Wear Jokes

Who wears a toga and a face mask?

The Roman Umpire.

The Book Of Terribly Awesome Dad Jokes
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What's it called when a fedora wearing neckbeard gets sick?

M'alady

What's the difference between a priest and his dog?

One wears pants and a collar while the other wears a collar and pants.

How does water stay warm during the winter?

It wears an aqua-fur.

Why do Canadians say aboot?

Because there is too much snow to wear shoes.

What kind of shoes do thieves wear?

Sneakers.

What did the Psychiatrist say to the man who walked in wearing nothing but plastic wrap?

I can clearly see ur nuts.

Why weren't there any famous gun slingers in the Canadian West?

Because they all wore mittens.

How do you know when a hippy chick is on the rag?

She's only wearing one sock.

Why nuns don't wear bras?

God supports everything.

How does a Ethiopian show that they are rich?

They wear a rolex watch around their waist.

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Why do elephants wear green shoes?

So they can sneak across pool tables. Have you ever seen an elephant sneaking across a pool table? Works, doesn't it?

What does a lawyer wear to work?

A law-suit

Why do women wear makeup and perfume?

Because they are ugly and they stink.

What happens when you wear radioactive Russian underpants?

Cher nob'll fall out.

What rabbit wears on his back while flying?

Eagle

What brand of underwear did Jesus wear?

Fruit of the Womb

Why does Waldo wear stripes?

Because he doesn't want to be spotted

Why is womens soccer so rare?

Why is womens soccer so rare? Its quite hard to find enough women willing to wear the same outfit.

Why do Italian men wear gold chains?

So they know where to stop shaving.

Why does a bride wear white on her wedding day?

So the dishwasher matches the appliances

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What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?

An investigator.

Why don't witches wear underwear?

So they can get a better grip of the broom. :)

What kind of pants does Mario wear?

Denim Denim. Denim

What do French athletes wear?

Jaques straps

What does a guy with 2 right feet wear to the beach?

Flop-Flops :)

Why would you wear two pairs of pants while golfing?

You might get a hole in one.

Why do kids with down syndrome wear shorts?

Because they have bad genes.

How do you pick out the Christian Terrorist out of a crowd?

Find the guy wearing a rebel flag.

What is it called if someone wears your bra?

Cobra!!!

What do Jedis wear to Oktoberfest?

Vader-hosen!

The Big Book of Silly Jokes for Kids
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What clothing designer do vampires prefer to wear?

Alexander Fang

Why did the golfer wear two pants?

He got a hole in one

What do retards wear on their heads?

Handicaps

What brand of shoes does a paranoid person wear?

Sketchers

Why do mermaids wear bras?

To cover up their Ariel-as.

What do lawyers wear to court?

Law suits!

Why do Scottish men wear kilts?

Because their sheep can hear zippers.

What do you call a man who wears crisp packets as trousers?

Russell.

Why do priests wear underwear in the shower?

They don't like to look down on the unemployed

Why don't chickens wear underwear?

Because their peckers are on their faces.

What do you call an alligator that wears a vest?

An investigator.

Why do Scottish men wear kilts instead of jeans?

Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

Why JFK doesn't wear hats?

It is an airport.

Why do tectonic plates wear diapers?

Because they're in continents.

What wears a bright red suit and knows if you've been naught..or nice?

The Spanish Inquisition.

Why do New Zealand farmers now wear kilts?

Because the sheep have gotten used to the sound of zippers

What do you call a dog wearing headphones?

Ear bud

What type of pants does Mario wear?

Denim, denim, denim.

Why don't women wear skirts in San Fransisco?

Because their balls would show.

Why did the Italian wear handcuffs to bed?

So he wouldn't talk in his sleep

Why shouldn't you wear Ukrainian underwear?

Because Chernobyl fallout.

What clothes do Quakers wear?

Oat couture

Why did the man wear a diaper to the bar?

So he could save his stool.

What do you call a man wearing two rain jackets?

Max

What shoes do roosters wear?

Chickenstocks

Why do cows wear bells around their necks?

Because their horns don't work 8 year old brother just told me this joke, thought it belonged here

Why does a bride wear white?

So the dishwasher matches the rest of the appliances.

What do you call a sheman wearing a bikini?

Flaccid

Why does the Little Mermaid wear seashells?

Because B-shells are too small, and D-shells are too big.

Why does the Little Mermaid wear seashells for a bra?

Because B-shells are too small and D-shells are too big!

Why does the KKK wear all white?

Because they hate black, people!!!

