What's the difference between a radical and a moderate Muslim?

A radical Muslim wants to cut your head off, but a moderate Muslim the radical Muslim to cut your head off. Bye.

Why did the guy cut a hole in his carpet?

He wanted to watch the floor show. And why did he cover it back up ...He realized that he didn't want to watch the "hole" show.

Why should you never let a non-metal drive a train?

Because they're poor conductors! (I know they're called Engineers but cut me some slack, I thought of this in the 9th grade.)

What did the drunk Chinese customer say to the bartender?

No have to cut me off. Fall off barstool by myself. end metajoke

How do Asians execute white people?

They cut off their heads using a Gweilotine.

What's the difference between an onion and a dead whore?

I cried when I cut up the onion. (Jack the Ripper)

Why did you cut me down, lumberjack?

Lumberjack: Oh, you really don't know why? Tree: Sorry, I'm stumped.

What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?

A: No one cries when you cut up a bagpipe.

How do you tell if an Arkansas girl is old enough to marry?

A: Make her stand in a barrel. If her chin is over the top she's old enough. If it isn't cut the barrel down a bit.

What's the difference between a baby and a tree?

Trees don't bleed when you cut their limbs off.

What's the difference between a saxophone and an onion?

You don't cry when you cut up a saxophone. Happy Saxophone Day Why this musical abomination deserves its own day is beyond me. Edit: beside to beyond

How many South Dakotans does it take to go ice fishing?

Four. One to cut the hole in the ice and three to push the boat through.

What do you do if you accidentally cut off your cat's tail?

Take him to WalMart. They are the largest retailer in the world.

Why are emo people so good at ping-pong?

Because they are well practiced in cutting.

What is the definition of a Barbarian?

It's someone who cuts hair in a library.

What do Mexicans cut their pizza with?

I asked, "What " He said, "Little Caesars!"

Why did the bald guy cut a hole in his pocket?

Because he wanted to run his fingers through his hair.

How do you get a polar bear in the water?

First, you cut a hole in the ice, then you sprinkle some pees around the hole. When the polar bear goes to take a pee, you kick him in the ice hole!

Why do bald men cut holes in there pockets?

To run their hands through their hair

Difference Jokes Want Jokes Santa Jokes Happen Jokes Come Jokes Life Jokes People Jokes Fart Jokes Water Jokes Police Jokes Humor Jokes Woman Jokes Hand Jokes Buy Jokes Hole Jokes Government Jokes Follow Jokes Knife Jokes Muslim Jokes Pirate Favorite Letter Jokes Internet Connection Jokes Follow Reason Jokes Potato Jokes Clau Jokes Oc Jokes Beard Jokes Statement Jokes Mrs. Claus Jokes Charge Jokes Decline Jokes Press Jokes Hair Jokes Run Jokes Bald Man Jokes Pocket Jokes Corner Jokes Shape Jokes 7 Jokes Head Jokes Toe Jokes Fruit Jokes Boat Jokes Emo Jokes Radical Muslim Jokes Bye Jokes

Cut Jokes

What's the difference between a radical and a moderate Muslim?

A radical Muslim wants to cut your head off, but a moderate Muslim the radical Muslim to cut your head off. Bye.
Why did the guy cut a hole in his carpet?

He wanted to watch the floor show. And why did he cover it back up ...He realized that he didn't want to watch the "hole" show.
Why should you never let a non-metal drive a train?

Because they're poor conductors! (I know they're called Engineers but cut me some slack, I thought of this in the 9th grade.)
How do you silence an Italian?

Cut off his hands
How does the man in the moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it.
What's long, black, and dangerous to cut?

The line at KFC.
What is the easiest way to make a banana split?

Cut it in half.
What did Romans use to cut pizza before the rolling cutter was invented?

Lil Caesars
How was the roman empire cut in half?

With a pair of caesars
How does Spongebob cut a rug?

With a square Dance!
What do you call a line of men waiting to get a hair cut?

A barbecue
How was Rome cut in half?

