Send Jokes

How do Buddhist monks send emails?

They remove all attachments.

Jokes for Kids: The Best Jokes, Riddles, Tongue Twisters, Knock-Knock jokes, and One liners for kids: Kids Joke books ages 7-9 8-12

4.7

Paperback

Available on

What song did Russia send Ukraine for its birthday?

Crimea a river

Who else have gone through this Sarcasm?

Me: Baby, I was thinking about you so sending you She: Thanks for Thinking

Why were there so many Hawaiian lei's at the funeral?

the obituary read "Please send donations in luau flowers."

How did Bourne send data to the CIA?

JSON

How can you tell, with 100% certainty, that no intelligent alien life exists that we know of?

Because if it did, we'd have sent foreign aid by now.

How do Reavers clean their spears?

They send them through the Wash.

What did the cat say when it was wrongfully accused of a crime and sent behind bars?

Let Meowt!!!!"

What do you call a crocodile/robot sent from the future to save the past?

Termigator (jesus christ this one's even worse than the last)

Why was the Gungan sent back in time by the Weeping Angel?

He Jar Jar Blinked.

Why couldn't Moses believe his mother sent him away in a basket?

Because he was in de-nile

4.7

Paperback

Available on

How much work does it take to send a packet across the internet?

20 Watts

Why did the Russians send a dog to space to die?

Because they didn't Lajka.

How can you tell when a fax has been sent by a blonde?

When there's a stamp on it.

How do you help someone with ADD or ADHD?

Send them to a concentration camp!

What did the terrorist send in the mail?

A CAIR package.

Why is it NASA has never sent a woman to the moon?

It don't need cleaning!

Why is there no point in sending medicine to Athiopia?

Because the instructions usually say: "Take after meals."

How do you sabotage a space mission ?

Send Matt Damon

Where can you go to send a soul to heaven?

An abortion clinic.

This joke may have profanity.

Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon?

It doesn't need cleaning

The World's Greatest Dad Jokes: The Complete Collection (The Heirloom Edition): Over 500 Cringe-Worthy Puns and One-Liners

4.7

Hardcover

Available on

Why was the French chef sent to prison?

He was convicted of crepe.

How do Asians find our they are pregnant?

They send a rubix cube up to see if it gets solved.

What bounces and makes kids cry?

The cheque I just sent to Save the Children.

How do you turn a computer into a zombie?

Send it a byte. Kind of lame but I couldn't help myself.

What did the chicken say ?

What did they chicken say to his friends after being sent to the hospital after failing to cross the road ?. Don't worry ill get over it.

What do you get when you send a duck backwards in time to the moment before you sent the duck?

A Pair-a-ducks.

Where do you get sent if you have a brainfreeze?

The iceeu

What did the buffalo say before sending his son off to college?

Bison.

Why do parents send their toddlers to the army for daycare?

Because they're sending them to the infantry!

How do you send a sandwich to someone on a computer?

in bytes

4.7

Ceramic

Available on

What's a Catholic's favorite way to send money?

PayPal

What does the H. in Jesus H. Christ stand for?

Hallmark. God cares enough to send the very best.

How do spies send secret messages in a forest?

A: By moss code.

Why did the cheese get sent to the asylum?

Coz 'e-mmental!

Who do you think was sent to cover the story of the baby lion born in the zoo?

A cub reporter.

How do you know if a blonde has been sending e-mail?

A: You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into the disk drive.

What do ghosts say when a girl footballer is sent off ?

Ban-she ban-she !

Who sends flowers on Valentines Day?

Cupigs!

What do you call a turtle that sends pictures to everyone?

a Snapping Turtle

Why did the dog's friends send her home from the bar when she started to act strange?

They thought she might have been slipped a woofie.

How do wasps send messages?

By bee-mail.

What's the difference between a loaf of bread and a penguin?

I don't know what " "We're sure not sending you to the store!"

How did skeletons send each other letters in the days of the Wild West?

By Bony Express.

What's the rule for Twitter crushes?

So far I'm in love with 800 women, 2 dudes, and a llama. Send condoms.

What was the buffalo's last words to his teenager as he sent him off to college?

Bison

Where do bad pigs go?

They get sent to the pen.

Why couldn't prehistoric man send birthday cards?

The stamps kept falling off the rocks!

How do mountainers send messages?

By ski-mail.

How do you get a parrot to talk properly ?

Send him to polytechnic !

What is the best way to send a letter to the Easter Bunny?

By hare (air) mail.

How does Bill keep Gennifer Flowers away from the White House?

A: He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride.

What did Hamlet say when he was thinking of sending a message?

To e or not to e that is the question.

Why couldn't the alligator send e-mails on his PC?

Because it was on old croc.

Why couldn't the Buddhist monk send his mother a birthday card via email?

He had no attachments.

How do bank robbers send messages?

By flee mail!