What kind of underwear does a person wear when buried?

Fruit of the tomb

What do you call a guy who wears two condoms?

Justin Case

What do you call jeans that haven't been worn before?

Vir-jeans

Why don't Brazilians wear condoms?

Because they all pull out.

Who wears a red suit and knows if you were naughty or nice?

The Spanish Inquisition.

What do scientists wear?

Kelvin Klein

What do books wear on a rainy day?

Rain Quotes

Why do hipsters not wear cardigans anymore?

Because they wore them before it was cool.

Why didn't the egg break?

Because it was wearing underwear.

Why did the Broncos wear white jerseys in Super Bowl 50?

Because it's hard to catch a white bronco in California.

What are the pros and cons of wearing two watches?

On one hand, you have a watch... But on the other hand, you have a watch.

What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandles?

Philippe Philoppe

Why don't women like to wear dresses in the winter?

Chapped lips

What type of overalls did Mario wear?

Denim Denim Denim......

What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?

Philippe Philoppe.

Why is Santa Claus always a man?

Because no woman will wear same dress year after year for same occasion.

What cologne do engineers wear?

Elon's musk

Why did the black man wear a suit to his vasectomy?

If he was going to be Impotent he wanted to look impotent. (important)

What did the reindeer wear to protect itself while Santa was watering the garden?

Rudolph's red hose rain gear...

What kind of condoms do frogs wear?

Rib-bed

Why do moslem girls love black guys?

more satisfaction at night for wearing a ninja suit all day.

Why do Russians always wear track suits?

Because they are always RUSSIAN to places. thanks

Why do so many Italian men wear mustaches?

So they can look like their mothers.

What kind of overalls does Mario wear?

Denim, denim, denim.

Why does the little mermaid wear sea-shells?

She grew out of her b-shells

What do you wear to dance the salsa?

Hot pants.

What's the most common activity people do while wearing safety vests?

Reflect! I use this dadjoke on my pregnant wife every day when she goes out for walks after dark and wears a safety vest.. 'Now honey, don't forget to reflect on all sorts of things, especially car headlights!'

Why do handicapped people wear shoes?

Because if they didn't their local gas station would turn a blind eye.

What did the nun wear to the casino?

Her gambling habit.

Why don't black girls wear underwear to cookouts?

To keep the flies off the fried chicken.

What's squawky, worn out, and falls from foot easily?

An old shoe... ...and Ronda Rousey

Why did the mermaid wear SeaShells?

Because she outgrew her B-Shells. Ha...

What kind of shoes does Jack Lew wear?

Cashews.

What do you get when you're bitten by a mosquito wearing a fedora?

M'laria

What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?

sneakers( iknow its old but its nice)

Why do Nuns always wear the same thing?

It's a habit.

What kind of shoes do bears wear?

None because they go barefoot.

Why did the black guy wear a tuxedo to his vasectomy?

If he was going to be impotent he wanted to look impotent.

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Dress Jokes More Dress Jokes

What do you call a cross dressed robot?

Android-gynous

How'd you catch it?

Me:*flashes back to being dressed as girl stingray* You know, the regular way.

Freudian Jokes More Freudian Jokes

What does Oedipus the king's mother wear under her dress?

Q: what does Oedipus the king's mother wear under her dress? A: a Freudian slip

What is the definition of a Freudian slip?

when you say one thing and mean a mother. Don't remember where I heard it. Haven't read it here yet.

Ride Jokes More Ride Jokes

What did the yogi say after riding his pet llama to the ashram?

Llamaste.

What kind of bike does hipster Jesus ride?

A Cruci-fixie.

Pal Jokes More Pal Jokes

What'd you do?

PERSON: Ran a half-marathon and helped my pal move. You ME: I talked to like 4 people.

What did Santa Clause say when he came down Lindsay Lohan's chimney and found her spending Christmas Eve with her pals Miley Cyrus and Paris Hilton?

A: Ho, ho, ho!

Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

What does a dog have in common with a near-sighted gynecologist?

They both have wet noses.

What kind of dog do IT people prefer?

A Dobie

Second Jokes More Second Jokes

What was more important than the invention of the first telephone?

The second telephone.

What did the first stop light say to the second stop light?

Don't look I'm changing

Walk Jokes More Walk Jokes

How far can you walk into the forest?

Halfway, when you walk further then you will walk out of the forest! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH

Why do baby ducks walk softly?

Because they can't walk, hardly.

Forget Jokes More Forget Jokes

Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?

Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.

What is a long room with many doors called?

I'm not sure, I hallways forget