Answer Jokes
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Why do you think I spend too much time at my computer?
Well dear... Every time I ask you to close the windows you answer with "Please wait while your computer shuts down"...
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What is a catchy Girl's name?
Answer: Annette
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What happens when skin touches skin, hair touches hair, and Balls Disappear?
Answer: You Blink Your Eyes.
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How do I find answers using Google.com?
on Yahoo Answers. Stand by while the internet divides itself by zero.
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How Many Bit Coins Does it take to screw in a Lightbulb?
00000000000001adf44c7d69767585--5572eca4dd4-db7d0c0b845-916d849af76 PM me the answer!
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Why did the Skeleton cross the road?
Question: Why did the Skeleton cross the road? Answer: To go to the body shop.
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Why can't you ever answer any of my questions?
Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn't be much point in me being here!
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How does a lobster answer the phone?
Shello
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What's the song that coldplay wrote for you?
Yellow. *Phil answers phone*
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What did you ask to Santa Claus this year?
The other one answers: -Oh fifty dollars, like everybody else, why
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How do like really laid-back types answer the phone?
Mellow.
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What has 8 arms, is ominous looking and ink is its weapon of choice?
An octopus " "No Jeff, the answer is my wife's 4 divorce attorneys"
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How are you doing?
and you respond 'I'm doing ok. Getting better each day' & they stab you for answering
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Why did the banana bruise?
Answer: Because it was given a good fruit punch! zing
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What's 41 times 11?
I can't find the answer anywhere.
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How does Beyonce answer the phone?
HALO HALO HALO!* - inspired from the Superbowl XLV11 Half-Time show
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Why did the pirate have trouble with the alphabet?
Because his 'I' was all jacked up.
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Why do you have to take two Baptists with you when you go fishing?
Answer: Because if you only take one, he'll drink all your beer.
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What do you get from a bee that has an udder?
ANSWER: Milk and honey.
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What is the best nickname for a nun in heaven?
If you guessed "Heaven nun" or "Angel nun" you're wrong. The answer was "Nun of the Above".
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What is honeymoon?
ANSWER: That brief span of time between "I do" and "You'd better!"
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Where did the apple go when it's parents died?
Answer: To a Bananas foster home.
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What makes you think you can criticise American gun laws, sitting over there in the UK?
I was asked on an internet forum. "Because you're not allowed to take them on planes," I answered.
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Where's England, Jon?
He proudly answers: - Page 83.
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What did the blond girl say when she saw the car?
Answer: That's the lost one right there.
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What am I?
I start with a v and every woman has one. She can even use me to get what she wants. What am I? I'll post the answer in 10 minutes.
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How do you keep a idiot occupied?
I will tell you how in my next post- Jk the answer's in one of the comments, look through every single one and you are destined to discover the answer.
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What seems to be th- Me: -Medicinal marijuana! Doc: I'm sorry?
Me: Let's start with the answer, then work on the problem, ok
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What's black?
Whats black and screams? Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
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What's the only thing better than Roses on a Piano?
Answer: Tulips on an Organ.
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How did Helen Keller burn her face?
She answered the waffle iron. How did she burn the other side? They called back.
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How many chameleons are in the room with you right now?
You can never answer this question with 100% certainty.
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How does a door chime answer the phone?
Bella
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How do you keep a moron in suspense for 24 hours?
I'll post the answer tomorrow.
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What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine's Day?
Well, I don't know" she answers shyly. "OK, that I give you another year to think about it..."
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Who's there ! Answer ! Answer who ?
Answer all over your porch ! It's a mess out here !
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What's brown and screams?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron
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What's the reason my shower isn't working?
You have only one second to guess the answer. No pressure.
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How do you get a kid out from a microwave?
Please answer before my wife gets home!
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What's your funniest yet least known joke?
I have a friend that absolutely loves cheesy, question and answer jokes and I wanna make a card with a list of them! The problem is that she knows just about every joke known to man so I challenge you to give me hilarious, short jokes that aren't very widely known. Make me laugh!
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Who answers the Crime Stoppers Hotline?
Stymied Coppers
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What did the man reply to his friend that found a good paying job taking care of mentally challenged people?
Answer: Oh, so it has its ups and downs.
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How Many Bit Coins Does it take to screw in a Lightbulb?
00000000000001adf44c7d69767585--5572eca4dd4-db7d0c0b845-916d849af76 PM me the answer!
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How many ducks would there be if you saw two ducks in front of two ducks two ducks between two ducks and two ducks behind two ducks?
