Elephant Jokes
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What do elephants do in the evenings ?
Watch elevision !
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Why do elephants wear green shoes?
So they can sneak across pool tables. Have you ever seen an elephant sneaking across a pool table? Works, doesn't it?
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How do you know if there is an elephant in bed with you?
He has a big E on his pajamas.
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How do you tell the difference between an elephant and a rhinoceros?
Second Kangaroo: The elephant has a better memory.
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What do you get when you cross worms with elephants?
Big holes in your garden
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What's the easiest way to get off an elephant?
I don't know but you should buy it dinner first!
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Why do elephants hide behind trees?
To trip ants.
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What do you call an elephant creeping through the jungle in the middle of the night ?
Russell !
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How do you get out of an elephant?
Q: How do you get out of an elephant A: Turn around and around until you get all pooped out. (5 yo humor never gets old)
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How do you make an elephant float?
A can of coke, a scoop of vanilla ice cream, and an elephant.
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Where does an elephant carry its laptop?
In its trunk.
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How do you fit an elephant in a Safeway bag?
Take the 'F' out of safe and the 'F' out of way.
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What's the difference between an elephant and a gooseberry ?
A gooseberry is green !
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What happens when an elephant sits on a car?
It breaks the trunk.
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Who lost a herd of elephants ?
Big bo peep !
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Why did the elephants go on a diet?
A: Because they had too much junk in the trunk.
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How do you get down off an elephant?
You don't. You get down off a goose.
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How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
Step one: Open the door. Step two: Put the elephant in. Step three: Close the door.
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Why Aren't Elephants Allowed On The Beach?
Because they always blow their trunks off!
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How do you get an elephant into a matchbox ?
Take all the matches out first !
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What do you get if you cross an elephant with the abominable snowman?
A jumbo yeti.
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What is the difference between an elephant and a flea?
An elephant can have fleas but a flea can't have elephants !
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What is the biggest ant in the world ?
An elephant !
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How do you know when there is an elephant under your bed ?
When your nose touches the ceiling !
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What has 4 legs, 2 grey and 2 brown?
an elephant with diarrhea
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What do you call something that has nothing to do with elephants?
Irrelephant
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What's as big as an elephant but weighs nothing ?
An elephant's shadow !
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Why did the elephant paints it's toes red?
So he could hide in the cherry tree.
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What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
Hell-if-I-know
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What elephant and a canary and in common?
They both can't ride bicycles.
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What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?
An irrelephant.
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How do you know if there’s an elephant under your bed?
Your head hits the ceiling!
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What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor?
A: A pachydermatologist.
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Why are elephants no good at Net surfing?
Because they're scared of the mouse.
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How did the elephant get into the room?
We don't talk about it...
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Why are elephants gray?
A: So you don't get them confused with blueberries.
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What's the best way to see a charging herd of elephants ?
On television !
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What do you give an elephant with diarrhea?
Plenty o' room.
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How does a elephant hide in the jungle?
2.What is the Loudest sound in the jungle 1.Paints its balls red and climbs up a apple tree. 2.Tarzan picking apples.
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How can you tell elephants love to travel ?
They are always packing their trunk !
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Why are elephants so poor?
Because they work for peanuts
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What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Two very unhappy animals.
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How do you hide an elephant in a fridge?
You remove his slippers and open the door . You put him inside. You close the door and take the slippers away.
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Why Do Elephants Have Big Ears?
Because Noddy won't pay the ransom!
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Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stomp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stomp out the burning ducks.
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What's similar between an elephant and a plum?
They're both grey except for the plum.
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How do you trap an elephant?
You first dig a hole, second, you fill the hole with ashes, also throw some peas in there. When the elephant stops to take a pea, you kick it in the ash hole.
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Why are the sheep in Africa coloured pink?
The elephants are using them as tampons
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Why do elephants prefer cars instead of motorcycles?
motorcycles don't have trunks
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How do you get an elephant on a train?
You take the "S" out of sub, and the "F" out of way. Say it out loud
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What do you get when you cross a horse, an elephant, and a rhino?
Helephino.
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Why did the elephant paint his toenails red ?
So he could hide in the cherry tree !
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What's blue and has big ears ?
An elephant at the North Pole !
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How does an elephant go up a tree?
It stands on an acorn and waits for it to grow.
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How do you fit an elephant in a Safeway bag ?
You take the "F" out of way.
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What do you call a cross between a hippo, an elephant and a rhino?
Hell if I know
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Why do waiters prefer elephants to flies?
Have you ever heard anyone complaining of a elephant in their soup .
