Stop Jokes

Nothing! They just WAVED. SEA what I did there? I'm SHORE you did. Let MINNOW if you are not getting it. SHELL I continue?? No?.. I guess I'll stop WHALE I'm ahead. Thanks ladies and gentlefish

How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?

Shoot before he hits the water.

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What is the best way to stop a politician?

A really strong gust of wind.

Why did the toy company stop donating toys to kids in Africa?

Because it's pretty depressing to have a Tamagotchi that'll out-live you.

What's the best way to stop a German train?

them nicely.

What's the difference between a lorry with good brakes, and a lorry with nice brakes?

A Lorry with Nice breaks doesn't stop until after a mile.

How many Frenchmen does it take to stop a Semi Truck?

Apparently, 84 isn't enough.

What job do you never stop training for?

Conductor

How do you stop being an 18 year old Virgin?

Turn 19

What is skeleton?

Interviewer:what is skeleton? Sardar:Sir, skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!

What is the best part of Pokemon Go?

I can ride my bike indoors and professor oak can't do anything to stop me.

What hits the ground first?

The apple because the black man was stopped by a noose.

What did the puffer fish say to the sea anemone?

Stop being so closed off.

Why did all of Britain stop smoking pot?

Because they all joined

How do you stop a Lion from charging?

have a successful dentistry practise.

How do you stop a 200 pound hamster from charging?

Take away it's credit cards.

Why did the bicycle stop moving?

Because it was two-tiered.

Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?

They won't stop to ask for directions.

Why did the goat stop trying to break out of jail?

Because he was just tired of being an escape goat.

What's orange and white and stops at sunlight?

Gingers

How do you stop a rhino from charging?

You unplug it!

How do you stop an Internet troll?

Seize their memes of production.

How do you stop an elephant going through the eye of a needle?

By tying a knot on its tail.

Why was the powerlifter fired from his job at the restaurant?

He was awesome at cleaning the bar, but he wouldn't stop jerking it.

Why did the rancher stop attending poker night with his marijuana smoking steers?

The steaks were getting too damn high.

Why did Barty Crouch Jr. stop drinking?

It was making him Moody Edit: Guys, its a Harry Potter Joke for those who don't get it.

What is a hemophiliac's least favorite song?

Don't stop ble-eding (The pause is necessary)

What falls faster from a tree? A leaf or an emo?

The leaf, the rope stops the emo.

What can stop supervirus from destroying humanity ?

Batvirus ( stolen joke xD )

Why do Mormon women stop having babies at 35?

A: Because 36 would be too many.

What stopped winter for coming?

Cuz Winterfell and it can't get up! :P

How do you stop Carlos Santana from molesting your children?

You put a guitar in his hands.

How many babies does it take to stop a puck?

Ask Subban from the Hans to find out

What did Journey say to the critic as he stormed out of their concert?

Don't stop! Be leaving!" Just a joke I thought up the other day.

Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill?

It ran out of juice. I shall take my leave now.

What did the giant wave say to the man?

Nothing he just waved. Sea what I did there? Sorry sometimes I get a bit carried away, it like a tsunami of puns. Water these puns! they're horrible, I'll stop now.

Why did the number of parking tickets spike after Persephone was carried off to the underworld?

Because Demeter stopped working.

Why did the Udon noodles stop drinking?

They wanted to be Soba... I heard that a few days ago and wanted to share it.

Why do you have to pee so quickly after you start drinking beer?

Because it doesn't have to stop off to change color!

Why did they hire the police department to design a new superconductor?

STOP RESISTING!!!"

How do you stop a metal from rusting?

Use some antioxidants

Why did the circle stop arguing with the two intersecting lines?

Because they had a point

How do you stop a dog from barking in July?

Shoot him in June.

Why did Erdogan stop a man from jumping off a bridge?

One does not simply fly in Turkish airspace without Erdogan's permission.

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods?

Santa stops at three Hos.

What's the difference between slavery and a cow?

You stop milking a cow after 150 years.

What do you do when the dishwasher stops working?

You punch her

Why did Heisenberg remove the speedometer from his car?

So he would stop getting lost everything he checked it.

Why do you need to carry radioactive materials in sealed, lead containers?

To stop it from falling out.

How will you escape?

Dude: It's very simple, I will stop my imagination

What made the orange stop suddenly?

It just ran out of juice.

What does a Ferrari and poverty have in common?

Princess Diana can't stop either

What Journey song to Chinese people sing at funerals?

Don't Stop Bereavin'

What did the daddy salt say to his son?

Stop cracking your NaCles."

How do you stop your bacon from curling in the pan?

Take their little stones and brooms away!

What's the difference between Michael j. Fox and an earthquake?

Earthquakes stop shaking

How do you stop volcanoes from erupting?

Give them earth control pills heh heh heh...

What made the world stop being Blue?

The new softcap limits

What's the difference between Marty McFly and a Bears fan?

Eventually, Marty McFly stopped going back to 1985.

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?

Slap her.

How are babies different from feminists ?

Babies grow up and stop crying

What do you call a marathon runner that refuses to stop?

A joggernaut.

Why are highly successful people named Mark always so depressed?

Because they can't stop hitting themselves. This joke came to me while I was half asleep this morning. I'm not sure how original it is. I probably heard some variation of it somewhere and have just forgotten. Any suggestions for improving it?

How do you stop a North Korean tank?

Shoot the guy driving the cardboard box.

What happens to Stephen Hawking when he stops laughing?

He writes scary stories.

What did one elf girl say to the other elf girl who wasn't sharing?

Stop being so elfish, Karen!"

How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away its USB cable.

What two places can you find a California roll?

Sushi bars and stop signs. Source: am southern Oregonian lots of bad Cali drivers here

What did the big chimmney say to the little chimmney?

Stop smoking. You are too young to smoke

How do you stop a black kid from jumping on the bed?

tape velcro to the ceiling.

How do you stop a mexican tank?

You shoot the guy pushing it.

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