Answer: 4 ducks-because they are in a row.
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What's the difference between a boy and a girl?
His dad answers, "Well, there's a vas deferens!"
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Why can't horses vote?
Cause their answer is always 'nay'. I'm sorry, I'll leave...
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How many times did I tell you to make your bed?
Jane: I can't answer. I didn't know I was supposed to keep count!
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What came first?
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says ... "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"
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What's the difference between dating a redhead and putting your hand in a blender?
Answer: There's always a 50/50 chance the blender isn't on
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When you ask her "Have you ever read Shakespeare?
And she answers "No, who wrote it " .... Keep moving.
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Whats the distance between hole one and hole two?
She answered "About an inch".
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Why are there school shootings?
Mr.Garrison: "Let's start the day with a world news question. Why are there school shootings?" The media: "Violent video games?" Mr.Garrison: "Okay, now lets try to get an answer from someone who's not a complete retard.
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How to make an idiot curious?
I'll post the answer tomorrow.
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Why can't Chinese people tie their shoes?
I would love to tell you, but I am afraid the answer is a little bit lacist.
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What question must always be answered "Yes"?
What does Y-E-S spell "
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What do you get when you cross a garden, a rabbit, and some ExLax?
For the love of everything sacred on reddit please do not make me actually key the answer....okay, let's say it together, "Salad Shooter".
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Who lives in the green house?
Me: I don't know Her: The green guy! Who lives in the red house? Me: The red guy Her: Yes! Who lives in the blue house? Me: The blue guy Her: Yeah! Who lives in the yellow house? Me: The yellow guy Her: Who lives in the white house? Now since I've heard this "riddle" before, I knew the trick answer. I was ready to answer The President! when my uncle blurted out: The black guy!!
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What do you call an amputee that can't answer riddles?
Stumped
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What's six feet tall, black and screaming?
Stevie Wonder, answering the Iron.
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What river separates China and India?
Answer: the Fraser River (which separates Richmond and Surrey)
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How many Public Radio hosts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
We'll be back with that answer right after this pledge break.
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What is the difference between a refrigerator and a one foot tall man painting the side of a house?
Answer: On a quantum level, there is no difference.
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Which toes?
She answers "My big toes".
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Why did Hellen Kellar burn her ear?
The phone rang and she answered the iron. Why did she burn her other ear They called back.
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Why can't I get it up?
Okay, sometimes alcohol is the answer.
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Why should the Pope play NBA basketball?
Because every time he puts up a prayer it gets answered. (I thought of this myself, but it is so corny, it could easily be in every damn joke book.)
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Why are you running like that?
He answered, "Because you're coming home early."
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Who is fastest girl in the world?
Answer: Airtel 4G girl.
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What two letters do you say when you answer the phone?
LO
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What is brown and screams?
Stevie Wonder when he answers the iron.
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How did you get into counterfeiting?
Criminal: I answered an ad that said "Make money at home."
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What's black and screaming?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
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How can you tell a Minnesota hockey fan?
Ask him what color the blue line is and wait. It may take him ten minutes to answer.
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What were the very first straws made of?
ANSWER: Straw.
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Why are you home from school so early?
Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question." Mother: "Oh really What was the question Son: "Who threw the eraser at the principal "
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What's red and black and screaming all over?
Stevie Wonder when he answers the iron.
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What's better, Star Wars or Star Trek?
Answer: Knowing what intimacy with another living human being feels like.
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How do you know if your friend, "Doesn't even OWN a TV?
Because it's this answer to every question you ask them. "Did you hear about the President's new policy on... " "I don't even OWN a TV!"
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When a cop pulls you over and asks, "Papers?
answer "Scissors." then drive away..
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What is ISIS's favorite type of text?
Is the answer: A: Heading B: Heading C: Heading
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Why can't Zeno seem to pay his bar tab in full?
Answer: Because he kept giving half of what he owes.
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Whats in his backpack?
Answer: Parachute
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Why does the town idiot take his bedroom door off the hinges and put it to the sid every night when he goes to sleep?
ANSWER: Because he's afraid someone would look through the keyhole.
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Whats brown and rhymes with Snoop?
Answer: Dr.Dre
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What did the hippy who has been crashing on your couch for the last 2 weeks say when you asked him to leave?
Am I supposed to say the answer or let y'all guess for a bit !
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How does Yo-Yo Ma answer the phone?
Cello?
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Why did the fishing boat captain hire an all Mexican crew?
Because in the interview they answered every question with "sea senor"
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What is the difference between a woman in church and a woman in a bathtub?