With a pair of Caesars.
How did the Roman cut his hair?

Caesar
Whats the fastest way to cut down a tree?

Suh Dude
Which popstar cuts down trees?

Michael LumberJackson
What does a Mexican use to cut pizza with?

Little Caesars!
How do frat boys cut down trees?

With a sah, dude
Why couldn't the cut down tree answer a riddle?

It was stumped.
What happens when a lumberjack doesn't know which tree to cut next?

He gets stumped.
How do you get people to quit smoking?

Cut off their lips
What did the bartender say to the foreskin?

You're cut off."
What's the difference between an onion and a woman?

I cry when I cut open an onion
What do you call the science of knives?

Cutting edge technology.
What do you get when you cut an avocado into 6.022141291023 pieces?

Guacomole.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?

He's all right now.
What is the difference between Emo teenagers and your lawn?

Your lawn won't cut itself.
What did the drunk Chinese customer say to the bartender?

No have to cut me off. Fall off barstool by myself. end metajoke
How do Asians execute white people?

They cut off their heads using a Gweilotine.
What do Mexican midgets use to cut pizza?

Little Caesars
What's the difference between an onion and a dead whore?

I cried when I cut up the onion. (Jack the Ripper)
Why did you cut me down, lumberjack?

Lumberjack: Oh, you really don't know why? Tree: Sorry, I'm stumped.
What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?

A: No one cries when you cut up a bagpipe.
How do Mexicans cut their pizza?

Little Caesars
What is the hardest part of cutting a baby in half with a straight razor?

My erection.
How do you tell if an Arkansas girl is old enough to marry?

A: Make her stand in a barrel. If her chin is over the top she's old enough. If it isn't cut the barrel down a bit.
What's the difference between a baby and a tree?

Trees don't bleed when you cut their limbs off.
What's the difference between a saxophone and an onion?

You don't cry when you cut up a saxophone. Happy Saxophone Day Why this musical abomination deserves its own day is beyond me. Edit: beside to beyond
How do Mexicans cut their pizzas?

With Little Caesars
How many South Dakotans does it take to go ice fishing?

Four. One to cut the hole in the ice and three to push the boat through.
What do you do if you accidentally cut off your cat's tail?

Take him to WalMart. They are the largest retailer in the world.
What do you call a salad that's been cut with a knife?

Ceasar
What do Romans use to cut their pizza?

Little Caesars.
Why are emo people so good at ping-pong?

Because they are well practiced in cutting.
What cuts four farts in the morning, two farts at midday, and three farts in the evening?

A sphinxter.
What do you call an archer who got his arms cut off?

Deranged.
What is the definition of a Barbarian?

It's someone who cuts hair in a library.
What do Mexicans cut their pizza with?

I asked, "What " He said, "Little Caesars!"
How does Harry Potter like his sandwiches to be cut ?

Diagon alley
Why did the bald guy cut a hole in his pocket?

Because he wanted to run his fingers through his hair.
How do you get a polar bear in the water?

First, you cut a hole in the ice, then you sprinkle some pees around the hole. When the polar bear goes to take a pee, you kick him in the ice hole!
Why do bald men cut holes in there pockets?

To run their hands through their hair
What's the difference between an accordion and an onion?

No one cries when you cut up an accordion
What does Jesus say when someone cuts his call?

Hello.. Hello..? Lama sabachthani?!
Why has Hot Topic's sales revenue gone down?

Because the marketing department cuts itself.
What do you use to cut the ocean?

A seasaw
What did the Ancient Romans use to cut their hair?

Caesars.
What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?

You cry when you cut up an onion.
Why did the Tumblr user get cut up on Halloween?

She identified as pump-kin.
Why would Pinocchio make a bad criminal?

He wasn't cut out for this.
How do you stop a monster from smelling?

Cut off his nose.
What do you call a budget that's cut short from the middle?

A midget.
What do you call a Mexican cutting a Mobius Strip??

