronounce "hires"

Why did the barracuda want to hire the clown fish's anemone?

Because the barracuda believed that "anemone of my enemy is a friend."

What makes you qualified for this job?

Me: Because i work for less and good at licking. Mgmt: You're hired.

Why does hiring a ship illegally always cost $3.14?

Because theyre pi rates.

Why do donut shops not hire security?

Because Cops go there willingly. Free security and protection.

Why did Taco Bell hire Eminem?

Because he's a Wrap God

How does Planned Parenthood paint their walls?

They go to Home Depot, get paint and rollers Sometimes they hire private contractors Lots of paint and tarps and tape, it's not that fun

Dad Jokes: Over 600 of the Best (Worst) Jokes Around and Perfect Gift for All Ages! (World's Best Dad Jokes Collection)

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How many white people does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just hire a mexican to do it.

What's best about hiring an immigrant midget?

You pay them under the table )

Why did the company hire the glutton?

Because he was a ate professional!

Why should we hire the chickpeas to be part of our choir?

They could hummus a song! (I was really proud of this one.)

Why did the English teacher hire a midget geography nut as his lawyer?

He wanted someone who understood and case.

Why won't Microsoft hire any maids?

Because they don't do Windows

How do u know if a company that just hired you conducts drug tests?

What is the likelihood it will be a hairtest

What's the best way to get a Punjab in India?

Hire a cunning linguist.

Why did the man hire a Mexican gardener?

Because he was good at pulling weed

Why wouldn't you hire bears from Australia?

Because they don't have the necessary koalafications. (Derived from: )

Dock Tok Presents…The Good, the Dad, and the Punny: Jokes from the Water’s Edge

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Why don't you hire a violinist as your babysitter?

Because he might fiddle with your kids.

How do you think bus driver interviews go?

Applicant: Sorry I'm late! Interviewer: You're hired!

What do you get when Steve Jobs hires and fires a lot of people in six months?

A: An Apple turnover.

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him?

I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people......

Why did both Germany and the U.S want to hire Apes during World War Two?

Because they are excellent at waging Gorilla warfare!

Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?

A: They're doing research on black holes.

How do you hire an elephant ?

Stand it on four bricks !

How do you go about hiring a horse?

Try two pairs of stilts!

What does it mean when you see a flag flying at half-mast outside of a mostly white high school?

They're hiring.

How do you keep black people out of your business?

Put up a "Now Hiring" sign.

What's your strongest weakness?

Candidate: ... *Realises stupid question & thinks of cover up M: It's a trick question. You're hired!

Why should I hire you?

Because I have pictures of you with a goat "

What famous actor costs an arm &amp a leg to hire?

ARMold SchwarzenLEGger

What's the difference between hiring a team to write your jokes, and the team of joke writers itself?

One's a cunning plan, the others a punning clan.

How do you hire a horse?

Put a brick under each hoof!

Why did Muhammad hire Moses to help with his start-up?

He wanted to double his prophets.

How does the Easter Bunny paint all of those eggs?

He hires Santa's elves during the off-season.

Why did Jared decide to gain all of his weight back?

The mall is hiring new Santas.

Why should we hire you?

Me: Well, if you hire me, I will make all of your other employees look FANTASTIC by comparison.

What are the two things someone with a face tattoo never hears?

You're hired" "Not guilty"

What do you get when you hire an owl to babysit your kids?

A real hootenanny!

Why couldn't the giraffe get a job at the bank?

They weren't hiring.

Why did the 2 contractors hire a pilot to help survey their land?

Because they really wanted a third's eye view!

What do you call hiring German engineers to work on your overseas project?

Krautsourcing

Why do you wanna work at Clickbait Enterprises?

Here's 10 reasons why I should get the job "ok" Number 7 will shock you "You're hired"

What kind of amphibian is hired to take your car away?

Toad. Thanks, HammerElectionBeans for the edit.

What does it mean when the Post Office flag is flying at half-staff?

They are hiring.

How do you think we can better handle this in the future?

ME glaring at Cheryl, who took the last donut: idk, maybe don't hire Cheryl

How do you hire a teddy bear?

Put him on stilts !

How many James Pattersons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Only one, but he'll just hire a ghostwriter to do it for him.

Why do ballet dancers always stand on their toes?

Could they not hire taller dancers

Why did the blond get fired from the boomerang factory?

She threw away all the bent ones. Why did she get re-hired They all came back.

What do you call a carpentry business that only hires midgets?

The Whittle Business *badum ching*

Why was Tom Cruise hired by Volkswagen?

Emission Impossible

Why would he put that on a resume?

Oh. My. God. You're hired."

Why did the TSA hire a dentist?

to help with the cavity searches

Why don't casinos in Las Vegas hire girls from California?

Because they, like, can't even deal.

Why don't you hire these twins for the robbery boss?

Criminal Boss: I'm afraid of a double-cross.

What can I do about it?

Hire yourself out for Halloween parties.

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Comparison Jokes More Comparison Jokes

Why do men want to marry a virgin?

To avoid criticism and comparison.

Why should we hire you?

Me: Well, if you hire me, I will make all of your other employees look FANTASTIC by comparison.

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

What do electric trains and breasts have in common?

A: They're intended for children but it's the men who usually end up playing with them.

Why isn't Sean Connery allowed to play Super Mario Bros. any more?

He kept trying to shave the princess.

Answer Jokes More Answer Jokes

What were the very first straws made of?

ANSWER: Straw.

What's six feet tall, black and screaming?

Stevie Wonder, answering the Iron.

Baby Jokes More Baby Jokes

What do you get when you throw a baby against a wall?

An erection

What's your favorite song?

Me, to a baby wearing a Metallica shirt at the grocery store.

Mexican Jokes More Mexican Jokes

How do Mexicans cut pizza?

Little Caesars (say it out loud)

What did the Mexican girl say to her fiance?

You're the Juan!

Hitman Jokes More Hitman Jokes

What is a Hitman's favorite Mathematical Field?

Trigger*nometry

How do you take care of a baby?

Hire a hitman

Junk Jokes More Junk Jokes

Why did the elephants go on a diet?

A: Because they had too much junk in the trunk.

Why should you hire a drag queen to help clean your garage?

They know how to tuck away junk.

Clean Jokes More Clean Jokes

What did the computer technician say to the woman about her virus infected laptop?

Ma'am, we cleaned your dirty bits and suggest getting a bigger hard drive"