Farmer Jokes

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

Where's my tractor?

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How do farmers count their cattle?

With a culator

What do you call a farmer in the army?

E.I. G.I Joe.

How did the farmer deal with the stubborn sheep's wool?

With shear willpower

Why did the farmer win an award?

because he was out-standing in his field

How did the farmer find his wife?

He tractor down

Why do farmers put bells on cows?

Their horns don't work.

What do you call a person who is outstanding in their field?

A farmer

How can you tell if a farmer is a good farmer?

He's out standing in his field

Why did the farmer get an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

Why did they not allow farmers in Greece?

They got tired of all the minotaurs.

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Why did the farmer take a bale of hay to bed?

He wanted to feed his nightmares.

How did the farmer find his daughter?

He Tractor.

Why did the farmer fail to bring in the whole harvest before winter frost?

He got lost in the maize.

How do farmers party?

They turnip the beets!

What did the farmer say when he found dynamite in one of his cows?

This is a bomb in a bull.

Why was the farmer disappointed when he tried to marry his prized melon?

Because the minister wouldn't marry the two, since a melon can't elope!

What does the farmer, looking for his tractor, say?

Where is my tractor?

What did the farmer say when he tried to milk the cow, but nothing came out?

Time to try the udder one."

What did the crop say to the Farmer?

Why are you picking on me?

What is the definition of a farmer!?

Someone who is out-standing in his field!

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What do you call a farmer who is really good at his job?

A man who is outstanding in his field.

Why was the professional so impressed with the farmer?

Why was the professional so impressed with the farmer? Because he was outstanding in his field!

What did the farmer tell the hoe?

Let's get dirty.

What did the farmer say to Lil Jon?

Turnip for what

How is being a pimp like being a farmer?

You get some hoes and they get dough for you.

What do you call a farmer who's excellent at what he does?

Outstanding in his field

What is the definition of a farmer?

Someone who is outstanding in his field. Credit: Laffy Taffy

What did the field say to the farmer?

Plow Me!

Why are farmers the best at what they do?

They are out standing in their field.

What did the farmer say after he fed his cows pot?

the Steaks are high."

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What do you call it when a group of chickens rebel against their farmers?

Coop d'etah

Why did the farmer name his pig Ink?

Because he kept running out of the pen.

How did the farmer feel after he ripped his clothing?

Let's just say he felt overall sadness.

What do you call a generalization made by a farmer?

An overall statement.

Where did the farmer find his missing baby horse?

In the foliage.

What did the scarecrow say when the farmer asked him in for dinner?

No thanks, I'm stuffed."

Why are farmers so afraid of aliens?

Tractor beams.

How did the farmer figure out how much milk he had?

He used cowculus!

What job did the farmer give to his learning-disabled child?

Herder

What did the field say to the farmer with no crops?

Stop fallowing me!

What did the farmer say when the townspeople told him all of his cows were in town..?

I herd.

What did the farmer say when the police found the gate from the public footpath in his barn and accused him of stealing?

That's not my stile.

Why does the corn get mad at the farmer?

Because he is always pulling on his ears.

Why are farmers cruel?

A: They pull corn by the ears.

Why are cows always broke?

The farmers milk them dry.

Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?

He wanted to see how much the milky weighed!

How did the aliens hurt the farmer?

They trod on his corn.

Why did the little pig hide the soap?

He heard the farmer yell "Hogwash!"

Why did the farmer use a steam roller?

He wanted to grow mashed potatoes.

Why did the farmer win the Nobel Prize?

There was a clerical error. The award was intended to go to Malala Yousafzai for her advocacy work for education for young girls.

What do farmers say when something is important to them?

It plays a big tractor.

Why did the farmer make a high-pitched gasp?

Because he was tired of the sigh-low.

Why did the farmer run through his fields with a steamroller?

Because he wanted mashed potatoes!!!!

Why did the farmer call his pig "Ink"?

A: Because it was always running out of the pen.

Why does the farmer hate his job?

because he has a deep-seeded hatred for planting.

Why was the farmer hopping mad ?

Because someone had trodden on his corn !

Why did the spotted pigs run away?

They thought the traveling salesman told the farmer to put his name on the dotted swine.

Why did the farmer feed money to his cow?

He wanted rich milk!

What did the mama pig say when junior pig bought a basket of wormy apples?

Don't tell the farmer. He might charge us extra."

Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard?

Someone told him he should get an apple Mac

How do you define a farmer?

Someone that's outstanding in their field.

What did Mrs Revere say when Paul got on a gorilla to warn the farmers that the British were coming?

Paul stop monkeying around!

