Send Jokes

  • Why should you send your sweetie a valentine?

    Because you always heart the one you love.

  • What dogs are best for sending telegrams ?

    Wire haired terriers !!

  • Why did Cersei Lannister sent princess Myrcella to Dorne?

    She knew her family history a little too well. Myrcella had two brothers.

  • Where do you send bad Russian cows?

    The Moolag

  • What kind of letters would you send to capital cities?

    A: Capital letters.

  • How do long distance runners send e-mail?

    On the sprin-ternet.

  • What do Bernie Sanders and the Statue of Liberty have in common?

    Common people sent both of them pennies to help build a foundation for liberty.

  • Why don't I have a boyfriend?

    God: I sent you one, you dumped him for putting ketchup on his steak. Me: Ah. That's right. Gross.

  • Why doesn't NASA send cows to space?

    Because the stakes would be too high.

  • What do you call a bull that's sent overseas by boat?

    Shipped beef!

  • Why was the man sent to prison after staying up all night?

    Because he was resisting a rest.

  • What did the cat say when it was wrongfully accused of a crime and sent behind bars?

    Let Meowt!!!!"

  • What song did Russia send Ukraine for its birthday?

    Crimea a river

  • Why couldn't prehistoric man send birthday cards?

    The stamps kept falling off the rocks!

  • What's the difference between a loaf of bread and a penguin?

    I don't know what " "We're sure not sending you to the store!"

  • Why doesn't Mexico send a team to the Summer Olympics?

    Because all the one that can run, jump, or swim are already in the US.

  • What did the buffalo say to his kid when he sent him off to college?


  • What do you call a crocodile/robot sent from the future to save the past?

    Termigator (jesus christ this one's even worse than the last)

  • Why did Kim Jong Un Instagram his missile?

    It was the only way he could send it.

  • How much work does it take to send a packet across the internet?

    20 Watts

  • What does the H. in Jesus H. Christ stand for?

    Hallmark. God cares enough to send the very best.

  • How do really posh dogs send messages?

    By predigree-mail.

  • What four letter word has made the biggest impact in the modern world?


  • How do you send a dog to space?

    Laika boss.

  • How do dolphins send messages?

    By sea-mail.

  • Why did the boy jump up and down on the letter?

    He heard that you have to stamp letters or the post office won't send them.

  • What do Romulans and Vulcans do with their high school drop outs?

    Send them to barber school.

  • What's the rule for Twitter crushes?

    So far I'm in love with 800 women, 2 dudes, and a llama. Send condoms.

  • How does Bill keep Gennifer Flowers away from the White House?

    A: He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride.

  • Who sends flowers on Valentines Day?


  • Where do they send trickster tuna when they catch them?

    A Tuna Chi-Cannery

  • Why was the paper man sent to jail?

    He was caught rustling.

  • How do bank robbers send messages?

    By flee mail!

  • Why was Jesus not born in West Virginia?

    Because they couldn't find three wise men or a virgin. Gf sent me this when she was driving through the state.

  • Where do german parents send their ADD kids?

    Concentration Camps

  • Where can you go to send a soul to heaven?

    An abortion clinic.

  • How do writers send e-mail?

    On the Inkernet.

  • Why did the pig send his story to New York?

    He wanted to be published on Pork Avenue.

  • How do you know if a blonde has been sending e-mail?

    A: You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into the disk drive.

  • What do these shoes do?

    GLINDA: Send you home D: Lame tries new pair And these G: Wait- D: clicks heels turns into hamburger

  • Why couldn't Moses believe his mother sent him away in a basket?

    Because he was in de-nile

  • How do Buddhist monks send emails?

    They remove all attachments.

  • What did the buffalo say before sending his son off to college?


  • Why did the gymnast's account get sent to collections?

    She had an outstanding balance.

  • How does a farmer send messages?

    By e-i-e-i-o-mail.

  • How do Asians find our they are pregnant?

    They send a rubix cube up to see if it gets solved.

  • How do wasps send messages?

    By bee-mail.

  • What kind of cards do donkeys send out near Christmas?

    A: Mule-tide greetings.

  • How should you send a letter to the Easter Bunny?

    By hare mail!

  • What is the best way to send a letter to the Easter Bunny?

    By hare (air) mail.

  • How do spies send secret messages in a forest?

    A: By moss code.

  • What do you get when you send a duck backwards in time to the moment before you sent the duck?

    A Pair-a-ducks.

  • What's the fastest way to send a rabbit?


  • What happened to the cowboy when he said that he was sick of washing cowhides at his side of the dairy?

    He was sent to the udder side

  • Why did the dog's friends send her home from the bar when she started to act strange?

    They thought she might have been slipped a woofie.

  • How did skeletons send each other letters in the days of the Wild West?

    By Bony Express.

  • What do you call a group of cattle sent into orbit?

    The first herd shot round the world!

  • How do footballers send messages?

    By referee-mail.

  • Why is it NASA has never sent a woman to the moon?

    It don't need cleaning!

  • How can you tell, with 100% certainty, that no intelligent alien life exists that we know of?

    Because if it did, we'd have sent foreign aid by now.

  • Why did the terrorist cross the road?

    To send people to the other side.

  • Why did the heart get sent to police station?

    Cardiac arrest.

