Steak Jokes

  • Why do Butchers don't risk it all in life?

    Because the Steaks are too high.

  • Why did Mr. Steaks decide he would take his wife's surname?

    Because he didn't want his daughters to be called Ms. Steaks.

  • Why did the rancher stop attending poker night with his marijuana smoking steers?

    The steaks were getting too damn high.

  • What do Canadians put on their steaks?

    Eh-1 (Sorry)

  • What can I get for you?

    Me: Steak, please. W: How would you like that cooked M: By anyone other than my wife

  • Why did the rancher get out of the hemp-fed beef market?

    The steaks were too high.

  • What did the cow say about the beef industry?

    I've got some steak in it.

  • What do you call a bovine beauty pageant winner?

    A big Miss Steak.

  • How do you start a rave in Ethiopia?

    Strap a steak to the ceiling

  • What is Joan of Arc's least favorite food?


  • Why did the cattle leave the marijuana field?

    Because the steaks were too high!

  • Why are steak puns so rare?

    Because they are never well done.

  • What do you call it when you accidentally butcher your heifer instead of your steer?

    A Ms. Steak.

  • What's a vampire cows worst fear?


  • Why did the farmer stop smoking with his cattle?

    Because the steaks were too high...

  • Why is steak harder to cook than spinach?

    It takes a lot more thyme to accomplish.

  • How did you find your steak sir?

    Customer: Oh I just moved the potatoes and there it was!

  • Why can't short people cook?

    Because the steaks are too high.

  • Why don't vampires like steak?

    Because it's bad for their heart.

  • Why do you have your thumb on my steak?

    So I don't drop it again, Sir."

  • How did you find the steak, sir?

    The man looks at her and says "I just moved the potatoes."

  • What do you call it when one bull spies on another bull?

    A steak-out!

  • Which is more stable, a hamburger or a steak?

    Hamburger, it's in the ground state.

  • What makes you think this is steak?

    While I stroked his thigh with a knife.

  • What's a pickup artist's favorite breakfast?

    Steak and negs. In shame and solitude

  • What do you call a cow with one leg?


  • Why don't midgets like barbecues?

    because the steaks are too high.

  • Why was the chef afraid of cooking steaks on a plane?

    The steaks have never been higher

  • Why are the steaks so high?

    Because the pot was calling the cattle back and the cows went back to the marijuana field.

  • What did Darth Vader say to the vegetarian stormtrooper?

    I find your lack of steak disturbing."

  • What happens when you give a cow marijuana?

    The "steaks" get higher

  • Why is the beef in Colorado so good?

    Because the steaks are high.

  • What food do vampires hate?


  • What do you call a steak that is cooked wrong?

    A mistake

  • What do you call a steak that is a girl?


  • How did you end up here?

    Elderly me: I made my kids steak instead of hot dogs. Him: *gasps* You monster.

  • How do sharks like their steak?

    Whale-done :)

  • Why is there a draft?

    Diner: Yes it's blown my steak off the plate three times.

  • What's the worst cut of steak?

    Amazon Prime.

  • What if a man existed w/one hand that's a steak and the other is lobster plus unlimited salad bar?

    This is the plot of Edward Sizzlerhands

  • How do tennis players prefer their steak?

    Wimbledon and nicely served.

  • What happens when you give a cow a joint?

    The steaks are high

  • How do you turn a cow into a steak?

    You mootilate it.

  • Why can't you barbecue in Amsterdam?

    Because the steaks are too high.

  • How does Lady Gaga like her... ...Steaks?

    Raw, Raw, Raw Raw Raw!

  • What did the farmer say after he fed his cows pot?

    the Steaks are high."

  • Why don't I have a boyfriend?

    God: I sent you one, you dumped him for putting ketchup on his steak. Me: Ah. That's right. Gross.

  • Why didn't the cow want to go skydiving?

    the steaks were too high.

  • Why should a midget not attempt to slaughter a cow?

    The steaks are just too high.

  • Why did the farmer fence in the bull?

    The farmer had too much of a steak in him to let him go!

  • Why should you never BBQ on your roof?

    The steaks are too high.

  • What is a vampires least favorite food?

    Steak! ...I'll see myself out now.

  • Why do butchers avoid buying cattle from Colorado?

    Because the steaks are too high.

  • What happened to the heretical chef?

    He was burnt at the steak.

  • What is a moo hoo for steak that came late?

    Filet delay!

  • How does a metalworker like his Steak cooked?


  • How do lions like their steaks?


  • Why don't cows smoke weed?

    The steaks would just be too high.