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Who do elephants get their christmas presents from ?
Elephanta Claus !
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What's yellow on the outside and grey on the inside ?
An elephant disguised as a banana !
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What can an Elephant make that no other animal can make?
Baby elephants.
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Why are elephants grey ?
So you can tell them from flamingos !
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What happened when the elephant sat on the car?
A: Everyone knows a Mercedes Bends!
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What's more difficult than getting a pregnant elephant in a VW bug?
A: Getting an elephant pregnant in a VW bug.
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What's the difference between an elephant and a piece of paper ?
You can't make a paper aeroplane out of an elephant !
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What does an elephant keep in his trunk?
6 foot of snot
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Why did the elephant paint its nails red?
So it could hide in the strawberry patch.... Have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch? No? See, it worked!
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Why did the elephant sit on the marshmallow?
So that he didn't fall in the hot cocoa.
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Why are elephants big, grey, and wrinkley?
Because if they were small, white, and smooth they'd be Asprin.
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What's grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow?
An elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth!
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How can you tell if an elephant's been to your birthday party?
Look for his footprints in the ice cream.
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What do you get when you cross a rhino with an elephant?
Hell-if-i-know (my grandma's favorite joke)
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What did the elephant say when it saw the Chihuahuas coming down the road?
Look out for the mice!
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How to elephants talk to each other ?
By 'elephone !
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What do elephants sing at christmas ?
Noel-ephants Noel-ephants...
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Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they're so good at it.
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What did the Elephant say while scolding her children?
Tusk Tusk I am so sorry
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What do you get when you cross a pig with an elephant?
A very large animal that knows a lot of jokes.
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How do you fit an elephant in the subway?
You take the letter "S" out of "sub", and the letter "F" out of "way".
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Why were the elephants thrown out of the swimming pool ?
Because they couldn't hold their trunks up !
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What goes stomp, stomp, stomp, squish?
An elephant with a wet boot
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What did the elephant say to the man?
Cute, but how do you pick up peanuts with it?
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Why do ducks have flat feet?
So they can stamp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? So they can stamp out flaming ducks.
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Why do elephants jump across rivers?
So they won't step on the fish.
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What to you get if you cross a parrot with an elephant ?
An animal that tells you everything that it remembers !
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What do you do with old cannon balls ?
Give them to elephants to use as marbles !
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How to you tell the difference between an elephant and a mouse ?
Try picking them up !
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What do you call an elephant that lies across the middle of a tennis court ?
Annette !
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How Do You Get an Elephant Out of the Fairway?
You take the F out of Fair and the F out of Way
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How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand.
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Why do elephants live in the jungle?
Because it's out of the high rent district.
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Why do elephants paint their testicles red?
So they can hide in cherry trees. Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? Shows you it works then. What's the loudest noise in the jungle? Monkeys picking cherries.
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How can you tell a dog from an elephant?
The elephant remembers.
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What animal never forgets national tragedies?
the nine-elephant
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How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry it.
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What's the difference between an elephant and a banana ?
Have you ever tried to peel an elephant
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Why did the elephants get kicked out of the public pool?
THEY KEPT DROPPING THEIR TRUNKS!
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Why don't elephants like martinis?
Have you ever tried to get an olive out of your nose
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Why can elephants swim - and aardvarks can't?
Aardvarks don't have trunks!
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Whose baby was it?
The elephant's!
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What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk I'ma get get get get you a Neti Pot - a concerned vet to an elephant
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Why don't elephants like playing cards in the jungle ?
Because of all the cheetahs !
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What is a crossbreed between an elephant and a rhinoceros called?
I don't know, but it isn't !
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What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and an elephant?
Big holes all over Australia!
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Where's the best place to hide an elephant?
Dad: Where is the best place to hide an elephant? Me: I don't know, behind a big rock? Dad: In a tree silly. Me: In a tree? Dad: When's the last time you saw an elephant in a tree?
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What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
An irrelephant.
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What do you get when you cross a sled dog with an elephant?
A tusky!
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Why do the elephants have short tails ?
Because they can't remember long stories !
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How do you fit an elephant in to a subway?
Take the 's' out of "sub" and the 'f' out of "way"
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What pill would you give to an elephant that can't sleep ?
Trunkquilizers !
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How do you get an elephant into a Safeway grocery bag?
You take the "S" out of safe and the "F" out of way. One of my all time faves. If you say it out loud it will make sense :D
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How do you get out of the stomach of an elephant?
Run around until you get pooped out
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How do you get an elephant across the freeway?