Juan.
What do you say when somebody cuts in front of you in line for Vietnamese noodles?

Hey, pho queue, dude
Why did the man cry when he was cutting up onions?

Onions" was his dog... D:
How do Mexicans cut pizza?

Little Caesars (say it out loud)
What do onions and people have in common?

I weep uncontrollably when I cut them.
What do Hispanic midgets cut their pizza with?

Little Caesar's
How does a barber make phone calls?

He cuts them short.
What do you call a man who cuts down trees?

A tree feller.
Why was the Hay Robber's prison sentence cut short?

He got out on bale.
How many Germans does it take to tile a bathroom?

Only one, if you cut him thin enough.
Why does a redneck hold a knife while driving?

So he can cut corners.
What happens if you cut off your left hand?

You would be all right.
How do you make a glow worm happy ?

Cut off his tail he'll be de-lighted !
Why was the umbilical cord sad?

He got cut from the naval base.
What did the college junior say just before her toe was cut off?

NO PLEASE DON'T CUT OFF MY TOE!
Why did the pentagon change it's name to the square?

Because they were cutting corners.
What is the best way to cut a mango?

With a knife!
What's the difference between a Pizza and an onion?

No one cries when you cut up Pizza.
How on earth can you defend a man like Adam Johnson?

it's easy, he's all left foot - just constantly show him down the right side and don't let him cut in.
What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC
How do you cut the sea in half?

With a seesaw (I'll see myself out)
How many people work in the Lada factory?

Two. One to cut and one to glue
How do you find out that a cricket hears with its legs?

First, you put the cricket on a box, tap the box, and you see that the cricket jumps away. Now, you cut his legs off, put him on a box, tap the box, and you'll see that the cricket does not jump away.
What did the knife say to the potato?

Now I've got to cut you.
How do you make a dog sound like a cat?

You freeze it, put it on a bandsaw and cut it; "Meoooow".
What do Australian emos use to cut their wrists?

Rise up lights
Why do people at Disneyland hate coke heads?

They're always cutting lines
What do you get when you cut an Avocado into 6.02 x 1023 pieces?

a guacaMOLE
What do you get when you cut an avocado into 6.022x1023 pieces?

Guacamole.
Why don't you buy drugs from an Emo?

Their stuff is always cut.
What do you call an avocado cut up into 6.022*1023 times?

Guacamole
What's long and black and dangerous to cut into?

The KFC Drive-thru line.
What do you call a big, dumb, slow guy who cuts down trees?

A lumbering oaf.
How late?

Cut to me trapped inside a tiny house made from Lego* I've no idea to be honest with you...
Why did the bald man cut a hole in his pocket?

He wanted to run his fingers through his hair.
What do you get when you cut up an avagadro?

Guaca**mole**y edit: how do I make it not say this joke is Dirty
What did the squirrel say when it saw the acorn tree cut down and taken away?

Thats nuts
What qualifies you to be a ninja?

Ninja: I just cut your head off. Boss: That's pr--*thump*
What do you call a Knight that cuts beef?

Sir Loin.
Why is the oval office oval shaped?

Because the government cuts corners.
Why does a Belgian have a knife in his car?

To cut the corners!
How did Isis move from 5th wanted terrorist group to the most wanted terrorist group?

They cut a head
Where's Jim?

He went M.I.A. *Cut to Jim* All I wanna do *bang bang bang bang* *reloading noise* And shoot enemies
What's the magic word?

Cut to them back at the station writing on a chalkboard with dozens of words crossed off
What is the sharpest thing in the world?

A fart. It will cut through your pants and not even leave a hole.
What did Tony Abbott do when he heard Denmark had surplus wind power ?

Cut funding for wind power in Australia
How do you cut a Emo sandwich?

Trick question, it cuts itself.
What do you call a paralyzed clown with his tongue cut out?

BEST MIME EVER!
Why didn't the Aztec get their hair cut?

They didn't like the barbershop Cortez.
How was the Roman Empire cut in two?

