Answer Jokes

  • Why do you think I spend too much time at my computer?

    Well dear... Every time I ask you to close the windows you answer with "Please wait while your computer shuts down"...

  • What is a catchy Girl's name?

    Answer: Annette

  • What happens when skin touches skin, hair touches hair, and Balls Disappear?

    Answer: You Blink Your Eyes.

  • How do I find answers using

    on Yahoo Answers. Stand by while the internet divides itself by zero.

  • How Many Bit Coins Does it take to screw in a Lightbulb?

    00000000000001adf44c7d69767585--5572eca4dd4-db7d0c0b845-916d849af76 PM me the answer!

  • Why did the Skeleton cross the road?

    Question: Why did the Skeleton cross the road? Answer: To go to the body shop.

  • Why can't you ever answer any of my questions?

    Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn't be much point in me being here!

  • How does a lobster answer the phone?


  • What's the song that coldplay wrote for you?

    Yellow. *Phil answers phone*

  • What did you ask to Santa Claus this year?

    The other one answers: -Oh fifty dollars, like everybody else, why

  • How do like really laid-back types answer the phone?


  • What has 8 arms, is ominous looking and ink is its weapon of choice?

    An octopus " "No Jeff, the answer is my wife's 4 divorce attorneys"

  • How are you doing?

    and you respond 'I'm doing ok. Getting better each day' & they stab you for answering

  • Why did the banana bruise?

    Answer: Because it was given a good fruit punch! zing

  • What's 41 times 11?

    I can't find the answer anywhere.

  • How does Beyonce answer the phone?

    HALO HALO HALO!* - inspired from the Superbowl XLV11 Half-Time show

  • Why did the pirate have trouble with the alphabet?

    Because his 'I' was all jacked up.

  • Why do you have to take two Baptists with you when you go fishing?

    Answer: Because if you only take one, he'll drink all your beer.

  • What do you get from a bee that has an udder?

    ANSWER: Milk and honey.

  • What is the best nickname for a nun in heaven?

    If you guessed "Heaven nun" or "Angel nun" you're wrong. The answer was "Nun of the Above".

  • What is honeymoon?

    ANSWER: That brief span of time between "I do" and "You'd better!"

  • Where did the apple go when it's parents died?

    Answer: To a Bananas foster home.

  • What makes you think you can criticise American gun laws, sitting over there in the UK?

    I was asked on an internet forum. "Because you're not allowed to take them on planes," I answered.

  • Where's England, Jon?

    He proudly answers: - Page 83.

  • What did the blond girl say when she saw the car?

    Answer: That's the lost one right there.

  • What am I?

    I start with a v and every woman has one. She can even use me to get what she wants. What am I? I'll post the answer in 10 minutes.

  • How do you keep a idiot occupied?

    I will tell you how in my next post- Jk the answer's in one of the comments, look through every single one and you are destined to discover the answer.

  • What seems to be th- Me: -Medicinal marijuana! Doc: I'm sorry?

    Me: Let's start with the answer, then work on the problem, ok

  • What's black?

    Whats black and screams? Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

  • What's the only thing better than Roses on a Piano?

    Answer: Tulips on an Organ.

  • How did Helen Keller burn her face?

    She answered the waffle iron. How did she burn the other side? They called back.

  • How many chameleons are in the room with you right now?

    You can never answer this question with 100% certainty.

  • How does a door chime answer the phone?


  • How do you keep a moron in suspense for 24 hours?

    I'll post the answer tomorrow.

  • What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine's Day?

    Well, I don't know" she answers shyly. "OK, that I give you another year to think about it..."

  • Who's there ! Answer ! Answer who ?

    Answer all over your porch ! It's a mess out here !

  • What's brown and screams?

    Stevie Wonder answering the iron

  • What's the reason my shower isn't working?

    You have only one second to guess the answer. No pressure.

  • How do you get a kid out from a microwave?

    Please answer before my wife gets home!

  • What's your funniest yet least known joke?

    I have a friend that absolutely loves cheesy, question and answer jokes and I wanna make a card with a list of them! The problem is that she knows just about every joke known to man so I challenge you to give me hilarious, short jokes that aren't very widely known. Make me laugh!

  • Who answers the Crime Stoppers Hotline?

    Stymied Coppers

  • What did the man reply to his friend that found a good paying job taking care of mentally challenged people?

    Answer: Oh, so it has its ups and downs.

  • How Many Bit Coins Does it take to screw in a Lightbulb?

    00000000000001adf44c7d69767585--5572eca4dd4-db7d0c0b845-916d849af76 PM me the answer!

  • How many ducks would there be if you saw two ducks in front of two ducks two ducks between two ducks and two ducks behind two ducks?

    Answer: 4 ducks-because they are in a row.

