Steak Jokes
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Why do Butchers don't risk it all in life?
Because the Steaks are too high.
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Why did Mr. Steaks decide he would take his wife's surname?
Because he didn't want his daughters to be called Ms. Steaks.
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Why did the rancher stop attending poker night with his marijuana smoking steers?
The steaks were getting too damn high.
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What do Canadians put on their steaks?
Eh-1 (Sorry)
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What can I get for you?
Me: Steak, please. W: How would you like that cooked M: By anyone other than my wife
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Why did the rancher get out of the hemp-fed beef market?
The steaks were too high.
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What did the cow say about the beef industry?
I've got some steak in it.
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What do you call a bovine beauty pageant winner?
A big Miss Steak.
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How do you start a rave in Ethiopia?
Strap a steak to the ceiling
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What is Joan of Arc's least favorite food?
Steak
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Why did the cattle leave the marijuana field?
Because the steaks were too high!
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Why are steak puns so rare?
Because they are never well done.
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What do you call it when you accidentally butcher your heifer instead of your steer?
A Ms. Steak.
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What's a vampire cows worst fear?
Steaks.
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Why did the farmer stop smoking with his cattle?
Because the steaks were too high...
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Why is steak harder to cook than spinach?
It takes a lot more thyme to accomplish.
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How did you find your steak sir?
Customer: Oh I just moved the potatoes and there it was!
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Why can't short people cook?
Because the steaks are too high.
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Why don't vampires like steak?
Because it's bad for their heart.
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Why do you have your thumb on my steak?
So I don't drop it again, Sir."
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How did you find the steak, sir?
The man looks at her and says "I just moved the potatoes."
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What do you call it when one bull spies on another bull?
A steak-out!
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Which is more stable, a hamburger or a steak?
Hamburger, it's in the ground state.
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What makes you think this is steak?
While I stroked his thigh with a knife.
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What's a pickup artist's favorite breakfast?
Steak and negs. In shame and solitude
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What do you call a cow with one leg?
Steak.
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Why don't midgets like barbecues?
because the steaks are too high.
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Why was the chef afraid of cooking steaks on a plane?
The steaks have never been higher
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Why are the steaks so high?
Because the pot was calling the cattle back and the cows went back to the marijuana field.
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What did Darth Vader say to the vegetarian stormtrooper?
I find your lack of steak disturbing."
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What happens when you give a cow marijuana?
The "steaks" get higher
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Why is the beef in Colorado so good?
Because the steaks are high.
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What food do vampires hate?
Steaks.
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What do you call a steak that is cooked wrong?
A mistake
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What do you call a steak that is a girl?
Miss.Steak
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How did you end up here?
Elderly me: I made my kids steak instead of hot dogs. Him: *gasps* You monster.
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How do sharks like their steak?
Whale-done :)
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Why is there a draft?
Diner: Yes it's blown my steak off the plate three times.
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What's the worst cut of steak?
Amazon Prime.
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What if a man existed w/one hand that's a steak and the other is lobster plus unlimited salad bar?
This is the plot of Edward Sizzlerhands
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How do tennis players prefer their steak?
Wimbledon and nicely served.
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What happens when you give a cow a joint?
The steaks are high
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How do you turn a cow into a steak?
You mootilate it.
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Why can't you barbecue in Amsterdam?
Because the steaks are too high.
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How does Lady Gaga like her... ...Steaks?
Raw, Raw, Raw Raw Raw!
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What did the farmer say after he fed his cows pot?
the Steaks are high."
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Why don't I have a boyfriend?
God: I sent you one, you dumped him for putting ketchup on his steak. Me: Ah. That's right. Gross.
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Why didn't the cow want to go skydiving?
the steaks were too high.
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Why should a midget not attempt to slaughter a cow?
The steaks are just too high.
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Why did the farmer fence in the bull?
The farmer had too much of a steak in him to let him go!
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Why should you never BBQ on your roof?
The steaks are too high.
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What is a vampires least favorite food?
Steak! ...I'll see myself out now.
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Why do butchers avoid buying cattle from Colorado?
Because the steaks are too high.
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What happened to the heretical chef?
He was burnt at the steak.
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What is a moo hoo for steak that came late?
Filet delay!
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How does a metalworker like his Steak cooked?
wel-dern
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How do lions like their steaks?
RAWR
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Why don't cows smoke weed?
The steaks would just be too high.