  • How did Bourne send data to the CIA?


  • Why was the lion cub sent to jail?

    It was a child predator.

  • What has 4 legs in the morning, 2 legs in the evening and 6 legs at night?

    I've trapped it in my bedroom, send help...

  • Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon yet?

    It doesn't need cleaning.

  • How do you get a parrot to talk properly ?

    Send him to polytechnic !

  • WhatsApp, Facebook Messenger etc. for free?

    It's not about the money. It's about sending a message!

  • Why do pens get sent to prison ?

    To do long sentences !

  • Why do parents send their toddlers to the army for daycare?

    Because they're sending them to the infantry!

  • Why was the hen banned from sending e-mails?

    She was always using fowl language.

  • How do Reavers clean their spears?

    They send them through the Wash.

  • What do you call a lamp you send in the mail?

    Lamp post

  • Why couldn't the Buddhist monk send his mother a birthday card via email?

    He had no attachments.

  • Why did Bill and Hillary send Chelsea to a private school?

    A: If they sent her to a public school the secret service would be out-gunned!

  • Where does an angry pirate get sent?

    Anchor Management

  • Why was the Gungan sent back in time by the Weeping Angel?

    He Jar Jar Blinked.

  • How do you help someone with ADD or ADHD?

    Send them to a concentration camp!

  • How many redditors does it take to send a letter?

    Three. One to post it, and two to repost it.

  • What shall we do with all these letters begging for money?

    the woman asks her husband. "Keep sending them!"

  • How do you send a sandwich to someone on a computer?

    in bytes

  • What kind of car did J.J. Abrams send to pick up Harrison Ford for the new Star Wars premiere?

    A Hyundai.

  • What's the best way to send a letter to Prince Charles?

    Heir mail

  • What did Hamlet say when he was thinking of sending a message?

    To e or not to e that is the question.

  • Why couldn't the apple send an e-mail to the orange?

    Because the lime was engaged.

  • Why did the Russians send a dog to space to die?

    Because they didn't Lajka.

  • Why was the French chef sent to prison?

    He was convicted of crepe.

  • Why do church bells never send e-mails?

    They'd rather give each other a ring.

  • Why do people always ask me for directions?

    I have no clue where I am going. I am sure i have sent 100's of people into the ocean.

  • Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon?

    It doesn't need cleaning

  • How can you tell when a fax has been sent by a blonde?

    When there's a stamp on it.

  • Why did you burn that building down?

    Me: Because they keep sending emails after unsubscribing. Cop: You're free to go.

  • Why don't vikings send e-mails?

    They prefer to use Norse code.

  • Which format are the images you send?

    Customer: "Rectangular 15x11 centimeters."

  • Why did the chicken get sent off?

    For persistent fowl play!

  • What was the buffalo's last words to his teenager as he sent him off to college?


  • Where do you get sent if you have a brainfreeze?

    The iceeu

  • Who do you think was sent to cover the story of the baby lion born in the zoo?

    A cub reporter.

  • What do white supremacists send their toddlers to before kindergarten?


  • Why did the cheese get sent to the asylum?

    Coz 'e-mmental!

  • How do mountainers send messages?

    By ski-mail.

  • How do you turn a computer into a zombie?

    Send it a byte. Kind of lame but I couldn't help myself.

  • How do you sabotage a space mission ?

    Send Matt Damon

  • How does Dalai Lama send emails?

    With no attachments.

  • How do you unite both the Catholics and Protestants in Ireland?

    By sending in millions of Muslims

  • Whatsapp?

    He winked at me, I should send him a dragon head." "No babe, this calls for a full dragon."

  • What did the terrorist send in the mail?

    A CAIR package.

  • What's a Catholic's favorite way to send money?


  • What do ghosts say when a girl footballer is sent off ?

    Ban-she ban-she !

  • Who else have gone through this Sarcasm?

    Me: Baby, I was thinking about you so sending you She: Thanks for Thinking

  • Why did the army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf?

    They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.

  • What do angry rodents send each other at Christmas time ?

    Cross mouse cards !

  • What's the difference between a cake and a school bus ?

    Jill: I don't know. Janet: I'm glad I didn't send you to pick up my birthday cake !

  • What did the chicken say ?

    What did they chicken say to his friends after being sent to the hospital after failing to cross the road ?. Don't worry ill get over it.

  • How do you stop Iran from building a nuclear reactor?

    Send them the Fine Brothers.

  • Why is there no point in sending medicine to Athiopia?

    Because the instructions usually say: "Take after meals."

  • Why couldn't the alligator send e-mails on his PC?

    Because it was on old croc.

  • Where do bad pigs go?

    They get sent to the pen.

  • How does Robin hood send messages around Sherwood Forest?

    By tree mail!

  • How did Vikings send secret messages?

    By Norse code!

  • Why did the stupid boy put clothes on the valentines he was sending?

    Because they needed to be ad-dressed!

  • What's the easiest way to get a virus into ISIS computer systems?

    By sending them executables.

  • What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ?

    Black mail !

  • What do you call a turtle that sends pictures to everyone?

    a Snapping Turtle

  • What bounces and makes kids cry?

    The cheque I just sent to Save the Children.

  • Why were there so many Hawaiian lei's at the funeral?

    the obituary read "Please send donations in luau flowers."