  • What's the difference between a boy and a girl?

    His dad answers, "Well, there's a vas deferens!"

  • Why can't horses vote?

    Cause their answer is always 'nay'. I'm sorry, I'll leave...

  • How many times did I tell you to make your bed?

    Jane: I can't answer. I didn't know I was supposed to keep count!

  • What came first?

    A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says ... "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"

  • What's the difference between dating a redhead and putting your hand in a blender?

    Answer: There's always a 50/50 chance the blender isn't on

  • When you ask her "Have you ever read Shakespeare?

    And she answers "No, who wrote it " .... Keep moving.

  • Whats the distance between hole one and hole two?

    She answered "About an inch".

  • Why are there school shootings?

    Mr.Garrison: "Let's start the day with a world news question. Why are there school shootings?" The media: "Violent video games?" Mr.Garrison: "Okay, now lets try to get an answer from someone who's not a complete retard.

  • How to make an idiot curious?

    I'll post the answer tomorrow.

  • Why can't Chinese people tie their shoes?

    I would love to tell you, but I am afraid the answer is a little bit lacist.

  • What question must always be answered "Yes"?

    What does Y-E-S spell "

  • What do you get when you cross a garden, a rabbit, and some ExLax?

    For the love of everything sacred on reddit please do not make me actually key the answer....okay, let's say it together, "Salad Shooter".

  • Who lives in the green house?

    Me: I don't know Her: The green guy! Who lives in the red house? Me: The red guy Her: Yes! Who lives in the blue house? Me: The blue guy Her: Yeah! Who lives in the yellow house? Me: The yellow guy Her: Who lives in the white house? Now since I've heard this "riddle" before, I knew the trick answer. I was ready to answer The President! when my uncle blurted out: The black guy!!

  • What do you call an amputee that can't answer riddles?


  • What's six feet tall, black and screaming?

    Stevie Wonder, answering the Iron.

  • What river separates China and India?

    Answer: the Fraser River (which separates Richmond and Surrey)

  • How many Public Radio hosts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    We'll be back with that answer right after this pledge break.

  • What is the difference between a refrigerator and a one foot tall man painting the side of a house?

    Answer: On a quantum level, there is no difference.

  • Which toes?

    She answers "My big toes".

  • Why did Hellen Kellar burn her ear?

    The phone rang and she answered the iron. Why did she burn her other ear They called back.

  • Why can't I get it up?

    Okay, sometimes alcohol is the answer.

  • Why should the Pope play NBA basketball?

    Because every time he puts up a prayer it gets answered. (I thought of this myself, but it is so corny, it could easily be in every damn joke book.)

  • Why are you running like that?

    He answered, "Because you're coming home early."

  • Who is fastest girl in the world?

    Answer: Airtel 4G girl.

  • What two letters do you say when you answer the phone?


  • What is brown and screams?

    Stevie Wonder when he answers the iron.

  • How did you get into counterfeiting?

    Criminal: I answered an ad that said "Make money at home."

  • What's black and screaming?

    Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

  • How can you tell a Minnesota hockey fan?

    Ask him what color the blue line is and wait. It may take him ten minutes to answer.

  • What were the very first straws made of?

    ANSWER: Straw.

  • Why are you home from school so early?

    Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question." Mother: "Oh really What was the question Son: "Who threw the eraser at the principal "

  • What's red and black and screaming all over?

    Stevie Wonder when he answers the iron.

  • What's better, Star Wars or Star Trek?

    Answer: Knowing what intimacy with another living human being feels like.

  • How do you know if your friend, "Doesn't even OWN a TV?

    Because it's this answer to every question you ask them. "Did you hear about the President's new policy on... " "I don't even OWN a TV!"

  • When a cop pulls you over and asks, "Papers?

    answer "Scissors." then drive away..

  • What is ISIS's favorite type of text?

    Is the answer: A: Heading B: Heading C: Heading

  • Why can't Zeno seem to pay his bar tab in full?

    Answer: Because he kept giving half of what he owes.

  • Whats in his backpack?

    Answer: Parachute

  • Why does the town idiot take his bedroom door off the hinges and put it to the sid every night when he goes to sleep?

    ANSWER: Because he's afraid someone would look through the keyhole.

  • Whats brown and rhymes with Snoop?

    Answer: Dr.Dre

  • What did the hippy who has been crashing on your couch for the last 2 weeks say when you asked him to leave?

    Am I supposed to say the answer or let y'all guess for a bit !

  • How does Yo-Yo Ma answer the phone?


  • Why did the fishing boat captain hire an all Mexican crew?

    Because in the interview they answered every question with "sea senor"

  • What is the difference between a woman in church and a woman in a bathtub?

