Start Jokes

  • How do you find where a flea has bitten you ?

    Start from scratch !

  • What on Earth happened?

    The doctor said, surprised. "I don't know, it started with a boil on my arse." the frog said.

  • How many countries' flags make an appearance at every auto race in the world?

    Two. Libya's to start the race, and France's to signal there's one lap to go.

  • What is the hardest thing to do after starting a family?

    Ending them.

  • How many times should you try starting your snowblower before you realize it's not going to start?

    According to my neighbor it's 458 times.

  • What does a conspiracy theorist say when he breaks up with someone?

    I think we should start seeing other sheeple."

  • Why did the dolphin run away from home to start a new life?

    He felt he had lost his sense of porpoise.

  • What's furry on the outside.. Wet on the inside.. Starts with a C... Ends with a T... And has U & N in-between?

    A coconut!

  • How can you make a small fortune?

    start with a big one

  • What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic, and a dyslexic?

    Somebody who stays up all night torturing himself mentally over the question whether or not theres a dog.

  • How do they count the Mexican immigrants?

    They start with Juan

  • Why don't astronauts keep their jobs very long?

    Because as soon as they start they get fired.

  • What's the difference between a black man and a bike?

    The bike doesn't start singing when you put a chain on it.

  • How do you turn lead into gold?

    Start a war.

  • How can Euchre and Marriage be similar?

    Sometimes you start out all hearts and diamonds, but end up wishing you had a club and a spade.

  • Why isn't there democracy in North Korea?

    Because everytime they try to pronounce "election" everyone starts to giggle

  • How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb?

    Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.

  • How are STEM majors and inflatable slides the same?

    You start off excited over your lofty heights and slowly slide down into something soft.

  • What starts and ends with a 'v' and is only one letter?


  • What do hospitals and refrigerators have in common?

    If you pull the plug, the vegetables start to decompose.

  • How do you start a rave in Ethiopia?

    Strap a steak to the ceiling

  • What happened when Smokey the Bear started the forest fire?

    A: He got arrested just like you would've.

  • What do you call a Mathematician who is an outlaw and a liar?

    an outlier downvote brigade can start now

  • How do you make a small fortune out of horses?

    Start off with a large fortune!

  • Why is the new Brexit diet so popular?

    All you gotta be is a little more than halfway into it and the pounds will start falling.

  • How do you start a powerful woman's movement?


  • How can I help you today, Mr Simpson?

    BART: I don't know where my hair starts

  • Why did the little black kid start crying when he had diarrhea?

    He thought he was melting.

  • Why does Star Wars Movies numbering scheme starts with 4,5,6?

    Because in charge of the numbers, Yoda was

  • Why did the the acrophobe pothead start screaming?

    She's afraid of heights.

  • What starts with F and ends in UCK?

    Fire truck.

  • What's with all of these racist jokes on reddit?

    They're starting to get quite dark

  • Why did the hacker start selling his services?

    So he could make his 4Chan.

  • How do you know when your girlfriend is putting on too much weight?

    She starts fitting into your wife's clothes.

  • What word starts with N, ends with R, and you never wanna call a black guy?


  • What is the easiest way to get a small fortune?

    You start with a large one.

  • What's the difference between a sperm bank and an regular bank?

    When you start to make deposits at the sperm bank, you loose interest

  • Why does my shampoo smell like gasoline?

    And when did my wife start smoking

  • What do you call a computer that says hello to you when you start it up?

    A Dell.

  • What happened when Billy Mays's ghost floated into the rave?

    Everyone started partying like it was $19.99.

  • What do you call a reptile who anyways starts fights?

    An Insti-Gator

  • How do black people die from a drive by?

    Everytime someone screams "get down! " they stand up and start dancing!

  • How the fight started Wife : Going for a walk, do you want anything?

    Me : How about a newspaper. Wife : OK, which one Me : Today's.

  • How does a Chinese man start a religious video?

    Press pray.

  • How do fireflies start a race ?

    Ready steady glow !

  • What is the digestive system?

