Speak Jokes

  • What do you call a person who speaks three languages?

    Trilingual! Two Languages Bilingual! Only one language Americans

  • What language do birds speak ?

    Pigeon English !

  • What do you call a group of Spanish-speaking moms who band together to protect their neighborhood?

    Super Barrio Mothers

  • What language do UPS men at Hogwarts speak?


  • What did the redneck say to the Frenchman?

    You don't speak English fourchette!

  • Why do politicians take laxatives?

    So they can speak more fluently

  • What type of luggage only speaks in short sentences ?

    A brief case.

  • How did it work ?

    We haven't spoken for five years".

  • What's the difference between organized crime and the government?

    Only one of them is organized. Couldn't help but post this. Went to see a former mafia boss today, and that joke was told leading up to him speaking.

  • What language do cats speak?


  • What do you call a fish with three eyes?

    fiiish. (works when spoken :-/)

  • Why do they call a horse a horse?

    Because they speak English.

  • How do you speak to a deaf Ted Cruz?

    Use zodiac signs

  • What do you call a woman with a very round head?

    Sophia. (sphere) it works best spoken

  • What tense do Italians speak in?

    Pasta continuous.

  • What do you call a group of confused Spanish speaking racists?

    The Qu Qu Qu?

  • What language do they speak in Holland?


  • What did one kangaroo say to the other kangaroo?

    I don't know I don't speak kangaroo.

  • What Hillary's word for a bribe?

    Pay her and she'll speak to you about it.

  • Why do golf commentators speak softly?

    To not wake the audience.

  • What language do they speak in Cuba ?

    Cubic !

  • How do cats speak to people?

    They commeownicate.

  • How do you know you're speaking with an engineer?

    Don't worry they'll tell you.

  • What do Brazilian cats speak?


  • What is the appropriate response when your cat tells you a joke?

    You've gotta be kitten me. You can SPEAK?!?

  • Why did the librarian hush the mime?

    Because actions speak louder than words.

  • Why are do many Italian-Americans named Tony?

    When they came to Ellis Island, not one of them could speak a lick of English, but they all had "To NY" on their hats.

  • What does King Kong and a black person have in common?

    neither of them can't speak english and are unemployed.

  • What language do farsighted people speak?


  • What is the best way to speak to a ghoul?

    A: From a long ways away.

  • Why do Mimes have no benefits?

    Because they never speak up.

  • What do you call someone who speaks 2 languages?

    Bilingual What do you call someone who speaks 3 languages? Trilingual. What do you call someone who speaks only 1 language? American.

  • What are we gonna do with all this extra cocaine?

    The previous sentence has never been spoken in the history of earth

  • How do you keep a group of women from talking?

    Ask the oldest one to speak first.

  • What language do teapots speak?


  • What language do the Vatican Police speak?

    Pig Latin!

  • What do you call someone who only speaks one language?


  • What did the priest announce before he went for a bath?

    Speak now or forever hold your pee!"

  • How do Iranians speak on the telephone?

    Persian-to-Persian (person-to-person).

  • Why are there exactly two hundred and thirty nine beans in an Irish Bean Soup?

    Because if there were one more, it'd be two forty. (Too farty) This works much better when spoken out loud. The joke how Irish people pronounce "forty."

  • Why Couldn't Anyone Understand The Mute Mathematician's?

    They didn't speak sine language.

  • What do you call a bird that speaks Spanish?

    A Si-gull

  • Why can nobody understand sausages when they talk???

    Because they speak in tongs. I'll show myself the door

  • Why do boys walk fast and girls speak more?

    Because boys have one extra leg and girls have one extra mouth.

  • How do you call a person that speaks only one language?

    An American

  • What do you call someone who speaks two languages?

    Q: What do you call someone who speaks two languages? A: Bilingual Q: What do you call someone who speaks three or more languages? A: Multilingual Q: What do you call someone who speaks one language? A: American

  • Why does light travel faster than sound?

    Because some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

  • What happens if you cross a parrot with a Gorilla?

    Nobody is sure but if it opened its mouth to speak you'd listen!

  • What did the horse say to Santa?

    Nothing, horses can not speak.

  • Why is she so loud?

    Wife: That's how she talks. Apparently she speaks fluent pterodactyl.

  • Why was the little boy speaking gibberish?

