Steal Jokes

A woman will buy something on sale even if she doesn't need it. A man will buy something he needs at full price. Then, what is the difference between a black woman and a black man? The black woman will steal something she doesn't need. The black man goes to jail because you can't hide diapers under a shirt.

What did the bartender say to the girl that tried to steal a drink?

It was worth a shot.

What did the mouse say when his cheese was stolen?

Rats!

Why are most reactionists black?

Because stealing is the only thing they can do.

Who would steal an artificial leg?

Im stumped.

Who stole the golden necklace? Was it a High Elf, a Nord or a Khajiit?

The Khajiit.

What can stop supervirus from destroying humanity ?

Batvirus ( stolen joke xD )

What's the difference between Politicians and Thieves?

Thief: They steal your money then run Politician: They run and then steal your money

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Why did the man steal mushrooms from the store?

Because he had no .

Why are thieves the best actors?

Because they always steal the show.

Why did the asian man get arrested for stealing a Buick sedan?

It was a Regal

What did the chemist say when he caught his brother stealing halogens?

Bro, mine

What's faster than a black man stealing a T.V?

A: His brother running with the V.C.R

What did the Roman say when the Greek accused him of stealing his gods?

It was all a myth-take!

Why do men with prostate issues have issues stealing video game systems?

Because they have trouble taking a Wii.

How do you know if Buzzfeed article is stolen?

You get the feeling that you've Reddit before.

Why are Cal Tech and MIT constantly Fighting?

Because MIT blames Cal Tech for stealing their Feynman, and there will never be another man as Fine.

Why couldn't the pirate have gravy with his thanksgiving dinner?

Because someone stole his boat.

What's the difference between a robber and a politician?

Politicians run BEFORE they steal your money.

What happens if you steal in Afghanistan?

You get Talibanned

What Did Kid Davis Say To The Lesbian Melons?

you cantaloupe. i just thought of this. probably not the first person to, but i certainly didn't steal it.

How many moths does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just two, but how they get in there.. I don't know. (Stolen from an old Maxim in my dad's storage)

How do lumber theives offload their stolen goods?

They fence it.

Why do you never play uno with a mexican?

Because they will steal all the green cards.

What do you say to a Jedi who stole your sicilian dessert?

You owe me one cannoli."

Why didn't the blond want to use her phone while using the bathroom?

She was afraid someone would steal her IP address.

What do you call a robotic transforming Malaysian airliner?

If it's evil, a Deceptigone. If not, an Autobottomoftheocean Shamelessly stolen from

What was the name of the meth cook who got caught stealing baked beans?

Heinzenburg

What is the difference between the regular police and the secret service?

The secret service is the only police that gets in trouble if a black person dies. Shamelessly stolen from the correspondents' dinner.

What do you get when you cross a black and a mexican?

Someone who's too lazy to steal.

What did the car say when it's front wheels were stolen?

I don't want to go anywhere. I'm two tired.

What did Dave Grohl say when someone stole his Greek food?

There goes my gyroooo

Why can't Mexicans play Uno?

They always steal the green cards.

Why do the ghosts never win races?

Because they're always dead tired. I stole this from plain and simple. Just straight up stole it. Why? Because it made me laugh and I didn't see it posted here before.