With a pair of Caesars.
What do you call a digital video recorder that cuts down trees and builds dams?

A bvr
What do you get if you cut an avocado into 6.02 * 1023 pieces?

Guacamole.
What is a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear Sir/Ma'am, We are cutting your internet connection due to the following reasons:
How do you cut pizza?

With Little Ceasar's.
What does Johnny Depp say when cutting down trees?

TIMBUUUUUUUURTON
What gets longer the more you cut it at both ends?

A ditch.
What mathematical operation is used to calculate the rate at which lumberjacks cut wood?

Logger-rhythms.
How does the moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it.
How do you get a black man out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
How do you make a dog say meow?

How do you make a dog say meow? Put it in the freezer, then get a chainsaw and cut it. MEEEEEEEOOOWWW!!
How do you split $6 between 5 mexicans?

You cut *Juan* out.
Who's there ! Adelia ! Adelia who ?

Adelia the cards after you cut the pack !
Why did the man use a pair of scissors on the rope?

The knife just wasn't cutting it.
What do Mexicans use to cut their pizza?

Little Caesars.
What do you call a loaf of bread when you cut off both ends?

A: Endless Bread!
What is the difference between a boat and a woman?

The boat cuts through the water, a woman waters through the cut.
Who wears robes, cuts off people's hands, and lives in the desert?

Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Why are Wendy's burgers so good?

Because they don't cut corners.
What equine likes to cut in line?

A sawhorse!
Why do countries "cut ties" when things get tense ?

So weird having men walk around in suits and half ties.
How do you cut a turd into 5 pieces?

Squish it in your hand.
How do tiny Mexicans cut their pizza?

Little Ceasars
When the barber is done cutting his hair, the cowboy goes back outside. And guess what?

Pony gone.
How do you cut the Roman Empire in half?

With a pair of Caesars!
How do you get a black guy out of a tree?

Cut the rope!
How do you get a goth down from a tree?

Cut the rope
Whats long and black and hard to cut into?

The line at KFC
How do you drown a polar bear?

Cut a hole in the ice. Put a line of peas around the hole. When the polar bear takes a pea, kick him in the ice hole.
How can you see if a Hairdresser is not suitable for the job anymore?

He/she barely even cuts it anymore.
What does a pig put on his cut?

Oinkment
What do you call a corn farmer who wakes up one morning to find that complex branching pathways have been cut into his field?

amaized.
What did the person say when someone tried to cut off their toes?

I'm lactose intolerant.
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?

The baa-baa shop.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?

Barberians.
What did the manager of a log cutting company tell his employees when they were working too slow?

Chop chop.
How do hispanics cut a pizza?

Little Caesars
Why did you cut off your ear?

Van Gogh: pardon
What is the hardest part of cuting a baby in half with a straight razor?

My erection.
How do you cut down a hipster tree?

A suuh dude!
What did the vampire do to stop his son biting his nails ?

He cut all his fingers off !
What did the boy say after the tailor made fun of him for not wearing pants?

Hey, why don't you cut me some slacks?
How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
Why did Dr Frankenstein have his telephone cut off?

Because he wanted to win the Nobel prize!
How does a Mexican cut their pizza?

Little Caesars
Why didn't the shepard cut off his sheep's wool?

Shear laziness.
How do you stop a fish from smelling?

Cut its nose off.
What do dwarves use to cut their pizza?

Little Caesars
How would you describe your past work?

Cut to me picking up coins off sidewalks and taking them to CoinStar -Change management.
How do you get thrown out of a concentration camp?

Bad for moral Cutting in line Organizing hunger strikes
What does a Mexican cut a pizza with?

Little ceasars!!! (Scissors)
What did the stoic dolphin say to the whiny whale?

Cut out all that blubber and you can be more like me.
Why do people buy fruit already cut up?

There's only like 7 things in life easier than cutting up fruit and one of them is farting.
What the best way to cut down a tree?

A Suhhh Dude
What kind of engine did you put in it?

cut to me filling my car with tomato soup* Me: Um... A fast one.
Why did your sister cut a hole in her new umbrella ?