Take the "F" out of "free" and the "F" out "way". ... (there's no effin' way)
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What is even bigger than an elephant ?
A giant !
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What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant ?
Very big worm holes in your garden !
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What animals were last to leave the ark ?
The elephants as they had to pack their trunks !
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What's grey and moves at a hundred miles an hour ?
A jet propelled elephant !
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Why doesnt Kermit like elephants?
They always want to play leap-frog with him.
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What can turn a fox into an elephant?
A marriage certificate.
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What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rabbit?
A dead rabbit with a big hole.
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What's harder than getting a pregnant elephant into a Volkswagen?
Getting an elephant pregnant in a Volkswagen.
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What do you call a cross between an elephant and a rhinoceros?
Elephino
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What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
I don't know but it's not rhelephant.
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What do you do to an elephant with 3 balls?
Walk him and pitch to the rhino.
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What do you do to an elephant with three balls?
Walk him, and pitch to the giraffe!
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What do you get when you cross an elephant with a bird?
A: A gulp. It's like a swallow, only bigger.
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Why doesn't Kermit the Frog like elephants ?
They always want to play leap frog with him
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What's the biggest ant in the world?
Girl: My Aunt Boy: No it's an elephant. Girl: You obviously haven't met my Aunt
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What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?
An elephant with diarrhea...
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Why wouldn't you ever see a pachyderm on a civil warship?
Because an elephant never frigates. aaahhhthankyou
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What time is it when the elephant sits on the fence?
Time to get a new fence...
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What do a plum and an elephant have in common?
They're both purple except the elephant.
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Why do elephants have 4 feet?
Because in the animal kingdom 6 inches just wont do
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What do you do if an elephant swallows you whole?
Run around until you get pooped out. :)
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Why do elephants have trunks ?
Because they've no pockets to put things in !
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What animal has two gray feet and two brown feet?
An elephant with diarrhea.
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How do you put an elephant in a safeway bag?
How do you put an elephant in a safeway bag? : I don't know, how? : Take the S away from "safe" and the F out of "way." : But there's no F in way. :
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How do you get down off of an elephant?
You don't, you get down off of a duck.
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What don't elephants forget when they go swimming?
Their trunks.
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What do you call an elephant with a carrot in each ear ?
Anything you want as he can't hear you !
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How do you hide a elephant in a cherry tree?
Paint it's balls red. Howed Tarzan die Picking cherries.
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Why do elephants and stoners get along so well?
uh.. I don't remember..
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What do you get when you cross a hippo, an elephant, and a rhino?
Helefino.
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What did the elephant say to the famous detective ?
It's ele-mentary my dear Sherlock !
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What does an elephant say when it kidnaps someone?
Get in the trunk"
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What did the elephant say to the naked guy?
That thing sure is cute, but can it pick up peanuts?
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What do you call an elephant that flies ?
A jumbo jet !
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Why did the elephant paint his balls green?
Answer: to hide in avocado trees.. How did Tarzan die? Answer: Picking avocados
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What do elephants say as a compliment ?
You look elephantastic !
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Which ant is the biggest?
Elephant
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Why do elephants have big flat feet?
To stamp out flaming ducks.
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Why do elephants prefer peanuts to caviar?
Because they're easier to get at the ballpark.
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How do you put an elephant in the refrigerator?
Open the door. Put in the elephant. Close the door.
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What is worse than raining cats and dogs ?
Raining elephants !
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How many aardvarks can ride on an elephant?
Six... three on the back and three in the trunk!
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your car?
Time to get a new car.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo ?
Big holes all over Australia !
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What's big, grey and makes you jump?
The elephant of surprise. :)
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What do you call a mix between an elephant and a rhino?
Ell if I know
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Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
So they can hide in strawberry patches.
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When do elephants have eight feet?
When there are two of them.
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What do you give to an elephant who suffering from diarrhea?
Space.
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Why do elephants drink so much?
To forget
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?
Take away its USB cable.
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How can you tell when there's an elephant in your sandwich?
When it's too heavy to lift.
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What do you call an elephant with a poor memory?
A bold and innovative departure from the hackneyed stereotypes that all too often dominate the joke-telling industry.
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What do you get if you cross a Rhinoceros, an elephant and a helicopter?
HellIfIknow
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Why do elephants paint their toe nails red?
So they can hide in cherry trees. You've never seen an elephant in a cherry tree? They're pretty good at it.
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What do elephants in the zoo get for lunch?
Half an hour, just like the rest of the animals.
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What did the elephant say when the man grabbed him by the tail ?