    The digestive system is a system which starts with one hole and ends with one hole

  • What's the word that starts with an "N" that no one wants to call a black person?


  • How is digging fence post holes like being the mayor of Toronto?

    It goes pretty smoothly until you start hitting the rock.

  • What do you call an alligator that always starts fights?

    An instigator!

  • How do you start a hedgehog race?

    Say "GAH".

  • What do you call a cow that starts it's own nudie magazine?

    Hugh Heifer

  • How Can You Tell It's Fall In Florida?

    When the color of the license plates start to change.

  • What should you do when your epileptic child starts seizing in the bathtub?

    Throw in your laundry!

  • How do most bakers get their start in the industry?

    They knead dough

  • How does a musician make a million dollars?

    They start with 2 million.

  • How do you get rid of an itch?

    Start from scratch.

  • What's the worst thing you can call a black person?

    Hint: starts with an N and ends with an R Neighbor

  • What's a word that starts with "u" and ends with "w"?


  • When does a cup stop being a cup and start being a mug?

    When it gets a handle on life.

  • What word starts with "n" and you never want to call a black person?


  • How many tickles... How many tickles before a squid starts to laugh?

    Ten tickles

  • How do I stay humble?

    Well, it's not easy, but I start by being generally bad at almost all things.

  • What are you looking for buddy?

    Normal day at the office, when one guy notices his coworker distraught. He goes over to his cubicle and sees him looking for something on the floor. They spend half an hour looking for it, when the guy starts picking his nose:

  • How do you start to politely tell someone that their God isn't in the stars?

    Well... If it's any constellation..."

  • What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?

    An envelope!

  • How do you make a small fortune in aviation?

    Start out with a large fortune.

  • How do you start a rave in Africa?

    Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling

  • How Do You Start a Flood?

    An engineer and an attorney were fishing in the Caribbean. The attorney said, Im here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything. "Thats quite a coincidence," said the engineer. Im here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood and my insurance company also paid for everything. The puzzled attorney asked, How do you start a flood?

  • What has 6 letters, starts with 'P', and ends a sentence?


  • How do you start an Ethiopian rave?

    You tape bread to the ceiling.

  • What do you call someone who went into a birth clinic and started shooting at everyone there?

    Spawn camper.

  • When you start getting older, you think, "why not just once?

    Soon enough, you're addicted. And broke.

  • What do Amish people catch when they start using technology?


  • What did two twins name a towing company started in lower Manhattan?

    The Twin Towers.

  • What has everyone been doing at Apple since the problems with the iPhone 6 started?

    Looking for Jobs.

  • How does a ghost start a letter?

    Tomb it may concern.

  • How does the Mexican national anthem start?

    Jose can you see.....

  • How can you tell if your wife left you?

    You get laid the same amount of times but the dishes start to pile up. Hey now!

  • Why did people stop printing stamps with photo of Pamela Anderson?

    Banta: Because people started licking the wrong side of it for pasting them on the envelopes..

  • What's her name?

    Me: I'm not telling you. Him: What does it start with at least Me:

  • How many..." How many blacks do you need to start a riot?

    Minus one.

  • What do you call ten sets of bagpipes at the bottom of the sea?

    A start.

  • How do you start a rave in Ethopia???

    You staple food on the ceilings.

  • Why didn't Jesus start a charity?

    Cuz they're not for prophets.

  • Why did all the black people die in the war?

    Because when they captain said, "GET DOWN!" They all started dancing..

  • Why did the paralympic athlete loose the race?

    He didn't start off with the right foot. EDIT: Ortography

  • What word starts with N and ends with R and you never want to call a black person?


  • Why did the architect take so long to get started on his church blueprints?

    He couldn't decide what font to use.

  • What's the worst thing about being a professional alligator wrestler?

    You have to start off by being an amateur alligator wrestler.

  • How do fish go into business ?

    The start on a small scale !

  • Why did two ferrets decide to meet?

    They were trying to start a business.

  • How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?

    When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me" .

  • Whats the worst thing you can call a black man that starts with N and ends with R?


