Marry Jokes

  • Why do we all marry?

    because romance is not the only element of life, we should also know horror, terror, suspense, irony, stupidity and tragedy of life!

  • How can a woman make you a millionaire?

    When you marry her as a billionaire.

  • Why couldn't the melons run away and get married?

    They cantelope.

  • How do you get a blonde to marry you?

    Tell her she's pregnant.

  • Why do people get divorced in the holiday season?

    Because they Marry Christmas!

  • What would Al Pacino be called if he marries Daenerys Targeryen?

    Khal Pacino.

  • What do you get when ant's parents won't let him marry his girlfriend?


  • What do you call a pop star that marries Rowan Atkinson?

    Avril Labean

  • Which fruit can't get married?

    A can't elope. Or better yet None of them because of the lgbt movement.

  • Why did the two boa constrictors get married ?

    Because they had a crush on each other !sna

  • Why did Yoda never get married?

    Because when he was standing by alter, and asked "If he would take this women as his lawful wedded wife " His response was "Do I "

  • What's next - people marrying dogs?

    nervous glance at dog Dog: Frank, we've been over this. I like you as a friend

  • Why do married men love golf so much?

    Because it's not the same three holes over and over again.

  • Why Should You Never Marry A Tennis Player?

    Because love means nothing to them!

  • How do you turn a Fox into a Pit Bull?

    Marry her !

  • What's the best day of the week to marry your gaming console?


  • What did Jay-Z call Beyonce before they got married?


  • Why did the melon get married in a church?

    Because he was in love with a cantaloupe.

  • Why did the polish person marry someone from the other side of the country?

    Because opposite poles attract

  • Which one is married?

    The one with the wedding ring YOU SICK-O!

  • How is being married like puttin' on a tin roof?

    If you don't nail her good she'll be at the neighbors.

  • Why little girls can't fart Do you know why little girls can't fart?

    Because they don't get a**holes until they get married.

  • What do you call 2 algebraists who marry?

    Prime mates

  • Why don't married men live as long as single men?

    They don't want to!

  • Why couldn't the melons secretly get married?

    Because they were cant elopes

  • What happened after the ugly man married the beautiful blonde?

    They had a wedding reception.

  • Why couldn't Ray Charles see his friends?

    Because he was married

  • What do you call two ants that run away to get married?


  • Why did the stoner go to the chapel?

    To marry Jane

  • What did Jay Z call his girlfriend before they got married?

    His Feyonce.

  • Why do clumsy people get married?

    They fall in love.

  • What's the best part about marrying a farmer?

    You get to grow old together.

  • What do you call it when you dream about getting married?

    Bed wedding.

  • Why couldn't Stevie Wonder see his friends?

    Because he was married.

  • Why did Bobby Fischer marry a woman from Prague?

    A: He was looking for a Czech mate.

  • When two bears asked a pastor to marry them in the forest, what did he say?

    Hold on, let me get my bear rings."

  • Why didn't the melons get married in Vegas?

    Because they cantaloupe. This joke was brought to you by Dads inc.

  • Why couldn't the Dairy Queen have any kids?

    Because she married Mr. Softy!

  • Why can't watermelons get married?

    Because they cantaloupe!

  • What do you call it when a really large number marries a small number?

    A Ranged Marriage

  • Why did Albert Einstein marry his cousin?

    Because she was his relative

  • Why did Josh Gordon marry Mary Jane?

    So he'd only get a 2 game suspension for abusing her.

  • How did the telephones get married ?

    In a double ring ceremony !

  • What was Boaz like before he got married?


  • What type of fruit is impossible to marry?


  • Why did the left shoe marry the right?

    Because they were "sole"-mates :)

  • Why did the woman marry the shoe maker?

    Because she was his sole mate.

  • Why do men want to marry a virgin?

    To avoid criticism and comparison.

  • Why did the man marry a monkey?

    Because he wanted a PRIME-MATE! sorry ...sorry twice if this is an old joke

  • What do you call a man that marries another man?

    A minister! Courtesy of a patient.

  • What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before getting married?


  • What do you call a fruit that won't get married?

    A Cantaloupe.

  • How do you turn a fox into a cow?

    Marry it

  • What did Jay-Z call Knowles before getting married?

    his biance

  • What's the best part of two lesbians marrying?

    Two cooks in the house.

  • How did Kanye West ask Kim Kardashian to marry him ??

    will i marry you?"

  • Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

    For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving...