Answer: One has hope in her soul the other has soap in her hole.
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Why are you here?
And Elsa answers: "Because they don't let me go."
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How did Hellen Keller burn her ear?
She answered the iron.
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What's a man's idea of a perfect date?
A woman who answers the door stark naked holding a six pack.
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How many clickbait articles does it take to change a lightbulb?
The answer may shock you.
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What's the major cause of divorce?
Answer: Once is not enough.
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Whats in the middle of girl's leg ?
And the answer is, 'Knee'
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Why did?
Why did the house cross the road, One of the most difficult to solve cross the road jokes, I'll give the answer when you all give.
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What is the most beautiful thing in the world?
Is it your right thigh, or your left? Or does the answer lie somewhere in the middle?
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What is cosmetics?
ANSWER: Cosmetics is a woman's means for keeping a man from reading between the lines.
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What does a highlighter say when it answers the phone?
Yello?
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What did the judge say when a skunk entered the courtroom?
Answer: Odor Odor in the court!!!
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What's the difference between a hunter and a stalker?
ANSWER: The hunter has to wait until it's in season!
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How many scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Answer: I don't know, I'm no scientist
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Why did religion cross the road?
God is the answer.
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What do you call a loonie answering questions on reddit?
DollarAMA. *Only Canadians will get it, sorry.
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How does a cheerleader answer the phone?
H-E-L-L-O!
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What's black and screams?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
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How many redditors does it take to answer an /r/AskScience question?
removed
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What's your answer?
whispers into microphone* Please help me, I don't even know these people
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What do you call it when a prayer is answered?
A coincidence.
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Why would an alien ever visit Roswell?
Fill in the blank or answer the question.
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How many karma whores does it take to change a lightbulb?
When this gets 500 upvotes, I'll tell you the answer.
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What's the opposite of funny?
answer: Jay Leno
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What's the difference between toilet paper and shower curtains?
If you answered "I don't know." I would like to tell you that I spent all day cleaning that mess up.
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Why should a honeymoon only be six days?
ANSWER: Because seven days makes a whole week.
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How did the 3 legged frog get across the 4 lane freeway?
Take the F out of Free, and the F out of way and you'll have your answer.
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Why did the blind guy have a burnt face?
He answered the iron.
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What hand do you wipe with?
Answer: left or right Response: why not use toilet paper
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Which Kind Of Girls Wear Transparent Clothes?
Answer : "Those Girls Who Don't Trust The Imagination Power Of A Boy"
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How can you tell if someone is schizophrenic?
I'll let my friend answer that one:
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When someone ask me... How are you?
I answer back... You mean in bed
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Why did the paedophilic bestialist not answer his name?
Because he was feeling a little horse.
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What are the level differences between nannies?
Answer: the A level nannies suggest leafy vegetables... But the B nannies force kale.
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Why did the Muslim take his Note 7 onto an airplane?
Do I really have to answer that Who doesn't bring their phone with them when they travel
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When your partner asks how many people you have ever slept with, answering 'what did I say the last time you asked?
is unwise, apparently.
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What is buoyancy?
Alex: I'm sorry. The answer we were looking for is, Whatever.
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How many consultants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I'm not sure but I'll have an answer for you next Monday.
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How many r/jokes redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Answer is 2. One to change the lightbulb while the other screams "REPOST"
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How many men does it take to mop the floor?
Answer: None it's a women's job.
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What is the Catholic Church giving up for Lent?
Answer: The Pope!
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How's Hillary's head?
He answers, "Well, she's no Monica!"
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What's the best response when someone wastes your time?
Answers below please.
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What's the difference between toilet paper and the shower curtain?
So you're the one.... (only if you answered "i don't know")
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How do you confuse an AP student?
Make the first 21 questions all be the answer C.
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What's that again?
A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.' 'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?' 'Twelve thirty.'
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What's the answer for question #2?
2.B or not 2.B
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How many questions did the politician answer?
9/11
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What is the difference between a "Battery" and a woman?
ANSWER: A battery has a positive side.
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How did a blind woman pierce her ear?
A: Answering the stapler.
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How many Accountants does it take to change a light bulb?
What sort of answer did you have in mind None-just assume it's changed.
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What is the 25th letter of the alphabet?
The son answers, "Y." "Because I want to know!"
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Why are Nordic women so beautiful?
Answer: Well, the Vikings didn't kidnap the ugly ones...
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Which appliance in your home do you think is the most useful?
His answer: "My mom."
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What would Chewbacca do?
And the answer is always, "Make that gargly roaring sound." So that's what I do.