  • How do you start a joke about Vladimir Putin?

    By looking over your shoulder.

  • What do you call an alligator that starts something?

    An insti-GATOR!

  • What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter?

    an Envelope EDIT: My deepest Canadian apologies to those who are calling this a riddle. I always took it as a cheesy joke

  • What do Muslim gamers say at the start of Ramadan?

    Gotta go fast!"

  • What seems to be th- Me: -Medicinal marijuana! Doc: I'm sorry?

    Me: Let's start with the answer, then work on the problem, ok

  • How do you feel when your phone suddenly starts blaring your least favorite tune?


  • What did the U.S president say before starting WW3?

    Nukes... You're fired!

  • When I'm with a handsome man I get all nervous & involuntarily start speaking French ME leans across Oh really?

    DATE: Yes

  • How do you build a flea circus?

    You have to start from scratch.

  • What did they start calling Kim Jong Un after he shed 60 kgs in weight?

    Kim Jong Un what you thought it was Slim Jong Un? Sorry but you are not allowed to make puns on your supreme leader's name in North Korea

  • How do you prepare a Gorilla sundae?

    Your start getting it ready Fridae and Saturdae!

  • What do your call a fish who starts a drug empire?

    A scarfish

  • What do you call an alligator trying to start trouble?

    An instagator!

  • How do you start a rave in Uganda ?

    Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling

  • Why did sumo wrestlers start shaving their legs?

    To stop getting confused as feminists

  • Why did so many black people die in Vietnam?

    Because when they shouted "GET DOWN!" they all started dancing.

  • What happened to all the Paul Walker jokes?

    It seems like they started going pretty fast, then just...stopped.

  • Why were the two managers sitting around sketching crockery before the start of the game ?

    It was a cup draw !

  • Why do I always seem to start my day backwards?

    I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake

  • How do you know a neighborhood is too ghetto to film in?

    If most people leave before shooting starts.

  • When do spare parts from Japanese cars start falling out of the sky?

    When it's raining Datsun cogs.

  • Why did the gamer start working out?

    He wanted to finally get respecced.

  • Why did the investment bankers start dating?

    Compound interest

  • How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb?

    Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.

  • Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

    is just not as challenging since she started using foursquare.

  • Why did the dog's friends send her home from the bar when she started to act strange?

    They thought she might have been slipped a woofie.

  • What's a word that starts with "N" that you don't want to call a black person?


  • How do all racist jokes start?

    Looks over left shoulder* *Looks over right shoulder*

  • What happened when pigs started flying?

    Everyone got swine flu

  • What's the thing in common between your girlfriend starting the pill and the muisic group Europe?

    It's the final condom... Ta da da da...

  • What do you call a starting indie dev?

    No Game No Life

  • What are your strengths?

    I'm an optimist and a positive thinker." "Give me an example" "When do I start "

  • Why can't Arabs manage the scoreboards at ball games?

    Because people get nervous when Mohammad starts counting down from 10.

  • What does it mean when a lion roars?

    Shut up. The movie is about to start.

  • What happens when Lucy starts using 100% of her brain?

    She's almost as smart as a man.

  • What starts with the letter "M" and picks up metal?


  • What is the difference between a tire and a black man?

    The tire doesn't start singing when you chain it.

  • Who wants to hear an awesome knock knock joke?

    Okay, you start.

  • Why did the bear start playing music when the priest tried to absolve him of his sins?

    Because the priest said "Bear, atone" and the bear thought he said "baritone" as in "play the baritone sax now". The bear immediately started wailing away on the sax, rocking back and forth so hard he knocked over all the prayer candles and almost snapped his own spine. All the priest could do was ask the lord for the strength needed to get this bear into heaven.

  • Why did Europe start the first World War?

    They did't like being sans-Ferdinand.

  • What is Sean Connery's favorite sport, and around what age did he start playing?


  • What are your best Sports Team jokes?

    With the NHL season getting started tonight. I am wondering what are you best jokes making fun off sports teams. All Sports (Baseball,hockey,football, soccer etc).

