Race Jokes

  • Why did they have to put Michael Jackson down?

    Because he couldn't race anymore!

  • How do you guys think the Germans will do in the Olympics this year?

    Not too well considering they can't finish a race.

  • Why did Michael Jackson always lose in a race?

    Because he always came in a lil behind.

  • What did the communist say at the beginning of the race?

    On your Marx, get set, go!"

  • Why don't gelding horses like to race?

    Because every time they go to the starting gate they're reminded "They're Off!".

  • Why don't Germans compete in marathons?

    They have a sad history of not finishing off races.

  • How does a snail win a race?

    It runs against Hillary.

  • What's the difference between eugenics and a charity marathon?

    The second one's a race for the cure. Shamelessely stolen from .

  • Why would Superman have won any race he ran against Roy Roger's dog?

    Because he was faster than a speeding Bullet ...

  • What did the sprinter with diarrhea do during the race?

    He activated his bo... LOL

  • How do fireflies start a race ?

    Ready steady glow !

  • Who won the race?


  • What did one fish say to the other during the race?


  • Why can't Sweden win a race?

    Because, it always sits right behind the Finnish line

  • Which race is the most racist?

    The human one.

  • Who would win in a race?

    The Tortoise or the Reddit Servers

  • Why did the electric car finish the race early?

    It had a short circuit.

  • What does a slave owner do with his slaves when he's finished with them?

    Races 'em.

  • What colour T-shirt would win a race?

    Red, because it runs the most.

  • Why are all those people running?

    A: Why are all those people running B: They are running a race to get a cup. A: Who will get the cup B: The person who wins. A: Then why are all the others running

  • What is a racing car owner called?


  • What's the difference between the Holocaust and the Boston Marathon Bombing?

    The Boston Marathon Bombing ended a race.

  • What do you call a bat in a hurry?

    A racing club

  • Why are germans so bad at marathons?

    Because they cant finish a race.

  • Why didn’t the orange win the race?

    It ran out of juice.

  • What race is the author of Charlotte's Web?

    E B White

  • Why did Gandhi lose the race?

    I guess he got his fasts mixed up.

  • Which cat won the race?

    A: The English cat. Un deux trois cat sank.

  • Why was the track runner with low self-esteem able to complete the race even after being impaled by a stray javelin?

    He didn't know he had it in him.

  • What does a color blind racist say?

    I don't see color I see race

  • How do you get whole race to hate you?

    Blow up the finish line. (I figured 2 years was long enough)

  • How do you call a 100 m race between siamese twins?

    Head to head race

  • Why can't mites race in NASCAR?

    Because mites make rights, not lefts.

  • Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race?

    It ended in a tie.

  • What's the worst news for a NASCAR driver before a race?

    The track is alright."

  • How many countries' flags make an appearance at every auto race in the world?

    Two. Libya's to start the race, and France's to signal there's one lap to go.

  • What's the same about Mexican and Black people?

    Once you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal. (Sorry if you're offended, I love all races.)

  • Who races the most?

    The rasit!

  • Who will win?

    When two of the most populated countries clash which race will rise?

  • What do you call an alligator that wins a race?

    A chompion. (7-year old me thought he was very clever.)

  • How did the barber win the race?

    He knew a short cut.

  • What did the man in the "Race for a Cure" say to the three people beside him?

    we're walking four abreast."

  • Who won the race between two balls of string?

    They we're tied!

  • What do penguins do in a race?

    They peng-win

  • Why hasn't Joe entered the race yet?

    He's just Biden his time.

  • What race of horses is the most popular on Pandora?


  • Why did the fastest animal on earth got disqualified on the race?

    Because it is using steroids.

  • Why did the paralympic athlete loose the race?

    He didn't start off with the right foot. EDIT: Ortography

  • Why did the unicycle win the race?

    Because the bicycle was two tired.

  • Why do the ghosts never win races?

    Because they're always dead tired. I stole this from plain and simple. Just straight up stole it. Why? Because it made me laugh and I didn't see it posted here before.

  • Why did the marijuana addict lose the race?

    He was running on fumes.

  • What do we want? Racing car noises! When do we want them?


  • What's it like to work in customer service/retail?

    Imagine there's a race of people called customers. Now imagine you're a huge racist.

  • Why did the barber win the race?

    He took a short cut.

  • Why couldn't the radish finish the race?

    He was just a little beet.

  • Why did the Boston Marathon runner collapse before finishing the race?

    WTF ) His thighs were burning too bad.

  • Why couldn't the headless horseman win the race?

    He couldn't get a head.

  • What's difference between Jesse Owens and Adolf Hilter?

    Owens can finish a race.

  • Where did you get that gold watch Joe?

    Joe: I won it in a race. Bill: How many people participated in it Joe: Three a policeman the owner of the watch and me!!

  • Why does Rilla get mad when he's in a race?

    A. Because all his friends shout "GO-RILLA!"

  • Why did the skull win 1st place in the race?

    Because he ran ahead.

  • Why does Lichtenstien never lose a race?

    Because nothing is faster then Liecht!

  • What does a Persistent Jedi do when he gets destroyed in a race?

    An all day run

  • Why is horse racing so romantic?

    Because the horse hugs the rails the jockey puts his arms around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye!

  • What do you call a race run by baristas?

    A **decaf**alon

  • What do you call a cat who takes a shortcut in a race?

    A Cheetah.

  • Why were you speeding when I stopped you?

    Motorist: So I could race home to get my license and registration.

  • What do you call a Snorlax that wants to win a race?

    A cab.

  • What do you call a race where all the runners have no legs?

    An arms race.

  • How do all races end in the desert?

    In a cacti!

  • Why's it so hard to find marathon and triathlon reviews in Germany?

    Well, you know what happened last time they picked a race...

  • Why do Kenyans always win marathons?

    At the end, they get a bag of chips and a Coke. -My dad told me this joke when we went to a race-

  • Why should you never bet on Germany at the Olympics?

    They have the worst track record for finishing a race.

  • What does it take to finish a race?

    More than a Holocaust

  • Why did Russia lose the race?

    Because it was Stalin! (Sorry. Communist jokes aren't funny unless every gets them.)

  • Why should you never race with a guy from Finland?

    Because they're already Finnish before the race even began

  • Where does a race on the Swedish border end at?

    The Finnish line.

  • How many black men does it take to screw in a light-bulb?

    Just 1 because we are all equal and race has no impact.