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What asks no question but demands an answer?
A doorbell or a ringing telephone.
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Which Shampoo They Preferred?
The Top Answers Was: Get The Hell Out Of My Bathroom!
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How long does it take for George R.R. Martin to finish a Reddit post?
Answer coming Fall 2017.
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What's another name for pickled bread?
Answer: Dill-dough.
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What do you think is the biggest problem in Germany?
Uncertainty or indifference ' He answered: I don't know and I don't care!'
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What Is A Kiss?
Answer: Its An Inquiry At The Top Floor Regarding The Vacancy In The Ground Floor.
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How do you keep an idiot in suspense for 24 hours?
I'll tell you the answer tomorrow.
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What's the difference between a roasted chicken and a time bomb?
If you don't know the answer please never invite me to dinner.
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How long does a United States Congressman serve?
ANSWER: Until he gets caught.
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How do you answer the door Mathematically?
Door: "What is 2+2 " Me: "4" Door: "Cool!"
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What does a microcontroller say when it can't answer a question?
Ardunno
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Why didn't the skelton cross the road?
Answer in comments so you can fully appreciate the joke)
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How, would you answer this question?
No. -How
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Why did the elephant paint his balls green?
Answer: to hide in avocado trees.. How did Tarzan die? Answer: Picking avocados
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Why do the Irish always answer questions with another question?
He said, "do we now "
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Why didn't you answer your home phone?
Because I'm walking the dog. Don't you trust me -Of course I trust you! Put the dog on the phone.
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Which of these three does not belong: (A) a lobster, (B) a flounder, or (C) a Korean man who has just been run over by a bus?
The answer is (B) a flounder. The other two are crushedAsians.
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Whoever answers my next question, can go home One boy throws his bag out the window. Teacher: Who just threw that?
Boy: Me and I'm going home now.
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What rings twice and screams once?
Ray Charles answering the iron
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What does the caller ID say?
Mom: It's a private caller. Dad: Don't answer that. We only pick up for ranks Lieutenant Caller and higher.
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Why couldn't the tree answer the trivia question?
It was stumped.
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What does snoop doggy dog use to do his laundry?
Answer in comments.
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What did the Pencile say to the other pencil?
what did the pencile say to the other pencil the answer is........... Your Looking Sharp :)
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What's the best way to get a youthful figure?
ANSWER: Ask a woman her age.
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What is not the answer to this question?
Not this.
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How did you get out of Iraq?
He answered: "Iran"
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What is the best part of the camp?
One wise guy answered 'Going home!'
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What word starts with F and ends in uck?
Firetruck. The answer is Firetruck.
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Who'd win if Batman fought Santa?
Before u say Batman, just remember who's watching you answer.
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How do you find a dirty cop?
Call 911, it doesn't matter who answers
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Why aren't you smiling?
my go-to answer is always "My yeast infection really is bubbling up."
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What is the most effective way to remember your wife's Birthday?
Answer: Just forget it once and you will never forget it again. :D
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Where's my freaking phone?
and it answers, "I'm here! Under your jacket!"
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How did the blind kid burn the side of his face?
He answered the iron
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Why did Beethoven never answer the doorbell?
They weren't invented yet.
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How do scaredy-cats answer the phone?
Yellow
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What's the difference between white socks and red socks?
Students will most likely answer the color) Then you say, "yes, that's one difference but there's another: The White Sox play in Chicago and the Red Sox play in Boston!
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Why Cant Coffee Shops Spell Correctly?
When asked for his name by the coffee shop clerk, my brother-in-law answered, Marc, with a C. Minutes later, he was handed his coffee with his name written on the side: Cark.
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What do you say when you find two banana peels together?
Answer: A pair of slipper
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What is blonde and brown blonde and brown blonde and brown?
Answer. Madonna doing cartwheels.
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Why has Venus been so distant lately?
Mars answers "shes been under a lot of pressure and has really bad gas"
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How much did the pie cost?
Answer in comments
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What's the point?
You look ridiculous. What difference does 1 inch really make Don't answer that.
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Why didn't you answer me ?
Pupil: I did I shook my head Teacher: You don't expect me to hear it rattling from here do you !
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Why should you never hit people with violins?
Because violins is not the answer...
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How do you put elephant in the fridge?
Answer is open the door and just put the elephant in the fridge.
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Why couldn't the cut down tree answer a riddle?
It was stumped.
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Why do I have to answer security questions to pay my bills?
Ohmygod please tell me there are hackers out there trying to pay my bills....