Race Jokes
-
Why did they have to put Michael Jackson down?
Because he couldn't race anymore!
-
How do you guys think the Germans will do in the Olympics this year?
Not too well considering they can't finish a race.
-
Why did Michael Jackson always lose in a race?
Because he always came in a lil behind.
-
What did the communist say at the beginning of the race?
On your Marx, get set, go!"
-
Why don't gelding horses like to race?
Because every time they go to the starting gate they're reminded "They're Off!".
-
Why don't Germans compete in marathons?
They have a sad history of not finishing off races.
-
How does a snail win a race?
It runs against Hillary.
-
What's the difference between eugenics and a charity marathon?
The second one's a race for the cure. Shamelessely stolen from .
-
Why would Superman have won any race he ran against Roy Roger's dog?
Because he was faster than a speeding Bullet ...
-
What did the sprinter with diarrhea do during the race?
He activated his bo... LOL
-
How do fireflies start a race ?
Ready steady glow !
-
Who won the race?
Society.
-
What did one fish say to the other during the race?
I'M GOING TILAPIA!!!
-
Why can't Sweden win a race?
Because, it always sits right behind the Finnish line
-
Which race is the most racist?
The human one.
-
Who would win in a race?
The Tortoise or the Reddit Servers
-
Why did the electric car finish the race early?
It had a short circuit.
-
What does a slave owner do with his slaves when he's finished with them?
Races 'em.
-
What colour T-shirt would win a race?
Red, because it runs the most.
-
Why are all those people running?
A: Why are all those people running B: They are running a race to get a cup. A: Who will get the cup B: The person who wins. A: Then why are all the others running
-
What is a racing car owner called?
Racist
-
What's the difference between the Holocaust and the Boston Marathon Bombing?
The Boston Marathon Bombing ended a race.
-
What do you call a bat in a hurry?
A racing club
-
Why are germans so bad at marathons?
Because they cant finish a race.
-
Why didn’t the orange win the race?
It ran out of juice.
-
What race is the author of Charlotte's Web?
E B White
-
Why did Gandhi lose the race?
I guess he got his fasts mixed up.
-
Which cat won the race?
A: The English cat. Un deux trois cat sank.
-
Why was the track runner with low self-esteem able to complete the race even after being impaled by a stray javelin?
He didn't know he had it in him.
-
What does a color blind racist say?
I don't see color I see race
-
How do you get whole race to hate you?
Blow up the finish line. (I figured 2 years was long enough)
-
How do you call a 100 m race between siamese twins?
Head to head race
-
Why can't mites race in NASCAR?
Because mites make rights, not lefts.
-
Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race?
It ended in a tie.
-
What's the worst news for a NASCAR driver before a race?
The track is alright."
-
How many countries' flags make an appearance at every auto race in the world?
Two. Libya's to start the race, and France's to signal there's one lap to go.
-
What's the same about Mexican and Black people?
Once you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal. (Sorry if you're offended, I love all races.)
-
Who races the most?
The rasit!
-
Who will win?
When two of the most populated countries clash which race will rise?
-
What do you call an alligator that wins a race?
A chompion. (7-year old me thought he was very clever.)
-
How did the barber win the race?
He knew a short cut.
-
What did the man in the "Race for a Cure" say to the three people beside him?
we're walking four abreast."
-
Who won the race between two balls of string?
They we're tied!
-
What do penguins do in a race?
They peng-win
-
Why hasn't Joe entered the race yet?
He's just Biden his time.
-
What race of horses is the most popular on Pandora?
Neightiri.
-
Why did the fastest animal on earth got disqualified on the race?
Because it is using steroids.
-
Why did the paralympic athlete loose the race?
He didn't start off with the right foot. EDIT: Ortography
-
Why did the unicycle win the race?
Because the bicycle was two tired.
-
Why do the ghosts never win races?
Because they're always dead tired. I stole this from plain and simple. Just straight up stole it. Why? Because it made me laugh and I didn't see it posted here before.
-
Why did the marijuana addict lose the race?
He was running on fumes.
-
What do we want? Racing car noises! When do we want them?
Neeeeeeeeooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
-
What's it like to work in customer service/retail?
Imagine there's a race of people called customers. Now imagine you're a huge racist.
-
Why did the barber win the race?
He took a short cut.
-
Why couldn't the radish finish the race?
He was just a little beet.
-
Why did the Boston Marathon runner collapse before finishing the race?
WTF ) His thighs were burning too bad.
-
Why couldn't the headless horseman win the race?
He couldn't get a head.
-
What's difference between Jesse Owens and Adolf Hilter?
Owens can finish a race.
-
Where did you get that gold watch Joe?
Joe: I won it in a race. Bill: How many people participated in it Joe: Three a policeman the owner of the watch and me!!
-
Why does Rilla get mad when he's in a race?
A. Because all his friends shout "GO-RILLA!"
-
Why did the skull win 1st place in the race?
Because he ran ahead.
-
Why does Lichtenstien never lose a race?
Because nothing is faster then Liecht!
-
What does a Persistent Jedi do when he gets destroyed in a race?
An all day run
-
Why is horse racing so romantic?
Because the horse hugs the rails the jockey puts his arms around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye!
-
What do you call a race run by baristas?
A **decaf**alon
-
What do you call a cat who takes a shortcut in a race?
A Cheetah.
-
Why were you speeding when I stopped you?
Motorist: So I could race home to get my license and registration.
-
What do you call a Snorlax that wants to win a race?
A cab.
-
What do you call a race where all the runners have no legs?
An arms race.
-
How do all races end in the desert?
In a cacti!
-
Why's it so hard to find marathon and triathlon reviews in Germany?
Well, you know what happened last time they picked a race...
-
Why do Kenyans always win marathons?
At the end, they get a bag of chips and a Coke. -My dad told me this joke when we went to a race-
-
Why should you never bet on Germany at the Olympics?
They have the worst track record for finishing a race.
-
What does it take to finish a race?
More than a Holocaust
-
Why did Russia lose the race?
Because it was Stalin! (Sorry. Communist jokes aren't funny unless every gets them.)
-
Why should you never race with a guy from Finland?
Because they're already Finnish before the race even began
-
Where does a race on the Swedish border end at?
The Finnish line.
-
How many black men does it take to screw in a light-bulb?
Just 1 because we are all equal and race has no impact.