Order Jokes
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What's the secret to a long life?
I said, "Never order vegetarian in Texas"
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What does a Buddhist monk say when ordering a subway sandwich?
Make me one with everything*
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Why'd you order the Fish n' Chips?
For the Halibut.
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What did Davy Crockett say when he looked over The Alamo wall and saw 5,000 Mexican Soldiers?
Who the hell ordered a new roof?"
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What do you call it when a waiter at an internet cafe gets your order wrong?
500 Internal Server Error
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Why are people always having their pizzas delivered?
Just order them without liver."
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What does he order?
Ein stein
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How does batman order his iced water?
Can I get that..Just ice"
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Why did the scientist get punched in the restaurant?
He ordered some NaCl.
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What did one ovary say to the other one?
What did one ovary say to the other one? "Did you order any furniture?" "No. Why?" asked the other. "Cause there's two nuts out there trying to deliver an organ."
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What kind of court order would be placed on a pig in order to prevent it from taking a specific course of action?
A: An inj-oink-tion.
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How long does it take for stormtroopers to obey Kylo Ren?
Just the First Order.
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What do you get when you cross the Cosby Show with Law & Order: SVU?
Women Say the Darndest Things
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What did he tell people in order to make them avoid taking it?
Eschew! Eschew!
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Why did the captain execute the pastry chef?
Because his orders were to shoot all desserters.
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Why were the people in the Twin Towers disappointed on 9/11?
They ordered 2 pepperoni pizzas, but all they got were 2 large plains.
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How much does wonton soup weigh?
One ton, but I don't know anyone that'd wantonly order it.
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What was the last phone call made from the Twin Towers?
An order for two large plains.
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What did the made-to-order breakfast dish say to Taylor Swift at the Grammys?
Omelette you finish.
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What does M.Night Shyamalan always order when he goes out for ice cream?
A large twist cone.
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What was the last food delivered to the Twin Towers?
Pizza. Someone ordered two large planes.
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Why did you tie a rope on that criminal?
Officer: You ordered me to get a line on the suspect.
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What do birds order when they go to Starbucks?
Flappaccinos.
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Why should you never order the T-bone in an Alaskan restaurant?
Because it might be a moose steak.
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Why is the Statue of Liberty a woman?
Because the head had to be empty in order to build a restaurant.
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How was the bear able to move in order to get honey?
It had muscles.
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Why are you taking so long to order?
Diner: I can't decide whether I want heartburn or nausea.
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Whats BNAG?
Its bang out of order!
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Why were the people in twin towers upset?
They ordered pepperoni pizza but all they got was plane
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Why were the people in the Twin Towers so upset about their pizza order?
They ordered pepperoni but all they got was plane.
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Why should you never order the eggs while in France?
Because they are always uf.
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Why do Americans order their dates Month/Day/Year?
Because 11/9 just doesn't have the same ring to it.
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How would you order a Subway footlong in metric countries where they don't have feet?
By crawling to the counter " GET OUT
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What do you call it when a man is given an order to take another man out lunch?
A MANDATE
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A ham sandwhich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says...
I'm sorry, we don't serve food here
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What do you call insects of the order Mantodea during mating season?
Laying mantises.
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What kind of pizza did they order on nine eleven?
2 large planes
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What did the hot dog vendor say at the World Trade Center?
Who ordered the two jumbos?!"
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Why did you crash into that stop sign?
Motorist: I was only following orders.
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What's the definition of a cannibal?
Some who goes into a restaurant and orders a waiter!
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What's wrong with these eggs I ordered?
Waiter: Don't ask me. I only laid the table.
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What do you call a "to-go" dish ordered from German-Italian restaurant?
Alfredosehen
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When a waitress asks me if I want soup or salad, I always ask "who's in charge of tossing the salads here?
Then I frown & order the soup.
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When an ape visits his tailor what kind of a suit does he order?
A zoo-t suit!
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Why were the twin towers sad?
They ordered pepperoni but got plain.
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Who ordered the farts?
Then, fart.
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Why do we feel the need to order beers in round?
It's beer pressure.
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When should you feel sorry for a skunk?
When its spray pump is out of order!
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When the cashier asks me "Is that everything?
I feel like crap inside because obviously my order didn't satisfy her.
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What's wrong with a broken alphabetizer?
It's out of order.
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Why are you being so distant?
Me: Why didn't you order a side of guacamole
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How did the Italians lose WWII?
They ordered ziti instead of shells.
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How are you going to celebrate 9-11?
I go to the tallest tower in my city. Call up a pizza place and order two large planes.
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What do you get when you order a JFK?
An americano with an extra shot
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How do you order a bill in Australian restaurant?
Cheque, mate! --- Maybe not the funniest buy posting because: My. My own. My precious...
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Why were the Twin Towers upset?
They ordered pepperoni but they got plane
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Why were the people in the twin towers mad?
Because they ordered pepperoni, but all they got was plane.
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Why were the twin towers disappointed?
They ordered pepperoni and all they got was plane.
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Why was the dyslexic rabbit disappointed when he received the solid gold bar he had ordered via the internet?
He thought the ad said '24 carrots'
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Why doesn't Kylo Ren's lightsaber look like a normal lightsaber?
Because it's a First Order approximation.
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Why do people order espresso shots at Starbucks?
Because it's black. Sorry.
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What did the Joker say when he was at McDonalds?
May I take your order?"
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What did the bartender say to the giraffe when he ordered a beer?
Long neck or giraffed?
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Why is it so hard to order pizza from me?
I'll update with the hilarious punchline later...
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Why do you never see a Teddy bear ordering dessert?
Cus they are always stuffed.
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What's a girl gotta do to get a drink?
Me: You just give the bartender your order. Her: ... Me: It's really pretty easy. Her: *leaves*
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What happens when doughnuts join a sorority?
They have to go through the glazing. I'm sorry I'm a baker it just came to me... Pun-ishment is in order.
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Why were people in the Twin Towers so upset?
They ordered pepperoni but all they got was plane
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Why did Snoke get his meal before Kylo Ren?
Because he made the First Order!
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Why were the people in the World Trade Center mad on 9/11 ?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza and all they got was plane.
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What is the best food to order from Amazon?
Prime Rib
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What's the smallest drink you can order at a bar?
A mar tiny.
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How does an atom with bad grammar respond to an order?
I on it.
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Why are you ordering so many drinks?
The dog responds, "I've had a ruff day."
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Why is it hard to break up with a Japenese girl?
you have to drop the bomb twice in order for her to get it.
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What do you call someone who keeps trying the same thing again and again, yet expects different results?
A weapons designer for the First Order.
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How long must I wait for that turtle soup I ordered?
Waiter: Well you know how slow turtles are.
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How do you order food at a Muslim restaurant?
Allah carte.
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How fast can you order a pizza?
HER: I don't- ME: *hits buzzer* NEXT
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When she read the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
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What did the author tell his publisher when he handed him a 600 pages instead of the 200 the publisher had asked for?
Sorry, I overwrote your order. :-)