This is the end of me !
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Why does an elephant have 4 Feet?
Because it would look ridiculous with 8 inches.
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How do you hire an elephant ?
Stand it on four bricks !
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Why can't the little girl color the elephant in her coloring book?
Her arms are amputated.
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What have you been doing" asked Jane. "Chasing a herd of elephants on vines" "Really ?
said Jane. "I thought elephants stayed on the ground !"
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What's grey and goes round and round ?
An elephant in a washing machine !
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What's the difference between an Elephant and a post box?
Well, if you don't know I'm definitely not asking you to mail this letter for me.
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What do you get when you cross and elephant with a giraffe?
elephantgiraffesin()
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Why are elephants grey?
So you can tell them apart from blueberries!
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Why can't an elephant ride a bicycle?
Because he doesn't have a thumb to ring the bell.
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Why can't elephants go skinny dipping?
They can't get their trunks off...
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What do you get when you combine an elephant and a poodle?
A dead poodle, split in half.
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Why did the circus animals go on strike?
The elephants found out that they were being paid peanuts compared to the rest of the troupe and the ringleader was taking the lions share.
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What happened when the joker dropped an elephant carrying a ten ton weight on Batman and Robin?
They became flatman and ribbon. has left the building.
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Why does an elephant wear sneakers ?
So that he can sneak up on mice !
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What do elephants and plums have in common?
A: Everything, except that one is an elephant and one is a plum.
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How do you fit an elephant into a Safeway bag?
You take the s out of safe and the f out of way!
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What's the difference between a fish and an elephant?
OC) You really can't tell the difference between a fish and an elephant
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What do an elephant and a Porsche 911 have in common?
They both have their trunks in the front.
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Why can't two elephants go swimming?
They only have one pair of trunks.
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How do you get an elephant into a Safeway?
You take the S out of SAFE and you take the F out of WAY
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Why can't Africa have Volkswagen beetles?
Because an elephant will screw anything with a trunk in the front. Thanks to a random guy outside of a 7/11.
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What time would it be if five elephants were chasing you?
A: Five after one.
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How do you get an elephant out of a Safeway?
You take the ' ' out of ' ', and the ' ' out of ' '.
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How do you fit an elephant in a teacup?
You take the f out of way. say it out loud if you don't get it
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What do you get if you cross an elephant with a fish?
Swimming trunks
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How do elephants smell?
A: Really bad.
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Where do elephants keep their luggage?
In their trunk!
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How do you fit an elephant in a thimble?
You take the "I" out of "thimble" and the "F" out of "way."
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What did the elephant say to the horn-less rhino?
Rhino horn "
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What's the difference between and elephant and a mail box?
I don't know. I hope you're not allowed to take the mail out to the mail box.
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Why don't you ever see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they are really good at it
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What did tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants in the distance?
Look, a herd of elephants in the distance!"
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Why did the elephant bring toilet paper to the party?
He's a party pooper!
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How are an elephant and a plum the same?
A: They're both purple, except for the elephant.
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What do you get when you mate an elephant with a poodle?
A poodle split in half.
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Why were the elephants kicked out of the pool?
Because they kept dropping their trunks....
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How does an elephant get out of a small car ?
The same way that he got in !
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Why do elephants have flat feet?
from jumpin' outta palm trees, duh
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What do elephants use for tampons?
Sheep. Why do elephants have trunks? Sheep don't have strings.
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What did the hotel manager say to the elephant that couldn't pay his bill ?
Pack your trunk and clear out !"
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?
Stuck
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What do you call a group of elephants?
A pack o'derms
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What do you do with an elephant with three balls?
Walk him and pitch to the rhino.
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What do you get when you mix a rat and an elephant?
Who cares? It's a relephant.
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How many legs does an elephant have if you count his trunk as a leg?
Four. Because calling the trunk a leg doesnt make it a leg.
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How do you get an elephant in to a plastic bag?
First you take the 'T' out of 'Tesco', what do you get Esco. Then you take the 'F' out of 'Weigh', what do you get
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What do an elephant and an apricot have in common?
They're both grey.....................................well except for the apricot.
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What is stronger an elephant or a snail ?
A snail because it carries it's house an elephant just carries its trunk !
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How do you get an elephant into a Safeway bag?
You take the f out of "safe" and the f out of "way".
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Why are Republicans always so strung up about 9/11?
A: Elephants never forget.
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What do you call an elephant that looks like a rhino?
Elephino.
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Why did the elephant take off his socks at the golf course?
He got a hole in one.