  • Why should the Roman Catholic Church allow priests to marry?

    They would have a more detailed understanding of what Hell is actually like.

  • What are ants called when they run away very fast to get married?


  • Whatcha watching?

    Me: Tiny Houses. 9: Wow it's tiny! Who's gonna live there Me: Two people. 9: Are they married Me: Not for long.

  • Why was the fruit really upset he had to get married in a big church?

    oc Because he cantaloupe.

  • What fruit can't get married?


  • How can you tell if she is virgin or not?

    Paddy was planning to get married and asked his doctor how he could tell if his bride is a virgin. The doctor said, Well, you need three things from a do it yourself shop. A can of red paint, a can of blue paint and a shovel. Paddy asked, And what do I do with these, doc? The doctor replied, Before the wedding night, you paint one of your testicles red and the other one blue. If she says, Thats the strangest pair of balls I ever saw., you hit her with the shovel.

  • How do you turn a fox into a whale?

    Marry her.

  • Why can't Stevie Wonder see his friends?

    Because he's married.

  • Why did Einstein marry his cousin?

    It's all relative.

  • Why was the farmer disappointed when he tried to marry his prized melon?

    Because the minister wouldn't marry the two, since a melon can't elope!

  • When two ants want to run away and get married, who do they seek for help?

    The Antelopes.

  • Why won't the honeydew marry the watermelon?

    Because they cantaloupe..

  • What do you call a fruit that isn't allowed to marry?

    A cantelope

  • Why do so many people in the South get married?

    Free shotgun

  • Why don't you marry her?

    Dentist: I can't afford to. She's my best patient.

  • Why did the moon marry the sun?

    Because the sun is hott.

  • Why can't Stevie Wonder see his mates?

    Because he's married.

  • How do you tell if an Arkansas girl is old enough to marry?

    A: Make her stand in a barrel. If her chin is over the top she's old enough. If it isn't cut the barrel down a bit.

  • Whats the only fruit that can't run away to get married??

    A Cantaloupe.

  • What would you do if I died?

    Husband: I would go crazy Wife: Would you re-marry Husband: Ah, not that crazy..

  • Why can't Stevie Wonder see his friends...?

    Because he's married. (I'll see myself out).

  • How do you make a girl gain weight?

    Marry her.

  • What did the commitment averse monster truck announcer say to his girlfriend when she asked him, "When are you going to finally ask me to marry you?


  • What do married people do for fun?

    Get divorced.

  • Which of the following lines will do a better job of frightening a man away?

    1) Get away or I'll call the police!!! 2) I love you and want to marry you and have your children.

  • Why cant Ray Charles see his friends?

    Because he's Blind Married

  • What did the pastor say when informing two fruits that they couldn't marry?

    No, you cantaloupe.

  • Why don't people get married in North Korea?

    Well, all marriages are legal in North Korea, but no one has them because there's no rice to throw.

  • Why doesn't the melon get married?

    Because it cantaloupe.

  • What do cows do after they get married?

    They go on their honeymoooooon!

  • What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

    The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

  • What kind of fruit can't get married?

    A Cantleope

  • Why didn't Count Dracula get married?

    He wanted to remain a bat-chelor.

  • What do you call a woman who marries an old ugly and poor man?

    A: Stupid!

  • How does one turn a fox into a pig?

    Marry her.

  • What does a gamer say when he get married?


  • Why is a bride always out of luck on her wedding day?

    Because she never marries the best man.

  • Why don't penguins ever get married?

    They always get cold feet! I'll show myself out.

  • Why does a priest never get married?

    Because they got nun to love them

  • What do you call two fruits that can't get married?


  • When Arwen and Aragorn got married... was Frodo designated to be the Ring bearer?

    edit Thanks KikifounUnui... not my main language TT

  • Why didn't the melon get married?

    Because it can't elope.

  • What do you call two spiders who just got married?

    A: Newlywebs.

  • Why don't tennis players get married?

    Because to them love means nothing.

  • Why don't melons marry on a whim?

    They cantaloupe.

  • How do you stop a woman giving you head?

    Marry her.

  • What did one Melon say to the other after it was asked marry it?

    We Can't Alope

  • What is the worst joke you have ever Heard?

    I'll start it off: Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

  • Why don't house painters wear wedding rings on the job?

    Nobody wants to marry an underemployed alcoholic.

  • What's black and married to my daughter?

    Nothing because I'm a good parent.