  • How did you meet daddy?

    Me: Well, it all started with a friendly game of spin the bottle at the family reunion...

  • Why did all most of the black soldiers die in Vietnam?

    When the commander yelled "GET DOWN", they all started dancing.

  • What is the name of the event in which Hillary supporters move out of the US?

    A start.

  • What is skeleton?

    Interviewer:what is skeleton? Sardar:Sir, skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!

  • When do you REALLY know you need to break up with you GF?

    When she starts winning arguments with you inner-voice.

  • What is dark, invades you in your sleep, and starts with N-I-G?

    Nightmares you racist.

  • Who started the campfire website?

    Some bright spark.

  • What do bees say to psych themselves up at the start of their day?

    Leeeeeetttttssss get rrrrrrrrrready to Buuuuuuummmmmmmmmmbbbbbbllllllleeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!"

  • How long has this been bothering you?

    Women: It started after work 2 days ago at 7pm. Men: I think it started in the 90's.

  • What starts with "p," ends with "s," and is really long?


  • How does one know a man is going to say something smart?

    His senentences start with "A woman once told me.."

  • How many black people do you need to start a riot?

    Negative 1.

  • When's the best time of day to start a diet?

    4:00 For:Klock

  • Why was Cinderella kicked out of Walt Disney World?

    Because she sat on Pinocchio's face and told him to start telling lies.

  • What type of pants do you need to start a car?

    Cargo pants

  • How does every racist joke start?

    looks over both shoulders....

  • What state did the programmer start her road trip in?


  • How many blacks does it take to start a riot?


  • How do you know when a woman is about to say some thing intelligent?

    She starts her sentance with "A man once told me"

  • What does the beginning of the German alphabet start with?

    Not Z.

  • Why did the man hit the fortune teller when she started laughing?

    A: He was striking a happy medium.

  • How does a racist joke start?

    A small loan of a million dollars.

  • How does a black woman know that she's pregnant?

    The baby starts picking cotton off her tampons. (aaannnd i'll see myself out)

  • How does a rice burner start a street race?

    With a pilaf.

  • How does a women make you a millionaire?

    You start as a billionaire

  • What word starts with F and ends in uck?

    Firetruck. The answer is Firetruck.

  • How would you handle a complaint from a customer?

    Applicant: Well that depends, what's the complaint? Interviewer: He's complaining that his burger had onions on it, even though he specifically asked they were to be removed. Applicant: Well I'd start by telling him he's in the retail section.

  • What colour pants do you need to start a vehicle?


  • Why did Billy Joel get acquitted?

    Because he didn't start the fire.

  • Why women mature faster than men?

    Because men start growing breasts only after 40 years old.

  • How do you start a black parade?

    Roll a 40 down the street.

  • What spends a good 3 hours a day in my hand?

    hint* it starts with P and ends with S. Pens! :D ... wait what were YOU THINKING ! ! !

  • Why did Muhammad hire Moses to help with his start-up?

    He wanted to double his prophets.

  • How's my life?

    Let's just say I'm starting a lot of sentences with "let's just say".

  • What starts with r and ends with d?


  • How does every black guy joke start?

    By looking over your shoulder!

  • How do I know you're not a cop -If I was a cop would I do this?

    Starts breakdancing* Thats not as much proof as you think it is

  • How did God make Himself?

    I have to remember to start getting high before bedtime.

  • What's the deal with Jerry Seinfeld?

    Did you ever notice he seems to start off all of his jokes in one of two ways

  • How do you start a teddy bear race ?

    Ready teddy go !

  • Why are black men afraid of chainsaw's?

    When you start them, they made the sound "runnnniganiganiganiga" Sorry for the racism, but had to share this.

  • How does Times Square start the new year?

    By having Mariah Carey drop the ball! "The audience can sing this one."

  • What's wet on the inside, hairy on the outside, starts with C and ends in T?


  • Whats a mans favorite word that starts with 'm' and ends in 'arriage'?

    A miscarriage! This joke never gets old, just like the baby!

  • How do you know a guitarist is sad?