    Answer: One has hope in her soul the other has soap in her hole.

  • Why are you here?

    And Elsa answers: "Because they don't let me go."

  • How did Hellen Keller burn her ear?

    She answered the iron.

  • What's a man's idea of a perfect date?

    A woman who answers the door stark naked holding a six pack.

  • How many clickbait articles does it take to change a lightbulb?

    The answer may shock you.

  • What's the major cause of divorce?

    Answer: Once is not enough.

  • Whats in the middle of girl's leg ?

    And the answer is, 'Knee'

  • Why did?

    Why did the house cross the road, One of the most difficult to solve cross the road jokes, I'll give the answer when you all give.

  • What is the most beautiful thing in the world?

    Is it your right thigh, or your left? Or does the answer lie somewhere in the middle?

  • What is cosmetics?

    ANSWER: Cosmetics is a woman's means for keeping a man from reading between the lines.

  • What does a highlighter say when it answers the phone?


  • What did the judge say when a skunk entered the courtroom?

    Answer: Odor Odor in the court!!!

  • What's the difference between a hunter and a stalker?

    ANSWER: The hunter has to wait until it's in season!

  • How many scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    Answer: I don't know, I'm no scientist

  • Why did religion cross the road?

    God is the answer.

  • What do you call a loonie answering questions on reddit?

    DollarAMA. *Only Canadians will get it, sorry.

  • How does a cheerleader answer the phone?


  • What's black and screams?

    Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

  • How many redditors does it take to answer an /r/AskScience question?


  • What's your answer?

    whispers into microphone* Please help me, I don't even know these people

  • What do you call it when a prayer is answered?

    A coincidence.

  • Why would an alien ever visit Roswell?

    Fill in the blank or answer the question.

  • How many karma whores does it take to change a lightbulb?

    When this gets 500 upvotes, I'll tell you the answer.

  • What's the opposite of funny?

    answer: Jay Leno

  • What's the difference between toilet paper and shower curtains?

    If you answered "I don't know." I would like to tell you that I spent all day cleaning that mess up.

  • Why should a honeymoon only be six days?

    ANSWER: Because seven days makes a whole week.

  • How did the 3 legged frog get across the 4 lane freeway?

    Take the F out of Free, and the F out of way and you'll have your answer.

  • Why did the blind guy have a burnt face?

    He answered the iron.

  • What hand do you wipe with?

    Answer: left or right Response: why not use toilet paper

  • Which Kind Of Girls Wear Transparent Clothes?

    Answer : "Those Girls Who Don't Trust The Imagination Power Of A Boy"

  • How can you tell if someone is schizophrenic?

    I'll let my friend answer that one:

  • When someone ask me... How are you?

    I answer back... You mean in bed

  • Why did the paedophilic bestialist not answer his name?

    Because he was feeling a little horse.

  • What are the level differences between nannies?

    Answer: the A level nannies suggest leafy vegetables... But the B nannies force kale.

  • Why did the Muslim take his Note 7 onto an airplane?

    Do I really have to answer that Who doesn't bring their phone with them when they travel

  • When your partner asks how many people you have ever slept with, answering 'what did I say the last time you asked?

    is unwise, apparently.

  • What is buoyancy?

    Alex: I'm sorry. The answer we were looking for is, Whatever.

  • How many consultants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    I'm not sure but I'll have an answer for you next Monday.

  • How many r/jokes redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Answer is 2. One to change the lightbulb while the other screams "REPOST"

  • How many men does it take to mop the floor?

    Answer: None it's a women's job.

  • What is the Catholic Church giving up for Lent?

    Answer: The Pope!

  • How's Hillary's head?

    He answers, "Well, she's no Monica!"

  • What's the best response when someone wastes your time?

    Answers below please.

  • What's the difference between toilet paper and the shower curtain?

    So you're the one.... (only if you answered "i don't know")

  • How do you confuse an AP student?

    Make the first 21 questions all be the answer C.

  • What's that again?

    A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.' 'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?' 'Twelve thirty.'

  • What's the answer for question #2?

    2.B or not 2.B

  • How many questions did the politician answer?


  • What is the difference between a "Battery" and a woman?

    ANSWER: A battery has a positive side.

  • How did a blind woman pierce her ear?

    A: Answering the stapler.

  • How many Accountants does it take to change a light bulb?

    What sort of answer did you have in mind None-just assume it's changed.

  • What is the 25th letter of the alphabet?

    The son answers, "Y." "Because I want to know!"

  • Why are Nordic women so beautiful?

    Answer: Well, the Vikings didn't kidnap the ugly ones...

  • Which appliance in your home do you think is the most useful?

    His answer: "My mom."

  • What would Chewbacca do?

    And the answer is always, "Make that gargly roaring sound." So that's what I do.

