Start Jokes

Applicant: Well that depends, what's the complaint? Interviewer: He's complaining that his burger had onions on it, even though he specifically asked they were to be removed. Applicant: Well I'd start by telling him he's in the retail section.

When do you REALLY know you need to break up with you GF?

When she starts winning arguments with you inner-voice.

How do you get a fire started?

You burn some fagots Look up the definition before commenting/down voting...

What do Twitter users and regular humans have in common?

Both start off as eggs.

Why wasn't the bike starting?

Because it was 'two-tyred'.

What does a conspiracy theorist say when he breaks up with someone?

I think we should start seeing other sheeple."

What do you call a thousand lawyers, chained to the bottom of the ocean?

A start.

Star Wars: Dad Jokes: The Best Worst Jokes and Puns from a Galaxy Far, Far Away . . . .

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What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic, and a dyslexic?

Somebody who stays up all night torturing himself mentally over the question whether or not theres a dog.

Why does the Olympic torch always start in Olympia?

Because it's hard to put out a Greece fire.

How will a black chef start with his recipe?

First we steal two Eggs

How does a racist joke start?

A small loan of a million dollars.

Why couldn't the Italian man start his car?

gnocchi

What am I?

I start with a v and every woman has one. She can even use me to get what she wants. What am I? I'll post the answer in 10 minutes.

How do you know a neighborhood is too ghetto to film in?

If most people leave before shooting starts.

Why have all these complete strangers started to poke around outside my window?

A: They wanna peek-a-chu.

What is skeleton?

Interviewer:what is skeleton? Sardar:Sir, skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!

How do I start?

Personal Trainer: By putting down that Pizza slice!

No Pun Intended (The Last of Us Joke Books)

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How are STEM majors and inflatable slides the same?

You start off excited over your lofty heights and slowly slide down into something soft.

Why did the clown started his soccer career?

For kicks and giggles.

Why did the EU start downloading random stuff to it's computer?

It had freed up one GB of space.

What's a word that starts with "u" and ends with "w"?

Cloning.

What starts with "P" and ends with "ORN"?

It's "popcorn"! What were you thinking?!

Why do they call wood carving "whittling"?

Because you start with a bigger piece of wood, and you make it whittler.

How do you start to politely tell someone that their God isn't in the stars?

Well... If it's any constellation..."

Why are popcorn just like people?

Everything is fine as long as they are white, it is when they turn black it starts to be a problem.

When to leave your girlfriend?

When your wife's clothes start to fit her.

What word starts with N, ends with R, and you never wanna call a black guy?

Neighour

What is the name of your car?

Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'. Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.

What has 10 letters and starts with gas?

Automobile.

How do you start making big bucks?

With a little doe

How does procrastination start?

I'll tell you tomorrow.

How does the Mexican national anthem start?

Jose can you see.....

How many words does it take to start a car?

Forwards

What do bees say to psych themselves up at the start of their day?

Leeeeeetttttssss get rrrrrrrrrready to Buuuuuuummmmmmmmmmbbbbbbllllllleeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!"

What's the difference between an accident and a catastrophe?

It's an accident if a boat full of refugees starts to take in water. A catastrophe is if they know how to swim

What do your call a fish who starts a drug empire?

A scarfish

What do you call it when two bottles of lotion start dating?

A re-lotion-ship.

How does a Chinese man start a religious video?

Press pray.

Why do you have to pee so quickly after you start drinking beer?

Because it doesn't have to stop off to change color!

What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?

An envelope!

What do Polar Bears and Black Men have in common?

They're real cute when they are young but at a certain age they start getting scary.

What's the word that starts with 'n', ends with 'r', and you wouldn't ever want to call a black guy?

Neighbor

This joke may have profanity.

What did the three-legged horse do when it started to rain?

It ran to the unstable.

How do you know when a vampire is sick?

He starts coffin...

How does every racist joke start?

looks over both shoulders....

What does a blonde and a tornado have in common?

They both start blowing but in the end they take everything from you.

Why did the dolphin run away from home to start a new life?