    They start to fret.

  • What did the bartender say to the jumper cables?

    You better not try to start anything.

  • How did the dollar bill feel when his change started disappearing?


  • How did Feminism start?

    With an unlocked kitchen door

  • What is dark and hairy on the outside, soft and moist on the inside, starts with a C, ends with a T, and has a U and an N in it?

    A coconut

  • How do you start an insect race ?

    One two flea - go

  • What starts with "W" and ends with "ife"?

    Nevermind, this riddle is too easy.

  • Why did the hipster burn his tongue on his cup of free-trade coffee?

    Because he started drinking it before it was cool.

  • What did Mario say to Yoshi when he started climbing the Cherry tree?

    X-post r/landscaping) Yoshino!!!

  • Why are popcorn just like people?

    Everything is fine as long as they are white, it is when they turn black it starts to be a problem.

  • How did the flea learn to use the internet?

    He had to start from scratch.

  • What starts with an 'M', ends with 'arriage', and recently made me the happiest man alive?


  • What is the worst joke you have ever Heard?

    I'll start it off: Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

  • What, me? Lazy?

    Don't get me started.

  • Where do you want to go?

    So I click on the 'Home' icon and it starts all over again.

  • What do you do when your wife starts smoking?

    Slow down and apply lube

  • How many people does it take to start a riot?


  • What starts with 'D' and has two letters in it?


  • Why does Drake hate summer?

    Because you start wearing less and going out more

  • How does every black joke start?

    By looking over your shoulder!

  • What four letter word starts with F ends in K and if you can't get it you have to use your hands or fingers...?

    A fork

  • How many countries does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Five. Germany to start it, France to try and then give up almost immediately, Italy to start, give up, and try again from the other side, America to finish it and claim credit for the whole thing, and Switzerland to sit in the dark and pretend that nothing happened.

  • How do you scare a man?

    Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.

  • What does a tornado and a woman have in common?

    It starts with a little blowing but at the end your house is gone

  • What sort of a car has your dad got?

    I can't remember the name. I think it starts with T. Really - Ours only starts with gas.

  • What would you do if i won the lottery?

    Wife: I'd take half and leave. Husband: Well here's $6 and you can start packing anytime now.

  • What's the proper procedure when witnessing someone having a seizure in a bathtub?

    Sprint to your room, grab all the dirty clothes you can, and start saving money on laundry.

  • Why have all these complete strangers started to poke around outside my window?

    A: They wanna peek-a-chu.

  • Why are you picking up rocks?

    M: I'm starting a rock band. Neighbor walks away. That is how you get people to leave you alone.

  • Why does everyone start to fight the day after Christmas?

    Because it's Boxing Day!

  • What starts with a 'C', contains the letters U, N, and T, is hairy on the outside, and soft on the inside?

    A coconut!

  • What did soviet russians use for lighting before they started using candles?


  • Why are black people so good at running?

    Because when they here the gun go off they start runnin.

  • How do girls know when they are adults?

    When they start to like spankings

  • How do you know that Hindu woman is into you?

    Her diode starts flashing green.

  • How do you start a rave in Uganda?

    Tape a slice of bread to the ceiling

  • Why did the farmer start a punk rock band?

    He was tired of Haulin' Oats

  • How did your blind date go?

    Bit of a disaster really, our guide Dogs started Fighting

  • How the rap feud started Me: can u invite all the rappers to my b'day party?

    2pac: sure, no biggie Biggieeavesdropping: wipes tears

  • How do you know if a pepper is starting a fight with you?

    It gets jalapeno face.

  • Why do they call wood carving "whittling"?

    Because you start with a bigger piece of wood, and you make it whittler.

  • What starts out happy but ends in tears?


  • When to leave your girlfriend?

    When your wife's clothes start to fit her.

  • What do u do when your sitting in the dark and your TV starts to float?

    You turn on the lights and shoot the black guy stealing it.

  • What time does Wimbledon start?


  • What do you call it when two bottles of lotion start dating?

    A re-lotion-ship.