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How do you get an elephant into a Safeway shopping cart?
Take the "S" out of safe and the "F" out of way!
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What is brown and gray has eight legs and is carrying a large trunk and a small trunk?
A Chihuahua on vacation with an elephant.
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How do you put elephant in the fridge?
Answer is open the door and just put the elephant in the fridge.
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What do you give an elephant with big feet ?
Plenty of room !
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What did the banana say to the elephant?
Nick: I don't know. Tom: Nothing. Bananas can't talk.
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Why did the elephant paint his balls red?
What makes the loudest noise in the jungle?
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How do you get an elephant across a busy freeway?
take the 'f' out of free and the 'f' out of way...
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Why do elephants squirt water through their noses?
If they squirted it through their tails it'd be very difficult to aim.
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How do you get down from an elephant?
You don't. You get down from a duck.
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What's the difference between an elephant and a bad pupil ?
One rarely bites and the other barely writes !
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What's do you call a cross between an elephant and a rhino?
ell if I know.
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How does an elephant climb a tree?
A: He hides in an acorn and waits for a bird to carry him up.
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What do you get when you breed an elephant with a rhino?
A visit from the university board of ethics.
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What do you do if an Elephant breaks his big toe?
Call a big toe truck.
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How do you spell elephant ?
E-l-l-e-e-f-a-n-t "That's not how the dictionary spells it" "You didn't ask me how the dictionary spelt it !"
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Why is it hard to watch two elephants boxing?
Because they've got the same color trunks.
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What do you call an elephant the circus no longer needs?
Irrelephant.
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Why did the elephant turn around in the airport and go home?
He forgot to pack his trunk.
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What do you get if you cross a spider and an elephant ?
I'm not sure but if you see one walking across the ceiling then run before it collapses !
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How do you put a condom on a elephant?
You take the c out of ice and the f out of weigh.
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Why are Republicans so easy to point out?
They're usually the elephant in the room
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Why does an elephant have four feet?
Because he'd look pretty silly with four inches.
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What's grey stands in a river when it rains and doesn't get wet ?
An elephant with an umbrella !
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Why did the elephant paint himself with different colours?
Because he wanted to hide in the colouring box !
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What do you call an elephant that can't do sums ?
Dumbo !
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What do you get when you cross a fish with an elephant?
Swimming trunks!
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Why do women forget if you call them beautiful 100 times but remember if you call them ugly once?
Elephants have good memory
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What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?
I love you a ton!"
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What do you get when you mix a rhino with an elephant?
Eliphino
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Why did the elephant jump in the lake when it began to rain ?
To stop getting wet !
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What are the three steps to put an elephant into the fridge..?
1.Open the fridge 2.Put the elephant in 3.Close the fridge
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What do you call a rhinoceros crossed with an elephant?
el' if I know."
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What do an elephant and a giraffe have in common?
They are both gray except for the giraffe.
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What did Tarzan say when he saw a heard of elephants?
Oh look! A heard of elephants.
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What's grey and wrinkly and jumps every twenty seconds ?
An elephant with hiccups !
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Why is an elephant braver than a hen ?
Because the elephant isn't chicken !
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What did the elephant say?
What did the elephant say when it was pulled out of a pit by the Balls? Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Ball!
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What kind of elephants live in Antartica ?
Cold ones !
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What has 3 tails 4 trunks and 6 feet ?
An elephant with spare parts !el
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What grey has a wand huge wings and gives money to elephants ?
The tusk fairy !
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Why don't elephants like penguins?
Because they can't get the wrapper off.
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What do you call an elephant on drugs?
Tranquilized.
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What's the difference between a bluebird and a elephant?
They both have wings, except for the elephant.
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Why do elephants drink?
Well, mostly to forget.....
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How did the elephant get out of the river?
Wet
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Where would you find an elephant ?
Pupil:"You don't have to find them they're too big to lose !"
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How do you stop an elephant going through the eye of a needle?
By tying a knot on its tail.
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How can you tell if there is an elephant in your dessert ?
You get very lumpy ice cream !
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What do you get if you cross an elephant with a rhino?
The Nobel Prize in Genetics.
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What was an elephant doing on the freeway?
About 5 miles per hour.
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How do you fit five elephants into a car ?
Two in the front two in the back and the other in the glove compartment !
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Why did the elephant cross the road ?
Because the chicken was having a day off !
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Why do elephants do well in school ?
Because they have a lot of grey matter !
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How does an elephant get down from a tree ?
He sits on a leaf and waits till autumn !
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What do you call an elephant in a phone box?
Stuck.