Why was the paper man sent to jail?

He was caught rustling.

How should you send a letter to the Easter Bunny?

By hare mail!

WhatsApp, Facebook Messenger etc. for free?

It's not about the money. It's about sending a message!

What has 4 legs in the morning, 2 legs in the evening and 6 legs at night?

I've trapped it in my bedroom, send help...

What's the difference between a cake and a school bus ?

Jill: I don't know. Janet: I'm glad I didn't send you to pick up my birthday cake !

Why was the lion cub sent to jail?

It was a child predator.

Why was the hen banned from sending e-mails?

She was always using fowl language.

What do Romulans and Vulcans do with their high school drop outs?

Send them to barber school.

Why did the gymnast's account get sent to collections?

She had an outstanding balance.

How did Vikings send secret messages?

By Norse code!

Why did the pig send his story to New York?

He wanted to be published on Pork Avenue.

Why doesn't NASA send cows to space?

Because the stakes would be too high.

Why was Jesus not born in West Virginia?

Because they couldn't find three wise men or a virgin. Gf sent me this when she was driving through the state.

What shall we do with all these letters begging for money?

the woman asks her husband. "Keep sending them!"

What's the easiest way to get a virus into ISIS computer systems?

By sending them executables.

Why do people always ask me for directions?

I have no clue where I am going. I am sure i have sent 100's of people into the ocean.

Where do you send bad Russian cows?

The Moolag

How do writers send e-mail?

On the Inkernet.

How do you stop Iran from building a nuclear reactor?

Send them the Fine Brothers.

How do you unite both the Catholics and Protestants in Ireland?

By sending in millions of Muslims

Why did Cersei Lannister sent princess Myrcella to Dorne?

She knew her family history a little too well. Myrcella had two brothers.

Why do pens get sent to prison ?

To do long sentences !

What dogs are best for sending telegrams ?

Wire haired terriers !!

How many redditors does it take to send a letter?

Three. One to post it, and two to repost it.

Why couldn't the apple send an e-mail to the orange?

Because the lime was engaged.

Why did the chicken get sent off?

For persistent fowl play!

What do Bernie Sanders and the Statue of Liberty have in common?

Common people sent both of them pennies to help build a foundation for liberty.

Why did the heart get sent to police station?

Cardiac arrest.

Which format are the images you send?

Customer: "Rectangular 15x11 centimeters."

Why don't I have a boyfriend?

God: I sent you one, you dumped him for putting ketchup on his steak. Me: Ah. That's right. Gross.

What kind of cards do donkeys send out near Christmas?

A: Mule-tide greetings.

How do long distance runners send e-mail?

On the sprin-ternet.

Why did the terrorist cross the road?

To send people to the other side.

Why did Kim Jong Un Instagram his missile?

It was the only way he could send it.

What kind of car did J.J. Abrams send to pick up Harrison Ford for the new Star Wars premiere?

A Hyundai.

How does Dalai Lama send emails?

With no attachments.

What do you call a lamp you send in the mail?

Lamp post

What do these shoes do?

GLINDA: Send you home D: Lame tries new pair And these G: Wait- D: clicks heels turns into hamburger

Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon yet?

It doesn't need cleaning.

Why was the man sent to prison after staying up all night?

Because he was resisting a rest.

How does a farmer send messages?

By e-i-e-i-o-mail.

What's the best way to send a letter to Prince Charles?

Heir mail

What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ?

Black mail !

Why do church bells never send e-mails?

They'd rather give each other a ring.

You might also enjoy:

Space Jokes More Space Jokes

What does Star Trek's Dr Bones McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?

A: Space. The final frontier..........

Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?

Because he needed his space.

Buddhist Jokes More Buddhist Jokes

How many Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?

None, the changes necessary will come from within.

What do Buddhist monks have for breakfast?

Ommm' lettes!

Funeral Jokes More Funeral Jokes

How do you greet people at a funeral?

Mourning, everybody!

How do you spot a necrophiliac at a funeral?

Mourning wood.

Help Jokes More Help Jokes

How does the redneck help his wife with the dishes?

He gets her Dawn.

How many Canadians does it take to change a light bulb?

Just two. One to politely ask and the other to politely help.

Watts Jokes More Watts Jokes

What the the electrician say to his buddy?

Watts up !

What did the lightbulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.

Wash Jokes More Wash Jokes

Where do Floridians wash their clothes?

In Fort Launderdale.

Which rock band always wash their hands before a concert?

OCDC

Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

What's up dog?

Dad: Just chilling homie, what's up with you!

How do you know when your dog is a bad hot dog?

When it's pure bread.

Clean Jokes More Clean Jokes

Why do women always say they want a man with a stable job?

What's so glamorous about cleaning up after horses

Why does she keep cleaning the floors?

Me: Her stepsisters make her. 5: She should just buy a Roomba.