Farmer Jokes
-
How did the farmer deal with the stubborn sheep's wool?
With shear willpower
-
Why did the farmer feed his pigs sugar and vinegar ?
He wanted sweet and sour pork !
-
Why are farmers so afraid of aliens?
Tractor beams.
-
Why are farmers so wealthy?
Because their stalks are always growing.
-
Why did the Farmer win a Nobel-Prize?
Because he was outstanding in his field
-
Why don't cows ever have any money?
Because the farmers milk them dry!
-
What is the definition of a farmer?
Someone who is outstanding in his field. Credit: Laffy Taffy
-
What did the farmer say to Pat Sajak?
I'd like to buy an owl
-
What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?
Hog and kisses!
-
Why did the farmer win an award?
because he was out-standing in his field
-
How did the farmer find his daughter?
He Tractor.
-
How did the farmer figure out how much milk he had?
He used cowculus!
-
Why did the farmer start a punk rock band?
He was tired of Haulin' Oats
-
What do you call a farmer who is really good at his job?
A man who is outstanding in his field.
-
When is a farmer like a magician?
A: When he turns his cow to pasture.
-
Why did the cow jump over the moon?
Because the farmer had cold hands
-
What did the field say to the farmer?
Plow Me!
-
Why did they not allow farmers in Greece?
They got tired of all the minotaurs.
-
Why did the farmer get nominated for an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field. Why didn't the farmer make it to the award ceremony Because he was out standing in his field.
-
What is the farmers favorite way to greet someone?
Hay!"
-
What do you call a person who is outstanding in their field?
A farmer
-
What did the mama pig say when junior pig bought a basket of wormy apples?
Don't tell the farmer. He might charge us extra."
-
Why was the farmer hopping mad ?
Because someone had trodden on his corn !
-
What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a farmer?
A farmer shucks between fits.
-
What did the farmer say when he found dynamite in one of his cows?
This is a bomb in a bull.
-
How did the farmer find his girlfriend?
He tractor!
-
Why did the farmer get an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
-
What did the scarecrow say when the farmer asked him in for dinner?
No thanks, I'm stuffed."
-
Why did the farmer stop smoking with his cattle?
Because the steaks were too high...
-
How does a farmer send messages?
By e-i-e-i-o-mail.
-
Why did the farmer call his pig "Ink"?
A: Because it was always running out of the pen.
-
What do you call a farmer in the army?
E.I. G.I Joe.
-
Why can't Micheal Bay be a farmer?
Because he dosen't have a plot.
-
How did the aliens hurt the farmer?
They trod on his corn.
-
What did the farmer say about his missing vegetables?
Lettuce pray they turnip.
-
How do farmers count their cattle?
With a culator
-
What do you call a farmer who's excellent at what he does?
Outstanding in his field
-
What did the farmer say after he fed his cows pot?
the Steaks are high."
-
How did the farmer find his lost cow?
He tractor down
-
What do you call a generalization made by a farmer?
An overall statement.
-
What did the farmer say when he heard the town gossiping about his cornfield fire?
My ears are burning!"
-
Why'd the farmer win the lifetime achievement award?
Because he was always out standing in his field.
-
Why did the farmer put brandy in the cow's food?
He wanted to raised stewed beef!
-
What did the farmer say when the police found the gate from the public footpath in his barn and accused him of stealing?
That's not my stile.
-
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
Where's my tractor?
-
How do farmers party?
They turnip the beets!
-
Why did the farmer name his pig Ink?
Because he kept running out of the pen.
-
Why did the spotted pigs run away?
They thought the traveling salesman told the farmer to put his name on the dotted swine.
-
What kind of speech did the farmer give his cornfield?
It didn't matter, they were all ears
-
How can you tell if a farmer is a good farmer?
He's out standing in his field
-
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard?
Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
-
Where did the farmer find his missing baby horse?
In the foliage.
-
What did the field say to the farmer with no crops?
Stop fallowing me!
-
Why was the professional so impressed with the farmer?
Why was the professional so impressed with the farmer? Because he was outstanding in his field!
-
What is the definition of a farmer!?
Someone who is out-standing in his field!
-
Why does a farmer look out of his window in the morning?
A: Because he can't see through the wall.
-
What did the farmer say to Lil Jon?