  • What asks no question but demands an answer?

    A doorbell or a ringing telephone.

  • Which Shampoo They Preferred?

    The Top Answers Was: Get The Hell Out Of My Bathroom!

  • How long does it take for George R.R. Martin to finish a Reddit post?

    Answer coming Fall 2017.

  • What's another name for pickled bread?

    Answer: Dill-dough.

  • What do you think is the biggest problem in Germany?

    Uncertainty or indifference ' He answered: I don't know and I don't care!'

  • What Is A Kiss?

    Answer: Its An Inquiry At The Top Floor Regarding The Vacancy In The Ground Floor.

  • How do you keep an idiot in suspense for 24 hours?

    I'll tell you the answer tomorrow.

  • What's the difference between a roasted chicken and a time bomb?

    If you don't know the answer please never invite me to dinner.

  • How long does a United States Congressman serve?

    ANSWER: Until he gets caught.

  • How do you answer the door Mathematically?

    Door: "What is 2+2 " Me: "4" Door: "Cool!"

  • What does a microcontroller say when it can't answer a question?


  • Why didn't the skelton cross the road?

    Answer in comments so you can fully appreciate the joke)

  • How, would you answer this question?

    No. -How

  • Why did the elephant paint his balls green?

    Answer: to hide in avocado trees.. How did Tarzan die? Answer: Picking avocados

  • Why do the Irish always answer questions with another question?

    He said, "do we now "

  • Why didn't you answer your home phone?

    Because I'm walking the dog. Don't you trust me -Of course I trust you! Put the dog on the phone.

  • Which of these three does not belong: (A) a lobster, (B) a flounder, or (C) a Korean man who has just been run over by a bus?

    The answer is (B) a flounder. The other two are crushedAsians.

  • Whoever answers my next question, can go home One boy throws his bag out the window. Teacher: Who just threw that?

    Boy: Me and I'm going home now.

  • What rings twice and screams once?

    Ray Charles answering the iron

  • What does the caller ID say?

    Mom: It's a private caller. Dad: Don't answer that. We only pick up for ranks Lieutenant Caller and higher.

  • Why couldn't the tree answer the trivia question?

    It was stumped.

  • What does snoop doggy dog use to do his laundry?

    Answer in comments.

  • What did the Pencile say to the other pencil?

    what did the pencile say to the other pencil the answer is........... Your Looking Sharp :)

  • What's the best way to get a youthful figure?

    ANSWER: Ask a woman her age.

  • What is not the answer to this question?

    Not this.

  • How did you get out of Iraq?

    He answered: "Iran"

  • What is the best part of the camp?

    One wise guy answered 'Going home!'

  • What word starts with F and ends in uck?

    Firetruck. The answer is Firetruck.

  • Who'd win if Batman fought Santa?

    Before u say Batman, just remember who's watching you answer.

  • How do you find a dirty cop?

    Call 911, it doesn't matter who answers

  • Why aren't you smiling?

    my go-to answer is always "My yeast infection really is bubbling up."

  • What is the most effective way to remember your wife's Birthday?

    Answer: Just forget it once and you will never forget it again. :D

  • Where's my freaking phone?

    and it answers, "I'm here! Under your jacket!"

  • How did the blind kid burn the side of his face?

    He answered the iron

  • Why did Beethoven never answer the doorbell?

    They weren't invented yet.

  • How do scaredy-cats answer the phone?


  • What's the difference between white socks and red socks?

    Students will most likely answer the color) Then you say, "yes, that's one difference but there's another: The White Sox play in Chicago and the Red Sox play in Boston!

  • Why Cant Coffee Shops Spell Correctly?

    When asked for his name by the coffee shop clerk, my brother-in-law answered, Marc, with a C. Minutes later, he was handed his coffee with his name written on the side: Cark.

  • What do you say when you find two banana peels together?

    Answer: A pair of slipper

  • What is blonde and brown blonde and brown blonde and brown?

    Answer. Madonna doing cartwheels.

  • Why has Venus been so distant lately?

    Mars answers "shes been under a lot of pressure and has really bad gas"

  • How much did the pie cost?

    Answer in comments

  • What's the point?

    You look ridiculous. What difference does 1 inch really make Don't answer that.

  • Why didn't you answer me ?

    Pupil: I did I shook my head Teacher: You don't expect me to hear it rattling from here do you !

  • Why should you never hit people with violins?

    Because violins is not the answer...

  • How do you put elephant in the fridge?

    Answer is open the door and just put the elephant in the fridge.

  • Why couldn't the cut down tree answer a riddle?

    It was stumped.

  • Why do I have to answer security questions to pay my bills?

    Ohmygod please tell me there are hackers out there trying to pay my bills....