    Because he lost his marbles.

  • What language do pirates speak?

    Arrrrrrabic! A friend and I were extremely high and he thought of this.Good times.

  • What do you call an elevator with a group of slim, softly spoken, intelligent people inside?

    A Lift (only a joke, my American friends)

  • What language do lesbians speak?


  • What did the red dog say to the blue dog?

    Nothing, dogs can't speak.

  • What language do birds speak?


  • What does a deaf math nerd speak?

    Sine language.

  • What is the motto of the French navy?

    To the water, it is time! Or in french... ... BWA HA HA HA. OK... I know this is kind a dad joke but.... yeah (for those don't speak French and thus don't get this, click the link and click the speaker to have it read to you ;) )

  • Why didn't the dog speak to his foot ?

    Because it's not polite to talk back to your paw !

  • What language do Fed-Ex drivers speak?


  • When I'm with a handsome man I get all nervous & involuntarily start speaking French ME leans across Oh really?

    DATE: Yes

  • What paper product speaks really quickly?

    Wrapping paper.

  • What weebles and wobbles but can't get up?

    Grandpa having a seizure. Bonus: Statistically speaking, 1 in 5 adult men

  • What do you call a guy who pretends he can speak French?

    A francophony

  • What language does a boxer who punches jokes speak?


  • What has 16 legs and speaks german?


  • How do you speak such good English?

    I dunno 200 years of colonialism and eurocentric education, how do you know so little history "

  • What did one mandarin say to the other mandarin?

    I don't know, I don't speak Mandarin.

  • Why couldn't the apple speak to the orange ?

    because he didn't know Mandarin

  • Why is being a politician more difficult than being a ventriloquist?

    Ventriloquists have to be able to speak with their mouths closed. Politicians speak out of both sides of their mouths simultaneously.

  • What do you get when cross the Dukes of Hazzard car with K.I.T.T. ?

    General Lee speaking.

  • What did the cat... Say to the person?

    Nothing, because cats don't speak.

  • What did one orange say to the other orange?

    Do you speak Mandarin

  • Why couldn't the cat speak?

    A: The dog taped his mouth.

  • Why did the man quit his job at the helium gas factory?

    He didn't like being spoken to in that voice

  • What do you see as your biggest weakness?

    ME: INTERVIEWER: ME: MY MOTHER: He's not good at speaking up for himself

  • Who's there ! Clare ! Clare who ?

    Clare your throat before you speak !

  • What language do bees speak?

    The beesnese

  • What does a spanglish speaking chicken say when it's sorry?

    I apollogize.

  • What's the difference between a German and a Scot?

    The German knows when he's not speaking English.

  • Why couldn't the pony speak clearly?

    He was a little hoarse.

  • What did the woman say when she was diagnosed with cerebal palsy?

    Nothing, she was too disabled to speak

  • Why did the chemist join the Pentecostal church?

    He wanted to speak in tungsten.

  • What language do pigs speak?

    Depends on which country they're from.

  • What did the horse say to the other horse?

    Hay,I thought you knew horses couldn't speak!

  • What would Bill Nye be called if he spoke to ghosts?

    Bill Nye the Seance guy.

  • What has a mouth but never speaks, Has a bed but never sleeps, And has legs but never walks?

    amp;nbsp; A mute, crippled insomniac

  • Why cant we interpret what frogs are saying?

    They only speak in Morse-toad!

  • Why does Gru speak with an accent?

    Because he's Arminion.

  • What's the difference between an extroverted mathematician and an introverted mathematician?

    The extroverted mathematician looks at YOUR shoes when he's speaking to you.

  • What's the most 'Spoken' language on Earth?

    Hint: It's not English Spanish.

  • What do you call a Chinese speaking person who complains a lot?

    wo ai ni

  • What did the guy with 6 children say to the guy with six felonies?

    I don't know they were speaking Spanish.

  • What is a parrot's favorite game ?

    Hide and Speak !

  • Why can't you trust snakes ?

    They speak with forked tongues !

  • How many rappers does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Two!.......pac. (*It's a lot better spoken than written.*)

  • What has wings but can't fly, legs but can't walk, and a mouth but can't speak?

    A dead bird

  • How can you tell if a parrot is intelligent?

    It speaks in Polly-syllables!