Marry Jokes

Paddy was planning to get married and asked his doctor how he could tell if his bride is a virgin. The doctor said, Well, you need three things from a do it yourself shop. A can of red paint, a can of blue paint and a shovel. Paddy asked, And what do I do with these, doc? The doctor replied, Before the wedding night, you paint one of your testicles red and the other one blue. If she says, Thats the strangest pair of balls I ever saw., you hit her with the shovel.

What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before getting married?

Feyonc

Why was the farmer disappointed when he tried to marry his prized melon?

Because the minister wouldn't marry the two, since a melon can't elope!

Why did the IT Admin marry Sally?

She had a 19" rack.

What kind of fruit can't get married?

A Cantleope

Whats the only fruit that can't run away to get married??

A Cantaloupe.

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Which fruit wanted to run away and get married, but couldn't?

Cant-elope :D

What do you call two fruits that can't get married?

Cantaloupes

What do you call a man that marries another man?

A minister! Courtesy of a patient.

What does bread do when it wants to get married...?

It e-loaf-es! :)

How do you get an anorexic to gain 25 pounds?

Marry her.

Why don't house painters wear wedding rings on the job?

Nobody wants to marry an underemployed alcoholic.

Why did the woman marry the shoe maker?

Because she was his sole mate.

Why can't the two melons get married?

I don't know but they cantaloupe.

Why should the Roman Catholic Church allow priests to marry?

They would have a more detailed understanding of what Hell is actually like.

What was Boaz like before he got married?

Ruthless.

Why won't the honeydew marry the watermelon?

Because they cantaloupe..

Why did the bride and groom get married in a hot tub?

So that the bride wouldn't get cold feet.

What fruit can't get married?

CANTELOPE

Why did the psych ward escapee never get married?

He had a fear of commitment

How did Kanye West ask Kim Kardashian to marry him ??

will i marry you?"

Why did Josh Gordon marry Mary Jane?

So he'd only get a 2 game suspension for abusing her.

What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Antelopes

What did Jay-Z call Beyonc before they were married?

Fiance

What type of fruit is not allowed to get married?

Cantaloupe...

Why Should You Never Marry A Tennis Player?

Because love means nothing to them!

Why did Albert Einstein marry his cousin?

Because she was his relative

Why is the bride always sad on her wedding day?

Because she doesn't get to marry the best man.

What do you get when ant's parents won't let him marry his girlfriend?

Antelopes.

How did Einstein prove you can break the law of relativity?

He married his cousin.

Why can't Stevie Wonder see his mates?

Because he's married.

What do you call 2 algebraists who marry?

Prime mates

What did Jay-Z call Knowles before getting married?

his biance

How can you tell two people are married?

Both are yelling at the same kid.

Why couldn't the Dairy Queen have any kids?

Because she married Mr. Softy!

What's the opposite of running away and getting married?

Anteloping.

Why couldn't the melons run away and get married?

They cantelope.

Why don't people get married in North Korea?

Well, all marriages are legal in North Korea, but no one has them because there's no rice to throw.

What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?

Ruth-less.

How did the fruits get married?

They Cantaeloped!

What did Jay Z call his girlfriend before they got married?

His Feyonce.

What's the best part of two lesbians marrying?

Two cooks in the house.

How do you turn a fox into a cow?

Marry it

What candy do you give your wife before you get married?

Pre-nup brittle.

What does a gamer say when he get married?

GG.

What's black and married to my daughter?

Nothing because I'm a good parent.

Why do married men love golf so much?

Because it's not the same three holes over and over again.

What's the best day of the week to marry your gaming console?

Wednesday

Why couldn't the melon couple run off and get married?

Because they can't elope.

How is being married like puttin' on a tin roof?

If you don't nail her good she'll be at the neighbors.

What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married?

Feyonce.

Why didn't Count Dracula get married?

He wanted to remain a bat-chelor.

How does one turn a fox into a pig?

Marry her.

Why can't Stevie Wonder see his friends...?

Because he's married. (I'll see myself out).

What did the commitment averse monster truck announcer say to his girlfriend when she asked him, "When are you going to finally ask me to marry you?

SOMEDAY ###SOMEDAY! ###SOMEDAY!!

Why don't you get married?

Me: I've never been that hungry.

Which one is married?

The one with the wedding ring YOU SICK-O!

What happened when the two angels got married?

They lived harpily ever after!

What are ants called when they run away very fast to get married?

Ant-elopers.

What did Jay-Z call Beyonce before they got married?

Feyonce

Why cant Ray Charles see his friends?

Because he's Blind Married

Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving...

What kind of fruit isn't allowed to get married?

A cantaloupe.

Why don't penguins ever get married?

They always get cold feet! I'll show myself out.

What did Jay-Z call Beyonce before they were married?

Fiancee

How long have we been married dear?

Me: How dare you try and sneak maths into this.

Why couldn't Stevie Wonder see his friends?

Because he was married.

Why did the chicken marry the crocodile?

Because Croc-a-doodle-doo is a good family name.

Why did the polish person marry someone from the other side of the country?

Because opposite poles attract

Why do clumsy people get married?

They fall in love.

What is the worst joke you have ever Heard?

I'll start it off: Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

How do you turn a Fox into a Pit Bull?

Marry her !

Why do men want to marry a virgin?

To avoid criticism and comparison.

What do you call a man who marries an old ugly and poor woman?

A: Desperate!

Why did the moon marry the sun?

Because the sun is hott.

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