  • How does Geppetto exact his revenge on Monstro the Whale?

    Marry a net maker

  • How do you get an anorexic to gain 25 pounds?

    Marry her.

  • What kind of fruit isn't allowed to get married?

    A cantaloupe.

  • Which fruit can never get married?

    Melons, because they can'telope.

  • Why do tennis players never get married?

    Because Love means nothing to them.

  • What did the melon say to his daughter after she tried to get married?

    You cant-elope!

  • What did Jay-Z call Beyonc before they were married?


  • Why did the psych ward escapee never get married?

    He had a fear of commitment

  • Why is it so important to fruits to get married?

    Because they cantaloupe.

  • What did Jay-Z call Beyonce before they were married?


  • What does bread do when it wants to get married...?

    It e-loaf-es! :)

  • When lesbians get married, which one makes the sandwiches?

    Neither! Everyone knows they prefer hot pockets

  • Why can't Ray Charles see his friends?

    A: Because he's married.

  • Why did the Geometry major marry a Brit?

    Because she was a cute angle.

  • How long you two been married?

    It's been thirt- (wife shaking head) teenish twenty- (still shaking) for a long time.

  • Why did the bride and groom get married in a hot tub?

    So that the bride wouldn't get cold feet.

  • Why did the IT Admin marry Sally?

    She had a 19" rack.

  • How long have we been married dear?

    Me: How dare you try and sneak maths into this.

  • What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?

    A: surname

  • How did Einstein prove you can break the law of relativity?

    He married his cousin.

  • What'sApp Me: Mom, what's for dinner?

    Mom : typing ... *gets married* *have kids* *gets old* *dies* *goes to hell* Mom: Fish, honey!

  • Why did the bee get married?

    Because he found his honey.

  • Why is the bride always sad on her wedding day?

    Because she doesn't get to marry the best man.

  • How do you turn a fox into an elephant?

    Marry it.

  • How can you tell if a good ole boy from North Carolina is married?

    There are tobacco spit stains on BOTH the doors of his truck.

  • Why do honeydew melons have to get married in a formal ceremony?

    Because they cantaloupe.

  • What is a dad joke?

    Punchlines that got married and settled down.

  • What type of fruit is not allowed to get married?


  • What do you call fruits that aren't allowed to marry?

    OC Cantaloupes.

  • What happened when the two angels got married?

    They lived harpily ever after!

  • Why didn't the melons get married?

    Because they cantaloupe...

  • Which fruit wanted to run away and get married, but couldn't?

    Cant-elope :D

  • Why can't a guy see his friends?

    Because he's married.

  • Who was Tupac married to?

    His Thug Wife.

  • Why was Ygritte happy she didn't marry Jon snow?

    Because she didn't want six inches of snow all year long.

  • How can you tell two people are married?

    Both are yelling at the same kid.

  • Why couldn't the melon couple run off and get married?

    Because they can't elope.

  • Where did you marry?

    HIM: Maui ME: Oh, sowwy! Where did you mawwy her

  • Whatever happened to the bedbugs who fell in love?

    A: They got married in the spring.

  • What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married?


  • Why can't the two melons get married?

    I don't know but they cantaloupe.

  • Why couldn't the man marry the melon?

    It was a cantaloupe.

  • Why do divorced men get married again?

    A: Bad memory.

  • Where do rabbits go after they get married?

    On a bunny-moon.

  • What do you call a man who marries an old ugly and poor woman?

    A: Desperate!

  • Why don't tennis players ever get married?

    Because love means nothing to them.

  • How did the fruits get married?

    They Cantaeloped!

  • Why couldn't the watermelon get married in Vegas?

    Because his fiancee is a cantaloupe!

  • How do you get a paper baby?

    Marry an old bag.

  • Why did the chicken marry the crocodile?

    Because Croc-a-doodle-doo is a good family name.

  • What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?


  • What's the opposite of running away and getting married?


  • What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?


  • What did the one melon say to the other melon?

    We're too young to marry. We cantaloupe.

  • Why don't you get married?

    Me: I've never been that hungry.

  • Why did Maria Shriver marry Arnold Schwarzenegger?

    To breed a Kennedy that could take a bullet.

  • What candy do you give your wife before you get married?

    Pre-nup brittle.

  • Why did the 280-pound girl marry the 400-pound man?

    She wanted a big wedding.

  • What do bunnies do when they get married?

    Go on a bunnymoon

  • How do rain drops marry?

    They coalesce