He felt he had lost his sense of porpoise.

What's the difference between a sperm bank and an regular bank?

When you start to make deposits at the sperm bank, you loose interest

How do you start a conversation about men's rights?

Mention feminism.

How do you start a baby shower?

Throw it into a wood chipper.

Why can't Arabs manage the scoreboards at ball games?

Because people get nervous when Mohammad starts counting down from 10.

What do you call the website Chewbacca started that gives out Empire secrets?

Wookieeleaks

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

When she starts her sentence with, "A man once told me..."

Why did the bear start playing music when the priest tried to absolve him of his sins?

Because the priest said "Bear, atone" and the bear thought he said "baritone" as in "play the baritone sax now". The bear immediately started wailing away on the sax, rocking back and forth so hard he knocked over all the prayer candles and almost snapped his own spine. All the priest could do was ask the lord for the strength needed to get this bear into heaven.

How many black people does it take to start a riot?

What is the difference between my ex-girlfriend and a beer?

One is pale, bitter and starts off with lots of head and the other one is a beer.

What's a Chinese woman called with one leg shorter than the other?

Irene. (Normally start this as a two part joke with, "What do you call a woman with... Ilene." Ha... But figured everyone had already heard that).

How do you start a Mexican bedtime story?

Juans upon a time.

Why did so many black people die in Vietnam?

Because when they shouted "GET DOWN!" they all started dancing.

What do you call a starting indie dev?

No Game No Life

Why is it called Justice League of America?

Do they follow territorial boundaries? If the Kaos Kommandos start a brawl in El Paso and it rolls over into Juarez, do they say "screw it, let Justice League of Mexico handle it"? (Sorry if this isn't technically a joke; it was my shower thought this morning and I thought it was funny.)

How do you start a rave in Ethopia???

You staple food on the ceilings.

What happens when a neckbeard takes drugs?

They start tipping balls.

What did the Russian people light their houses with before they started using candles?

Electricity.

What starts with an 'M', ends with 'arriage', and recently made me the happiest man alive?

Miscarriage

Why does Star Wars Movies numbering scheme starts with 4,5,6?

Because in charge of the numbers, Yoda was

What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter?

an Envelope EDIT: My deepest Canadian apologies to those who are calling this a riddle. I always took it as a cheesy joke

How do you make a small fortune in aviation?

Start out with a large fortune.

How many people does it take to start a riot?

3/5

What, me? Lazy?

Don't get me started.

Why did so many blacks die in Vietnam?

Every time someone said "Get down!" they jumped up and started dancing.

How do you start a rave party in Africa without a soundsystem?

Glue a sandwich on the ceiling.

What's with all of these racist jokes on reddit?

They're starting to get quite dark

Why did Billy Joel get acquitted?

Because he didn't start the fire.

Why wouldn't Pope Pius bless any helicopters when they were first manufactured?

Because whenever one started up, the big blades would go "wop...wop... wop" and the little blades would go "guineaguineaguinea".

What happened when Billy Mays's ghost floated into the rave?

Everyone started partying like it was $19.99.

What's the difference beetwen public official and private employee?

Private employee starts work checking email. Public official starts works making a coffee.

What's the similarities between Michael Jackson and the colour changing dress?

They both started out black and blue then became white and golden

Why do bakers start working so early in the morning?

Because they knead dough.

How do you start a raid in Ethiopia?

Staple food to the ceiling!

What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"? What starts with "P" and ends with "ORN"?

What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"? "FIRETRUCK"!!! What were you thinking? What starts with "P" and ends with "ORN"? ..."POPCORN"!! What were you thinking?!?!?!

How does every black joke start?

By looking over your shoulder!

How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?

When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me" .

Why did the hacker start selling his services?

So he could make his 4Chan.

Why did the architect take so long to get started on his church blueprints?

He couldn't decide what font to use.

How do you start a powerful woman's movement?

Laxatives.

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What's brown and furry on the outside, soft moist and tastes good on the inside, begins with "C" and ends with "T", and has a "U" and an "N" in it?

A coconut.