  • How do you know when a guy is really in love with his girlfriend?

    When he starts using condoms with other girls.

  • What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

    Slow down, and possibly use a lubricant

  • Why do we have a Thanksgiving holiday?

    Student: "So we know when to start Christmas shopping!"

  • When is a --- not a ---?

    joke I'll start you off: When is a door not a door >

  • What's the difference between Russian football fans and an old drunkard in a bar at closing time?

    Kicking the old drunkard out won't start world war III.

  • What did the tree do when the bank closed?

    It started its own branch

  • How many words does it take to start a car?


  • How does procrastination start?

    I'll tell you tomorrow.

  • Why wouldn't Pope Pius bless any helicopters when they were first manufactured?

    Because whenever one started up, the big blades would go "wop...wop... wop" and the little blades would go "guineaguineaguinea".

  • What is the name of your car?

    Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'. Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.

  • What's the best way to start an underwear presentation?

    Start with a brief introduction.

  • What is the most tried and true method to getting a small fortune?

    Start out with a large fortune.

  • Why do you have to pee so quickly after you start drinking beer?

    Because it doesn't have to stop off to change color!

  • Why did they start using liquid soaps in prisons?

    if you thought because you can't drop it, guess again) Because it takes longer to pick up.

  • When did the Gorillas start to picket the cookie factory?

    The day they started to manufacture animal crackers!

  • When did this start?

    and the gentleman replies, "When did what start "

  • What do you call a thousand lawyers, chained to the bottom of the ocean?

    A start.

  • What do you call the website Chewbacca started that gives out Empire secrets?


  • What's the worst single thing you could do to someone?

    Start dating them

  • Why does AMD call having 2 or more cards Crossfire?

    Because no matter what card you cross, and how many, you're bound to start a fire.

  • Why would a Catholic priest start practicing at a prison?

    He ran out of little boys

  • How do you start a rave party in Africa without a soundsystem?

    Glue a sandwich on the ceiling.

  • What is simultaneously the best and sh*ttiest way to start your day?


  • What do you call it when all the Chinese places in town start to close?

    Wonton endangerment.

  • How do I start?

    Personal Trainer: By putting down that Pizza slice!

  • What starts with "M" ends with "arriage" and recently made me the happiest man on earth?


  • What starts with N, has two Gs in the middle, and has no business wearing a pointy white hood?

    Your noggin

  • What has 10 letters and starts with gas?


  • How many heroin addicts does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Four. One to hold the lightbulb and three to smoke until the room starts spinning!

  • What's wrong with it?

    Doesn't start

  • What do you call the reptile that started the fight?

    The insti-gator.

  • What's the difference between a bicycle and a black man?

    A bike doesn't start singing when you put chains on it.

  • How can you tell a vampire has a cold?

    They start coffin.

  • What did the bartender say to the jumper cables when they walked into the bar?

    A: Ok you 2 dont start anything

  • What do Twitter users and regular humans have in common?

    Both start off as eggs.

  • How does every ethnic joke start?

    By looking over your shoulder.

  • When are YOU going to start having kids?

    Me: When are you going to stop

  • Why did the EU start downloading random stuff to it's computer?

    It had freed up one GB of space.

  • Why did so many blacks die in Vietnam?

    Every time someone said "Get down!" they jumped up and started dancing.

  • What has ten letters and starts with gas?


  • Why did the clown started his soccer career?

    For kicks and giggles.

  • How do you start making big bucks?

    With a little doe

  • What happens when Bosnian terrorists start attacking municipal government buildings?

    It Herzegovina

  • How much liquor does it take before you start telling racist jokes?

    For me, it's about three fifths.

  • What did the Russian people light their houses with before they started using candles?


  • How do you get a fire started?

    You burn some fagots Look up the definition before commenting/down voting...

  • What time is it when planes start dropping engines?

    Shedding season

  • How do you get two whales in a car?

    Start in England and drive West.

  • Why are there school shootings?

    Mr.Garrison: "Let's start the day with a world news question. Why are there school shootings?" The media: "Violent video games?" Mr.Garrison: "Okay, now lets try to get an answer from someone who's not a complete retard.

