Speak Jokes

To the water, it is time! Or in french... ... BWA HA HA HA. OK... I know this is kind a dad joke but.... yeah (for those don't speak French and thus don't get this, click the link and click the speaker to have it read to you ;) )

What do you call someone who speaks two languages?

Q: What do you call someone who speaks two languages? A: Bilingual Q: What do you call someone who speaks three or more languages? A: Multilingual Q: What do you call someone who speaks one language? A: American

What does a deaf math nerd speak?

Sine language.

What did one kangaroo say to the other kangaroo?

I don't know I don't speak kangaroo.

Why does Gru speak with an accent?

Because he's Arminion.

What language do pigs speak?

Depends on which country they're from.

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Why do golf commentators speak softly?

To not wake the audience.

Why can nobody understand sausages when they talk???

Because they speak in tongs. I'll show myself the door

What do you call someone who speaks 2 languages?

Bilingual What do you call someone who speaks 3 languages? Trilingual. What do you call someone who speaks only 1 language? American.

What do you call someone who only speaks one language?

American.

What language do farsighted people speak?

Farsi.

What language do teapots speak?

Teabrew.

What do you call a group of confused Spanish speaking racists?

The Qu Qu Qu?

What language do bees speak?

The beesnese

What is the appropriate response when your cat tells you a joke?

You've gotta be kitten me. You can SPEAK?!?

What do you call an elevator with a group of slim, softly spoken, intelligent people inside?

A Lift (only a joke, my American friends)

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What do you call a fish with three eyes?

fiiish. (works when spoken :-/)

How do you know you're speaking with an engineer?

Don't worry they'll tell you.

Why cant we interpret what frogs are saying?

They only speak in Morse-toad!

What did the redneck say to the Frenchman?

You don't speak English fourchette!

What language do pirates speak?

Arrrrrrabic! A friend and I were extremely high and he thought of this.Good times.

What do you call a woman with a very round head?

Sophia. (sphere) it works best spoken

What language do cats speak?

Catonese

Why couldn't the pony speak clearly?

He was a little hoarse.

What has 16 legs and speaks german?

Dppelspider

Why are there exactly two hundred and thirty nine beans in an Irish Bean Soup?

Because if there were one more, it'd be two forty. (Too farty) This works much better when spoken out loud. The joke how Irish people pronounce "forty."

What's the difference between organized crime and the government?

Only one of them is organized. Couldn't help but post this. Went to see a former mafia boss today, and that joke was told leading up to him speaking.

What do Brazilian cats speak?

Purr-tuguese

What did the guy with 6 children say to the guy with six felonies?

I don't know they were speaking Spanish.

What language do UPS men at Hogwarts speak?

Parcel-tongue

Why is being a politician more difficult than being a ventriloquist?

Ventriloquists have to be able to speak with their mouths closed. Politicians speak out of both sides of their mouths simultaneously.

Why did the man quit his job at the helium gas factory?

He didn't like being spoken to in that voice

What has wings but can't fly, legs but can't walk, and a mouth but can't speak?

A dead bird

What are we gonna do with all this extra cocaine?

The previous sentence has never been spoken in the history of earth

What is a parrot's favorite game ?

Hide and Speak !

What do you see as your biggest weakness?

ME: INTERVIEWER: ME: MY MOTHER: He's not good at speaking up for himself

How did it work ?

We haven't spoken for five years".

Why do boys walk fast and girls speak more?

Because boys have one extra leg and girls have one extra mouth.

What language does a boxer who punches jokes speak?

Punjabi-ng.

What happens if you cross a parrot with a Gorilla?

Nobody is sure but if it opened its mouth to speak you'd listen!

Why is she so loud?

Wife: That's how she talks. Apparently she speaks fluent pterodactyl.

What language do birds speak ?

Pigeon English !

What do you call a bird that speaks Spanish?

A Si-gull

How can you tell if a parrot is intelligent?

It speaks in Polly-syllables!

Why Couldn't Anyone Understand The Mute Mathematician's?

They didn't speak sine language.

Who's there ! Clare ! Clare who ?

Clare your throat before you speak !

How many rappers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two!.......pac. (*It's a lot better spoken than written.*)

How do you call a person that speaks only one language?

An American

What paper product speaks really quickly?

Wrapping paper.

What has a mouth but never speaks, Has a bed but never sleeps, And has legs but never walks?

amp;nbsp; A mute, crippled insomniac

How do you keep a group of women from talking?

Ask the oldest one to speak first.

What did one orange say to the other orange?

Do you speak Mandarin

Why couldn't the apple speak to the orange ?

because he didn't know Mandarin

Why do they call a horse a horse?

Because they speak English.

Why couldn't the cat speak?

A: The dog taped his mouth.

What do you call a guy who pretends he can speak French?

A francophony

When I'm with a handsome man I get all nervous & involuntarily start speaking French ME leans across Oh really?

DATE: Yes

Why do politicians take laxatives?

So they can speak more fluently

What is the best way to speak to a ghoul?

A: From a long ways away.

What language do Fed-Ex drivers speak?

Parcel-tongue

What weebles and wobbles but can't get up?

Grandpa having a seizure. Bonus: Statistically speaking, 1 in 5 adult men

What do you call a person who speaks three languages?

Trilingual! Two Languages Bilingual! Only one language Americans

What did the cat... Say to the person?

Nothing, because cats don't speak.

What do you get when cross the Dukes of Hazzard car with K.I.T.T. ?

General Lee speaking.

What language do the Vatican Police speak?

Pig Latin!

What's the difference between a German and a Scot?

The German knows when he's not speaking English.

What did the horse say to Santa?

Nothing, horses can not speak.

How do you speak such good English?

I dunno 200 years of colonialism and eurocentric education, how do you know so little history "

What language do lesbians speak?

Gaelic.

Why does light travel faster than sound?

Because some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Why didn't the dog speak to his foot ?

Because it's not polite to talk back to your paw !

How do Iranians speak on the telephone?

Persian-to-Persian (person-to-person).

Why did the librarian hush the mime?

Because actions speak louder than words.

What would Bill Nye be called if he spoke to ghosts?

Bill Nye the Seance guy.

What did the red dog say to the blue dog?

Nothing, dogs can't speak.

What did the priest announce before he went for a bath?

Speak now or forever hold your pee!"

Why can't you trust snakes ?

They speak with forked tongues !

What does King Kong and a black person have in common?

neither of them can't speak english and are unemployed.

What language do they speak in Holland?

Hollandaise.

What's the most 'Spoken' language on Earth?

Hint: It's not English Spanish.

What did the woman say when she was diagnosed with cerebal palsy?

Nothing, she was too disabled to speak

What did one mandarin say to the other mandarin?

I don't know, I don't speak Mandarin.

What language do they speak in Cuba ?

Cubic !

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