Because she wanted to be able to tell when it stopped raining.
What's the cutest part of a house?

The awning. I know, I'm sorry.
What makes a barbershop quartet sound so amazing?

They're on the cutting edge of musical innovation.
Why did the knife quit?

It couldn't CUT IT! woohoo! I made this one up while sitting at a buffet table. Enjoy! Skip
How do you end world hunger?

Put Turkey in Greece to cook it, then cut it up and put it into Chile. Then put it on China and give it to Hungary.
How many firemen does it take to change a light bulb?

Four - three to cut a hole in the roof and one to change the bulb.

Country/region

Cut Jokes

What's the difference between a radical and a moderate Muslim?

Why did the guy cut a hole in his carpet?

Why should you never let a non-metal drive a train?

How do you silence an Italian?

How does the man in the moon cut his hair?

What's long, black, and dangerous to cut?

What is the easiest way to make a banana split?

What did Romans use to cut pizza before the rolling cutter was invented?

How was the roman empire cut in half?

How does Spongebob cut a rug?

What do you call a line of men waiting to get a hair cut?

How was Rome cut in half?

How did the Roman cut his hair?

Whats the fastest way to cut down a tree?

Which popstar cuts down trees?

What does a Mexican use to cut pizza with?

How do frat boys cut down trees?

Why couldn't the cut down tree answer a riddle?

What happens when a lumberjack doesn't know which tree to cut next?

How do you get people to quit smoking?

What did the bartender say to the foreskin?

What's the difference between an onion and a woman?

What do you call the science of knives?

What do you get when you cut an avocado into 6.022141291023 pieces?

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?

What is the difference between Emo teenagers and your lawn?

What did the drunk Chinese customer say to the bartender?

How do Asians execute white people?

What do Mexican midgets use to cut pizza?

What's the difference between an onion and a dead whore?

Why did you cut me down, lumberjack?

What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?

How do Mexicans cut their pizza?

What is the hardest part of cutting a baby in half with a straight razor?

How do you tell if an Arkansas girl is old enough to marry?

What's the difference between a baby and a tree?

What's the difference between a saxophone and an onion?

How do Mexicans cut their pizzas?

How many South Dakotans does it take to go ice fishing?

What do you do if you accidentally cut off your cat's tail?

What do you call a salad that's been cut with a knife?

What do Romans use to cut their pizza?

Why are emo people so good at ping-pong?

What cuts four farts in the morning, two farts at midday, and three farts in the evening?

What do you call an archer who got his arms cut off?

What is the definition of a Barbarian?

What do Mexicans cut their pizza with?

How does Harry Potter like his sandwiches to be cut ?

Why did the bald guy cut a hole in his pocket?

How do you get a polar bear in the water?

Why do bald men cut holes in there pockets?

What's the difference between an accordion and an onion?

What does Jesus say when someone cuts his call?

Why has Hot Topic's sales revenue gone down?

What do you use to cut the ocean?

What did the Ancient Romans use to cut their hair?

What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?

Why did the Tumblr user get cut up on Halloween?

Why would Pinocchio make a bad criminal?

How do you stop a monster from smelling?

What do you call a budget that's cut short from the middle?

What do you call a Mexican cutting a Mobius Strip??

What do you say when somebody cuts in front of you in line for Vietnamese noodles?

Why did the man cry when he was cutting up onions?

How do Mexicans cut pizza?

What do onions and people have in common?

What do Hispanic midgets cut their pizza with?

How does a barber make phone calls?

What do you call a man who cuts down trees?

Why was the Hay Robber's prison sentence cut short?

How many Germans does it take to tile a bathroom?

Why does a redneck hold a knife while driving?

What happens if you cut off your left hand?

How do you make a glow worm happy ?

Why was the umbilical cord sad?

What did the college junior say just before her toe was cut off?

Why did the pentagon change it's name to the square?

What is the best way to cut a mango?