Send Jokes
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Why should you send your sweetie a valentine?
Because you always heart the one you love.
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What dogs are best for sending telegrams ?
Wire haired terriers !!
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Why did Cersei Lannister sent princess Myrcella to Dorne?
She knew her family history a little too well. Myrcella had two brothers.
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Where do you send bad Russian cows?
The Moolag
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What kind of letters would you send to capital cities?
A: Capital letters.
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How do long distance runners send e-mail?
On the sprin-ternet.
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What do Bernie Sanders and the Statue of Liberty have in common?
Common people sent both of them pennies to help build a foundation for liberty.
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Why don't I have a boyfriend?
God: I sent you one, you dumped him for putting ketchup on his steak. Me: Ah. That's right. Gross.
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Why doesn't NASA send cows to space?
Because the stakes would be too high.
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What do you call a bull that's sent overseas by boat?
Shipped beef!
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Why was the man sent to prison after staying up all night?
Because he was resisting a rest.
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What did the cat say when it was wrongfully accused of a crime and sent behind bars?
Let Meowt!!!!"
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What song did Russia send Ukraine for its birthday?
Crimea a river
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Why couldn't prehistoric man send birthday cards?
The stamps kept falling off the rocks!
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What's the difference between a loaf of bread and a penguin?
I don't know what " "We're sure not sending you to the store!"
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Why doesn't Mexico send a team to the Summer Olympics?
Because all the one that can run, jump, or swim are already in the US.
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What did the buffalo say to his kid when he sent him off to college?
Bison
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What do you call a crocodile/robot sent from the future to save the past?
Termigator (jesus christ this one's even worse than the last)
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Why did Kim Jong Un Instagram his missile?
It was the only way he could send it.
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How much work does it take to send a packet across the internet?
20 Watts
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What does the H. in Jesus H. Christ stand for?
Hallmark. God cares enough to send the very best.
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How do really posh dogs send messages?
By predigree-mail.
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What four letter word has made the biggest impact in the modern world?
Send.
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How do you send a dog to space?
Laika boss.
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How do dolphins send messages?
By sea-mail.
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Why did the boy jump up and down on the letter?
He heard that you have to stamp letters or the post office won't send them.
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What do Romulans and Vulcans do with their high school drop outs?
Send them to barber school.
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What's the rule for Twitter crushes?
So far I'm in love with 800 women, 2 dudes, and a llama. Send condoms.
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How does Bill keep Gennifer Flowers away from the White House?
A: He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride.
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Who sends flowers on Valentines Day?
Cupigs!
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Where do they send trickster tuna when they catch them?
A Tuna Chi-Cannery
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Why was the paper man sent to jail?
He was caught rustling.
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How do bank robbers send messages?
By flee mail!
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Why was Jesus not born in West Virginia?
Because they couldn't find three wise men or a virgin. Gf sent me this when she was driving through the state.
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Where do german parents send their ADD kids?
Concentration Camps
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Where can you go to send a soul to heaven?
An abortion clinic.
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How do writers send e-mail?
On the Inkernet.
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Why did the pig send his story to New York?
He wanted to be published on Pork Avenue.
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How do you know if a blonde has been sending e-mail?
A: You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into the disk drive.
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What do these shoes do?
GLINDA: Send you home D: Lame tries new pair And these G: Wait- D: clicks heels turns into hamburger
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Why couldn't Moses believe his mother sent him away in a basket?
Because he was in de-nile
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How do Buddhist monks send emails?
They remove all attachments.
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What did the buffalo say before sending his son off to college?
Bison.
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Why did the gymnast's account get sent to collections?
She had an outstanding balance.
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How does a farmer send messages?
By e-i-e-i-o-mail.
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How do Asians find our they are pregnant?
They send a rubix cube up to see if it gets solved.
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How do wasps send messages?
By bee-mail.
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What kind of cards do donkeys send out near Christmas?
A: Mule-tide greetings.
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How should you send a letter to the Easter Bunny?
By hare mail!
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What is the best way to send a letter to the Easter Bunny?
By hare (air) mail.
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How do spies send secret messages in a forest?
A: By moss code.
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What do you get when you send a duck backwards in time to the moment before you sent the duck?
A Pair-a-ducks.
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What's the fastest way to send a rabbit?
Haremail.
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What happened to the cowboy when he said that he was sick of washing cowhides at his side of the dairy?
He was sent to the udder side
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Why did the dog's friends send her home from the bar when she started to act strange?
They thought she might have been slipped a woofie.
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How did skeletons send each other letters in the days of the Wild West?
By Bony Express.
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What do you call a group of cattle sent into orbit?
The first herd shot round the world!
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How do footballers send messages?
By referee-mail.
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Why is it NASA has never sent a woman to the moon?
It don't need cleaning!
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How can you tell, with 100% certainty, that no intelligent alien life exists that we know of?
Because if it did, we'd have sent foreign aid by now.
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Why did the terrorist cross the road?
To send people to the other side.
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Why did the heart get sent to police station?
Cardiac arrest.