  • Why is it called Justice League of America?

    Do they follow territorial boundaries? If the Kaos Kommandos start a brawl in El Paso and it rolls over into Juarez, do they say "screw it, let Justice League of Mexico handle it"? (Sorry if this isn't technically a joke; it was my shower thought this morning and I thought it was funny.)

  • Why did the sailboat start exercising?

    It wanted to get into ship-shape. HA!

  • What ten letter word starts with g-a-s?


  • What did the three-legged horse do when it started to rain?

    It ran to the unstable.

  • What starts with P and ends with orn?


  • What's on TV?

    I said, 'Dust.' And that's how the fight started....

  • How many dwarves does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Two one to hold the bulb and the other to serve him beer until the room starts spinning.

  • When is the only time a woman says something smart?

    When her sentence starts with "A wise man once said"

  • How many black people does it take to start a riot?


  • What's the similarities between Michael Jackson and the colour changing dress?

    They both started out black and blue then became white and golden

  • What's the difference between Bad Jokes and Dad Jokes?

    One starts with B and the otber starts with D

  • Why do people in wheelchairs wear shoes?

    Do they think they're gonna magically start walking

  • What word starts with F and ends with UCK?


  • When does karaoke start?

    Him: Never. Me: But I put my "I Karaoke" t-shirt on. Him: We noticed. Me: This is the worst funeral ever.

  • How did the violinist learn to play violin?

    He just started fiddling with it.

  • Which candidate will most improve our country?

    2016 election: Which candidate is least likely to start The Purge

  • What happens when you throw a black rock into the Red Sea?

    I originally thought that the black rock gets wet, but it was brought to my attention that the Red Sea is in the middle east, so it prob'ly starts a holy war!

  • Why are Boy Scouts safest when travelling with a senior?

    They'll always have dry wood on hand to start a fire

  • Why did the bee started talking poetry ?

    He was waxing lyrical !

  • How many shags have you had?

    He started counting then fell asleep.

  • What's the difference between a bIack guy and a bike?

    A bike doesn't start singing when you put chains on it.

  • Where do you go when you start up a videogame about Noodles?

    To the lo mein menu

  • Why did the young ghost leave the party?

    Everyone started drinking boo's. Happy Halloween!

  • What did the Goat living in Manama say when it starting raining?


  • What does Hodor start off his day with?

    Raisin' Bran.

  • How do you start a stampede in Ethiopia?

    Carve a turkey

  • What if my knees start to hurt?

    Me to instructor: See what I'm up against

  • Why did the zombie start ripping up sheet music?

    Because he was de-composing.

  • How Do You Get Stoned in Ancient Rome?

    Start shouting Jehovah.

  • How will a black chef start with his recipe?

    First we steal two Eggs

  • What starts with an A and has a boom at the end?

    Allahu akbar

  • How do you start a baby shower?

    Throw it into a wood chipper.

  • What starts with "E" and has only one letter in it?


  • How do you start a raid in Ethiopia?

    Staple food to the ceiling!

  • How long have you been in pain?

    Women: It started at 7:45am on Monday while I was at work Men: Sometime between yesterday and 1997

  • How many irish men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Two, One to hold the light and, one to drink until the room starts spinning!

  • How do you start a rave party in Ethiopia?

    Glue bread to the ceiling.

  • What did people start calling the medical school that allowed animals to study medicine?

    The hippocampus.

  • Why did the pig go in the kitchen?

    To start some bacon

  • What is the difference between my ex-girlfriend and a beer?

    One is pale, bitter and starts off with lots of head and the other one is a beer.

  • When is the NFL going to start drafting players with mental handicaps?

    Have you ever seen a video of them getting the ball and not scoring a touchdown

  • Why do bakers start working so early in the morning?

    Because they knead dough.

  • What am I?

    I start with a v and every woman has one. She can even use me to get what she wants. What am I? I'll post the answer in 10 minutes.

  • What word starts with M and ends in arraige and is a man's favourite thing?