How did the farmer move his cows?

In a mooving van!

Why did the farmer take a milk bath?

Because he's too tall for a milk shower.

What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a farmer?

A farmer shucks between fits.

What did the cow do when the farmer was about to hit him?

He mooved

What did the farmer say to Pat Sajak?

I'd like to buy an owl

Why are farmers so wealthy?

Because their stalks are always growing.

Why does a farmer look out of his window in the morning?

A: Because he can't see through the wall.

Why did the cow jump over the moon?

Because the farmer had cold hands

Why did the farmer call his horse Baseball?

Because it's covered with horsehide!

What's a farmers favourite part of a novel?

The plot.

Why can't Micheal Bay be a farmer?

Because he dosen't have a plot.

Why did the farmer feed his pigs sugar and vinegar ?

He wanted sweet and sour pork !

Why does the corn hate the farmer?

Because he picks his ears!

What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?

Hog and kisses!

Why did the farmer feed his cows money?

A: He wanted rich milk.

What did the neurotic pig say to the farmer?

You take me for grunted.

Why did the farmer put brandy in the cow's food?

He wanted to raised stewed beef!

What is the difference between a dressmaker and a farmer?

A dressmaker sews what she gathers a farmer gathers what he sows.

How does the farmer count up his cows?

with a cowculator.

What did the farmer say about his missing vegetables?

Lettuce pray they turnip.

What kind of speech did the farmer give his cornfield?

It didn't matter, they were all ears

When is a farmer like a magician?

A: When he turns his cow to pasture.

What kind of jokestuff do farmers like?

Corny jokes.

What kind of jokes do farmers tell?

CORNY JOKES!!!

Why don't dairy farmers wear flip flops?

Because they lactose.

Why did the farmer start a punk rock band?

He was tired of Haulin' Oats

What would santa be if he was a farmer?

A jolly rancher.

What is the farmers favorite way to greet someone?

Hay!"

What's a catalyst?

It's how a farmer keeps track of his cows.

What is a Farmer's favorite pick-up line?

Girl. You look so good that I wish I could plant you and grow a whole field of y'all!

What did the cow say to the farmer named Mitch?

Moo Mitch, get out the hay

Why'd the farmer win the lifetime achievement award?

Because he was always out standing in his field.

What's the best part about marrying a farmer?

You get to grow old together.

What does the Farmer say when he is searching his shovel ?

Where is my shovel

What did the farmer say when he heard the town gossiping about his cornfield fire?

My ears are burning!"

How did the farmer find his lost cow?

He tractor down

How does a farmer send messages?

By e-i-e-i-o-mail.

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Field Jokes More Field Jokes

Why did the cow win a Nobel Prize?

Because he was out standing in his field.

What's the difference between Tom Brady and Ben Roethlisberger?

Tom wants his balls illegally deflated on the field and Ben wants that off the field.

Tractor Jokes More Tractor Jokes

What does an apple and an apple tree have in common?

A: They both don't drive tractors.

What does a duck call a tractor?

A Quakter

Good Farmer Jokes More Good Farmer Jokes

What is the definition of a good farmer?

A man outstanding in his field.

How can you tell if a farmer is a good farmer?

He's out standing in his field

Hey Mc Cloud Jokes More Hey Mc Cloud Jokes

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger says "Hey (hey) you (you) get off of my cloud..." the Scottish farmer says "Hey McCloud get off of my ewe"

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman?

Mick Jagger says, "Hey you, get offa' my cloud." A Scotsman says, "Hey McCloud, get offa' my ewe."

Mick Jagger Jokes More Mick Jagger Jokes

What's the difference... ...between Mick Jagger and an angry Scotsman?

One says "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" The other says "Hey, McLeod, get off of my ewe!"

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a scottish sheep herder?

One says, "hey, you! Get off my cloud!", and the other one says, "hey, McCloud! Get off of my ewe!"

Cattle Jokes More Cattle Jokes

Why Did The Cows Go To Graze In The Marijuana Fields?

It was a case of the pot calling the cattle back...

Why doesn't Sweden export it's cattle?

It wants to keep it's Stockholm!

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

Why did the cowboy get a daschund?

Because someone told him to get along little doggie.

How can you tell if somebody's run a marathon?

Wait 15 seconds, they'll tell you.

Offa Jokes More Offa Jokes

Whats the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger sings eh you, get offa mai cloud, but the Scottish farmer says eh McLeod, get offa mai ewe!

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman?

Mick Jagger says, "Hey you, get offa' my cloud." A Scotsman says, "Hey McCloud, get offa' my ewe."