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How did Bourne send data to the CIA?
JSON
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Why was the lion cub sent to jail?
It was a child predator.
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What has 4 legs in the morning, 2 legs in the evening and 6 legs at night?
I've trapped it in my bedroom, send help...
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Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon yet?
It doesn't need cleaning.
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How do you get a parrot to talk properly ?
Send him to polytechnic !
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WhatsApp, Facebook Messenger etc. for free?
It's not about the money. It's about sending a message!
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Why do pens get sent to prison ?
To do long sentences !
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Why do parents send their toddlers to the army for daycare?
Because they're sending them to the infantry!
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Why was the hen banned from sending e-mails?
She was always using fowl language.
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How do Reavers clean their spears?
They send them through the Wash.
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What do you call a lamp you send in the mail?
Lamp post
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Why couldn't the Buddhist monk send his mother a birthday card via email?
He had no attachments.
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Why did Bill and Hillary send Chelsea to a private school?
A: If they sent her to a public school the secret service would be out-gunned!
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Where does an angry pirate get sent?
Anchor Management
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Why was the Gungan sent back in time by the Weeping Angel?
He Jar Jar Blinked.
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How do you help someone with ADD or ADHD?
Send them to a concentration camp!
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How many redditors does it take to send a letter?
Three. One to post it, and two to repost it.
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What shall we do with all these letters begging for money?
the woman asks her husband. "Keep sending them!"
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How do you send a sandwich to someone on a computer?
in bytes
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What kind of car did J.J. Abrams send to pick up Harrison Ford for the new Star Wars premiere?
A Hyundai.
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What's the best way to send a letter to Prince Charles?
Heir mail
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What did Hamlet say when he was thinking of sending a message?
To e or not to e that is the question.
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Why couldn't the apple send an e-mail to the orange?
Because the lime was engaged.
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Why did the Russians send a dog to space to die?
Because they didn't Lajka.
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Why was the French chef sent to prison?
He was convicted of crepe.
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Why do church bells never send e-mails?
They'd rather give each other a ring.
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Why do people always ask me for directions?
I have no clue where I am going. I am sure i have sent 100's of people into the ocean.
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Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon?
It doesn't need cleaning
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How can you tell when a fax has been sent by a blonde?
When there's a stamp on it.
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Why did you burn that building down?
Me: Because they keep sending emails after unsubscribing. Cop: You're free to go.
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Why don't vikings send e-mails?
They prefer to use Norse code.
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Which format are the images you send?
Customer: "Rectangular 15x11 centimeters."
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Why did the chicken get sent off?
For persistent fowl play!
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What was the buffalo's last words to his teenager as he sent him off to college?
Bison
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Where do you get sent if you have a brainfreeze?
The iceeu
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Who do you think was sent to cover the story of the baby lion born in the zoo?
A cub reporter.
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What do white supremacists send their toddlers to before kindergarten?
Pre-KKK
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Why did the cheese get sent to the asylum?
Coz 'e-mmental!
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How do mountainers send messages?
By ski-mail.
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How do you turn a computer into a zombie?
Send it a byte. Kind of lame but I couldn't help myself.
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How do you sabotage a space mission ?
Send Matt Damon
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How does Dalai Lama send emails?
With no attachments.
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How do you unite both the Catholics and Protestants in Ireland?
By sending in millions of Muslims
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Whatsapp?
He winked at me, I should send him a dragon head." "No babe, this calls for a full dragon."
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What did the terrorist send in the mail?
A CAIR package.
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What's a Catholic's favorite way to send money?
PayPal
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What do ghosts say when a girl footballer is sent off ?
Ban-she ban-she !
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Who else have gone through this Sarcasm?
Me: Baby, I was thinking about you so sending you She: Thanks for Thinking
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Why did the army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf?
They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.
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What do angry rodents send each other at Christmas time ?
Cross mouse cards !
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What's the difference between a cake and a school bus ?
Jill: I don't know. Janet: I'm glad I didn't send you to pick up my birthday cake !
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What did the chicken say ?
What did they chicken say to his friends after being sent to the hospital after failing to cross the road ?. Don't worry ill get over it.
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How do you stop Iran from building a nuclear reactor?
Send them the Fine Brothers.
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Why is there no point in sending medicine to Athiopia?
Because the instructions usually say: "Take after meals."
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Why couldn't the alligator send e-mails on his PC?
Because it was on old croc.
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Where do bad pigs go?
They get sent to the pen.
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How does Robin hood send messages around Sherwood Forest?
By tree mail!
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How did Vikings send secret messages?
By Norse code!
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Why did the stupid boy put clothes on the valentines he was sending?
Because they needed to be ad-dressed!
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What's the easiest way to get a virus into ISIS computer systems?
By sending them executables.
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What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ?
Black mail !
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What do you call a turtle that sends pictures to everyone?
a Snapping Turtle
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What bounces and makes kids cry?
The cheque I just sent to Save the Children.
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Why were there so many Hawaiian lei's at the funeral?
the obituary read "Please send donations in luau flowers."