Turnip for what
-
What did the farmer say when he tried to milk the cow, but nothing came out?
Time to try the udder one."
-
What do pirate farmers charge for their corn?
A buccaneer
-
Why does the corn hate the farmer?
Because he picks his ears!
-
How do you define a farmer?
Someone that's outstanding in their field.
-
Why did the farmer use a steam roller?
He wanted to grow mashed potatoes.
-
What do farmers say when something is important to them?
It plays a big tractor.
-
What did the cow say when it saw the farmer twice in one day?
Deja Moo!
-
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed!
-
What's a catalyst?
It's how a farmer keeps track of his cows.
-
How is being a pimp like being a farmer?
You get some hoes and they get dough for you.
-
Why did the farmer fire the DJ?
Because he kept on dropping beets.
-
How did the farmer feel after he ripped his clothing?
Let's just say he felt overall sadness.
-
What did the farmer tell the hoe?
Let's get dirty.
-
What did the farmer say when all his cows charged him at once ?
I'm on the horns of a dilemma here !
-
How did the farmer grow his portfolio?
Cornstock
-
What does the Farmer say when he is searching his shovel ?
Where is my shovel
-
What kind of jokes do farmers tell?
CORNY JOKES!!!
-
What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk ?
An udder failure !
-
How did the farmer move his cows?
In a mooving van!
-
What did the crop say to the Farmer?
Why are you picking on me?
-
What's the best part about marrying a farmer?
You get to grow old together.
-
Why don't dairy farmers wear flip flops?
Because they lactose.
-
Why are farmers the best at what they do?
They are out standing in their field.
-
What did the neurotic pig say to the farmer?
You take me for grunted.
-
Why does the corn get mad at the farmer?
Because he is always pulling on his ears.
-
Why did the farmer take a milk bath?
Because he's too tall for a milk shower.
-
What did Mrs Revere say when Paul got on a gorilla to warn the farmers that the British were coming?
Paul stop monkeying around!
-
Why did the farmer run through his fields with a steamroller?
Because he wanted mashed potatoes!!!!
-
What did the cow say to the farmer named Mitch?
Moo Mitch, get out the hay
-
Why did the farmer fail to bring in the whole harvest before winter frost?
He got lost in the maize.
-
Why was the farmer disappointed when he tried to marry his prized melon?
Because the minister wouldn't marry the two, since a melon can't elope!
-
Why did the farmer feed his cows money?
A: He wanted rich milk.
-
Why did the farmer win the Nobel Prize?
There was a clerical error. The award was intended to go to Malala Yousafzai for her advocacy work for education for young girls.
-
Why did the farmer fence in the bull?
The farmer had too much of a steak in him to let him go!
-
Why does the farmer hate his job?
because he has a deep-seeded hatred for planting.
-
What is the difference between a dressmaker and a farmer?
A dressmaker sews what she gathers a farmer gathers what he sows.
-
What does the farmer, looking for his tractor, say?
Where is my tractor?
-
What's a farmers favourite part of a novel?
The plot.
-
Why did the farmer make a high-pitched gasp?
Because he was tired of the sigh-low.
-
Why do farmers put bells on cows?
Their horns don't work.
-
Why are farmers cruel?
A: They pull corn by the ears.
-
Why did the farmer call his horse Baseball?
Because it's covered with horsehide!
-
How did the farmer find his wife?
He tractor down
-
Why are cows always broke?
The farmers milk them dry.
-
What is a Farmer's favorite pick-up line?
Girl. You look so good that I wish I could plant you and grow a whole field of y'all!
-
How does the farmer count up his cows?
with a cowculator.
-
What kind of jokestuff do farmers like?
Corny jokes.
-
What did the cow do when the farmer was about to hit him?
He mooved
-
What job did the farmer give to his learning-disabled child?
Herder
-
What do you call it when a group of chickens rebel against their farmers?
Coop d'etah
-
What's a fresh vegetable?
One that insults a farmer.
-
What did the farmer say when the townspeople told him all of his cows were in town..?
I herd.
-
Why did the farmer feed money to his cow?
He wanted rich milk!
-
What would santa be if he was a farmer?
A jolly rancher.
-
Why did the farmer take a bale of hay to bed?
He wanted to feed his nightmares.
-
Why did the little pig hide the soap?
He heard the farmer yell "Hogwash!"