    Miscarriage. This joke never gets old, just like the baby.

  • Why does the Olympic torch always start in Olympia?

    Because it's hard to put out a Greece fire.

  • Why did the toilet want to start a rebellion?

    Because he was a slave to the cistern!

  • How do you know when a vampire is sick?

    He starts coffin...

  • How do you start a conversation about men's rights?

    Mention feminism.

  • What's the difference between an accident and a catastrophe?

    It's an accident if a boat full of refugees starts to take in water. A catastrophe is if they know how to swim

  • What do Polar Bears and Black Men have in common?

    They're real cute when they are young but at a certain age they start getting scary.

  • What does a racist joke and a crime have in common?

    They both start with you looking over your shoulder.

  • Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?

    Man: The thief was spending less than my wife. Police: Then why are you reporting it now Man: I think now the thief's wife has started using it!

  • What does a blonde and a tornado have in common?

    They both start blowing but in the end they take everything from you.

  • Why did the skeletons start dancing?

    Because they forgot the g in graveyard.

  • I started a new business making yachts in my attic this year...

    The sails are going through the roof.

  • What's the difference beetwen public official and private employee?

    Private employee starts work checking email. Public official starts works making a coffee.

  • Why couldn't the Italian man start his car?


  • How many Irish does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Two. One to hold it in the socket and the other to drink until the room starts spinning!

  • What do a baby and an Etch A Sketch have in common?

    If you don't like it, you just shake it and start over.

  • Where do I start cleaning!?

    5mins later* Me: I need a new room.

  • What starts with E, ends with E, and only has one letter in it?

    An envelope!

  • Why couldn't the taxidermist finish anything he started?

    Because he kept getting side tracked by pet projects

  • What's a Chinese woman called with one leg shorter than the other?

    Irene. (Normally start this as a two part joke with, "What do you call a woman with... Ilene." Ha... But figured everyone had already heard that).

  • How do you start an earthquake in East Africa?

    Shake Djibouti.

  • Why did Sweden start painting barcodes on the sides of their battleships?

    So they could Scandinavian.

  • What word starts with N and ends with R and you never want to call a black guy?


  • How do you start a conversation with a bunch of idiots?


  • How are husbands like lawn mowers?

    They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

  • How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

    When she starts her sentence with, "A man once told me..."

  • Why did the accountant go crazy?

    He started to hear invoices in his head.

  • What does a white man never want to call a black man that starts with "N" and ends with "R"?

    Neighbor" thanks bugz

  • What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"? What starts with "P" and ends with "ORN"?

    What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"? "FIRETRUCK"!!! What were you thinking? What starts with "P" and ends with "ORN"? ..."POPCORN"!! What were you thinking?!?!?!

  • Whats the biggest difference between men and women?

    The phrase I went through a whole box of tissues watching that film. is a good place to start.

  • What do pimples and catholic priests have in common?

    They both start coming on boys' faces around age 13.

  • How do you start a Mexican bedtime story?

    Juans upon a time.

  • How many Survivors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    A: One to start screwing it in and the rest to vote 'em off the ladder.

  • Why did the solar wind start having hot flashes?

    It was experiencing magnetopause.

  • What starts with "P" and ends with "ORN"?

    It's "popcorn"! What were you thinking?!

  • How do cheese strings work?

    I started to laugh, but then I stopped. How do cheese strings work

  • What questioned started the Holocaust?

    What would you do for a Klondike Bar?

  • What's the difference between a white story and a black story?

    A white story starts with "Once Apon a Time" and a black story starts with "Y'all ain't gonna believe this"

  • Why wasn't the bike starting?

    Because it was 'two-tyred'.

  • How does an atheist start their prayers?

    To Whom It May Concern

  • Why couldn't Bing start a fire?

    No matches founds

  • How do I know ur not a cop?

    If I was a cop would I do this " *Starts break dancing* That's not as much proof as you think it is

  • What happened to the plan of starting a book club?

    It got shelved.

  • What happens when a neckbeard takes drugs?

    They start tipping balls.