Buddhist Jokes

  • How many buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: Three - one to change it, one to not-change it and one to both change-and not-change it.

  • What did the Buddhist get for Christmas?

    Presence.

  • Why don't many buddhists work in the railroad industry?

    they have too many ohms to be good conductors.

  • What does a Buddhist monk say when ordering a subway sandwich?

    Make me one with everything*

  • How do Buddhist monks compare interests?

    With zen diagrams!

  • How many Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?

    None, the changes necessary will come from within.

  • Why did the buddhist refuse novocaine when he went to get a tooth pulled?

    He wanted to transcend dental medication.

  • What is an omelette?

    A small Buddhist.

  • How much resistance can a Buddhist monk endure?

    Ohmmmmmm............

  • Why can't Buddhists vacuum in corners?

    Because they don't have attachments!

  • Why do buddhist make bad vacuum salesman?

    They can't deal with attachments.

  • What does the sign at a nudist Buddhist beach say?

    No Bhikkhunis(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bhikkhuni) allowed.

  • Why did the Buddhist refuse Novocaine?

    He wanted to transcend dental medication.

  • What do you call a violent Buddhist?

    A Zero.

  • What type of gum does a Buddhist perfer?

    Enlightenmint! More Gum Jokes!

  • How many buddhists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    None, they enlighten themselves.

  • Why didn't the Buddhist monk vacuum under his couch?

    He had no attachments.

  • What do Buddhist monks have for breakfast?

    Ommm' lettes!

  • Why did the Buddhist monk refuse Novocain?

    Because he wanted to transcend dental medication.

  • Why can't Buddhists vacuum under the couch?

    Because they have no attachments.

  • Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners of the monastery?

    Because they have no attachments.

  • What does a Buddhist order from a hotdogs vendor?

    One with everything

  • How do Buddhist monks send emails?

    They remove all attachments.

  • What did one Buddhist Master give to the child for his birthday?

    Nothing wrapped in Emptiness. How did the birthday child respond? You are thoughtless for giving me this meaningless gift. To which the Buddhist Master replied, "Thank you."

  • What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist with a Jehovah's Witness?

    knock knock knock... excuse me sir, but do you have a few minutes to discuss nothing

  • Why don't Buddhists have Instagram?

    They don't believe in the concept of a selfie.

  • What does a redneck Buddhist believe in?

    Reintarnation.

  • What do you call a Mexican Buddhist?

    Om-bre

  • Why did the Buddhist photographer fail at taking pictures?

    Bad cam'ra

  • What did the Buddhist say when asked if he'd like to move from Tibet to North Korea?

    Nah. I'ma stay.

  • Why shouldn't you burn scented candles inside of a Buddhist shrine?

    Because doing so would be incense-itive!

  • What did the blonde Buddhist say when she finished her 88th prayer?

    I literally chant even..."

  • What do you get if you cross a Buddhist monk and a 16 year old blonde cheerleader?

    Arrested for procurement of a minor. Trust me on this one.

  • Why do Buddhist monks have such sour faces?

    Because they're acetic.

  • Why do Buddhists always buy 1 ply toilet paper?

    Because they like to get in touch with their inner self.

  • What's a Buddhist's favorite physics law?

    Om's Law.

  • What did the Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?

    Make me one with everything

  • What is the difference between a sociopath and a buddhist?

    A sociopath sees people as things a buddhist sees things as people.

  • Why couldn't the Buddhist monk send his mother a birthday card via email?

    He had no attachments.